by Arizona Tape
No wonder Devon was on edge. Damn it, he didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve me being so shitty. He deserved someone that loved him and I did, I really did. And I shouldn’t squander my future with him over one, beautiful vampire.
I needed to put more effort into this, into him. I really did want to marry him. I did. Didn’t I?
No, no time for wavering! Devon stuck by me for all these years, the least I could do, was stick by him.
“Devon?” I called out softly, following him into the bedroom.
“What.”
“Can we talk?”
“I thought you didn’t want to talk,” he grumbled as he untied his shoes. He was sitting on the side of his bed, a scowl clear on his face.
“I’m sorry about before... My parents put me on edge.”
Devon’s face softened. “I know. They’re not exactly the nicest people.”
“They sure are not, no...”
“And I shouldn’t be pressuring you into anything. That wasn’t very fair of me. I’m sorry, Tate.”
More guilt crashed over me. He could be such a sweetheart sometimes.
He let his shoes be and turned to me, holding my hands in his own. Very gently, he pressed a kiss on the back of them. “Forgive me?”
I bit my lip. This was the guy I fell in love with. Even though I hadn’t been in love with him for a while now, I did love him. And I wanted him to be happy. I just needed to try harder.
“Yes, if you can forgive me.”
He smiled, dimples appearing on his cheeks. “Call it even?”
“Yes, please? A fresh start tomorrow?”
“Good, I’d like that.” A satisfied grin graced his handsome face again as he went back to untie his last shoe. He pulled his shirt over his head and slid into the bed. I swallowed the lump in my throat, relieved we made up. Devon watched as I quickly changed into my own bedwear. Before he could get any ideas, I threw a shirt over it all. I wasn’t in the mood for any other kind of making up. It would feel too weird.
Devon pulled me into him and I tried not to feel too awkward about sliding into his hard chest. If I was going to make this work, at least, I’d have to cuddle with him. I had to make a real, genuine effort and that included cuddling. Devon loved that.
“Goodnight, Tate,” he murmured in my hair, his arm tightly wrapped around me. Before, it used to make me feel safe. Now it just made me feel trapped.
Stop it, Tate.
Hoping I hid the turmoil well, I curled up into a little ball. “Goodnight...”
Chapter 11
Ugh, why was my body so stiff? Did I not sleep well? That was unusual. I always slept like a rock, even in Devon’s arms.
I yawned and stretched my body. Hmmm... No other body? Did Devon already get up? That was unusual. As much as he liked doing things in the early morning, he usually stayed with me until I was awake as well. Something about liking the way my eyes looked in the morning?
With a soft groan, I pushed myself up from the bed and looked around.
Oh no, this was not my bedroom. And I was not in my bed.
I sighed... Not this again? Just when I decided to fix things with Devon, I woke up in Ayra’s life?
But why was I in the middle of a living room? Did Sian downgrade Ayra to the couch? That was never a good sign.
“You’re up.”
My stomach fluttered from the sound of her voice.
No, bad stomach. You don’t get to flutter. Not because of Blondie.
“Morning,” I muttered, awkwardly scratching the back of my head. If they had a fight last night, I probably shouldn’t be too overenthusiastic.
“Did you sleep okay?”
“A bit stiff, not too bad.” So that was why my body was so damn painful.
“I made breakfast. Do you want to join me or...”
Sian looked all kinds of uncertain. Shit, the fight must’ve been bad. I wondered what it was about. But there was no way to figure that out, unless I could talk to Ayra. Maybe I should. Oh damn, I forgot to unlock my phone. So no calling myself today either.
Maybe I could leave a note for her somewhere. But somewhere where Sian couldn’t see it. She probably wouldn’t be too pleased to find out her girlfriend wasn’t always her girlfriend. That she wasn’t always kissing the right woman...
Wait, no.
There would be no kissing from my side. Even if I had to pretend to be Ayra, I was still me. Tate. And I was in a relationship with Devon. And I couldn’t give in to the butterflies dancing in my stomach. No, that wasn’t fair to anyone.
