by Riley Knight
And then.
Maybe we should meet again in person.
Will watched his screen, where the three text messages had popped up almost one after the other. He groaned softly, and the pleasant haze of arousal and desire that he had been resting in ever since Judah had left couldn’t stand up to those texts. Stephen was in bed, and when Will had poked his head in, his son was fast asleep. Stephen had always been a deep sleeper, and Will had known that it was safe and had pulled out his phone to text Judah to ask him back.
That was when he’d seen the first text, and the second two had popped up shortly after. Will sighed, falling onto the couch, which still held delicious, sinful memories for him. Even as distracted as he was, he couldn’t help but remember looking down into Judah’s determined face, into those glimmering eyes, and how he had whispered commands to Judah and Judah had followed them. Of the shared release which had followed.
It had been such a relief to tell Judah about Jack. Will had wanted to but had found himself uncertain about what was appropriate, given their relationship, whatever it was. Will didn’t have the right to shove his problems on anyone, and he could, and would, deal with it himself. Still, when Judah had asked about it, it had been so good just to tell him and have it off of his chest.
Even if Judah had reacted a little strangely and he had, in fact, pounced on Will. To shut him up? Maybe Judah just hadn’t wanted to hear the rest of the story. Hadn’t cared, though then wasn’t it strange that he would ask in the first place?
It was so confusing. Will was starting to have doubts if the innocent, inexperienced young minister could even take all of Will’s baggage. His past. He wasn’t ashamed of it, the things that had happened had made him who he was, but he had been starting to think that he and Judah might actually have something here.
Staring down at his phone, all of his doubts rose up to the surface. He tried very hard to present to the world like he didn’t have any doubts, but he had as many as anyone. Jack was getting more and more aggressive, and Judah, well, Will still had no idea what was going on there.
Which one to deal with first?
His phone vibrated and his lips twisted down into a frown as he watched another message appear, as if by some malevolent magic, on his screen.
Just come see me again. Once more. I know you miss me.
Will growled softly, and his decision was made for him, just like that. He couldn’t deal with Jack. He couldn’t deal with his own uncertainty, because while he certainly felt like Jack was hitting on him, trying to get back into something with him, he couldn’t be sure. So far, mostly Jack had told him that he just wanted to be in Stephen’s life.
This would be a lot easier if Jack really did just want back in Will’s life, or into his pants. He could kick him to the curb without hesitation. But right then, at that moment, he couldn’t deal with this. Jack would have to wait.
Despite everything, despite all of the uncertainty, despite having no idea what Judah wanted from him or what the young pastor could even handle, Will found that it was Judah that he was craving, Judah that he wanted. Before he could even really think about it, he was closing the conversation with Jack and opening the one with Judah.
I’m ready. The door’s unlocked.
The text was sent, and Will stared at it, as though he could somehow see through his phone and know when Judah received it. Suddenly, he had the complete pessimistic certainty that Judah had gone to bed, that Will had waited too long. That maybe even as he had been looking at Jack’s messages, he had lost his chance.
Judah didn’t answer. Will half dozed with his head back against the couch, his robe hanging carelessly open over his chest. Judah was there when he closed his eyes. Judah, beautiful Judah, naked and wanting and eager for Will, Judah, who had learned everything that Will had to teach so readily.
And then there was a footstep, the slight creek of his front door, and Will looked up, and he was disarmed enough by sleepiness to smile.
Judah being there in his dreams was no match for him being there in real life.
In fact, the transition from dozing to awake took place very slowly, so that Will wasn’t sure, at first, which it was. Was this a dreamy reality, or a waking dream? All he knew was that Judah was there and that that was better than him not being.
Will watched as Judah knelt, taking Will’s hand in his own, and when their skin made contact, then he knew for sure. No dream, no matter how vivid, could recreate the feeling of being touched by the man that Will …
… Loved.
Half asleep as he was, there was no doubt in Will’s mind that he did love this man. He hadn’t said it yet, and he knew that he probably shouldn’t, but it was true, truer even than the scientific method or even the forces of the moon or the tides or of gravity itself.
As their hands touched, as their fingers entwined, Will rose to his feet and Judah stood up with him. There was something so inevitable to the way that they moved together. Maybe it was just that it was so late, and Will had been dozing, but when their lips met, it was in a different way than before.
There had been lust between them almost from the beginning, and there had maybe even been affection. But this was a weird, complicated mixture of things, at least for Will. He was so uncertain about how this was going to go. So terrified of what he was feeling, and yet so completely enthralled by this man.
Neither of them said anything. Will knew why Judah was here, and he was more than willing. They both were. The love issue was a complication, but it wasn’t one that Judah even needed to know about.
They kissed, and Will wrapped his arms around Judah, pulling him toward the stairs which led up to the bedrooms. They had to be quiet, and that actually sort of added an interesting air to the whole experience. It seemed like most times they were together, they had to be quiet, and they had to be quick.
This time, there was no need to hurry, at least. Will pushed Judah onto the bed, stripping him of his clothes, piece by piece, revealing his slender body in stages so that he could kiss all of them, worship him. Often, Judah ended up taking control, for whatever reason, but this time, Will was determined that he was going to make this last.
