by Fields, MJ
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“Isabella,” Tags says on a sigh. “It’s fine. He and I will be fine.”
Dad mumbles, “One of us will be.”
“Jase Steel, I will —”
“Carly Steel,” he cuts her off, “you will go help Bella get ready and take her pile of shit with you. Then you will—”
“You mind if I stay with you tonight?” Carly asks me. “Your father has lost his damn mind. Maybe we should find those gummies, give him a couple to help him relax, and maybe then he’ll be able to see past the wall he’s built in front of you. See that you look happy. See the little birdies chasing hearts in a halo pattern around your head.”
Dad sighs. “C, baby, please just—”
“I remember that feeling. Do you, Jase?”
She hooks my arm in hers and swipes a pile of clothes off the bed. I cringe when I see the underwear,
“Those are clean,” Tags tells her, and we both turn around. “You had shit to do. I was doing a load anyway.”
“That is very thoughtful of you,” Carly says as a dig to Dad.
“Thanks. I’ll do yours next time.”
He gives me a millisecond wink, and I smile with my whole heart.
Once in my room, Carly tosses my stuff on the bed then wraps me in a big hug. “He’s beautiful.”
I laugh and hug her back. “And he loves me.”
She steps back, holding my shoulders. “Like crazy. And I know this might be weird, but I know that look. It’s—”
I don’t know why, but I start to cry.
“Little Bell, what is wrong?”
“I’ve waited a whole lifetime to have a man look at me that way, to talk to me that way, to make me feel the way he does. I never thought I would. I thought maybe you and Dad had something that only happens once in a blue moon. But you see it, right?”
“I don’t just see it; I feel it.”
“Then why are you frowning?”
“It’s a difficult situation. No one wants to see their daughter go through what the two of you may face. Hell, you’re already facing it. You have to hide so he can get this woman to sign papers?”
“Kat on steroids,” I tell her.
She cringes. “Well, maybe she’ll find a Ricco.”
“Yeah, well, then what? Then she gets her life together and tries to get Luna? Which would be fine, you know, visitation. But apparently, she’s been in and out of rehab several times. And even if she got sober, she is a vile human being. No child deserves that.”
“What does he say about it?”
“Well, we don’t really talk about it much.”
She sucks in a breath. “The two of you need to.”
“We’re a month in; that’s pretty heavy.”
“You love him, Bella, and love makes all things possible.”
Twenty-Two
Two Dads
Tags
“I’d say sorry about the lip, but I’m not, and we deal in truths in this family.”
“I can appreciate that.” I lean back against the wall.
“Then give me some.”
“Ask anything you want.”
“You’re hell-bent on this divorce; have you even thought about custody? That’s a whole different matter.”
“One step at a time.”
“Custody should be your first step.”
“I get that you think I’m some dumb-ass punk, but I’m not. And you’ll take this and run with it like a wildfire in California, but I know how to manipulate and maneuver, and I know Mara. I’m doing this the way it needs to be done.”
“So, a divorce; how’s that been handled the past couple months you’ve been around her?”
“She’s got to be served. When I find someone to do it, without the circus around us knowing, she’ll be served.”
“How you gonna find some random person to serve her?”
“As I said, I know how to manipulate and maneuver. I’ll know if I can trust someone.”
He pushes off the wall opposite me. “Cyrus has taken care of getting her served.”
“Excuse me?” I ask.
“He knows people. She’s gonna get served, and you’ll be divorced if she doesn’t contest it within a month. Then what?”
“You do know the minute she sees all of you out to dinner with Bella, she’ll connect the fucking dots, and that puts a target on her.”
“Right, but you’re not dealing with idiots. We’re not doing the serving. It’s being handled by someone who knows how to handle shit. You could have hired a fucking cop to do it, Tags.”
“I’m not one to pay for shit I can get handled for free. But if you paid some cop, I want to know how much.”
He smirks and shakes his head. “Don’t always have to pay people. Some of us still do the right thing for our friends without greasing a palm.”
“So, who is it I owe a favor?”
“Me, Cyrus, and his old Navy buddy Tank who works security at Hard Rock.”
“Sometimes, it’s easier to pay one person than owe three.”
“That would cheapen the favor.”
“I don’t do favors.”
He looks down. “We’ll see.”
“Okay, I’ve entertained your need to protect the virtue of your twenty-three-year-old daughter, but you’re overstepping.”
“Me and my brothers don’t overstep; we play whack-a-mole with issues. One pops up, one of us smashes it, and we get excited about the next. That girl thinks she loves you; you’ll have to learn how to deal with it.”
“I’m not sure I like you.”
He starts laughing like I’m joking. I’m not.
“Say that to her once, and you’ll be ejected like a pilot from a bad plane.”
I lift my chin.