“Yes, I’ll join you for breakfast.” I heard myself say. Stupid, traitorous mouth.
“Great. The usual?”
“Yes?” I replied, hoping Ayra usually had a nice, proper breakfast. None of that kale juice smoothie kind of stuff. Yuck.
“We’re out of oats, though.”
“That’s okay, I can grab some when I do groceries later?”
Shit, don’t make such promise, Tate. And stop playing house with this woman!
I sighed into my bowl of fruit yoghurt. This was going to be hard. I wasn’t sure if it was because Ayra’s body reacted to Sian or if it was me, but I had this unmistakable pull toward Blondie. I could feel it. Every fibre of my being screamed her name. Which wasn’t very helpful if I was trying to stay loyal to Devon.
I shoved a mouthful of yogurt into my mouth and glanced at Sian’s bowl. Her yogurt looked a lot pinker. Raspberries?
I sniffed and my tummy fluttered again. Not because of Sian this time. No, the flutter was aimed at her breakfast. Blood.
There was definitely blood in hers.
Disappointed, I glared at my own white bowl. Why didn’t Ayra like blood? And how could I convince Sian to give me a bite of her yogurt?
“How’s your breakfast?” I asked slyly, watching how she brought the spoon to her plump lips. Gods, she was beautiful.
“Good?” she answered, surprise clear in her voice.
Oh no, did Ayra never ask about that?
“It looks good,” I muttered, hoping I wasn’t giving myself away. But the flutter in my stomach had turned into a growl.
“Good? Is everything okay with you, Ayra?”
“Yes, I’m just trying to get over my... Aversion.” I lied, trying not to lick my lips. Maybe just one little bite? I could still pretend I disliked it after, but at least, I’d have the taste on my tongue.
“Hmmm... Is that so?” Blondie asked, her dark eyes peering into my skull.
“Yes.”
“Want to try it?” she asked, pushing the bowl to me.
Wow, that was easier than expected.
“Yes, I mean... I should stop being silly, right?” I made up, trying to contain my enthusiasm. I shovelled a big spoonful of the yoghurt on the spoon and brought it to my mouth. The flavour burst on my tongue and I tried my best not to moan in ecstasy. That would surely give me away.
“And?”
I savoured the tangy taste, wishing it didn’t disappear so quickly down my throat. Maybe one more little bite?
No, that would surely be suspicious. I needed to learn some self-control.
“Not bad,” I muttered. Lie. Utter lie. It was delicious, amazing, addictive. I wanted more. Much more. And I couldn’t.
“You want to try another bite?”
Yes, yes, yes!
“N-No. I probably shouldn’t,” I replied, but I couldn’t stop myself from hungrily eyeing her bowl.
“If you’re sure,” Sian sang, pulling her breakfast back to her.
“Maybe just a little bite?” I blurted out before I could stop myself.
“Aha! I knew it!” Sian exclaimed, pointing her spoon at me.
“Knew what?”
“You’re not Ayra! Not even a little bit.”
Fuck. She couldn’t have figured it out, could she? No, no normal being would conclude that there were two people using the same body. That was just crazy talk. And I would convince her of that.
“W
hat are you talking about? Of course, I’m Ayra.”
“You’re not. Ayra hates blood, she wouldn’t touch it with a shovel.”
“I told you, I’m trying to get over it,” I protested, swallowing a lump in my throat. If only she’d stop waving that spoon around. I could smell the blood on it. Hell, I could almost taste it.
“When’s your birthday?”
Shit, when was Ayra’s birthday? Oh no... Sian would know Ayra’s birthday, of course, she would. But I didn’t. Should I just say my own birthday? That was as good as any guess right?
“Seventh of July,” I muttered, bracing for impact.
“Huh. Same birthdays.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Look at me.”
Reluctantly, I drew my eyes up, my throat closing as I met her beautiful dark oceans. Wow, she was so stunning.
“Are you Ayra?”
