“My father was a drug dealer? What happened to him?”
“I think he’s upstate somewhere.”
“Hey, ladies.” I hadn’t even heard the door open when Preston entered the apartment. My head was swirling with all this new information. My mother had been lying to me all these years. I grabbed my bag and headed into my room.
“Don’t walk out of here without saying hello,” I heard Preston yell after me.
“Let her go.” My aunt actually sounded worried. “She finally heard the truth.”
“About what?” Preston asked. I closed my door, not wanting to hear the rest of their conversation about me.
I opened my computer and logged on. I needed to get more information about my father. All it took was a few clicks to catch up on the man I knew nothing about ten minutes ago. Big John Thompson was one of the key drug dealers taken down in a sting thirteen years ago. A photo of him popped up on my computer. I expanded the image and looked for similarities between us. I guessed we had the same eyes, and I did see a resemblance in the shape of our faces. God this felt weird that after all these years of not knowing here I was looking into the eyes of my father. He was handsome and I could see why my mother would find him attractive.
I wanted to call Maddie and tell her, but did I really want to share that my father was a convicted felon in prison for selling drugs to children? It said that he was doing twenty-five years to life. Did that mean he’d never get out of prison? That I’d never meet him? Apparently he’d earned a small fortune from his drug dealing but a large part of his assets were never recovered. It had something to do with off-shore accounts and the government not being able to confiscate his property. I guessed Big John was smarter than they expected.
Should I write him a letter and identify myself or should I pretend that he doesn’t exist? Could I even go back to the way it was before? I grabbed my phone to call D-Waite. He would know what to do, but I couldn’t call him. Not yet. He had his own trouble to deal with. And that was worrying me even more. I picked up the phone and called Maddie. I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about but I needed to hear a familiar and safe voice.
“Hey, I’m sorry about today.”
“You mean dumping me for that hoodlum? What are you doing messing around with someone like him?”
“You don’t know anything about him!” I defended D-Waite.
“I know that you and he have nothing in common.”
“We have more in common than you and I ever will.”
“What, because you’re both black? Really, Gab?”
“No, because we just do,” I argued.
“I got to go.” Maddie hung up the phone on me.
It wasn’t the first time we’d disagreed about things but something about this was different. I felt more alone than ever. I clicked back on the computer and stared at the picture of my father. Maybe I wasn’t as alone as I thought.
8
I slipped out the door and down the stairs. It was late, but D-Waite called and said he was downstairs and I needed to talk to him. I could tell he wasn’t one of those guys who liked to really talk on the phone so I came out to meet him.
“Hey, baby.” He took my hand and smiled down at me.
“You all right?”
“Oh, earlier? Yeah. It was actually a good thing.”
“What happened?” I asked and he gave me that look that said this was off-limits. “Fine. Keep secrets.”
“It’s not a secret. You know what you need to know and nothing more.” He leaned over and kissed me. We were both so busy grinning that neither of us noticed the guy on the bike.
“Damn, boy, you acting straight-up sprung out holding some bitch’s hand.” A guy with his hair in cornrows braided back rode his bike around us in circles.
“Go on, man, and stop playing,” D-Waite joked so I knew that this must be a friend of his.
“What, you gon’ be all rude and shit? No intros?”
“Well I’m thinking since you called my girl a bitch you don’t deserve to meet her.”
“My bad. You know how I get down.”
“Gabby, this is Taj. And Taj, Gabby.”
“Hey, Gabby. What’s up? I ain’t used to seeing my boy holding hands like in some PG movie.”
“Good-bye, Taj.”
“Folks are hanging in the park. Y’all wanna go?”
“Nah. Later, man.”
“We might come,” I threw out there.
“A’ight,” he said before popping a wheelie and rolling away on his bike.
“Oh, we might? That ain’t never gonna happen,” D-Waite scolded me.
“So you can hang out but I can’t?”
“I don’t want you around people like that.”
“People like what?”
“You know what I mean.”
“And what? I’m some fine china who can’t hang out with your friends?”
“You don’t know what they’re like. They can be dangerous.”
“Maybe I’m not who you think I am. You ever heard of Big John Thomson?”
“Hell yeah! Everybody knows Big John. He’s no joke. He recruited the guys I work for. Word is even though he’s incarcerated he’s not out of the game. They say he knows everything that goes down in these streets.”
“Well, he’s my father. So I’m not as precious as you thought.”
“You shitting me?” His eyes were big like saucers.
“No. I’m not shitting you. Big John is the other half of my DNA.”
“Wow! What is he like?” He was almost jumping out of his skin with excitement.
I had to glance away when I answered because I felt the tears stinging my eyes. “I’ve never met him,” I admitted.
“Oh, yeah, you said he wanted nothing to do with you? Baby, I’m sorry.”
“Well I’m not so sure about that,” I said as the hugeness of the revelation hit me in the stomach. I must have looked the way I felt because the next thing I knew D-Waite had his arms around me, comforting me.
