by Azzi , Gina
The truth is, I care about her too much. Enough to know that I wasn’t ready for the relationship she wants.
Enough to know that she could do better.
Deserves more.
My sister shakes her head. “Not that long ago. If you’re serious, you can still woo her. But you better hurry before she moves on.”
I frown, my chest tightening at Sierra’s words. Sure, Keira and I have been a complicated mess for years now, but we’re still us. Our mess. Her moving on? I don’t want to even consider it. “Do you really think so?”
Sierra sighs, rocking Luna in her arms. “Lachlan, you’ve been stringing her along for—”
“I never did that. Since graduation, I always told Keira my career was my priority. I wasn’t looking to settle down.”
“Wasn’t? And now you are?” She quirks an eyebrow.
I shrug, stuffing my hands in my pockets.
Sierra sighs. “You may have told her the right words, Lach. But you’re actions always said otherwise.”
Blowing out a breath, I narrow my gaze at Sierra, moving my finger in a circle for her to get to the point.
“She’s been your date to several family weddings.”
“We’re friends. With history. Plus, everyone loves her.”
“You flew home when she had to put her dog to sleep.”
“Freckles was part of her family forever.”
Sierra sighs. “You fuck around with every woman in a five-mile radius but when it comes down to it, Keira is the only woman you’ve ever let in. Even a little bit. Look, I know Mom and Dad’s divorce —“
“Don’t psychoanalyze me just because you’re happily married.”
My sister flashes her engagement ring and wedding band. “It didn’t come easy. And that’s my point. You’ve been half-in with Keira since college, but you never let her know you could be all in.”
Scrubbing a hand over my face, I groan. Mainly because I think Sierra is right, and partly because I hate when Sierra is right.
“Just think about this. Are you ready to see her walk down the aisle to another man?”
My neck snaps up at the question, fury bursting through my bloodstream, my hands curling into fists.
Sierra grins. “Exactly. There’s your answer.”
I shake my head, walking away a few paces and lacing my fingers behind my head. Images of Keira with another man, any man, causes my blood to turn to lava. I hate the thought of her being with anyone else. Of another man touching her, holding her, kissing her. “Is she seeing someone?”
My sister snorts, lifting her eyebrows at me. “You seriously don’t know?”
“Know what?” I bite out, dread uncurling in the pit of my stomach, my heart thudding in my chest.
“I heard from Cammie James that Keira’s dating Lorne Campbell.”
“You’ve only been back a few days.” I point at my sister accusingly, desperate to dismiss this ridiculous idea that Keira would date a clown like Campbell.
“It’s not some high-profile secret. They’ve been seeing each other for a few months. I’m surprised no one told you.”
“A few months?” I stop, crossing my arms against my chest. “How many?”
“What?”
“How many months?”
Sierra rolls her eyes. “I don’t know. I think Cammie said three.”
“Is it serious?”
“More serious than Keira and you.”
“Fuck.” I mutter, tossing an apologetic glance at Luna as I scrub a hand over my face. Lorne Campbell is an alright guy. But he’s not right for Keira. He’s too uppity and irritatingly pretentious. The guy name drops every chance he can and is seriously overcompensating for something with how materialistic he is.
“Lorne’s an okay guy.” My sister says slowly, her eyes sympathetic. “Whatever you guys have going on isn’t fair to her, Lachlan. Either man up or let her go.”
Man up or let her go.
Grabbing my coat off the couch’s arm rest, I slip it on. “I’ve got to get to the farm.”
“Deflection.” Sierra grins saucily. “A new one. Boys are stupid, Luna Mae.” She brushes her nose against her daughter’s.
“Sierra,” I warn.
But my sister smiles at me sweetly. “Lachlan, I love you. I’m telling you this as someone who truly wants you to be happy. If you don’t give Keira a reason to bet on you soon, she’s going to bet on someone else. Most likely Lorne. She deserves your best. And I’m sorry big brother, but so far, you haven’t given it to her.”