I swallowed a lump. Dear gods, I wanted to say no. I wanted to tell her the truth. The sheer strength in her eyes almost made me give in. Almost. But I couldn’t. It would ruin everything. And I might never see her again.
“Yes, of course, I am,” I spoke, my stomach cramping as the lie rolled off my tongue.
“Tate, don’t lie to me.”
Tate? Did she just say: “Tate”? As in, my name, Tate? What? Huh? How did she? What? No, she couldn’t know. That was impossible. What the fuck was going on here?
“I know you’re not Ayra. We talked about it last night and she explained it to me. And I almost understand. You two have been swapping in and out of each other’s bodies, right?”
“I don’t know—”
“She said your name was Tate and that you two have been pretending to be each other?”
I bit my lip, not sure what to answer. There was no way Ayra spilled the beans on our little deal, right? I didn’t really know this girl, but damn it, Ayra. That was not cool.
“Cut out the lies, please.”
I broke eye contact and stared at my hands. Whatever was going on, however she found out, I didn’t like the way she was talking to me. I almost felt like a kid being scolded at school. And I hated that.
I felt myself burn up as I held the tears back. This was ridiculous. Damn it. This was not the time for crying!
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so harsh. Please forgive me.”
That was the second time in a very short window someone asked me to forgive them. How ironic.
“Tate...”
As angry and upset as I was, I couldn’t help but notice how soft and gentle my name sounded when it was said by Sian. How delicate it fell from her lips, and how I wanted her to use my name over and over.
I pulled my head up and met her piercing gaze again. Something unknown was swirling in her eyes, but whatever it was, it was paining her. And I couldn’t have that.
“Yes?”
“Thank fuck,” Sian whispered, sighing deeply.
“How... How did you figure it out?”
Blondie shook her head and briefly buried her face in her hands. “The blood got me thinking.”
Damn, I shouldn’t have pushed my luck.
Sian reached out and touched my wrist. A spark jumped from her fingers onto my skin and electricity made its way through my veins. I could feel it. Twisting, dancing, racing, coursing as it set me on fire.
“But this, this is making me sure,” she smiled, her eyes lighting up. Huh, they weren’t just dark. There was a glimmer of blue in them. Beautiful, sapphire blue. Endless blue.
“Hi,” I whispered softly. The electricity reached my stomach and awoke all the butterflies that had been asleep for far too long.
“Hey,” Blondie whispered back, her fingers drawing little circles on my wrist. She captured me in her gaze and I felt myself grow wordless.
What the hell do you say to your one?
Fuck, no, she wasn’t my one. I already had a one. His name was Devon. Devon. Devon. Devon.
I made the mistake of looking back in her eyes and my heart skipped a beat. Sian.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked, her hand leaving my arm. A slight panic stirred in my stomach as I immediately wished for her touch again. Shit, I was in deep. And I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be in deep with Devon. But I just....wasn’t. But that didn’t mean that I should be here, flirting and fluttery over another woman. No, that wasn’t ri—
Sian’s hand cupped my cheek and all thoughts of Devon or resisting her, melted away.
“Talk to me, Tate. Make me understand what’s going through your head.”
I bit my lip and leaned into her palm. Gods, that was soft. So different from Devon’s big and rough hands.
“I’m not sure where to start,” I admitted, not sure myself what was going on.
“Let’s start from the beginning?”
“Hmmm, okay... So I was on a date—”
Hurt flashed across Sian’s face and I swallowed my sentence.
“Doesn’t matter. I was at the zoo looking at giraffes and then all of a sudden, this immense pain washed over me. Next thing I know, I wake up in your arms.”
“During the picnic.”
“Huh. Yes,” I replied, surprised that she picked out that moment immediately. Maybe I hadn’t been as good at impersonating Ayra as I thought?
“Ayra told me. She said you were the one joining me for cocktails as well?”
“Oh. Yes.”
“Aha... And you really liked the... ‘cocktail’?” she asked, tentatively studying my face.
“Yes, I did. I didn’t even realise it was blood until you said so.”
