by Claire Adams
He shrugged. "Not a lot of nice mom and pop places left."
"If you stayed here, you wouldn't have to miss them," I said, looking down at my dinner.
"Yeah. You could take me to every last one of your cool spots here on the island," he said.
"Did you mean what you said earlier today?" I asked quickly.
"When? What about?"
"About moving to Lanai. Did you mean it?"
"I don't know," he said shrugging. "I knew that I had to say something that would get their attention, and that did it."
"Have you thought about moving here permanently?"
"I've thought about not going back, but it wouldn't be as easy as just refusing to leave, you know?" he said.
I nodded. Of course, I thought. There was a lot more to consider here than what I was feeling because I wasn't the one who would be making a huge life-changing decision if he decided to stay here. My mind just kept going back to what he had said that morning about me moving back with him and for this to come up as a possibility the same day just made me feel conflicted.
He had come here with the intention of eventually going home. He had people in LA, a home, a life, possibly a new job doing what he really wanted to do. I had those things, too, but here. We had our homes, and they weren't in the same place. We didn't really speak that explicitly about the time we would have to part, but everything that had happened today had just bubbled it up to the surface for me, and I didn't know what to do.
"Well, it worked," I said offhandedly, trying not to give away too much of what I was feeling.
"Nate Stone's still a hot news item even after being AWOL for the whole summer," he joked.
"Are they going to be back?"
"Maybe," he sighed.
"I feel like this is my fault. Joseph said he'd make sure they didn't make their way back onto the resort property again," I said.
"Don't sweat it. It'll prep me for going back home probably," he said. Again. When could we stop talking about this? It was making me anxious.
I didn't want to think about when he was leaving, but every time he talked about it, I was forced to face reality. I wasn't trying to delude myself into thinking I would be the reason he gave up on his future, but I could keep imagining that we had more time left than just a few measly weeks.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know anything but the fact that I really, really wanted to be with him, and the thought of him leaving filled me with a dread I'd never experienced.
We took a slow walk back to my place after eating. We used the back steps, walking up onto the porch.
"You want to sleep here tonight?" he asked. It wasn't a question of whether we would spend the night together anymore; it was a question of where. I didn't want to fall asleep without him.
"Can we?" I asked. It didn't make that much of a difference where since in the morning one of us would have to leave inevitably to get ready, or in my case, clock into work. Still, seeing him in my space made his presence in my life feel a little more permanent. It wasn't much of a win, but I was taking what I could get.
It wasn't that late, and I wasn't that tired. I looked for a movie we could watch together while he was in the shower. I wanted to do the things that I did alone, but with him. I wanted to catch up on all the things that normal couples got to do together with him before he had to leave.
He joined me on the couch fifteen minutes into Love and Other Drugs. He sat next to me, and I lay on my back with my head in his lap. He played with my hair as we watched. If he wasn't as invested as I was, at least he was watching it with me. Maybe he thought Anne Hathaway was hot.
"I'm picking the next movie; this one is a bummer," he said.
"It's beautiful," I complained.
"She's dying; it's fucking sad as hell." Yeah, I thought, but in the end, she still allowed herself to enjoy the time that she had with the man she loved. That sounded so unfortunately familiar.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I asked him, turning so I was looking right up at him instead of the movie. He looked down at me.
"Go on."
"After we stopped talking, Makani and I had a girls’ night and we spent hours watching these movies and talking shit about the girls who fell in love with the male leads."
"Was that my fault?" he asked.
"It was my fault for dealing with rejection poorly."
"It was mine for rejecting you," he said, stroking my hair. He leaned down and kissed me sweetly. "I'm sorry I ruined romantic comedies for you," he said. I smiled.
"Apology accepted," I said. "You can pick the next one." I started dozing off halfway through one of the Fast and Furious movies. It was totally his fault, though. We were spooning, and how the hell was I supposed to stay awake in that position? I was drifting off for the tenth time when I felt his lips on my cheek.
"Tired?" he asked. I turned onto my back so I could look at him.
"Mm-hmm." He kissed my forehead and shifted from behind me, turning my laptop off and disappearing for a second before returning with a blanket.
He lay on the couch, pulling me into him so I was resting on his chest.
"We should go to the bed," I mumbled sleepily.
"You should go back to sleep," he said, resting one of his hands on my back. Did I sleep better with him, or was everything better with him because I loved being with him so much? If he stays, this doesn’t have to end, I thought. If he stayed, he wouldn't be able to pursue his music career.
I breathed him in deeply because my reality wouldn't be better than my fantasies for much longer. In a perfect world where we weren't who we were, he could have stayed. I couldn't be the reason Nate Stone didn't get a chance at the music career that he deserved. I couldn't do that to him. I wouldn’t.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Nate
"Are you doing anything tonight?" Abby asked me. She was dressed for work, and I was still in bed. Watching her get ready for work every day was something I would miss the shit out when I had to leave. If I was leaving. I was trying not to think that much about it, but had sort of resigned myself to what was happening. It was stupid to pretend that I didn't have to make a decision. Just because I had to leave didn't mean we couldn't make it work somehow.
