We weren’t supposed to make any modifications to the doors or anything in the apartments. I changed the door knob on mine anyway to have a lock that worked. I also made more modifications than that. Since we didn’t get inspections because of Emma, I put a chain lock that locked above the door on mine. I also hung up wind chimes in the hall way when I was alone in case a zombie somehow got in. If things went downhill and zombies overran the place in the middle of the night and one got in, I wanted to be protected and prepared.
Natalie double checked the bedroom. She came back in the main room.
“There’s a bookcase in there. I’ll use it to block the door. Thank you Cate, for everything. You know like saving my life even though I tried to maim you two.”
I laughed, “It’s okay. These things happen.”
She laughed, “Goodnight.”
“Night Natalie.”
Milo followed me out of the apartment and into ours.
Emma was sitting at our table eating when I walked in.
“Oh my God,” She said upon seeing me. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I fell fighting a zombie.”
She got up and gave me a hug. She wasn’t as gentle as Ian and it caused my side to hurt really badly.
“I’m so sorry about earlier,” She said with tears in her eyes.
“I’m sorry too; I said some really mean things that I didn’t mean.”
“It was true Cate. You shouldn’t be sorry for telling the truth,” She said and sat back down at the table.
“Emma,” I began.
“Cate, I’m not like you. I never was. You can survive out there. You can survive this. I can’t. Not on my own. I know it’s stupid that I’m sleeping with this guy to stay safe.”
“Emma, I can’t survive this. Have you seen the left side of my body?” I asked.
She laughed. I went over to the table and sat across from her.
“Thanks for making a joke,” She said.
“Well, there’s comedy in truth so.”
“Truthfully, you’re good at this. You can handle this. I can’t. I keep myself sheltered.”
“Do you like Aaron?” I asked.
“I do now. But it didn’t start out that way.”
I shrugged, I didn’t agree with her methods or her taste but it was one time I felt I needed to lie. “If you like him now, why feel bad? You’re safe and you have stress relief.”
She shook her head and laughed.
“I love you,” She said.
I took her hand and said, “I love you too.”
I told Emma that I needed to get some rest. She was going to head to Aaron’s before dark anyway. She did ask if I wanted her to stay but I told her it wouldn’t be necessary.
After she left, I headed to my room and into the bathroom. The light barely reached into the bathroom during the day and as it was starting to get dark, I had barely any visibility.
I got one of my lanterns and took it into the restroom so I could have some light to access the damage I did to my side. I took off my shirt and noticed that I had massive bruising under my left breast. My left arm was bruised and scrapped.
I did a bit of clean up on my hand back at the store but didn’t clean my arm. I got out the first aid kit and wiped my arm with one of the antibiotic wipes.
I took off my jeans and noticed that there was a pretty good size bruise on my thigh and knee. I didn’t think this through and had to put my clothes back on to go out and get the water from outside.
On top of the mason jars I had left, I had also left a decent size plastic tub to catch the rain water that I was going to use to take a bath. I would’ve loved to have a nice hot bath but the water was rather cold. It was better than nothing and the cold would help the pain somewhat.
I took the tub into the apartment shutting the door behind me. The tub was kind of heavy and uncomfortable to carry due to the pain in my side. I spilt a little bit of water on the floor taking it into the bathroom.
When I got into the bathroom I plugged up the tub and then poured the water in. I took my clothes off again and got in. The cold water was a shock to my body but felt rather good after a few minutes.
I didn’t want to spend too long in the tub as I really wanted to get some sleep and rest my body. I used the bar of soap that I had to quickly wash.
I grabbed a towel and dried off. I didn’t let the water out as it had to last a few turns since water was hard to come by. I admit it grossed me out at first to basically bathe in my own filth over and over but it beat smelling all the time. The thing I never thought about the apocalypse was how much it would stink, literally. Between the smell of the decaying zombies and the people that hadn’t had a chance to bathe in a long time, the world wasn’t the best place to breathe in. The smell is something you never get used to either. Bad smells are usually a sign something is wrong and your nose just doesn’t cut off its indicators because the world is coming to end. In fact I think the world coming to an end makes it more heightened.
I got dressed to take Milo out for a quick walk. It was dark out by then so I went out with my flashlight.
Natalie was standing on the front landing; I could make her out pretty good in the moonlight. She was smoking a cigarette when I walked out my front door, I could see the cherry burning at the end.
I cleared my throat. She quickly put out the cigarette and tried to act like she wasn’t smoking.
“Cate,” she said. “I was just getting some fresh air.”
I nodded, “That’s not very fresh air.”
“I found a couple packs in the apartment. I know what you’re going to say “it’s bad for me, I shouldn’t smoke.”
“Natalie, I’m not your mother. It’s not great for you but I certainly can’t stop you. I was only going to say it’s not the greatest habit to have with all the running one may need to do from zombies.”
She gave out a chuckle, “I know. I just like to smoke when I’m stressed.”
“I get that but the state the world is in; you’re going to smoking a carton a day.”
She nodded, “Maybe.”
“Get some sleep kid. Try to cut back.”
