by Riley Knight
“I moved around a lot growing up,” Isaac admitted. “So I was through cities, but I never lived in one, or even very close to one.” He sighed softly, thinking of all of the small towns he’d been in, so much so that they all blurred together. They went where they were needed. His dad had always said. Where they had been called.
“Huh. Sounds like a pain in the ass,” Ben admitted, and Isaac shrugged and gave a soft little laugh. He couldn’t even deny those words, even as he was a little shocked to hear them.
Ben should probably never meet Isaac’s parents. His mother, in particular, was a stickler for polite language, and Isaac couldn’t help but sort of admire how brazen Ben was in his casual swearing.
“It was just how things were. My dad, you know he’s a pastor. We kept moving from church to church.” Isaac tried to explain, though he wasn’t even sure how much Ben was interested and how much he was just being polite.
Either way, it felt surprisingly good to talk about. To walk slowly through the sultry heat and just talk to someone who didn’t seem to expect anything from him. He was always the object of a lot of scrutinies whenever he was at church, or at home, but here in Austin, there was no one here who seemed to care that he existed, much less wanted to judge him.
Safely anonymous, that was how he felt. Like there was no one here who would report anything to his father. It was nice, and he let the swaying movements of the crowd of people push him lightly against Ben, just letting himself, for once, enjoy where he was without worry.
“Sometimes I think that my dad bought me a bad car on purpose,” Isaac admitted, stealing a glance over at Ben. It was deeply liberating to talk to him, because Ben didn’t even know Isaac’s father, and he wasn’t likely to go reporting back to him.
“Why would he do that?” Ben asked as they moved down the gray river of the road, faces turned toward the spring sunshine which brightened the city and made it more tolerable. It must be miserable in the rain, though, so dull and dreary.
“Because he thinks I might do this,” Isaac gestured around him with a rising sense of guilt. “Go off to the city. Do things he doesn’t know about.” He frowned a little. In all of his years on the planet, he could count the times he had done things his father had disapproved of on the fingers of one hand.
It sort of annoyed him, for a moment, that the man still didn’t trust him. Until he realized that he was hanging out with someone that his father definitely wouldn’t like, and not only that, he was on a date. A real date, and not with some good, eligible Christian girl like his parents would like.
A date with a man. If his parents ever found out …
“Well, you did,” Ben pointed out. “But man, I don’t know why you feel bad about it. How old are you?”
Isaac turned to look at him with mild surprise.
“Twenty-two,” he admitted, honestly not seeing why it was relevant. Ben suddenly gripped him by the shoulders and pulled him slightly into an alley, one which was dark and damp and reeked of things which Isaac decided he would rather not think about too much.
It certainly wasn’t his idea of a romantic place to be, and he tilted his head at Ben, only to see that the bigger man’s face was deeply conflicted. His own brows knit with confusion as he gazed up into that face. Ben was clearly struggling with himself, but Isaac didn’t see why.
“Okay, damn it, I gotta say something,” Ben muttered like he was speaking to himself more than to Isaac. But then his gaze sharpened and he turned the full, devastating force of his bright eyes on Isaac. “Look. You’re an adult. You live at home, and your parents still control your life.”
Isaac shook his head, more confused than ever. It wasn’t that he disagreed with what Ben was saying, it was just that he didn’t see the issue with any of it.
“That’s normal, isn’t it?” In Isaac’s world it was, anyway. “I mean, kids stay with their parents until they’re ready to get married. That’s how it’s always been.”
“No! No, Isaac, it’s not normal.” Ben glanced around and then slid his fingers over Isaac’s cheek, caressing it in a way which made Isaac’s heart race and his stomach clench despite the surroundings. “I mean, I think more kids are having to stay home even as adults, but their parents need to start treating them a little bit more like adults. You’re not a kid anymore. It’s not really any of your parents business where you go.”