* * *
With Sisi’s words ringing in my ears, I drive to Kearns Farm. When I pull up to the barn, I flip the ignition and take a long look around, the familiarity of the place rolling over me like a memory.
Now, the sky is grey, the ground partly frozen. But I still see the blue skies of summer and the green grass with patches of bursting flowers. I fell a little bit in love with Keira Kearns when I was a junior in college. I never told her, I never let on, and I spent the last four years pushing her away, but not hard enough that she’d actually go.
My sister is right; I need to man up.
Blowing out a deep breath, I exit my car and walk over to the barn, slipping inside.
Immediately, the familiar scents of sunshine and earth fill my nose. This old barn hasn’t kept cows in years; instead, it’s been transformed into a space for events, even weddings. With a cathedral ceiling and exposed wooden beams, the space has been renovated to embrace the trendiness of rustic-chic. Small lights twinkle along the beams like fireflies, and a large chandelier hangs from the center. Whirling around, my eyes scan the room.
It would make a beautiful venue for a wedding or any celebration.
I knew the Kearns had financial troubles in recent years, and their operations shifted into more of a venue, getaway destination. The realization causes my stomach to flip. It’s bittersweet because I remember chasing Keira, clad in cut-off shorts and a tank top, boots on her feet, through this space with a water gun. It’s been years since I’ve been here, and yet, I remember every detail of the barn with precision. The cellar where I kissed Keira for the first time. The night we slept in the stables. Our first fight along the south wall, when she slapped me, her cheeks red with anger, her eyes wild with tears.
But now, the entire atmosphere is different.
Transformed.
“I knew you would come.” Her voice is raspy but clear, echoing in the empty space.
“Nanna Kearns.” I grin, turning around and bending to wrap my arms around her in a hug. “You snuck up on me.”
“Ah.” She waves a hand, her eyes twinkling, blue as a clear summer’s day. Confined to a wheelchair, her hair whiter, her skin thinner than I remember, Nanna Kearns is still a comforting presence.
“How are you?”
“Not well, my boy.” She lays a hand on my cheek, patting it gently. “But this has been a long time coming. I don’t want to suffer anymore, and I miss my Arthur. It’s strange, knowing that your time is coming to an end. It offers a great deal of clarity I wish I had a decade ago.” She chuckles, her laughter overtaken by coughing.
“Here.” I pass her the random cloth stuffed in my coat pocket since Luna’s been in town and she nods, clutching it in her hand and dabbing it against the corners of her mouth.
After a few deep breaths, she turns her eyes on mine. The twinkle is gone, and in its place a severity I’ve never seen her possess. “She’s going to need you, Lachlan. Maybe she always has.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. Staring at Nanna’s frail form, surrounded by a thousand memories from my past, memories where I was genuinely happy, even if I was still searching for more, I tell her the truth. “I won’t let her down, Nanna.”
“I know that.” She grasps my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’ve always known that, Lachlan. Now, you need to believe it, too. Before it’s too late.”
“Too late?”
Nanna sighs. “She’s quite taken
with the Campbell lad.”
I frown. How the hell did I not know Keira was seeing Lorne?
“Ah, don’t look so angry. His humor’s improved over the years.”
Disbelief fills me, rendering me speechless. A coldness spreads through my chest at Nanna’s casual mention of Lorne. It means Keira is more than just casually dating him.
It means she may actually choose Lorne Campbell.
“There you are. Mother, how many times must I ask you to wait for me?” Mr. Kearns approaches us, his steps hurried, his expression worried.
Nanna grins. “Got to keep them on their toes for as long as I can.”
I force a chuckle, swallowing back the sourness that creeps up my throat. Straightening, I turn toward to Mr. Kearns. “Good to see you again, sir.”
“Ah, Lachlan.” He smiles, shaking my hand. “Good to have you back. Keira says you’re to help with the marketing for our gala?”
“A spectacle this year,” Nanna mutters, rolling her eyes.
Mr. Kearns sighs as I grin at everyone’s favorite grandmother.
