by Sherri Hayes
“What are . . . munches?”
“They’re social events. Nothing fancy. Usually just dinner at a restaurant.”
So people who liked ropes and nipple clamps and . . . well, I didn’t know what else . . . all met for dinner and . . . what?
“A few months later, I started going to some of the play parties. That’s where I met my first experienced Dom. He was older than I was and had been in the lifestyle for ten years. It took him about six months to get me to the point where I was willing to try clamps on my nipples again, but I will forever be grateful. It was amazing.”
She told me a little more about this Dom and how he’d opened her eyes to many things. By the time he’d moved away for his job, her list of limits had become more defined. “It all came down to communication. He was willing to talk to me, explain things. Danny wasn’t.”
We talked a little more before she glanced up at the clock. “We should get out there. They’re going to think something’s wrong and come back to check on us soon.”
Lily stood and slipped on a pair of heels.
I stood with her and walked toward the door.
She turned, reached for my hand, and squeezed. “I’ll be okay, Brianna. I promise.”
I nodded and hoped she was right.
Chapter 28
Stephan
“She seems nervous.”
I watched until I could no longer see Brianna before answering Logan. “She is.”
“Do you think she’ll be all right with this?”
“I have no idea. Brianna has the tendency to surprise me. Sometimes that’s good. Sometimes, bad. I never know until it happens. The only thing that I know is absolutely off limits is name calling. We’ve been working on it, but even the words themselves, without any context whatsoever, can set her off.”
Logan nodded. “Lily was concerned about her this morning. We had a long conversation about it.”
Brianna had handed me her glass before she’d gone to see Lily. I placed it on the floor beside my chair, and leaned back. “She was worried about Brianna?”
“Yep.”
“Brianna’s worried you’ll hurt Lily.”
“Hopefully the two of them talking beforehand helps calm her fears.”
I took a drink of my water. “Hopefully.”
“How was your trip?” I wanted to steer the conversation away from the purpose of our visit before my own anxiety increased. As much as I tried to downplay it for Brianna’s sake, I was apprehensive about what might happen. Not with Logan and Lily, but with Brianna herself. As I’d mentioned to Logan, Brianna was unpredictable in new situations. I wanted this to be a positive experience for her, but that wasn’t guaranteed.
“I have to fly back next week.”
“I thought you were getting some time at home after this last trip.”
“Yeah. So did I. Turns out some things that were supposed to be ready last week weren’t.”
“How’d Lily take the news?”
Logan pressed both index fingers against the bridge of his nose. I could tell he was agitated. Maybe work hadn’t been the best topic of conversation. “She wasn’t happy, that’s for sure. I thought she was going to make me sleep out on the couch when I got home Thursday night.”
I could see Lily doing exactly that. “You could have slept in her room, you know.”
“No. That’s her space. I wouldn’t violate it like that. Plus, she’d probably come in the middle of the night and dump a bucket of ice water on me or something.”
I laughed.
“It’s different with you. You’ve never had a twenty-four-seven relationship with someone.” He paused. “Well, until now.”
“My relationship with Brianna isn’t exactly what you’d call normal.”
“No. It’s not.” He leaned forward, clasping his hands together. “She seems happier, though. Even with the stress today is obviously causing her, you can see a huge difference. Especially from the first time I met her.”
“Yes. She has more good days than bad now.”
As if hearing her name, Brianna appeared with Lily.
Lily stopped right inside the room, and Brianna looked back for several long seconds before walking the rest of the way to where I was sitting. I set my glass down and opened my arms. She hurried to climb into my lap.
“Did you have a nice chat with Lily?” I whispered in her ear.
She nodded.
“Good. Now I want you to turn and watch.” She did as I instructed, maneuvering her body so that she was facing the center of the room. I wrapped my arms around her middle and rested my chin on her shoulder. “Just watch.”
Lily stood with her head down, her hands behind her back, and her feet shoulder width apart. My guess was this was an instruction given to her by Logan earlier, since their normal starting position had her kneeling. It made sense, though, to have her enter the room and pause to get into her submissive mindset. It also gave her a little more freedom given the unknown Brianna added to the scenario.
Logan walked slowly over to her, observing. He circled her, not touching at first, and then glided his hands over her exposed skin. I could tell by the change in the rise and fall of Lily’s chest that he was getting the reaction he wanted.
“Go stand in the middle of the rug and hold your position.”
She moved to comply and was back in her pose within a matter of seconds. So far, Brianna was doing well, but then again, nothing had happened yet.
We watched as Logan picked up a brown leather bag and placed it beside the couch. Kneeling down, he unzipped it and removed a black leather collar with a D-ring. He walked behind her, unlocked the silver day collar she wore, and replaced it with the leather one.
Going back to his toy bag, Logan removed three lengths of rope. He returned to stand in front of Lily. “Lift your arms.”
