She let out a breath and sat beside me. “Do I even need to ask how that went?”
“She’s a horrible human being.”
Her arm went around me. “I’m so sorry. What did you say to her?”
“I asked her if she loved me. At first, she said she did, but it was obvious she was lying. I don’t think she even tried to lie because I know she’s an excellent liar. She didn’t care. It was as if I had the film removed from my eyes, and I could finally see clearly. She didn’t care enough to even lie to me.”
Lola winced. “Ouch. That had to be difficult. I’m so sorry.”
“She told me I ruined her life and she never wanted me. She tried to tell me my life was better because she didn’t dump me at a hospital or something. I just can’t believe a person could be so callous. I’m her daughter, but she acted like I was a thorn in her foot.” The pain and rejection was still raw.
“Did you tell her to fuck off?” she asked angrily.
I let out a choked laugh. “Yes, basically.”
“Good,” she said adamantly. “Good for you! I’m proud of you. You did the right thing. Don’t let her bring you down anymore. I’m so glad you finally kicked her to the curb. You’re too good for her. You don’t need her.”
I nodded. “I agree. I do feel better.”
“Then why are you in such a foul mood? You could seriously poke an eye out with those daggers you’re shooting from your eyeballs.”
I shook my head. “It’s not my mom. I mean, it is because of my mom, but it’s because she ruined me. I’ll never have a normal life. I’ll never be able to have a normal relationship. I’m going to live my days out alone.”
“Stop,” she said firmly. “Don’t say that. Don’t give her that kind of power. Cade seems really into you.”
I shook my head. “I ended it with him.”
“What? Like really ended it or taking another break until you get horny and want him again?” She laughed.
I frowned. “No, I can’t be with him. He needs so much more than I can give him. It’s better to just end things now before they can get ugly and he gets hurt. I am not going to be responsible for hurting him.”
“How do you know what he needs?” she asked. “Don’t you think he should get a say in what he needs?”
I shook my head. “He’s the kind of guy that will say he will take whatever I can give. He is too nice. He’ll settle and be miserable.”
She looked thoughtful. “Maybe you need to give it a shot. You might find you like the relationship thing. You might want to stay with him.”
“I can’t. I’m a mess.”
“You can. You’re just afraid.”
My mouth dropped open. “I am not afraid!”
“I think you’re afraid you might actually fall for him, and you’re worried he’ll dump you. You’re worried he’s going to break your heart. You’re trying to save yourself from being hurt, which is understandable, but you’re never going to know what it’s like to be truly loved if you don’t put yourself out there.”
I smirked. “You’ve never been in a relationship.”
“Sure, I have. I’ve been in numerous relationships, and I think some of the guys actually loved me, but they weren’t the right men for me. It feels good to be loved. You should really try it.”
I rolled my eyes. “No thanks. I’m fine as I am.”
“No, you’re not. You’re ready to snap people’s heads off.”
“It’s just been a shitty day,” I said. “I’ll be fine. I’m allowed a shitty day now and again. I can’t always be happy.”
She burst into laughter. “You are rarely happy.”
“Are you done?” I asked. “I am so not in the mood for it. I just want to get through the night and go home.”
She sighed. “Fine, but I think you need to reconsider the situation with Cade. I don’t know if you know this, but you were different for a few days there. You had a glow about you.”
“I’ll powder my nose more,” I said dryly and got to my feet. “I’m going back in.”
I turned and headed back into the kitchen. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to say something to Lola I would regret. She was only trying to help. I understood it, and I loved her for it, but I wasn’t in a place to hear it. Not just then.
When I got back into the kitchen, appetizers were being loaded onto serving trays. I took a deep breath and tried to smile again. I couldn’t afford to lose my job.
I passed Lola a few times. She would smile bigger and brighter, silently reminding me that I needed to imitate her. I forced a smile on, hating the way it felt on my face but muscling through it. By the end of the night, I was so done with people. I couldn’t wait to get home.
I walked toward home, stopping at a small store and picking up some beer. I needed to dull the senses a bit.
With the purchase in hand, my walk home was a little faster than usual. I got home, kicked off my shoes, and immediately opened one of the bottles. I took a long drag from the bottle and flopped onto the couch. I wondered if Cade was home.
I didn’t want to think about him, but that was where my mind kept going. I was going to miss him. I did like him. I liked his laugh. I liked his smile. I liked every inch of his body, but he couldn’t be mine.
I took another drink. A surge of anger pumped through my veins. My mom couldn’t be allowed to control my destiny. She couldn’t be allowed to control my happiness.
Was I really broken? Was I ever going to be able to love? No man meant no babies. Was I seriously going to let myself grow old alone? The thought of living in my same little place, working the same shitty job, and coming home to an empty bed every night did not thrill me.
Lola would tell me I was in control of my own destiny, and in some ways, I believed I was. However, I couldn’t change the past. I couldn’t change my DNA, and I couldn’t change the way my brain was wired. I would always look for the bad in a man. I would always have one foot out the door.