“Baby. Talk to me.”
“My mother lied to me. She didn’t even want me to know that he’s my father.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. They were together all during high school and when she was in college they hooked up and she got pregnant. Not even that original.”
“And she never told him?”
“No.”
“So what are you going to do? I mean he’s a huge deal.”
“I want to dedicate my life to putting people like him away. To make the streets safe for kids again.”
“Safe from people like me?” He stared at me.
I leaned in and kissed him. I didn’t have all the answers but the one thing that I had become sure about was that I needed him in my life.
“I will take that as a no.” He laughed, clearly relieved. “Let’s go.” He took my hand and led me down the street.
“So we’re going to the park?”
“No!”
“But where?”
“Just trust me.” He squeezed my hand.
We crossed the street and cut through the park to the other side of Fort Greene. The upwardly mobile side where it had once been mostly Blacks had now gentrified us into the minorities. He stopped and glanced around as if he was afraid we were being followed. Then we moved a few doors up Portland Avenue to a renovated four-story brownstone. We climbed the stairs and he unlocked the door. We ducked into the lobby, then went through another door and up a single flight of stairs. When he opened the door to an apartment, I didn’t know what I was expecting but this wasn’t it. The tastefully furnished one-bedroom apartment could have been on Maddie’s block. It was an advertisement for Pottery Barn and the Apple Store.
“What is this place?”
“It’s mine.” He couldn’t contain the pride in his voice.
“But I thought you lived in the projects.”
“Everybody thinks I do. I have a place there but this is my home.”
“So what? It’s your love shack?”
“Nah, you the only person I’ve ever brought here. But since I’m falling in love with you it can be our love shack,” he joked.
I took a tour around. “I love this place.”
“Me too. That’s why I keep it private. I just don’t want folks up in here.”
“What’s this?” I walked over and picked up a guitar.
“You play?”
“Yeah, and I write songs.”
“So you’re a musician?”
“I guess but . . .” Then he stopped.
“But what?”
“I just do what I do.”
“Can I ask you something?” He nodded, so I continued, “How come since you’re obviously smart and able to pull this off . . .”
“I’m not in college? Or trying to make it as a musician?”
“Yeah.”
“I felt like I had to get out there and hustle for mine. I didn’t grow up with a lot of options and when I finally got some I didn’t trust them. I didn’t have anyone.”
“Well you do now.” I stepped close to him. For a long time we just stood there staring at each other.
“Cool.”
“When I go to college maybe you can move to Boston with me.”
“Boston! And do what?”
“College, music, me.” I planted a deep, wet kiss on him.
“This real?” he questioned me.
“It is for me,” I answered, meaning every word.
“Me too.” And we fell into each other’s arms, kissing and touching as if our bodies couldn’t get close enough. This felt crazy and wonderful and scary but mostly it felt right. I leaned against him, feeling his manhood growing to full size. At least I hoped it was because it was rock hard and huge. He led me over to the couch and laid me down. He kneeled down next to me, lifted up my skirt, and started kissing my stomach, working his way down my body.
“Aaah.” A gasp escaped from my mouth. I felt on fire with a desire I had never had before. This was what all the girls at school were whispering about, the reason they kept hooking up with guys who treated them like shit and never bothered to call them back or acknowledge them in public. Oh, damn I wanted him to show me everything that I had been missing. He took my pants off and let them drop to the floor. His hand lifted the band of my underwear and kept traveling until his fingers starting rubbing against my pubic hair. I started thrashing around, arching my back, lifting my butt cheeks off the couch.
“Wow! You’re wet.” He sighed as his fingers slipped inside of me. I writhed around, dancing on his fingers as they manipulated me until I felt like I was about to pee on myself. I jumped up, pushing him away.
“What?” He looked wounded by my reaction.
“I . . . I don’t . . . I was about to pee on myself,” I confessed, feeling completely humiliated. He burst out laughing, looking almost relieved.
“It’s not funny!” I threw one of the couch pillows at him.
“Oh yes, it is. You’ve never had an orgasm.” He reached out to me; his voice became soft as he enveloped me in his arms. “Gabby, have you ever done this before?” I dropped my face into my hands, avoiding his gaze. “So nobody has ever given you an orgasm?” The shocked expression on my face said it all. Now it was his turn to be surprised.
“You’ve never done it before?” My silence confirmed his question. “Never?” If I had been one shade lighter I would have been a bright shade of red. Luckily the melanin protected me from looking more embarrassed.
“Have you even kissed a guy before?”
“Yes.” I frowned at him. He didn’t have to make it seem so weird. There were guys who tried but I always wanted to wait for the right one. They all seemed so inexperienced and awkward or else like they were watching so much online porn that they were dying to shove you into some role and pretend they cared about your satisfaction.
“But nothing more?”
“No,” I admitted and wanted to melt into the couch.
“Oh, baby.” He kissed me on the neck. “We need to slow this way down.”
“No!” I balked.
“But, Gab, you have no idea what this means.”
