by Anna Willett
It might be the guy’s porn stash. It seemed a bit extreme to go to such lengths to hide a few DVDs or magazines. On the other hand, maybe he was into some dark kinky stuff and didn’t want anyone to find it. She hesitated. If what she found turned out to be really freaky, she didn’t know if she wanted to see it.
“Jesus, stop dithering and look,” the sound of her voice on the empty landing calmed her, made her fears seem farfetched. Her husband and brother-in-law were just downstairs, whatever she found couldn’t hurt her.
Caitlin hooked her finger into the hole and pulled. The panel tilted forwards and came away from the wall with a scrape of wood on wood. A dusty looking cobweb hung across the opening. She grimaced and swatted it away. Even in the almost total blackness, something long and metallic stood out. She put her hand into the cavity and touched the object. It felt cold and smooth. Reaching in a little further, she curled her fingers over the far edge of what she was now certain was a box.
“Caitlin.” Eli’s voice made her jump. She let go of the box and pulled her hand out of the cavity, rapping her knuckles on the edge of the hole.
“What’s going on up there?” His voice came from somewhere below, most likely the foot of the stairs.
Without thinking, she pushed the wooden flap back in place and scrambled up, dragging the dusty towel from under the shelf.
“Coming.” She stuffed the dirty towel under a pile of sheets on the middle shelf. Whispering a curse under her breath, she snatched up the blue towel and slung it over her shoulder then closed the cupboard door.
“What were you doing up there?” Eli stood at the foot of the stairs, one hand gripping the banister.
“Toilet emergency.”
She stepped down into the sitting room and put her hand on his arm. His skin felt warm, almost hot before he drew away. “You’ve got something on your face.” He jerked his chin towards her.
Caitlin put her hand to her cheek.
“No. The other side.”
She brushed at her face and then looked at her hand. There was a fine smear of dirt on her fingers. “Huh. I kicked one of my flip-flops under the bed. Someone really should vacuum under there.” She rubbed her fingers together and gave her husband what she hoped was a carefree smile. “Ready for a swim?”
“I’ve been ready for the last twenty minutes.” He turned and stalked through to the kitchen.
* * *
She’d been expecting a swimming pool. Instead, Jace led them through the back door and onto a huge, grey, wooden deck complete with a dome-shaped silver barbeque, padded cane furniture and large spa bath.
“Down there.” Jace pointed towards the deep rolling hill where long greenish-yellow grass rippled in the late afternoon sun.
Caitlin put her hand up to shade her eyes. At the foot of the hill, a channel of copper-coloured water glistened. “Is it a lake?” She wasn’t sure how she felt about swimming in stagnant water.
“No, it’s a runnel that leads to the river.” He turned and pointed to where the water disappeared into thick forest. “You can’t see it from here, but the Murray River runs in that direction.” He turned and smiled down at her. “Don’t worry, it’s safe as long as the river’s not moving too fast.”
His skin was golden brown and his blue eyes—so different from Eli’s—were wide with excitement. She wondered, not for the first time, how the brothers could be so dissimilar. She caught herself wishing Eli could be more like his untroubled, easy-going sibling. As if Jace could read her thoughts, he smiled. Caitlin looked away hoping he didn’t notice the guilty look on her face.
They headed down the hill, Jace in the lead with Eli close on his heels. Caitlin could feel the sweat popping out on the back of her neck and looked forward to plunging into the cold river. At the water’s edge, a faded wooden jetty, no more than two metres long, jutted out over the water. On the bank to the left lay an upturned canoe. The three of them crowded together on the end of the jetty peering into the slowly flowing water.
“It looks okay.”
Before Caitlin could answer, Jace dropped his towel and leapt off the jetty, landing in the water with a thundering cannonball.
She squealed as cold water sprayed her face and clothes. Without waiting for Eli, she pulled her t-shirt over her head and dropped her shorts. She then sank onto her butt, her legs dangling over the edge of the platform, and lowered herself into the cool copper water. It was just as she’d hoped, fresh without an icy bite, but still enough of a shock to make her body tingle.