Isaac frowned, going through that in his mind. There was a brief flare of anger. What did Ben know, with his apartment and his job? But he pressed it down, and he thought about what he knew about Ben, and he didn’t think Ben was lying to him. Hadn’t he always had the sense that things were a little bit different out in the real world, outside of the safe shelter of the church?
“Okay, look, I do know that it’s none of my damn business, and you can tell me to shut up and I will,” Ben continued, though his fingers were still trailing little streams of sparks that rushed through Isaac’s whole body and warmed him up perfectly, “But I just … I guess I like you or whatever. I want to spend more time with you, and that’s gonna be hard if your parents won’t take the leash off.”
To say that Isaac was conflicted would be a pretty severe understatement. He’d been taught that he really shouldn’t listen to people outside of the church, not to mention people who were disobeying the Ten Commandments, which Ben was most certainly doing. But at the same time, Ben looked at Isaac in a way that he’d never felt before, and Ben, who was just so impossibly cool, wanted to spend more time with him. Isaac wanted that, too, he found. More than anything.
“I don’t have anywhere to go,” Isaac admitted. “If they kick me out. My dad is big on the whole my house my rules thing. I know that he would make me leave, and there’s nowhere for me to go.”
“You work, right? There are places you can rent. Even in the building where I am. Just saying.” Ben leaned in and brushed his full, pouty pink lips over Isaac’s jawline, making him shiver and arch toward the sensation.
“I work for the church. Dad could kick me out of that, too. He pays me under the table so I don’t think I could do anything to stop it.” Isaac murmured the words, and he felt them, he really did. It was just that it was so much more fun to lean against the brick wall and tilt his head toward the sensations which Ben’s lips were sending through his whole body, all heat and light and energy, making his pants feel suddenly uncomfortably tight.
“Huh.” Ben pulled back, much to Isaac’s regret. “Well, just think about it. There are ways out.”
Isaac smiled a little. Maybe for normal people, people with parents who hadn’t been called to cleanse the world, to make it more Godly, there were things that could be done. But short of actually walking away from his parents, what could Isaac even do?
“We’d better go,” Ben murmured, and he reached down, squeezing Isaac’s hand briefly. Isaac couldn’t help but admire him even more than ever. He had said what he obviously needed to say, and now he was backing off to let Isaac think about it. He really, really had some thinking to do, it seemed.
“Yeah,” Isaac replied, taking a shaky breath and letting it out slowly. His body thrummed with desire, which could easily be fanned into full flame, but this was hardly the time or the place. “I think the movie is going to start soon.”
The movie was the last thing on his mind as he walked, so close to Ben that they were almost holding hands. There was no doubt that his life had gotten a lot more complicated the moment that he walked into the bar, but he couldn’t even regret it.
Not when he had the most beautiful human being in the world at his side. Not when there were doubtless hidden depths to Ben that he eagerly wanted to explore. He could sense them there, and he wanted to know what made Ben tick more than anything else.
The whole time, Ben’s words floated through his mind, as well. Should he move out? Get a job? Could he do that without losing his family? He didn’t know, but part of him wanted to try and see, and that was terrifying.
SEVEN
Maybe he’d said too much. Isaac was so silent as they walked through the movie theater, and his face was deeply thoughtful, the brows furrowed and those full, seductive, pretty lips of his slightly pursed.
If only they’d been alone, maybe Ben would have tried to kiss that worry away, to tease those lips until they lost their tension. But this was Austin, which might be a pretty liberal city for Texas, but this still wasn’t the sort of place where Ben would feel comfortable kissing another man right out in public.
Truthfully, he wasn’t sure that it mattered where he was. As a gay man born and raised in this neck of the woods, he had learned caution early on. Those sorts of lessons didn’t just go away, and he contented himself with hovering close by Isaac’s side, and let himself be warmed by the little smile that Isaac occasionally shot his way.
Damned if he wasn’t falling for this kid. Six years younger than him physically, but far more than that emotionally, Isaac was getting a hold on his heart that Ben knew he was going to have to watch for. And yet, this was the first time that he’d felt anything like this. He could wait just a little bit longer before trying to put some distance between them, right?