"No. Are you busy tonight?" I asked. We were together more than we were apart at this point. Since Makani and Keno were spending more time together now, I had Abby almost all to myself. It was a little odd that she was asking whether I was busy. As far as I knew, we were spending the night together.
"I am, actually. So are you," she said, sitting next to me on the bed. "We only have one week left." I closed my eyes.
"Don't remind me."
"I want to do something for you tonight. Something special."
"Movies and room service is already perfect. What do you want to do?"
"It's a surprise. I'm picking you up at seven o'clock sharp."
"Where are we going?"
"You still can't deal with surprises, can you?" she said smiling. "All you need to do is be ready for me to pick you up at seven. Oh. And get yourself a suit."
"Now you gotta tell me," I insisted. She smirked and kissed me before walking away.
"Seven sharp. Don't be late," she said before walking out.
I laughed a little as I went back to my suite. This is basically what I had done to her, and she had hated every second of it until the point that we were actually on our date.
I needed to get a suit, so I figured that was what we were doing, going on a date. A sit-down dinner some place. That was cool. It didn't make that much of a difference to me, as long as we were together. I'd eat leftover white rice and pineapple slices with her on her porch as long as we were doing it together.
Fuck. Getting on that plane was going to kill me.
Sure, I got to remember everything that we had while we had it, but fuck that. I didn't want a goddamn memory because that meant we'd still be apart.
I took a shower and got changed before sitting at th
e piano. I had gotten the call about the contract on Monday. It was Friday today. Wes Barry had hit me up again for an update, but I had managed to get him to give me a little more time, like a week, before I told him anything. I fed him some bullshit about tying up loose ends with Remus, and he bought it or pretended to buy it.
All I wanted was more time. This decision was more than just making music in LA again. It was also breaking up with this girl who I didn't even know I wanted or needed.
I was getting up to grab something to write on when I heard a knock on my door. I went to get it and found Keno was standing there in a shirt and khakis, not his uniform.
"Keno?"
"You look like you were expecting someone else," he said.
"No, I'm just surprised. Don't you have work?"
"You need a suit today," he said.
"How do you know that?" I asked. He smirked and shook his head.
"You're getting nothing out of me, brother. Come on, let's go."
I didn't like this. I knew I didn't have to worry about it or anything, but Abby had accomplices now; what the fuck was going on? I bet if I asked Makani what was happening, she'd stonewall me, too. We ended up in his car, taking a short trip to a suit store in the city.
I didn't get a lot of suits since I didn't have an office job. Guys who made music got away with a lot more. I had a couple in LA, but of course, I hadn’t brought them. Keno joined me after talking to the shop owner a little. They knew each other, just like everyone else on the island.
"How are you and Makani doing?" I asked since it had been a little while since we were all together.
"Great. It's weird that you asked that, actually," he said.
"Oh yeah? Why?"
"I'm gonna pop the question tonight," he said.
"No way. You’re gonna marry her?"
"I'm gonna ask her to marry me. We talked about doing it before we broke up, and I think this time around she's ready. I'm tired of waiting, you know? I love her. She's it for me."
"You have a ring?" I asked.
"I always have it on me. I've been thinking about doing it this whole week. I think tonight's the night. She's coming over, and you're hanging out with Abby, so she won't be busy. I've talked to her parents already. It's all set."
"I wish I had some words of advice, but my marriage failed," I said. He laughed.
"From what you've told me, you were married to the wrong girl. Are you ever going to do it again?"
"Get married?" I didn't really know, I realized. It hadn't even been a year since the divorce, but Kirsten and I had dated a little while before we got married. I had needed that time; I had been so busy with the band, so we didn't even get that much time together.
It had been good some of the time, but she had left me. I had been a mess, and I couldn't blame her for it, but what about that sickness and health bullshit? Whatever. What happened, happened. If we were still married, I never would have met Abby.
"Yeah. You and Abby seem-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa — me and Abby?"
"Of course. Who else would you marry?" he asked.
"It's been one summer, man. Not even that long. Like, half a summer."
"Sometimes that's all it takes," he said.
"How long was it before you knew you loved Makani?"
"Honestly? I told her I loved her after two months, but I knew I did weeks before. Sometimes you just know, Nate. I've seen the way you and Abby are."
"I like her a lot."
"Yeah, you like her so much you asked her to move to LA with you."
"That's not happening. She doesn't want to leave the island."
"If you want to stay with her, you're going to find a way to make it work."
"I know that. I just feel like she would never ask me for anything. She'd never say to me that she wanted me to stay. She'd tell me to go have a career and live my dream in LA."
"She's a great girl," he said. I knew that. I knew that probably better than most people.
"I wish she'd tell me what she wanted."
"I think it's pretty obvious what she wants," Keno pointed out.
"No, like for us. I want her to tell me whether she wants me or not."
"The ball's in your court if she already told you she isn't leaving."