It was just the way I was programmed. I didn’t know how to trust. I didn’t know how to love.
Chapter 33
Cade
It had been the longest week of my life. I was ready to be home. My home might have been a hovel compared to my parents’ massive estate, but my bed was my bed, lumps and bumps and all.
I hadn’t realized how much I missed being in Heraklion until I was being driven home in Maceo’s hired car. The smells, the feel of the salty air, and the people we passed were all a comfort to my wounded soul. Seeing the familiar sights as the car drove me home was exactly what I had needed.
My mom had done what she could to ensure I had every comfort, but there was just something about being home. Crete was my home. She’d tried to convince me to move back to Italy so we could be closer, but I didn’t see myself living there. It was a nice place to visit, but it wasn’t my home.
I was drained, physically and emotionally, and didn’t think I had the energy to do much of anything, but I had responsibilities. It was time to pick up my life where it had been brought to an abrupt halt when I had gotten that phone call that forever changed my world.
I was so glad Maceo had been kind enough to leave the jet in Italy, waiting for me to return. I didn’t count on being gone for so long, but I couldn’t leave my mother to deal with the arrangements by herself.
I had no idea how I was ever going to repay him, but I would think of something. Maybe I could offer him my first born, I thought with a small smile. Assuming I ever had children. Things weren’t going great in the woman department. I could be a bachelor for the rest of my days.
Despite my desire to chill out at home, I needed to go see Maceo and thank him in person for his generosity. It had taken a huge burden off my shoulders, and the least I could do was stop by for a visit.
I had already let him know I wanted to stop by, and he’d sent me his address. I was vaguely familiar with the area. It was in the same general area as Rand’s house. The big houses, right on the beach t
hat cost a fortune. I wasn’t surprised.
I pulled through the gate and parked my car alongside an Alpha Romeo sports car sitting in the driveway. The trappings of the wealthy, I thought to myself. I rang the bell and was surprised when Maceo answered it himself.
“Come on in,” he said, opening it and standing out of the way.
“Thanks.”
“We can go out back,” he said.
I followed him through a grand entryway, passing signs of wealth in various forms of artwork and massive rooms decorated with expensive furniture and a good variety of antiques mixed in. He opened the huge floor-to-ceiling glass doors and gestured toward a covered patio area. There was an assortment of meats and cheeses on a tray sitting on a table. He gestured for me to take a seat.
“Thanks.”
“How are you doing?” he asked.
“I’m good. I wanted to thank you for everything. My mother appreciated your generosity as well.”
He nodded. “And how is she doing?”
I sighed and shook my head. “She’s a strong woman. She’ll be okay, but I think it’s going to take some time.”
“How was the service?” he asked.
“Small,” I said with a chuckle. “It was like he didn’t want anyone to know he died. His orders were very strict. He didn’t want a big thing. I think he would have been pissed to find out some of his old friends were there. To him, death was a sign of defeat. I think he had the idea he would live forever.”
Maceo smiled. “I am sorry you lost him. I know you said your relationship with him was strained, but it still can’t be easy.”
“Oddly enough, I don’t think the relationship was as strained as I always thought it was. I’ve come to learn I may have been a little more defensive than necessary. I was constantly looking for the negative from him. I assumed he was disappointed in me and didn’t realize he was actually proud of me and my accomplishments, even if they were on a much smaller scale than his own. It was good to finally realize he didn’t dislike me as much as I thought he did.”
“Good. I’m glad you got some closure.”
I nodded. “Me too. I’ve decided I don’t want to miss out on saying what I feel to those I care about ever again. My mom and I talked a lot as well. It’s sucks it took death for me to see clearly, but I guess I’m not the first one to have to learn a hard lesson about how short life is.”
He offered a wistful smile. I realized Maceo, of all people, would have a very good understanding of what that was like. “Life is too short not to say what you feel.”
He pushed a cold drink my way. I took it, taking a drink and letting the liquid soothe my throat that had been feeling raw for days. “I agree.”
“Did you talk to her?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No.”
“Are you going to?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I want to keep chasing a woman that doesn’t want me. I feel like I’m banging my head against a wall.”
He smirked. “That’s part of the game. Women are supposed to drive you crazy.”
“That’s what my mom said.” I laughed. “Eliana is doing a damn good job of turning me inside out.”
“Do you think she was upset that you left town without telling her?” he asked.
I shrugged. “She doesn’t even know I left town, unless she went by the shop and Kacia told her. I did ask Kacia, and she said she hadn’t seen her. I don’t think Kacia would lie. It’s the same thing Eliana has been saying since the first night I met her. The woman has an uncanny knack at chipping away at a man’s ego.”
“The good ones are always the toughest to catch,” he said with a wink.
“I don’t understand what her deal is,” I said. “She runs hot and cold. Her mood changes with the new sunrise. I never know what to expect. Will she hate me or want to sleep with me on any given day? It was kind of fun and exciting at first, but damn, I’m not sure I can keep up with the yo-yo.”