Even now, part of him thought that it wouldn’t be so bad to give something like a real relationship a try. He’d probably be terrible at it, and Isaac would probably end up hating him, but maybe, just maybe …
“You want some popcorn?” Ben asked, and Isaac turned a smile on him and nodded, so they went over to stand in the short line for the incredibly overpriced movie theater concession, arms brushing companionably against each other in the frigid, air-conditioned building.
Laden down with snacks, they made their way to their seats. They saw the latest superhero blockbuster, which had made Isaac’s eyes widen and a stunned look cross his face. Again, Ben didn’t need to do any major detective work to figure out that Isaac hadn’t exactly seen very many of these in his life.
“No, never,” Isaac had replied when Ben had asked him about it. Ben had dropped the subject, but the truth was, he felt a little bit like a superhero himself for bringing Isaac here. Someone had to get the beautiful young man to grow up a little. Someone needed to teach him the meaning of the word fun, and it might as well be him.
The movie had been out for a few weeks, and it was the middle of the week, so the theater wasn’t very full. They pretty much had their pick of seats, and Ben led the way toward the back row. In the dark, no one would be able to see what they were doing, and he had some decidedly naughty ideas about things that they might do.
Which was sort of funny. Making out in a movie theater was something that teenagers did, right? Or that was the impression that he’d gotten from old movies. Ben shook his head wryly as they got themselves settled, side by side, Isaac’s body so warm and tempting against his.
He was supposed to help Isaac grow up, but maybe he was going to end up getting a little younger himself. He had grown up very quickly, and it was surprisingly nice to just be out on this date. To do something that normal kids did.
They’d gotten there just in time, and as the lights dimmed, he took Isaac’s hand. Truth to be told, he’d been dying to touch the guy the whole time they’d been together, and now, he could finally do it safely.
In the dim light, Ben saw Isaac turn to look at him, but the other man was smiling. He rested his head on Ben’s shoulder, and they shared popcorn from one big tub, and it was absolutely the most romantic moment of Ben’s life.
That movie could have been about anything, and it wouldn’t have mattered to Ben. He barely saw anything, so lost was he in Isaac’s reaction. Isaac seemed to see everything, gasping and laughing, his face rapt as he focused on the enormous screen like he had never seen anything so fascinating in his life.
His heart tugged in his chest, aching for Isaac, who was taking so much pleasure in such a simple thing. As far as Ben could tell, the movie was just a typical Hollywood superhero blockbuster, nothing special about it, but for Isaac, it was something magical.
Which sort of made Ben feel the magic himself. It was sappy. It was the sort of thing that Ben would normally roll his eyes at, but at the same time, in that cold theater with the AC turned way up, with the rows and rows of empty, worn velvet seats stretching in all directions around them, Ben felt something in him that he’d never felt before. Something that he wasn’t sure he even knew how to define.
Or maybe he did, and he was just scared of it.
* * *
“Ben?”
The voice was familiar, and Ben frowned as he tried to place it. They were still in the theater, waiting as the credits rolled, just in case there was any bonus scenes or anything like that. In Ben’s experience, it paid to wait, at least with this specific company.
Hastily, Ben pulled his hand away from Isaac, and Isaac straightened, a look of near panic on his face, a guilty little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Which was utterly adorable, but Ben turned his attention to the woman who was walking up the stairs toward them.
“Bobbie,” Ben finally placed her. He rose to his feet and was dimly aware of Isaac by his side doing the same, though he stayed awkwardly back out of the way. Bobbie had been one of the few people at his high school that had made Ben a little bit sad to drop out in the eleventh grade. One of the very few.
It must have been years since the last time he’d seen her.
“Wow, you look exactly how I would have thought,” Bobbie said, grinning widely. She reached out and hugged him, and Ben might have been surprised by the embrace but he hugged her back, and it felt nice. It felt like high school football games, and guilty feelings about the star quarterback, and all of the best things about high school.