Lily stood with her arms out to her side at shoulder height. I’d told Logan I wanted there to be some simple bondage but hadn’t clarified what type. He knew what Lily liked, so I’d thought it best to leave it up to him. It made me smile to see he’d chosen breast bondage. It was one of Lily’s favorites, and something I’d love to try on Brianna one day. The ropes restricted blood flow to the breasts just enough to heighten sensation.
As I watched Logan bind Lily’s breasts, I realized how much more proficient he’d become since the last time I’d seen him use any form of bondage. It made me wonder if he’d found a rope master to mentor him, or if he’d been studying up on his own and using Lily as a practice model. Either way, I was sure she didn’t mind. Lily loved ropes.
Once the ropes were in place surrounding her breasts, he checked to make sure they weren’t too tight before giving Lily permission to lower her arms. So far, so good. Brianna was watching. Her breathing was steady. All was good. Hopefully it would stay that way.
Logan threaded the second rope between the center of Lily’s breasts, underneath her current bindings, and brought it up around her shoulders to create tension. The result was an increased tightening of the rope around each breast. Looking up at Lily’s face, I could already see the euphoria building.
With the breast bondage in place, he took the third and final piece of rope and secured her wrists. When he was satisfied with that, Logan went back to his bag and pulled out a pair of nipple clamps. Brianna saw them as well, and jerked in my arms. I placed a soft kiss on her shoulder and gave her a gentle squeeze.
The clamps Logan had selected were connected by a silver chain. In Lily’s current position, her back arched slightly causing her breasts to jut out.
Leaning down, Logan took her left breast into his mouth and sucked. Lily closed her eyes.
It took several minutes before he appeared to be satisfied and released her breast. He immediately took her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, pulled slightly, and then positioned the clamp. The whole process took less than three seconds. Lily sucked in a breath. Brianna cringed.
Logan moved on to Lily’s other br
east and did the same thing. With the clamps on both nipples, he released the chain and let it dangle between her breasts before giving it a light tug. I watched as her skin stretched in reaction to the pull. Lily remained unmoving except for another gulp of air.
“How does that feel?”
“Good, Sir.”
He lowered his hand between Lily’s legs and slipped two fingers beneath the small pair of panties she wore. “Hmm. I see you’re already wet for me. Such a bad girl you are.”
I glanced at Brianna. She was watching with wide eyes, but her breathing was still fairly normal and she wasn’t clenching her fists. I kissed the side of her face and refocused on Logan and Lily.
Lily teetered a little on her heels as Logan thrust his fingers inside her. I couldn’t see how many, but he wasn’t being gentle about it. With every upward motion, she moved, even though I could tell she was attempting to remain still.
“What do you think I should do about your naughty behavior, Lily?”
The movement had been scarcely noticeable, but apparently it hadn’t escaped Logan’s attention. Lily wanted to be spanked, and she wasn’t above being a brat to get it. Logan raised his hand and then slammed it down on her bare ass.
The sound of his hand connecting with her flesh had barely registered before Brianna was up and running. It took only a second for me to realize what had happened . . . and why.
I was up and out of my chair in a matter of moments, chasing after her. She hadn’t headed toward the door, so there were only so many places she could go in the apartment.
After a few minutes, I found her. She was curled up in a ball in the back of one of Logan and Lily’s closets. She rocked back and forth, mumbling to herself. I knelt down, reaching out to touch her arm, and she jerked away from me.
“Brianna? It’s me, sweetheart.”
No response.
“Brianna. Look at me.”
Still nothing. This wasn’t good.
I sat down crossed-legged in front of her, and waited. She’d come out of it. Eventually. I knew she would. I just had to be patient.
Brianna
Not real. Not real. Not real.
I squeezed my eyes shut, wrapped my arms around my body, and rocked. It would go away. It had to.
The voices. They were back. Screaming. Constantly screaming. And now there were sounds, too. Sounds of hitting and screaming and . . .
Grabbing fistfuls of my hair, I rocked harder.
Go away!
Please. Please! Go away.
“Brianna?”
I shook my head.
Eventually, the voices got quieter, and I could hear other things along with the sounds in my head. The first thing I heard was what I thought were pots and pans clanging against each other. It was far away, though.
As I calmed down further, I realized I was not alone. Someone was with me. I could hear their breathing.
Taking a deep breath, I caught a familiar scent. I opened my eyes cautiously.
My heart began to pound in my chest when I saw Stephan, and before I could question it, I launched myself from the floor and into his arms. He caught me and held me so tight it hurt, but I didn’t care. He’s here. Right here.
“Brianna.” My name came out on a breath, barely loud enough for me to hear it. “You had me so worried, sweetheart.”
I squeezed, holding him just as tight as he was holding me. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t . . .” I began to sob.
“Shh. It’s okay. You’re safe. That’s all that matters.”
We sat holding each other for a long time. The clamoring in the other room had stopped, and silence replaced it.
Stephan straightened his legs and situated me in his lap as he leaned against the doorjamb. For the first time, I took in my surroundings. We were in . . . a closet.
As my memory of why we were there came back to me, I began to shiver. “Come here, love.” He pressed my head down on his shoulder, resting his cheek on top of my hair.