The vibe between them was still strained, and Will had to deal with the very real thought that this could be the last time. If it was, he wanted to know that he had done his best to make it an unforgettable one for both of them. Maybe it could even keep Judah from leaving at all. Not likely, maybe, but Will had to try.
“Will,” Judah whispered, and that deep, slightly hoarse, bedroom voice of his was even sexier than usual with how obviously aroused he was. He had pulled off all of Will’s clothes, too, so that their bodies, from their chests all the way down to their toes, were brushing, embracing, skin kissing as they rubbed together.
“Yes, Judah?” Will replied, slotting his hips in against Judah’s, his erection right against the other man’s, grinding together in a way that was just slightly painful but somehow only spurred Will on more than ever. Judah was so hot, so beautiful, so needy, under him.
Whatever Judah wanted to ask him, whatever Judah could possibly want, Will already knew that the answer was yes.
“I want you inside of me.”
For a moment, Will was positive that he couldn’t have heard that right. It just wasn’t possible. Sweet, innocent, young men just didn’t go around asking Will to do things like that to them. Even the things that they had done already were way more than Will knew that he had any right to expect.
But then there was Judah, lying under him, rocking his lovely body up against Will’s, those eyes seeming to almost burn with a fire that wasn’t green or gray or blue but some mixture of the three. There was Judah, beautiful lips parted, and body flushed with desire as he asked for something that Will had been sure at this point that he would never get.
Every time they had been together, Judah had topped. Will had been fairly sure at this point that Judah was just a top, and since he was more than happy to bottom, it had never seem
ed to be a problem.
But it meant something, didn’t it? Will knew that he was already Judah’s first, but this was a whole different thing. Will had decided a while ago that he would wait until Judah was ready, and it seemed like maybe that had happened.
“Are you sure?” Will wanted it, so much that his voice, his whole body, trembled, but he had to be absolutely certain about this. Because once he’d had Judah in every way possible, well, it was going to be hard for him to let the man go. “Judah, if I do that, if you let me do that, it will mean something to me.”
Honestly, Will expected that to freak Judah out. He expected for Judah to change his mind, to back off, or at least to question Will about what he meant. He most certainly didn’t expect to see a smile crossing his face, to see his eyes soften and his lips quirk up in a sweet, gentle grin.
“I know. Me too,” Judah admitted. “That’s why I want it.”
There couldn’t possibly be another thing that Judah could have said that would have been even more perfect. Will took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down so that he didn’t just shoot off, right then and there, just from that thought. Calm. Keep calm, that was the trick, and he wouldn’t make a complete idiot of himself.
“Judah,” he whispered, and Judah leaned up, spreading his legs so that Will fell between them at the same time as their lips met in a kiss that seemed an awful lot like a promise to Will.
That was when the knocking started at the front door, at the same time as Will’s phone started to ring.
NINETEEN
This was it. The right time. Judah had always known that he would know it when it happened, and he had been right. The time was now, and even the fact that everything was so uncertain between them couldn’t change it. Maybe it made him even surer because if he was about to lose Will, as he was starting to think that he might, he wanted to know what this was like first.
He could never allow this to happen with someone he didn’t love, and he couldn’t see himself being in love with anyone but Will. He had gone so many years, getting close to thirty, and this was the first time he had ever had even the faintest shimmer of romantic love. It could be thirty more before he felt it again. If ever.
So yes, he was going to do this. He was going to give himself to Will, and if Will did walk away, if Jack was more of a threat than Will had suggested, at least Judah could have this.
He lay under Will, and he knew that he had made the right choice when he saw how Will thought about it when he heard him ask if Judah was sure. This man, he would think of this as a big deal. Which was good, because to Judah, it was huge.
And then Will was doing it. He was going for it, pushing apart Judah’s legs, and Judah fought down the natural surge of nerves. It wasn’t as important as the desire, the determination to see this through, and if it hurt, he could take it. Not that it had seemed to hurt Will very much when Judah had taken him.
The knock was loud, too loud, after midnight as it was. Will uttered a curse that Judah, as a pastor, probably should have chastised him for, but instead, he felt like heartily agreeing. With it being so late, Judah knew that Will couldn’t just ignore it, because it could wake the neighbors, not to mention Stephen. Besides, for someone to be knocking this late at night, it had to be fairly important.
It was just pretty much the worst timing in the world. In a second, Will’s slender body, his weight, was gone from between Judah’s legs, and he had never felt so empty, so unfulfilled. He had given himself and been accepted, and yet, he was still a virgin.
Will stalked down the stairs, wearing just a pair of jeans that he had hastily thrust his long legs into, and at least he seemed put out by the whole thing. His irritation was very clear, and Judah sighed as he rolled over, his dick throbbing and leaking a trail of precome onto his own flat belly.
The seconds passed, and the glowing red numbers of the alarm clock told him in pitiless detail when they had turned into minutes. Two minutes, to be exact. If Judah listened very, very hard, he could hear the rising and falling cadence of two voices, Will’s familiar one and one other that he didn’t recognize.