Keeping her chin above the water, she swam towards the middle of the narrow channel. Ahead of her, Jace floated on his back staring at the sky. She stole a quick glance back at the jetty and saw Eli standing watching her. Part of her wanted to call to him, but it seemed like that was all she ever did anymore; beg for his involvement. Instead, she turned away and concentrated on the moment, letting the soothing water lap at her neck, enjoying the feeling of weightlessness.
“If I give you a three stroke head start, do you reckon you could beat me back to the jetty?” Jace called to her from a few metres away, his blond hair sticking out from his head in wet spikes.
“Make it four strokes and you’ve got a race.” She knew Eli would be watching and listening from the shore, but didn’t care. She felt excited and happy splashing around in the water. If only for a short while, she wanted to forget she was a thirty-one-year-old married woman with a sullen, disinterested husband and a failed attempt at becoming a mother.
As Jace approached, she turned and faced the jetty. Eli had moved to the small patch of sandy bank and was wading into the water, but hadn’t taken the plunge. Seeing him there made her pause.
“Do you want to join the race?” She paddled her feet and raised her upper body out of the water, one hand in the air.
“Yeah.” Jace joined in from behind her. “Get involved.” Eli shook his head and Caitlin felt her heart sink, just a little. “Don’t be scared, mate,” Jace teased. “I’ll give you the same head start as your wife.”
To her surprise, Eli laughed and waded into the water. Soon the three of them were lined up in the centre of the channel.
“Right.” Jace, in the middle, looked first at Caitlin and then at Eli. “On the count of three, Cat gets four strokes. Okay?”
They both nodded. When Jace reached three, Caitlin lunged forward, arms thumping only to feel both her ankles being grabbed. Before she knew what was happening, Jace and Eli pulled her backwards and both men took off.
“You sneaky bastards,” Catlin spluttered in mock outrage and took off after them.
By the time she reached the jetty the three of them were laughing. “I can’t believe you fell for it.” Jace wrapped one arm around the small metal ladder that hung from the platform while Eli, still grinning and panting, held onto the end of the jetty. Water ran down his face in tiny rivets, his teeth looked startlingly white against his tanned skin.
Caitlin swam up next to him and placed her arm over his shoulder letting the gentle movement of the river push her body against his.
“You two are devious.” She laughed and stroked the back of his neck, enjoying the feel of his wet skin against hers.
His free hand slid down her back and then gripped her waist. For a second it seemed as if he were going to kiss her. A shiver of excitement worked its way from her stomach to her chest. Almost as much as the closeness they’d shared, Caitlin missed the physical contact. But instead of embracing her, his hand pushed her away. It was a soft push, but the rejection hit her hard.
Eli turned and pulled himself up onto the jetty. “I’m going to see if I can get the barbie started.” He walked down the platform, dripping shorts slapping his thighs. He moved without a backward glance, only stopping to pick up his flip-flops and towel.
Tears mingled with water from her wet hair, running down her cheeks. A tightness filled her chest, burning, as a sob caught somewhere between her stomach and throat.
That small movement, his hand
pushing her away, encapsulated all the minor slights and rebuffs of the past months. She looked away from the hill where Eli moved towards the house and found herself staring into Jace’s clear blue eyes.
She could see by the surprised look on his face he’d witnessed what had happened. The pain of rejection, now mingled with embarrassment, made her want to plunge under the water and never come up for air. All she could do was look away and swipe at the tears with her wet hand.
“You deserve better,” his voice, husky and low, at odds with his usual playful chatter.
For a moment, she found herself at a loss for words. The water, at first refreshing, now made her shiver. “Thanks.” She reached for the ladder not knowing what else to say.
Climbing the few steps to the jetty seemed exhausting. When she reached the top, Caitlin scooped up her towel and wrapped it around herself. As she reached for her clothes, Jace climbed out of the water and stood beside her. For a moment neither of them spoke. She felt exposed and embarrassed.