Neither of us said anything as I did my best to remain calm. I wanted to leave this place.
“I want . . .”
He ran his hands through my hair, down my arm and back up again. “What do you want, Brianna?”
“I want . . . to go home.”
Stephan sighed. “You weren’t ready. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I pushed you too much.”
Sadness washed over me. The scene. He’d wanted me to watch, and I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it for him.
The tears returned. I clung to him as I cried. He just held me, brushing his lips over my hair every now and then.
There was movement behind me. The noise startled me.
“It’s okay,” Stephan said. “I’m right here.”
“I wanted to see if you were hungry. I made dinner.” At the sound of Lily’s voice, I turned.
She stood against the far wall, looking fearful. I’d never seen her that way before, and I knew I needed to do something.
Scrambling out of Stephan’s lap, I rushed to her side and hugged her. She lurched backward. “Lily. Are you okay?” I knew she was standing right there in front of me, but I didn’t know why she was looking and acting the way she was.
It took her a few seconds to react, but then she threw her arms around me and hugged me back. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that question?”
I didn’t understand. “I’m . . . I’m fine. But . . . you . . .”
“I’m fine, Brianna. I promise.”
“I thought . . .”
She didn’t release me. “You thought what?”
“I thought he . . . I thought . . .”
“I think she thought Logan was going to hurt you,” Stephan said from behind me.
“Oh.” Lily stepped back and held both my hands. “No. Logan would never hurt me.”
She looked okay. The corset was gone, and she was now wearing a T-shirt and skirt.
“But he . . . he hit you . . .”
Stephan reached up to cup my face with his hand, forcing me to focus on him. “Is that what upset you so much?”
Stephan didn’t release me, so I couldn’t turn to face Lily. “Y-yes.”
“I’m sorry, Brianna. If I had known . . . it’s not something I think about anymore. I like it, and so does he, so . . .”
Moisture pooled in my eyes. “But . . . why?”
“Why do I like it?”
I nodded, my focus never leaving Stephan even though Lily was the one talking.
“I’m his. I like it when he spanks me. It’s something I get off on.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I didn’t. “Can . . . can we go home?”
Both Stephan and Lily immediately sobered at my question.
“Don’t you want to eat something?” Lily asked, sounding disappointed.
Stephan searched my face. “Thank you, Lily, but I think we’ll eat at home. I appreciate the effort, though.”
Without pause, Stephan ushered me back into the living room. Logan was sitting on the couch and stood as we entered. I halted my movements upon seeing him, and stepped closer to Stephan.
Logan stopped and looked at Stephan before nodding. I watched Lily walk to stand at his side, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She raised her hand and waved, a sad look on her face. I hated knowing that I’d put it there.
I couldn’t stop fidgeting on the drive home. Disappointment, confusion, anger, and a variety of different emotions ebbed and flowed through me. It was as if my mind couldn’t decide which feeling was the correct one.
Stephan didn’t say anything until we were back inside his condo. “Do you want to go freshen up while I make us something to eat?”
I nodded and absentmindedly went to my room. Looking around, I realized how little time I’d spent in there lately. It didn’t even feel like mine anymore. Then again, I wouldn’t trade the nights I’d spent in Stephan’s bed for anything.
As quickly as I could, I washed my face and hands, and then brushe
d out my hair. It didn’t help how I was feeling inside at all, but it did make me look better on the outside. At the very least, I could try to look my best for Stephan.
Walking back out into the main room, I saw he had made us each a salad.
“I wasn’t sure how hungry you’d be, but you need to eat something.”
“Thank you.” I took my seat at the island, the same one I’d used since I’d been living with him.
I ate the salad he made, but I couldn’t really taste it. When I was finished, I stood and took my plate to the sink like I always did. It was automatic.
“Come here, Brianna.”
When I was close enough, Stephan reached for me and had me stand between his spread legs. “Talk to me, sweetheart. Please.”
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, so I didn’t even try. Stephan hugged me for several minutes before he stood and picked me up. He carried me into his room and over to his bed, where he laid me down with so much care it made me weep harder.
Taking off our shoes, he crawled onto the bed with me and pulled me into his arms. I embraced him, unable to help myself. Even if I would never be able to be a good submissive for him, I still loved him. Nothing would change that. I didn’t ever want to let him go, but one day he was going to realize I was broken and I couldn’t be fixed. One day, he was going to realize I wasn’t the right one for him. I wasn’t ever going to be enough. And when that day came, he was going to leave me.
Chapter 29
Stephan
How could I have been so stupid?
I spent the night comforting Brianna as best I could. She wouldn’t talk to me, no matter how much I encouraged her to do so. That worried me more than anything did. I’d dealt with her fear, her nightmares, her panic . . . her silence was worse than all of those combined, and it was all my fault.
Brianna hadn’t been ready—nowhere close to ready—to view a scene. Not even a simple one. I should never have arranged it. I’d let what I wanted from her get in the way of what was best for her.