Which was odd, he would have sworn that he knew each and every voice of everyone in town, at this point. It was, after all, a small town, and he had made it his business to get to know as many of the people as possible. This wasn’t someone that he knew.
And it was a man. The voice was too quiet to make out any words, but it was a beautiful, silky, deep voice, one which Judah knew that he would have recognized anywhere if he had known it.
Something clenched at his stomach, some surge of nerves that he tried to tell himself wasn’t any sort of premonition. For a while, another ten seconds or so, he fought with himself, because he was, after all, not supposed to be here at all. He and Will were supposed to be a secret, which could hardly be the case if Judah did what every instinct in his body was telling him to do.
But so what? So what if they got found out? Maybe that had been inevitable from the start. Besides, he had already noted that he didn’t recognize the voice. It might not be anyone from town, even. The more he thought about it, the more he justified it, and less than half a minute later, Judah was jumping out of Will’s lush, soft bed, fumbling for his clothes, and tugging them on.
Dimly, he was glad that he had thought to come over not wearing his clerical clothing. Maybe that would save him. Because without the Roman collar there was far less chance that anyone could place him as a minister. Slowly, he dressed himself, because whatever was going to happen next, he wanted to prepare for it.
As he pulled his clothes on, he was accompanied by the sound of the voices. Will’s, so quiet but with the undeniable tone of irritation still echoing through it. And the stranger’s, speaking slightly louder, but still too quiet to hear. But passionate. Determined.
It was Jack, wasn’t it? It had to be Jack. Who else could it be?
He knew then, really, though he tried to deny it. He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t being logical, that there was no way that he could even know that, but really, he did. Something inside of him had known from the moment that the knock had sounded through the house.
“Please,” he whispered, a nearly silent prayer in which just that one sound came from his lips. Please, let this not be what he thought it was. Please, give him just a little bit longer with Will before it all fell apart.
Please, let it not be Jack.
Very quietly, with a deliberate sort of slowness, Judah pulled on his shoes and made sure that he had everything and that he was presentable. With that done, he walked down the stairs, as sedately as he could manage, because somehow, this was all going to be okay. He was going to see Will, and maybe it was a police officer that he was talking to, someone who wanted to know about a criminal in the area. At one in the morning. In a small town with so little crime that …
He shut his brain off, didn’t let himself think, as his feet padded over the wood floors Through the living room, into the entryway, and then he saw Will’s back.
The other man was tall, taller than Will, anyway, so Judah saw it all in the clearest, most excruciating detail possible. He had, so to speak, a front row seat.
The man, who Judah was now absolutely certain was Jack, leaned forward and lowered his head. There was the gleam of eyes, looking right at him, widening briefly in surprise and then narrowing with determination. Judah watched, his heart seemingly stopping, frozen in time, his lungs burning with the need to breathe, but for a moment, he actually forgot to.
This stranger, who really could only be Jack, leaned down and kissed Will, and at that moment, Judah realized that it was over. How could he ever compare to the first man that Will had loved, and the man that Judah knew Will still thought of as the other father to his child?
He couldn’t, that was how. And they had always known, both of them, that this couldn’t work. His eyes burned, but they were as dry as the desert, and felt just as sandy, as he pulled himself together. His heart restarted with a lurc
h, and it didn’t feel so much like it was breaking as it did that it had shattered into a million little needle-like shards, each of them stabbing deeply into his muscles, his very bones.
It was the hardest thing that he had to do to walk towards, and then past, Will and Jack. It felt like walking into a raging inferno, and he noticed everything. He had heard that when someone was on the brink of death, time slowed down, and that person saw everything, and that was how it felt.
Jack was taller and broader than either Will or Judah. His arms were stronger, thick with muscle, and they closed around Will and pulled him close. It was harder to see anything about Will, and that was a small mercy because the other man’s back was to Judah.
Utterly quiet, Judah walked toward them, past them, his shoulder brushing against Will’s. The whole time, Jack was looking at him, a smug sort of satisfaction on his face. And why shouldn’t there be? Jack had won. Judah had barely even put up a fight.
“Judah, wait!”
By this time, Judah was past Will and Jack both, standing on the front stoop, but he didn’t look back. It had been hard enough to see them entangled the first time, and he simply didn’t have it in him, he wasn’t brave enough, and his heart was too battered, to see this again.
“For what?” Judah was surprised. His voice came out so normal, like this was an everyday thing for him. Like he normally fell in love and then watched the man that he loved kissing someone else.
“Don’t go,” Will asked, and Judah closed his eyes. He would have killed to hear those words before. But it was a little bit too late for them now.
“We both knew that this wasn’t going to work,” Judah spoke, his words calm, measured. Logical, at least in the way they sounded. Will should appreciate that. “You don’t have to say anything, Will. I knew it was over before it even started.”
What was he supposed to do? Scream? Throw things? Cause a scene? He was tempted, but it just wasn’t his style, and anyway, he was very aware of Stephen, who was miraculously still sleeping through all of this. Any scene he caused would only potentially hurt Stephen.