“You’ve had a hard week,” he said with a grin on his face. “You say that now, but once things settle down, you know you’re going to want her again. You’re going to be chasing her down and doing whatever it is you did the first few times that got her to go out with you.”
I shook my head. “That was you. In a way, she was going out with you. Your dinner. Your ballet.”
He burst into laughter. “I don’t think so. She wanted you. She’s skittish. She’s got some baggage obviously. Talk to her, find out what she needs to feel secure in a relationship with you. Does she need you to call her every five minutes or shower her with flowers and be there after work every night? I’m guessing a man did her wrong in the past, and now she’s a little nervous to get into that situation again.”
“How can I talk to her when she won’t return my calls or respond to my texts?”
“You’ve tried?” he asked.
I nodded. “A few times. I was a little preoccupied with planning the service and helping my mom pack up some of my dad’s things to give to charity. I didn’t have the energy to try and chase her down from afar. My mom needed me.”
“Good. I’m glad you were there for your mom. Now, it’s time to get busy living your own life. You’ve been hung up on this woman for weeks. You know you want her. Get her. You have to fight like you’ve never fought before. You’ve already put yourself out there, made yourself vulnerable. You can think of something else that will get her attention.” He grabbed a piece of meat from the tray.
I shook my head and rubbed a hand over my face. “I don’t know. I guess I can go sit in front of her work again. Although, I think that might be getting a little old.”
“Add some flowers to the mix,” he suggested.
“What if she really doesn’t want me?” I asked, looking into his eyes. “I mean, she’s been telling me no, and my big, thick head just refuses to listen. Maybe I just need to let it go and move on.”
“Bullshit. You can’t give up now.”
I groaned, knowing he was right. I would never be able to live with myself if I quit before really pushing it. “I have to find out what I did, at least so I know not to do it again. Maybe she didn’t like the sex on the desk,” I muttered, more to myself than him.
He choked on the glass of tea he’d been drinking. He ran the back of his hand over his mouth and grinned. “I seriously doubt that was what turned her away. In my experience, ladies like a little spontaneity.”
“She certainly didn’t seem to not like it,” I confirmed.
“I don’t think sex is the issue. It’s like something deeper than that. You just have to make her talk to you. Ask her to tell you what you can do to change her opinion of you.”
I rolled my eyes. “You make it sound so easy.”
I took another drink and turned to look out at the water. My mom’s declaration about my father’s estate had not been talked about since the day at the hospital. Every time she brought it up, I shut it down. I didn’t want to benefit from my father’s death. It felt wrong.
However, sitting on a private patio with a private stretch of beach just a short walk down a path certainly made me think about what it would be like to buy a home like Maceo’s. Maybe I could buy Rand’s home. He certainly wasn’t using it.
Maybe it was going to take money to persuade Eliana to be with me. A woman wanted to be taken care of. She said the money thing didn’t bother her, but deep down, maybe it did.
She probably wanted a family and the security of knowing her children’s father could take care of the family. My mother had said her grandchildren would be taken care of. Money could ensure that.
I supposed I could go to Eliana, either wait at her front door or wait for her at work and tell her right away I could support her. She would never have to work another day in her life, and I could buy her everything she wanted.
I mentally shook my head. I wasn’t going to buy a woman. As much as I wanted her, I wasn’t going to buy her love. It would never be real. I wanted somethi
ng tangible. I wanted what Maceo described he once had. I wanted to experience that kind of love, and everyone knew money couldn’t buy love.
“I have an idea,” Maceo said, his eyes lighting up.
His ideas had proven to be good, but expensive. I was not going to accept any more of his generosity. “And what would that be?”
He grinned. “You are going to love it.”
I cringed. “I don’t know about that.”
“Trust me. Have I steered you wrong yet?” He laughed.
I shook my head. “No, I guess you haven’t.”
“All right then,” he said and began to spell out his plan that would give me the chance to not only talk to Eliana, but possibly even win her over for good.
I hoped it worked. I didn’t like the idea of not seeing her or having her in my life. I’d only known her for a short while, but she was ingrained in my very soul. I wanted her.
Maceo’s plan was a little unorthodox, but it was my best shot.
Nothing else seemed to be working.
Chapter 34
Eliana
I walked into work and immediately knew something was off. We’d been told last night the event for tonight had been canceled—the wedding party had been called off at the last minute. Then, I got a call earlier asking if I could come in and work a small party that had been booked at the last minute.
My initial response had been no. With some minor begging and the promise I could have the following day off, I agreed to work. Money was money, and I had been wallowing for long enough. I needed to stay busy and focus on something other than my sad situation.
“Is it just us?” I asked a couple of the waiters that were hovering near the side door.
“Yep.”
I scowled. “I am not going to bust my ass for some cheapskate that wants full service without paying for staff.”
“I think someone may be pulling a fast one, George,” Devon, the newest waiter to join the team, said. “There’s no one out there.”
Pretending to be Rich Page 20
