by Lauren Wood
Deirdre
I jerked as I opened my eyes because I saw a dark brown pair staring back at me. I immediately shut my own and then opened them again to study his face. My hand went out and I touched the scar on his forehead.
“What is this from?”
“I got bit by a dog when I was two. Almost nipped my eyebrow off too.”
My hand trailed down to the other scar that was hidden from view because of his dark brow. “That is from the same dog?”
“I guess so. My father used to have dogs, but got rid of them after that, forbade me from playing with any dog because he was sure that I was going to be disfigured.”
“It adds character.”
“You like it?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s just part of who you are. You have several actually. I am starting to wonder if you fight crime on the side.”
“What, like Batman?”
“Sure, why not. You’re rich, handsome, fit… It could happen.”
He chuckled, and I liked the rich sound of it. Next thing I knew, we were kissing, and I was letting all sorts of feelings come over me. It was hard to care about anything at the moment. At the moment, it felt like I was suffocated with need and his body was quickly on top of mine.
His hands were moving down me, roaming around and my breath quickened from the contact. Danny knew my body too well and I was trying my best not to lose it. I’d just woken up and it felt like I was going downhill fast.
Before long I wasn’t able to ignore him anymore and I hadn’t gotten up the muster to say anything. His hands felt too good and then his lips were on my neck, nipping and sucking at the soft flesh there. There was no way that I could refuse, even if I wanted to. All was lost once he touched me. The contact was more than I could manage and before long, I was giving into all of the things that he wanted, because I desired them as well.
We didn’t come up for air until later in the afternoon. We were supposed to be getting ready for the workweek, but Danny seemed to not have much of an intention to get back.
“Don’t you think we should get back to your place? We have to get ready for tomorrow.”
“Why don’t we take some time off Deirdre? We can stay here and…”
“And what?”
“What we are doing sounds good to me.”
I sighed loudly because I couldn’t believe that he would say such a thing. Of course, he wanted to lay in bed. He didn’t have to do much of anything. He was richer than most people could ever hope to be and all he had to do was exist at this point. I still had to hustle for my money, no matter how much he had.
“I can’t Danny. Maybe you can just drop everything, but that isn’t really something I can do.”
He started to tell me that he made enough money and I was going to be able to do whatever I wanted because I didn’t have to worry about money, but he stopped. For that I was grateful, because there was nothing more condescending and frustrating, than to have someone with money, lecture someone that doesn’t have any on how unimportant it is. If it was truly unimportant, it was only because they had never experienced being out of money or having to worry about it at all.
“I was hoping we could stay here a little longer. You’re different here. We’re different and I don’t want it to go back to the way it was.”
I got up and didn’t even bother to cover up. He’d seen it all before, and I was going to just get dressed. This felt like a conversation that was best suited for when I was dressed.
“You know that I am more than happy to stay here. You are the one that needs all your fancy things and people taking care of you.”
“Ouch. Right from the get-go, huh?”
I shrugged and told him that I was not above using any tactic that worked.
“Duly noted.”
I got some shorts on and then started to pull up over my tank top. He had this look in his eyes that was hard to come back from and instead of trying, I just walked away. It was just easier this way.
“I want us to be like this. I don’t want to go back to the separate sides of the bed.”
“You’re worried about if we are going to sleep together or not, aren’t you?”
His grin got bigger and then he looked down. When his head came back up, he seemed to be handling himself better and I just shook my head. Men were so easy to read because they weren’t very complicated.
“Well I mean, that is something that has certainly came to mind. You seem more open to us when we are here.”
“I feel more comfortable here. I miss cooking and having my studio. I don’t know. I like staying with you. It’s nice, cultured, all of the things that a person is supposed to like.”
“But you don't.”
“Like I said, I know I'm supposed to, but I just don't get it. I don't think that people should have all that help. I mean, it is just the two of us. Before I moved in, it was just you. What in the world do you need so many helpers for? Don’t you ever just want it to be me and you there?”
“I never really thought about it before. It is just what you do. All of the people I work with have maids and cooks. I work a lot and I certainly don't want to do it.”
It was a very honest answer and I was sure most men would give the same one if prompted. That didn't mean that I was in anyway comfortable with it. I understood it of course, but that was as far as it was going to go. I didn't understand why someone would choose that.
“Well, all of that was before you had a wife.”
“Do you know that is a first time you have said that? That you called yourself my wife?”
I wouldn't have even noticed it because it was just natural now. I had said it to myself for quite some time, but I guess I never realized it. Either way, that's what I was. I was his wife and having so many people there with us was strange for me. When I thought of a marriage, I thought of two people working it out, not this way.