“He’s always been moody.” Jace touched her arm. In spite of being in the water, his fingers were warm. “It’s nothing you’ve done.”
Caitlin had the urge to throw herself into his arms, to feel them wrap around her and chase the cold away. Instead, she wrapped her arms around herself and nodded. Jace had always been kind, much kinder than his brother, and right now, she needed kindness.
“I think he blames me, you know, about the baby.” It was the first time she’d mention her miscarriage in months and yet here she was talking to Jace of all people about something she’d never even shared with her friends.
“Don’t think that. It’s… It’s Eli’s problem, not yours. He’s blind to what he has, that’s his mistake.” His hand, still on her arm, moved slowly down to her hand. “Come on.” He took her hand and began leading her towards the house. “You should put some clothes on and warm up.”
Caitlin allowed herself to be pulled up the hill towards the house. They walked through the long grass without speaking. When they neared the deck where Eli stood fiddling with the barbeque, they let go of each other’s hands.
Chapter Two
The sun sank in a blaze of orange and purple, smearing the sky with fading colour. Apart from the lights on the deck, the rear of the property washed into night. Caitlin, reclining in a thickly padded grey and black cane-chair, sipped from a can of beer. The sour liquid hit the back of her throat almost making her gag. She wished they’d brought a bottle of wine with them, at least then she’d have something worth drinking.
She leaned forward and dumped the can next to the plate containing her half-eaten burger. Thinking about wine put her in mind of the cellar. If Jace was right and it was for wine, it might be worth exploring. She decided to wait until the brothers were asleep and sneak down for a look.
“Didn’t you like the burger?” Eli had spent the last half an hour talking Jace’s ear off about politics, but now it seemed he was interested in what she ate.
“Not hungry.” She didn’t even try to make conversation. That moment in the water still burned like an insect bite that couldn’t be soothed. She waited for him to say more but he simply shrugged and turned back to his brother. But Jace was too quick for him.
“I’ve got something that’ll help with your appetite.” He stood and reached into the top pocket of his shirt. He held up a skinny-looking joint and then slipped it between his lips.
“What the fuck, Jace.” Eli frowned, scrunching up his lips as if he’d tasted something nasty. “You’re too old to be mucking around with that shit.”
Ignoring him, Jace patted the pockets on his baggy tan shorts until he found his lighter. “What do you say, Cat?”
“Love to.” She stood and crossed the deck, then to Jace’s surprise, she plucked the joint out of his mouth and put it between her lips. “Light it up.”
A broad grin spread across her brother-in-law’s face as he flicked on the lighter and lit the joint. Caitlin took a long pull, filling her lungs with smoke then coughing it out again.
Eli tutted loudly and let his head tip back as if the sight of his wife and brother smoking a spliff was more than his eyes could stand. Caitlin laughed and handed the joint to Jace. She could see her husband disapproved, in fact, the disgusted look on his face gave her a flicker of satisfaction. She’d spent months tip-toeing around him, trying to win his affection back in any way possible. Never really understanding what she’d done to repel him in the first place. And after every rebuff, she kept crawling back desperate for his approval. Well, not anymore.
Jace handed her the joint, his face partially obscured by a cloud of smoke. She took it and walked to the edge of the deck, sinking down with her legs dangling over the side. There was a slight breeze, she could hear it rustling the trees. Insects chirped, unseen in the blackness.
“Come on, mate, loosen-up.” She heard Jace talking to his brother. Again she found herself comparing Eli to Jace, wishing he could be more like his younger brother.
“Don’t coax him.” She felt tired, limbs heavy with a weariness born of trying to keep up the pretence of normality. “He doesn’t want to be here. Can’t you see that?” She spoke over her shoulder, refusing to turn around and meet Eli’s condemning gaze.