"I just don't know, man."
"You'll make the right choice," he said. That was easy for him to say. His girl wasn't staying here while he moved back to LA for work. I had some time left, but I hated that the end was in sight.
I found a suit that fit, and we went back to the resort. Keno went back to work while I hung out in my suite until I had to get ready for whatever Abby and I were going to do. I poured over the contract Wes Barry had sent me for hours till I had to give myself a break. Nothing in there was going to tell me I could have what I wanted and still stay in Lanai.
Abby was at my door at seven sharp like she said she'd be. She looked gorgeous in a long, flowy white dress with her hair curled around her shoulders.
"Ready?" she asked when I opened the door.
"I'm nervous," I said, joining her. "Are you about to blindfold me or something?"
"Maybe later," she said slyly. I felt that one right in my cock. I tried to guess where we were going, but she wouldn't answer me. She was holding my hand, taking me somewhere I wasn't sure I had been before. The resort was big, and I mainly hung out in my suite or the bar. I never figured that they had a ballroom till Abby was pushing open the double doors and telling me to come inside.
It was all decked out like there was an event that was supposed to happen. If I didn't know better, I would have thought we were there for a party or something. The lights were dimmed, and there was a table at the far end with two covered plates on it. Tiny little Christmas lights were strung around the entire room, making it seem like we weren't in Hawai'i anymore.
"I wanted us to do something special so you'd remember more than my back porch when you went back home," she said. "Do you like it?"
"You did this?"
"I asked Makani for some help, and Keno to make sure you got your suit," she said.
Fuck. I didn't know what to say. Nobody had ever done shit like this for me. I couldn't pretend like I didn't know why people had taken from me all my life. I didn't mind doing stuff for people, but it was different when they did it for me. I mean, especially Abby. I was a week away from leaving her, and she was here trying to make sure I was still having a good time. I didn't know what to do.
"I love it, Abby," I said honestly.
"Come on, let's eat." She led me to the table and uncovered the plates. It was musubi and loco moco, the first things we ate together when we first started hanging out. I knew I could get Hawai’ian food in LA, but it wouldn't taste the same without her.
"I can't believe you did all this," I said, as we ate.
"I wanted to thank you."
"For what?"
"I've never met anyone like you in my life, Nate. I thought I had an idea about who you were since I listened to your band, but then I met you, and you were so much more interesting and unique than I could have imagined," she said.
"Please, Abby. You helped me stop using," I said.
"You let me see the person behind the music I fell in love with, and I'll never forget that. Thank you, Nate," she said. She was smiling, but I could tell she wasn't one hundred percent tonight.
"I'm so lucky I met you," I said.
"Don't forget me when you're successful and living the dream in LA," she said lightly.
I laughed. I was hanging onto this till the day I died. We finished our dinner and ended up on the beach, neither of us really wanting the night to end so soon. I was holding her hand and trying to forget that in a few days I wouldn’t be able to. The ocean water quietly crept up the shore, and the stars shone brightly in the sky.
We got to her house, and I let her climb up the porch first, standing there in the bright, yellow light with her. I felt like I was walking her home after a date and she was
about to say goodnight and go inside alone, which was not what I wanted, not tonight. Not any night.
"Would you like to come inside?" she asked. I smirked.
"When have I ever said no to that?" She giggled and looked down. She was nervous about something. I felt her take my hand. She was looking up at me, and her eyes were glossy like she was holding back tears.
"I've never done this with anyone before," she whispered.
"It's okay," I said.
"You aren't even gone, and I miss you already," she said. A single tear fell down her cheek.
"Don't cry, babe. I'm still here."
"I just want you to be happy," she said, sniffing. "I want to be selfish and tell you to stay with me, but I can't stop you from getting what you truly want. I would hate myself if I ever stopped you."
I hugged her and kissed the top of her head. I hated seeing her cry. I knew she'd be sad when we had to split, but watching her was killing me. She pushed against my chest, so she was looking up at me again. Her nose was pink and her cheeks streaked with tears.
"I couldn't let you leave without telling you that I love you. I've never loved anyone like this in my life."
"I love you, too," I said. I cupped her face and kissed her. Her cheeks were wet from her tears. She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I pushed my tongue into her mouth, tasting her.
I loved how she tasted. I loved how she felt. I loved being with her, being inside her. I loved everything about her. She was perfect, and for the next week at least, she was mine. I pulled away looking down at her.
"Open the door," I told her. She turned and unlocked the door, pushing it open. I scooped her up into my arms and kicked the door shut, walking over to her bed and dropping her onto the mattress, taking my suit jacket off. Abby sat up on the bed in front of me, undoing my shirt buttons one by one. I started on my pants; this couldn't happen fast enough. I wanted her. I loved her, and I wanted to show her how much.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Abby
I love you. That was all I wanted to tell him. I didn't care whether he said it back or not. I just needed him to know. It didn't matter that he was leaving because it wouldn't change that. I wanted to cry when he said it back.