“Well nonetheless Danny, if you want me to be comfortable there, you have to give them some time off. Maybe they could only come in a couple of times a week. I don't know. But if you want us to have an us, then we need to spend some time just me and you.”
He agreed with me very quickly and I was actually surprised. Then of course I remembered what his real intention were. He just wanted to make sure that we were still together in the bedroom at night. I was curious about how far he was willing to go to assure that. If there was a power in being the wife, I was feeling it a little bit now, right or wrong.
“So, are we going back to your house then?”
“Yes, I suppose we are. I do have a lot of work that I need to do. Monday, I have five meetings.”
“See? You seem to think that you have all of this open time, but you're just as bad as I am. The fact is that you can sometimes flake out and I can't. That’s the only difference.”
We got up and around slowly. I made a pot of coffee and packed a few more things that I wanted to have back at his place. I missed the creative environment and the space to do what I wanted, but I think what I was going to miss the most was our quiet time together here. I wanted to take that time with us, just like he did, and I thought it was rather sweet.
Danny
We got back to my place and one of the first things I did was talk to my assistant. Leo was supposed to be setting up her new creative space and I wanted to see it before I showed it to her. I wanted to make sure that everything was perfect because this was the gesture that was needed right now. I wanted her to feel more comfortable here and to act like she did when we were at her place.
There was also other things on my mind.
I had to speak to him about letting the staff know that I wouldn't be needing them as long in the daytime. I wasn't quite ready to fire them all the way or to permanently reduce their hours, but I was willing to give it a shot. I was not going to put much energy into running a household. I really didn't have the time to and I still wasn't sure how it was all going to work out with Deirdre doing it. It was al
l touching go at this point, but I was willing to try and make this work.
She had been right. All of these decisions have been made at the time because I was single, but now, I was married. Not only that, I was trying to start a family. I needed to think of things differently and more importantly I needed to include Deirdre in them. I was never one to run my thoughts or opinions by anybody and it was rather strange to do it now. Marriage was different in so many ways.
When I was finished talking to Leo, I went to go look for Deirdre. Unlike her house where there was nowhere to run or go to, I had to take several moments to find her here. It was just so big, and everything was so sprawling. I finally found her in the one place I didn't think I would. She was back in my bedroom and she was putting away a few things in a drawer underneath the mirror.
“I want to show you something Deirdre.”
“What is it?”
“Just come on and you will see.”
She looked at me as if I were lying or as if I was setting her up for something. I don't know what was going on in her mind, but she wasn't as easy to understand as I thought she would be.
“Let me guess you don't like surprises?”
“Not really and you seem to be one surprise after another.”
“This is a good one Deirdre, I promise.”
Deirdre still wasn’t too sure about all of it, but she smiled and followed me into the room that Leo had put together for her. I wanted her to be as comfortable as she could possibly be here, because I wanted her to stay a very long time.
“Okay, if you say so.”
There was also the surprise that the video cameras were in the room waiting to catch her expression when she saw it. They’d been hounding me for days to get some footage for a promotion that was coming up, but I kept putting it off. Now it seemed like as good of a time as any. We were doing good and she was still determined to play the game with the show. I was only going to help facilitate it all.
We got to the outside of the room and I told her to open the door.
“You’re acting so weird right now Danny. Why don’t you just tell me what is going on?”
“Just open the door and you will see Deirdre. You really don’t like surprises, do you?”
She nodded her head, like of course she didn’t, and I started to rethink the cameras on the other side. She was certainly not going to like that little bit of it and I wanted to take it all back. But it was too late. I knew that it was. I should have done this differently.
“Just smile okay?”
Deirdre looked a little confused, but I wasn’t going to say anything else. There was no point to, because she was not going to be happy.
Before she could ask me what was going on, I pushed the door open and got the cameras to come out, so she had a little warning before she came in.
“Wow, there are cameras here Danny.”
Her voice was tight, and the smile was not at all her best. She was trying, but it was rather clear to me that she wasn’t having the best time right now. I could imagine that she would want to be anywhere else but here today.
“Yeah, they needed some footage.”
I got a dirty look from the cameraman. I was adding more editing for later, but I didn’t care. I never had cared about the stupid show. It was about getting the girl, not the money and playing by the rules.
“So, what is this, besides cameras in my face while I’m wearing this?”
I hadn’t even noticed what she was wearing. “You look good in anything Deirdre.”
“Flattery will usually get you everywhere, but seriously, what’s going on?”
“Well, I had Leo put this together. I know that you wanted your own space and after seeing your place, I figured that you would be happier if you had a place to do your creative work. You can do your painting in here and your writing and clay work and everything else that you do. Leo brought in about everything that you can think of and a little bit more. I just want you to be happy here.”