“So … is this your boyfriend? Why are you guys in town?” Bubbly blonde Bobbie had always been the type to just talk without thinking much about what she was saying, but hearing the question, the first one, made Ben feel like a bucket of water had been dumped over his head. A bucket of very cold water.
“Uh,” Ben started, and he glanced over at Isaac, who looked back at him with something close to blind panic in his eyes. Isaac was going to be no help on this one, but maybe it didn’t matter because Bobbie was still chattering on.
“You must have heard about your mom. It’s kind of sad, don’t you think?” Bobbie asked. That got Ben’s attention because the truth of the matter was, he had nothing to do with his mother, and he liked it that way. What was Bobbie on about?
“What do you mean? What happened to my mom?” Ben was very aware that Isaac was standing by his side, doubtless listening to all of this. And Isaac, with his apple pie American Christian upbringing, probably wouldn’t understand a word of what was going on. He wouldn’t know what it had been like growing up like Ben had.
“Oh, you didn’t … maybe you should ask her yourself, then,” Bobbie’s eyes widened. Ben remembered this from when he was a teenager. Bobbie had always been one to let her mouth run wild on her, and it seemed like that hadn’t changed.
“Bobbie,” Ben warned, his eyes narrowing at her, his gaze fixed on her. In the old days, he had never let her get away with that, either, and he wasn’t about to start now.
Bobbie fiddled with her hair, as golden and bright as ever, and her sharp, lively, well-meaning brown eyes skittered away from his gaze guiltily.
“It’s just that I heard that she got busted again. And it was probation last time, only she broke it, so she’s probably going to get jail time this time.” Bobbie muttered the words, and Ben let out a huff of air that he hadn’t even realized he was holding and fell back into the comforting, safe embrace of the velvet seat.
“Maybe that’s for the best,” he realized, as he looked up at his friend and tried his best to ignore Isaac’s questioning gaze. “She can get help in jail. Therapy.” Yes, all things considered, maybe it would be the best thing that could happen to her. Or maybe she would just keep right on using in jail. She was pretty resourceful when it came to that sort of thing. Still, it was a sho
t, right?
“I guess. I just feel bad for poor Sammy.” Bobbie admitted. She certainly had, Ben realized, stayed far more on top of what was going on in the old neighborhood than Ben had, because to be honest, he didn’t even know who Sammy was. A boyfriend? A dealer? But that wasn’t how Bobbie seemed to be speaking about this guy, whoever he was.
“Sammy?” Ben asked, eyebrows lowered, as he gazed up at his former high school friend. For some reason, she gave him a supremely unimpressed look, one which made Ben feel about six inches tall.
“Oh my God.” She dropped down into the seat beside him, while Isaac stayed standing, hovering somewhat awkwardly over him. Poor guy. He was getting a crash course in how messed up Ben’s childhood had been. “Ben MacPherson, are you seriously telling me that you don’t even know the name of your own baby brother?”
EIGHT
The talkative woman was finally gone. The staff of the theater had come in and started to give looks that were so pointed that eventually, even Ben and this Bobbie woman had finally gotten the idea. They’d made arrangements to meet up later, for coffee and to catch up, and Isaac found himself wondering just who this woman was to Ben.
Was it any of his business, though? Only if Ben was, as Bobbie had asked, Isaac’s boyfriend, and he didn’t know the answer to that. He very much would have liked to, but he didn’t.
They headed back to Ben’s car, and Ben was utterly silent the whole time. Isaac stayed quiet as long as he could, but when they were in the vehicle, which luckily seemed to be a whole lot better maintained than Isaac’s own bucket of bolts, he’d had enough.
“You didn’t tell me that you had a little brother,” Isaac said, as Ben started the car, which turned over and caught with a smooth, humming purr. He looked over at the other man’s profile, struck by how classical it was. The straight nose, the full lips, an artist would have been itching to paint this man or sculpt him.