“Yes, sir. Anything I can do to help.”
“Excellent. Keira’s just setting up in there.” Mr. Kearns points to the doorway leading to a smaller space. “I’m just going to escort my mother back inside,” he adds, gripping the handles of Nanna’s wheelchair.
“I can manage just fine on my own,” Nanna reminds him, her voice rattling.
“I know. Humor me, Mammy. Please,” Mr. Kearns murmurs, pointing the wheelchair toward the big house.
A long time ago, Keira and I lay out in the wide, open space and stared at the stars, talking about our dreams. She spoke of living here, nestled in the country, and making a family. She wanted to take her children apple picking and horseback riding. She wanted to teach her sons how to properly dance. She had her entire future imagined with perfect clarity.
And lying next to her, the grass tickling our bare feet, I held her hand and for fleeting moments, I could see the future she envisioned.
But I also thought about the city, the endless adventure waiting after graduation. It wasn’t hard to accept my stepfather’s offer to join the family business in London. I had done so eagerly and without regret.
Except when it comes to Keira.
Sure, I could have stayed in Edinburgh. My cousins would have gladly welcomed me into Anderson’s Scottish office.
But I was drawn to the allure of London. The glamorous lifestyle, the big-name clients, the lavish parties.
And when it comes down to it, I chose that experience over her.
I spent the last four years in a stupor.
Clubs, alcohol, women.
Travel, parties, adventure.
And here, nestled into a quiet country lane, on a farm filled with spoken dreams that never materialized, Keira Kearns blossomed into a woman I can only hope to be worthy of.
3
Keira
“You really don’t mind managing all the social media?” I ask Lachlan after our small meeting. Between me, my dad, and three workers at the farm, we’re not exactly marketing savvy. But with Lachlan’s contribution and the ideas he brought forth, some of the anxiety I’ve been battling about this gala dissipates. “And pushing the silent auction?”
“Not at all.” Lach bites into a sugar cookie, sprinkles scattering into the napkin he holds underneath his mouth. “God, Keira. These are amazing. Tastes the same as I remember.”
“Mum taught me her recipe.”
“Your mom was always an amazing baker.”
“Don’t let your mum hear you.”
Lach laughs.
We walk into the great space, and he glances up at the chandelier. “The place is beautiful. You guys have done an amazing job with the renovation.”
“Yeah. It was tough at first, to change direction. But it’s been good for us. Dad’s been able to slow down a lot and spend more time with the family, and we’re all soaking up every moment we can with Nanna.”
“I didn’t realize, Keira.”
“I know.”
“The last time, in September, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Wishful thinking, I guess. It didn’t really get bad until Christmas.”
“And you didn’t call.” He says it as a statement, not a question.
“Why would I, Lach? It’s been a long time since we’ve been friends.”
“Hey.” He stops, turning to face me. “We’ve always been friends.”
“No.” I shake my head, my palms growing clammy, my stomach rolling into a tight coil. Slipping my fingers into the back pockets of my jeans, I rock back on my heels, nerves bouncing through my limbs. “We’ve always been friendly, Lachlan. But you stopped confiding in me a long time ago. And I, well, I’ve finally accepted that.” I force a grin, trying to keep the emotion from my tone. “Friends with benefits isn’t the worst thing. The benefits have been amazing.”
Expecting Lachlan to laugh, I’m surprised when he frowns, the slight dip between his eyebrows deepening. “It’s only ever been you, Keira.”
“Please,” I scoff, blowing a strand of hair out of my eyes. Straightening my spine, I press my index finger into Lachlan’s chest. Why the hell does it have to be so hard and sculpted and—
He closes his hand around mine, squeezing. “I’m serious.”
“Lachlan, you practically have a fan club when you come home. I know you’ve been with half the women in this county. And I don’t even want to know about the ones in London.” My voice holds an edge, a deceptive sliver of anger that could spark an inferno.
“But it’s only ever meant anything with you,” he says softly, as if that should make up for the fact that while he’s been living it up and sowing his oats, I’ve been struggling to keep my family afloat.