She didn't know what to say but I could see that I had touched her. Leo had outdone himself of course, like he always did, but I wanted to believe that a little bit of that smile was for me. When she lost herself in my arms and we kissed, I knew that it wasn’t for the cameras. Nothing that she did was for the cameras.
Our lips met, and it was just as special as the first time. I don't think I was ever going to get sick of kissing her. It was never going to get old, but the camera man that had been mean mugging me before, ruined it. They knock something over in the background and made her realize that we were not alone. She pulled back and I was the one that was shooting dirty looks now.
We walked around the room while the camera was just behind us following us. I was never going to get used to that and when I knew that we were a little more stable, I wanted to ask her to pull out. I would personally give her the money if that was still an issue. I didn't want to think that it would be, but right now, I was just going to deal with it. But it was ruining the moment.
“I can't believe you did this Danny. This is perfect.”
“I just want you to be happy here Deirdre.”
“I am happy here with you Danny. I didn't think that this would work out, but it has turned into something that I never thought was possible.”
I thought of the poems that she had written about love and how she didn't believe in it. I wanted to think that maybe I had a hand in changing that. I wanted her to believe in love and to believe in us. I knew that no matter how this came to be, this was supposed to happen. We were supposed to be together and I wasn't going to call it fate, but it was something like that.
We kissed a bit more and talked for a time, while she looked around the room. The cameraman apparently decided they had enough footage and finally left. And left us alone in the room and she had a tear in her eye.
“Why are you upset?”
“Why are you so perfect?”
I asked her what she meant by that, but she just waved me off. Like I should already know. Sometimes I really didn't understand her, but I was hoping that it meant something good.
Deirdre
The more time I spent with my husband, the more I fell in love with him. This was supposed to be a good thing but maybe it wasn't. If it was a good thing, then why was I so nervous?
“What's wrong baby?”
“I just hate doing these things.”
It had been about three months now since we got married, and every week me and Danny had to go down to the studio to do a little questionnaire thing. We would sit in a room by ourselves and they would ask us crazy questions and tape the answers. Most of the time, I felt like I was getting set up and I never knew how I supposed to answer it. They called them confessionals and it made it seem even worse.
“I don't like doing them either. You know that we don't have to keep going with this. I can buy you a restaurant tomorrow Deirdre.”
This wasn't the first time he had suggested it, but it was the first time that it sounded really good. There is something holding me back though. The whole reason that I wanted to do this was to get the restaurant, but I wanted it to be a restaurant that was clear of strings attached to it. I didn't want to owe him any money. I was still under the impression that this wasn't going to last, because nothing ever did. And when it was all over, I didn't want it to be for nothing. I wanted to walk away with a restaurant that was not attached to anything or anyone. I wanted it to be mine.
“It's not that bad Danny.”
“Why won't you let me do this for you?”
“I just I want to see this through Danny. We are a quarter of the way through this already. If we are going to be married anyways, what’s the big deal?”
He had never really bitched about it and I was thankful for that. I could see it in his face many times that he wasn't too happy about the situation. I knew that he had no real need to go to these tapings, so I was thankful that he did it. I know that he did it for me and I was appreciative of that.
&n
bsp; “You’re right, it'll be over before we know it and then we can move on with our life.”
I smiled at him and a little part of me melted inside because I loved when he talked like that. He talked like we were going to be together for the rest of our lives and he was sure of it. I had never been so sure of anything and it certainly would never be something like love, that would make me feel so secure. I didn't feel secure, not at all.
At the moment, all I could think about was how good I had it with him. I knew in the back of my head, that it was going to change much, like all the love of all the people that I'd been around my whole life. Love never lasted.
We drove to the studio which was a big step up, because Danny was actually driving himself. He always had a driver take him everywhere and I was rather pleased that he had gotten rid of most of his help. I know that he still had an assistant that did pretty much anything that he wanted him to do and he still had the people at work, but at home at least, it was just us.
I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me. These were the moments that I thought about the most and they were the ones that made me think that maybe I was wrong. Maybe love was real and what we had between us was something that could be likened to all of the romance books that I read in the past.
“It's going to be fine, Deirdre. We will go answer a few questions and be out of there in no time.”
“Already worried about the fact that it's going to start airing soon?”
There were several months in between the airing of the show and the beginning of it. Our wedding was about to be played in the next week or so and I was really nervous about it, but Danny didn't seem to care either way.
“This is what we signed up for Deirdre.”
Yes, but I didn’t like the reminder.
“I still can't believe you signed up for this.”