“I’m going to bed.” A creak from the sofa told her Eli was on his feet. “Don’t let her do anything stupid.” The lack of feeling in his voice was worse than the disapproval.
She heard the back door clang shut and then only the chirping of insects and the distant chatter of wild ducks as they settled for the night. This time there were no tears. She wouldn’t spend another night crying over a man who clearly felt nothing but distaste for her.
Her attempts at patching up their dying relationship seemed pathetic, almost juvenile. Had she really believed a weekend away would magically drive her indifferent husband back into her arms? She looked down at her legs, pale but still shapely. Even after his obvious rejection at the river, she’d put on the rust-coloured sundress for the barbeque because Eli once told her the colour suited her, making her look otherworldly. She put the joint to her lips and sucked in another drag, letting the harsh smoke hit the back of her throat.
Jace’s feet moved over the deck, his flip-flops smacking against his soles as though he were running, a silly thought, she realised. When he flopped down next to her on the edge of the deck, she almost asked him why he’d been running, but stopped herself knowing it was a crazy thing to say.
“You okay?” He slid his fingers over her hand, his movements laconic and heavy. She opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing when his fingers closed over the joint and plucked it from her grasp.
“I’m…” she hesitated, wondering how to answer. “I’m waking up.” The words came out slowly, but made perfect sense. She laughed, not sure what was so funny—suddenly the whole situations struck her as comical.
Jace joined her and the two of them were howling and nudging each other.
“You’ve had enough of this,” he said, grinding the joint out on the edge of the deck. For some reason, his voice sounded hollow as if he were speaking through a tube.
Caitlin covered her mouth with her hand and tried to suppress a hiccupping laugh. “You know what we should do?” She turned to her brother-in-law and grabbed his arm. His blue eyes looked hooded and sleepy. “We should go down to the wine cellar and get a bottle.” She gave his arm a slight shake to emphasise the brilliance of the idea.
He didn’t answer straight away, just blinked and stared at her. She thought he hadn’t heard her, so she tried again. “We should go down–”
“Good idea.” Jace stood and offered her his hand. Her thoughts were a little hazy, but it struck her that they had spent a lot of time holding hands today. She almost didn’t put her hand in his, wavering for a second. The image of Eli walking away from her on the jetty popped into her mind. She could almost hear the furious flapping of his wet shorts and feel the way her cheeks burned with humiliation. Without f
urther hesitation, she pressed her palm against Jace’s and let him pull her to her feet.
By the time they entered the house and reached the cellar door, her thoughts began to level out a little. She pulled her hand free and rubbed it on her dress. If Jace noticed, he gave no indication. He took hold of the silver knob and pushed the door open. Her mind snapped back to the hidden compartment under the bottom shelf of the linen cupboard and the sleek looking metal box sitting amongst cobwebs and dust bunnies. If there were things hidden in the cellar, did she really want to know?
Jace stepped through the door and ran his hand over the wall to his left. “There’s a light switch.”
The small space at the top of the stairs morphed into weak yellow light. Caitlin didn’t move from her spot near the door. Exploring the cellar seemed like a good idea five minutes ago, but now she wasn’t sure she wanted to venture under the house. She turned and looked back at the kitchen. Something about the layout of the building had bothered her since they first arrived and now it dawned on her. The windows, or lack of. The only windows in the place were set up high in the walls. Even the kitchen lacked natural light.
“Huh.”
She watched Jace’s expression as he looked downwards. He seemed to be surprised by what he saw.
“What’s wrong?” She could feel sweat build on her upper lip and swiped at it with the back of her hand. “Is there something down there?” She didn’t know why she was whispering. Eli was upstairs, probably asleep by now. Apart from the two of them, there was no one to disturb, but still she felt reluctant to raise her voice.
He turned back to her. Under the yellow light his face looked washed out and stark. “Nothing wrong, just not what I was expecting.” Before she had the chance to question him further, he’d already disappeared down the stairs. Caitlin followed him into the cellar.