Shaking my head, I look him dead in the eye. “I don’t believe you. And even if I did, I don’t care anymore.”
Lach rears back as if I pushed him. Which, not going to lie, the thought did cross my mind. Surprise blooms in his face, fanning my anger.
Did he think I was going to be a doormat indefinitely? Did he think I was sitting here, pining for him? “I’m dating Lorne Campbell.”
Lachlan’s eyes narrow, his jaw tightening as a muscle ticks under his left eye. “I heard.”
“Good. Then you understand, completely, that this —” I gesture between us, “is just a working relationship.”
Lach snorts, disbelief heavy in the lines of his face as he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“You’re kidding me, right? A working relationship?” He repeats, flabbergasted.
But in the next blink, his features darken. His laughter dies in his throat and his mouth thins. The space between us crackles with electricity, a dangerous current of hurt feelings and blazing anger.
Lachlan steps closer, gripping my wrists and tugging me flush against his chest. His voice is quiet, laced with steel, as he leans down and bites out, “We’ll never just be a working relationship, Keira. And Lorne Campbell will never be enough for you.”
Scoffing, I pull on my wrists, my eyes flashing as I glare up at him. “And what? You are?”
“Yes.”
I pull back, wrenching my wrists from his hold. “Are you fucking kidding me? With all your confusing signals and inconsistent signs? Do I really mean so little to you that you think tossing me leftovers is somehow enough for me?”
Lachlan swears, closing his eyes. When he opens them, they’re overflowing with regret, remorse, and…apology. “No. I know I haven’t been enough for you. But I want to.”
“You’re too late.”
“Don’t say that.” He reaches for me again, holding me tighter this time. My chest heaves against his abdomen, my hands trembling in his. Anger and hurt roll through me, vibrating in my veins and causing my throat to dry. “Please. Give me one more chance.”
“You’re chances ran out over a year ago.” I admit, glancing down at our clasped hands, my breathing ragged.
Lac
hlan glares at me, his gaze midnight, his face carved from stone. I breathe in his exhales as he swallows mine and the intensity between us flickers. Swallowing thickly, I know I should pull away. Put space between us. Deny him.
I hate the sorrow in his gaze, the barely concealed fury in his face.
I hate that he still affects me. Has always affected me.
I hate that right now, in this moment, I want to hurl myself into his embrace and smack him and kiss him and consume him all in the same heartbeat.
Opening my mouth, I begin to pull away but Lachlan growls. “I don’t believe you.” His voice is low, guttural, filled with anguish and a desperation that licks at my insides.
Tightening his hold, he wraps his arms around me and drops his head, kissing me with reckless abandon and wild intent. His mouth is hard against mine, laced with agony. His hands slide up my back and I shiver, digging my nails into his shoulder blades, hoping I score his skin.
He nips at my mouth until my lips part and his tongue sweeps in, dueling with mine in an attempt for control. A moan sounds in the air around us, jolting me back to the present.
Lifting my hands, I press against his chest. Immediately, Lachlan breaks the kiss, his eyes hard when they meet mine. But his voice, God, his voice is like syrup when he murmurs, “Please, Keira. One more shot. I was an idiot after uni, and my only defense for leaving is that I was young and stupid and impressed with the job opportunity and lure of London. These past four years, I’d come home to see my mom and hope that I’d run into you at the coffee shop or hear from one of our friends some morsel of information about you. I’d make my sister look up your social media profiles. And every damn time we’d see each other out and I’d end up in your bed, you’d fucking kill me. With how damn sweet and caring and giving you are. So, yeah, I’d back off. Because deep down, I always knew I wasn’t ready. That I’d never give you what you deserve. Because you deserve it all, Keira. The family and the children and the apple picking.”
He remembers.
My hands literally shake at the realization, my lips still stinging with his kiss.
After all this time, Lachlan still remembers the night we watched for shooting stars and traced the Big Dipper with our fingers.