I could see her give me a faint smile.
Milo and I walked downstairs. Milo did his business and we headed back up the stairs. Milo could hold it for a long time so I didn’t usually have to take him out after I had gone to bed. Just in case though I had got some puppy pads and kept them on the little porch. Walking out in the middle of the night even with how guarded we were was not something I desired to ever do. I’d never had to take him out to use them though.
I locked the front door behind me. I hung up my wind chimes in the hall. Milo and I went into the bedroom and locked up.
I went out onto the porch to get the water and laid out one of the puppy pads.
I changed into comfortable clothes and got in the bed. I usually slept on my left side but knew that wasn’t going to happen for a while. I didn’t even try.
It took me a while to fall asleep since I was on a different side than I was used too. It’s amazing the habits our body gets into. The slightest change doesn’t go over too well and is very difficult to get accustomed to something new.
Milo jumped on the foot of the bed and fell asleep immediately. I was very jealous as I was exhausted.
When I finally was able to sleep, it wasn’t very restful. The dreams I had didn’t make sleeping very welcoming at all anymore. I used to have melatonin that would help me have dreamless restful sleep but I had run out about two months prior. I wasn’t able to find anymore, no matter where we went, it was gone. I guess other people had discovered the same secret I had. In fact, it was easier to find other medications, valuable medications, than to find any sleep aids. I guess that said a lot about the state our collective minds were in. Sleep was important but it wasn’t easy to come by.
Though, I wouldn’t take very strong sleep aids even if I could. It was too dangerous. One was always vulnerable and putting y
ourself in a state where you wouldn’t or couldn’t wake up was the equivalent of serving yourself up on a platter for the dead. If I was going to become their food, I wasn’t going to make it easy for them.
I woke up when Emma knocked on my door the next morning. Natalie was with her and offered to walk Milo. I was hesitant to let her but agreed. She stopped by several times during the day to walk him after the first time. She said I shouldn’t be moving too much so that I could just heal.
Natalie stayed and talked a while. She told me that Aaron and Laura brought her some food. She said it wasn’t even enough to feed a cat but it was more than she had. I thought she might tell me exactly what took place that left her all alone out there but she didn’t. I figured I may never know but it wasn’t my need to know so I didn’t pry.
Ian also came by and stayed with me most of the day. It was sweet. He made me a potted meat sandwich for lunch. He even cleaned up my place while I slept.
Since I stopped moving, I realized just how exhausted I was. I had six months of built up exhaustion that I needed to sleep off if I could.
I also realized why I kept moving. I checked my phone constantly. There were never any bars or any messages or any sign that it had ever done anything besides show me app icons that I couldn’t use anymore.
I tried to read one of the books in the apartment called And I Don’t Want to Live This Life Anymore that was a biography about Nancy Spungen. The person who had had this bedroom before the apocalypse had very punk rock taste. There was a Misfits poster and Anarchy A that had been spray painted onto the wall. I was impressed since they were probably going to pay for that dearly had they lived to end their lease. Emma hated the room but it reminded me of when I was a teen. It made me happy to think of my former rebel self.
The book was interesting but I couldn’t focus on it. I was more obsessed with my phone than a girl checking after a boy promised he’d call. I hated the desperate lost feeling it brought in me of waiting for the call from my sister that would never come. I missed being busy. Drawing up plans and thinking about runs. It was like my full time job now that kept me busy and sane. The forced sick leave was not sitting well in me.
Ian told me that Tom and he were going on their first run the next day. Ian had wanted to wait a day or two more but Tom was itching to go. He was ready for his chance to prove himself.
Tom had wanted to be an official runner with Ian and me after he moved in. Ian and I told him he could come along anytime, the more people the more you get done and the more people to stop a zombie attack.
However Aaron felt that Tom should be an alternate if one of us got hurt like now or bit the dust. Not many people volunteered to do runs as they didn’t want to leave the safe haven. I guess Aaron didn’t want to risk the people who were willing to go all in one shot.
I know Jerry would love to go on runs but he didn’t want to put himself that much at risk. Especially with Maria and his young kids at home so gate duty ended up being the best thing for him.
I was a bit irritated as Emma wasn’t around much. She only came home to get a change of clothes and she let Ian and Natalie in. She didn’t even ask me how I was doing which I found to be rather odd. I decided not to dwell on it. I was just annoyed that I couldn’t do much and was overly sensitive to other things as well.
Ian left before it got dark and Natalie took Milo for a last walk. Before she left she gave me all the packs of cigarettes she found in her apartment. She said she wanted to be able to run if she needed too.
I was happy she wasn’t going to continue smoking but I also wish she hadn’t left them with me. I missed smoking and the stress of the world had made me miss it even more. I hadn’t come across many cigarettes so the temptation was none existent. Now it was in my apartment and I didn’t like it.
I was able to avoid it though since I went straight to bed.
The next morning, I took Milo for a walk myself. It was awful and we didn’t go very far. I was still really sore and I was beginning to think I’d managed to crack a rib. I couldn’t believe that a stupid fall on asphalt had managed to put me out of commission completely. It was such a minor injury. I shuddered to think if I had actually done something that would genuinely injure me. Had I become fragile in my time? It made me depressed because I was always the strongest and toughest person around. I prided myself on it.