“Why does it have to mean anything? You have sex with Mika all the time. What does that mean?”
“It doesn’t mean much but Mika’s different.”
“No, she’s not. She’s a girl you have sex with and I’m a girl you won’t have sex with. Right now I would rather be her than me!” I stood up, putting my clothes back on.
“Don’t say that.”
“Why? If she were here and not me you would fuck her!”
“But sex don’t mean the same thing for her. She’s slept with so many guys I’m just one of many, but you’re a virgin.” His words made it sound like some disease.
“Well I’m sorry I’m not as experienced as your other girls. I’ll go and fuck a bunch of guys and after I’m experienced I’m sure you’ll want to fuck me.” I laced up my sneakers, anxious to get out of there with an ounce of my dignity.
“Is that what you think? That I don’t want you? Girl, you can’t be more wrong. I want you. I want you in a way that I have never wanted anyone in my life.” He smashed his lips against mine; his hunger and need matched mine.
9
The bright sunlight jarred me awake. I opened my eyes and waited to adjust to the daylight. At first I was disoriented, forgetting where I was, but one look at the beautiful man lying next to me brought it all back. Then I realized something else. I was gonna be late to school, but I had to face my aunt and Preston first. How the hell was I gonna explain where I had spent the night and with whom? I jumped up, threw on my clothes, and tried not to wake D-Waite.
“Hey!” His sleepy-sounding voice made me want to crawl back under the covers and snuggle.
“Hey, yourself. I gotta run.”
“You in trouble?” he asked but I could only shrug my shoulders. Had it been my mother I would probably be grounded for life, but my aunt was barely ten years older than me. Still, I had to get my butt out of there before the shit hit the fan.
D-Waite got up and took something out of a box on the mantle. “Come here.” He motioned me to him. He hugged me. “It’s gonna be all right.” “I know,” I answered softly.
“Here.” He pressed a set of keys into my hand.
“What’s this?”
“I want this to be our place. You can come here anytime you want. Just be careful you’re not followed.”
“All right.” A huge smile spread across my face.
“I’m serious about you.”
“I know; now let me get out of here so that I can get to school.”
He gave me a kiss good-bye and I left. I shoved the keys in my pocket and raced down the stairs, checking to make sure I wasn’t being watched. I passed a few white people heading off to work. I picked up the pace as I crossed the park. It made sense that the first person I would see was Mika but unlike last time she was walking alone. Her mouth stretched into an angry line as she shot daggers at me. I made a point to give her lots of room as I hurried past her. I ain’t gonna lie, I was afraid that she would follow me, but she didn’t. By the time I got into the apartment my heart had stopped racing. I almost reached my bedroom when Preston stepped into the hallway, shirtless.
“Where the hell you been all night?” he screamed at me.
“I was with my friend. Excuse me, I have to get to school.” I took a step but he didn’t budge.
“What friend, Gabby?” he challenged me.
“My friend Maddie,” I lied.
“So I’m supposed to believe you were with some girlfriend all night?”
“I don’t care what you believe. You’re not my guardian. I don’t have to answer to you.”
“Oh, so you a bad bitch now?” He got up in my face.
“I am not your problem. Why are you bothering me?”
“Somebody has to make sure that you don’t wind up like your mother getting kn
ocked up by some drug dealer. Yeah, I said it. Or like your aunt giving blowjobs for chump change just so she could buy drugs.”
“Get away from me,” I shouted.
“Or what? What you gonna do?”
“I don’t know. Call the police. Report you.”
“And you think that’s gonna help your aunt? Without me to protect her she would be back on rocks doing anything to get high. That what you want? For your aunt to be cracked out again so that you become a ward of the state?”
“What do you want?” I yelled with undisguised hatred.
“I want you to start treating me with respect. No. I want you to be real nice to me.” He reached out and put his hand on my waist.
I reacted, pushing it away. “Don’t ever put your hand on me,” I screamed.
“Feisty!” He licked his lips and lunged for me. Before I could get away he grabbed me and snatched me close. Way too close for my comfort.
“Get off of me!” I screamed. “I’m telling my aunt. You fucking pervert!”
“You say one fucking thing I will break your little ass into two pieces. What would I want to do with you when I can have a grown-ass woman who knows how to handle her man like a pro?”
“Touch me and I will send you to jail,” I promised, my voice razor sharp.
That got him to let me go. I raced into my room and shut the door. My breathing was so heavy I had to sit down to stop myself from throwing up. Fuck! This should have been a great day for me but instead I’m fighting off my aunt’s horny boyfriend.
When I came out in my uniform Preston was standing next to the door, waiting for me. I took a step back.
“Gabby, you need to calm down and keep this shit to yourself.”
“Whatever!” I snapped. The only thing I wanted was to get out of there and away from him.
“I was kidding!” His voice took on more of an edge. He took hold of my elbow and bent my arm behind my back.
“Ouch!” I yelled out in pain. “That hurts.”
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