“Interesting,” she muttered, her thumb brushing a strand of hair out of my face.
“So, ummm... I’m sorry I pretended to be Ayra. I didn’t mean to deceive you, I just wasn’t sure what was going on.”
Blondie smiled, another glimmer of blue dancing through her eyes. “It’s okay. You must’ve been very confused.”
“I was...”
“But you’re not anymore?”
“Just a little. I’m still not sure who Ayra is or why this is happening. And I can’t really ask Devon...”
“Devon?” Sian asked, her voice strained.
“My... fiancé.”
“Your fiancé.” Her face fell and so did her hand. Immediately, I missed her touch on my skin and I wished I phrased things differently. Or that things were different. That Devon wasn’t...
“It’s complicated... We’ve known each other since I was little and he’s taken great care of me. He loves me.”
“And do you love him?” Sian asked bitterly.
“I...” I wasn’t sure why I hesitated. Yes, I loved Devon. But then I stared into Sian’s eyes and that feeling, like everything else, faded to the background. But that wasn’t fair. I promised Devon something. I promised him me. And regardless of how I felt, I needed to honour that. “Yes, I do love him.”
“Right.” Sian stirred her bowl of yogurt, averting her eyes.
I reached out to her and gently touched her arm. Sparks jumped from her onto me and I knew, I just knew... Regardless of how much I loved Devon, or how much I thought I did, this was something entirely else. This was the real deal, the one thing people sang songs about and wrote poetry for. The thing that made people act like fools, made friends betray friends, and turned enemies into lovers.
“But I’m not in love with him,” I added, the reality of the situation breaking my heart. It was true. I wasn’t in love with him. I wasn’t even sure if I ever really was.
“And now, now I’m here with you,” I confessed, surprising myself with my bold confession. I was never one to put my emotions on display. And yet here I was, reassuring this stranger by exposing my inner feelings to her.
A hopeful glint travelled through her eyes and I smiled, hoping to lift her mood. No, this was definitely not a stranger. Absolutely, hundred percent, no doubt about it, not.
She was it. The one. My one.
Chapter 12
Sian’s hand
accidentally brushed against mine and a jolt of electricity jumped from her to me. Quickly, I pulled my hand away, ignoring the hurt flashing through her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I started, but Sian cut me off.
“No, I understand. You’re technically still with Devon.”
“Yes... Even though he’s with Ayra now.”
“But he doesn’t know that,” Blondie muttered, running her hand through her blonde locks.
“No, he doesn’t... And I’m not sure how to tell him or how he’ll take it. How did it go with you and Ayra? Did you figure it out or did she say something?”
Sian tilted her head. “Ayra kind of blurted it out. But then again, she’s never good at keeping things to herself. Actually, I’m surprised she kept it secret for this long.”
“And you just... Believed it?”
“It explained a lot?”
“Oh...” Could I ask? Should I ask? Yes, I was going to ask. “Explain what?”
“Well, all the fainting for one. And your jumbled memory. Or...”
I pulled up my eyebrow, waiting for her to finish her sentence. “Or?”
“Or why at times, it felt so different between Ayra and I,” she blushed, hiding her face in her hands.
“You felt it too?” I softly asked, surprised she picked up on it so easily. Maybe Devon already suspected something was going on as well? He didn’t become a doctor by being slow, so...
Sian extended her arm but left it hanging in the air. With a sigh, her hand fell in her lap. “Yes, I feel it too... It’s familiar, yet totally unknown. It’s so strange, watching you. Seeing Ayra, but knowing it’s not her. That there’s someone else in there.”
“I guess so? It would probably be weird to see Ayra in my own body?”
“What do you... No, it doesn’t matter.”
“You can ask me,” I smiled, not wanting her to swallow her questions. Unlike Devon, I enjoyed her way of inquiry. It felt similar, but he was always so... Insistent. And he usually asked questions he already knew the answer to, anyway. But Sian... She did it differently.
“What do you look like?”
I giggled. Sian’s embarrassed look was just too damn cute.