As I was walking up the stairs, I saw Ian making his way down the sidewalk. I waved as he approached.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, I was just coming to check on you and say bye before we head out. I see you’re doing better.”
I shrugged, “Somewhat yeah. Still in pain though. You guys are going already?”
Ian nodded, “Yeah, Tom wanted to get an early start. Honestly I think he wants to make you look bad so he can be the permanent runner.”
I laughed, “What makes you say that?”
“Just things he’s said. No big deal though, I won’t do runs without you when you’re 100%.”
“That’s sweet, come on in Ian.”
Ian followed me up the stairs and into the apartment.
“Cate, I wanted to talk to you seriously about something,” He began after we got into the apartment.
I was unhooking Milo’s leash at the time. “Why do I feel like you’re breaking up with me?” I asked standing up.
He gave a weak smile, “It’s kind of the opposite actually.”
I looked at him confused but had a feeling I knew all too well what he meant and wished he wouldn’t go any further.
“Before we leave here together I wanted to get something out there and clear the air. I guess you already know how I feel about you but I wanted to say it. I love you Cate. I’ve been in love with you for a long time and its okay if you don’t feel the same way about me. I just didn’t want to leave it in the air anymore.”
I sighed and sat down on one of the dining chairs. I leaned my head in my hand.
“You don’t feel the same?” He asked sadly.
“It’s not that. I do care about you a lot and yeah, I have thought about you romantically and if this was seven months ago, I’d say you had a pretty good shot but it’s not.”
“You’re saying you don’t want to try something with me because of what’s going on.”
I nodded. “I just don’t think there’s room for love in the world.”
He looked irritated, “Of course there’s room for love.”
“Not for me there’s not.”
“Cate, I think…”
“Ian,” I said cutting him off. “I’ve thought about it a lot and love would be great but there are too many risks. There’s too much to lose and I don’t want to get into that with all that’s going on.”
He nodded, “Damn. I wish I met you before this shit happened.”
I laughed. I stood up and gave him a hug.
“You’ll get your chance when’s it’s over,” I said in his ear.
I didn’t see his face but I knew he was smiling. He kissed me on the cheek.
“I got to go,” He said.
“Bye, be safe,” I said.
He nodded and headed down the stairs.
If I had known how things were going to go, I think I would’ve handled the situation differently. But hindsight always leaves you with regrets.
Chapter 5
I rested most of the day though I didn’t try to sleep. I kept my phone in the kitchen so I’d stop driving myself crazy looking at it again and again.
Natalie came by a few times and walked Milo with me. She still kept conversation on the surface and light.
Emma asked me what happened with Natalie and why she was on her own. When I told her I didn’t know, she suggested that maybe Natalie killed her family in a crazy rampage and that’s why she wasn’t being more forth coming about what she had been through. I laughed at the absurdity of the suggestion which Emma didn’t appreciate.
Emma went to have dinner with Aaron and his mother. She told me
she wouldn’t be back until morning. I wanted to ask her why she didn’t just move in with Aaron but kept my mouth shut.
I heated up some soup on a camp burner and ate it in the darkening dining room. I gave Milo half a can of dog food that he gulped down.
After I finished eating there was a knock at my door. I got up and answered it. Tom was standing in the doorway with a grave look on his face. I immediately felt my heart sink to my stomach because deep down I knew what was coming.
“Tom, what are you doing here?” I asked.
“Cate, can I come in?”
I nodded and moved to let him by.
He cleared his throat, “I don’t…I really don’t know how to say this,” He began.
I crossed my arms and asked, “Tom, what is it?”
“Ian was attacked,” He began. “He, umm, he didn’t make it.”
“What?” I asked feeling like I must have misheard him.
“Ian was killed,” He stated, making his point very clear.
I don’t really remember what happened next. My body felt like it had been hit by a bus. My mind felt scattered and lost. I know at some point I broke down and started crying.
I’m not sure when Emma came back but the next thing I do remember is sitting with her in my room. We weren’t talking; she was just sitting with me and stroking my hair.
Natalie came in sometime later and Emma told her what happened. She didn’t stay. She just looked extremely upset and left the apartment. I vaguely remember calling after her but this may not have happened.
I couldn’t wrap my head around how it could have happened. Ian and I had been on so many runs, been so close to danger and death but we always made it home. We always survived. Irrationally, I blamed Tom for what happened to Ian. He wasn’t strong enough to fight off the dead and that’s why Ian died.
I also blamed myself. If I hadn’t fallen and injured myself, I would’ve been there to help him. Well, if I hadn’t been injured we wouldn’t have come back to the safe haven so we never would’ve been on that run and he’d still be alive.
I slept so much that week. I know Emma and Natalie were there a lot with me but I was not conscious most of the time. I really only got up to walk Milo, though Natalie took him on several walks for me.
Plague of the Dead (Book 2): Plague of the Desert Page 5