He lifts his then pushes off the wall. “Well, it’s been one hell of a time. I’d ask you to join us, but you can’t. Secrets and shit.”
“You say it like it’s an option. I’m keeping secrets for her safety and for my daughter’s future.”
“You got a custody lawyer?”
“I have custody of my daughter. Legal custody. Uncontested.”
He looks back at me. “You might want to lawyer up, son. If she’s as bad as you make her out to be, she’ll try to fuck shit up.”
Did he just call me son?
“My bad.”
I’m saying shit out loud to him now? What the fuck!
He opens the door.
“Hey.”
He turns back.
“You make damn sure she’s safe.”
“You backing out now?”
I narrow my eyes. “Not a fucking chance.”
He purses his lips, and then his eyes smile. How do I know? She has the same eyes, just a different color.
I got your tell, Poppa Steel. I got your tell.
I grab my phone out of my pocket and send her a text.
Me: Have a good time with your family. See you in the morning. And hey, I like you a lot. ~ Tags
Bella: I’m not sleeping alone. I’ll text after I’ve tucked the ‘rents in for the night. And hey, I know. ~ B.S.
I’d love to close my eyes and take a power nap, but adrenaline is coursing through my body like never before. So, I decide to hit the hotel gym.
* * *
After two hours, my body is exhausted, and because of the endorphins floating around in there, my head’s in a better place.
Inside the elevator, I order room service, needing to fuel the bod in order to fuck her the way she likes to be fucked. Or maybe try to make love to her. Always thought there was a difference. I fucked her to own her, but she fucked me right back.
Stepping off the elevator, I walk down the hall, looking at my phone. When I see shoes of the very expensive sort, I look up.
“Do you have a minute?”
It’s David.
I nod. “Sure.”
“You mind if we talk inside? I don’t need the entire f
loor knowing I stopped by.”
I slide my key over the sensor then open the door. “Come on in.”
As soon as the door shuts, he pulls a file out of the inside of his jacket and tosses it onto the bed.
“What’s that?”
“Four and a half years’ worth of my daughter’s life.”
My fists clench at my sides.
He unbuttons his coat, takes it off, slings it over the back of the desk chair, and then sits. Pointing to it, he says, “Go ahead. See for yourself.”
“Don’t need to see shit. What do you want?”
“Same thing I’ve been asking myself about you for the past few months.” He leans back and crosses one leg over the other. “Why is a lowlife PI looking into my daughter and myself?”
“Digs is a good man.”
“You pay for what you get, I suppose.”
My blood starts pumping harder. “Good isn’t bought and paid for and bad isn’t born; it’s created.”
“So Mara’s shortcomings are because of me?” He points to himself.
“I’m not pointing fingers, just connecting dots.”
“You hire a man like Digger, with a low budget to work with, and the surface is scratched. With money, you can buy more information.”
“Good to know, but I’m having a hard time trying to open my mind up to your lesson when I have yet to figure out your intentions.”
“I’m giving you ten thousand dollars’ worth of information for free, yet you don’t seem to even want to look.”
“Don’t remember wanting ten thousand dollars’ worth of shit from you, so why don’t you just let me know what you really want?”
“I want a sick little girl to be healthy.”
“Luna is none of your concern.”
“I’m talking about Mara. There’re things you should know about her, and then maybe could walk away from the game you’re playing with her so she can focus on healing.”
“I’m not playing a fucking game. I just wanted to find the woman I married—at her insistence—and then bailed so I can move the fuck on with my life.”
He leans forward. “You sure that’s it?”
“Do I look like I have shit to lose from lying?”
“I’m sure that may have been how it started, but once you found out she was wealthy, you made some moves that are telling me otherwise. Like coming here.”
“So I could get her served and win this little contest so I can give back to the woman who took us in.”
“I just left her room. She’s been served. So, why are you still here, if not for money?”
“I don’t take what I don’t earn. I’ll win your contest, because I’m the best artist you have.”
The fucker shakes his head and looks at me like I’m some pathetic lowlife.
“She didn’t want the baby.”
Pissed at how he references the sole reason I’ve become who I am, I slam back. “And I never wanted yours.”
“I’m aware of the events of the night she was conceived. I didn’t even have to pay for that information. The question still remains: what do you want from her?”
“I want nothing but a promise that this is over and that she’s not going to ever try to fuck up the masterpiece I’ve created for my daughter about how she became.”
“Care to share that information?”
A knock on the door has my stomach immediately in knots. He doesn’t know about Bella, and he can’t.
“Open the fucking door, Tags!”
“Jesus Christ.” David sighs as he stands.
“Right fucking now!”
David whips the door open.
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
“The question is: what are you doing here?”
“Oh, please, David.” She pushes past him. “I’ve been cheeking pills since Mom died and you started drugging me.”
She storms over to me and thrusts the papers at my chest. “You got what you wanted. Happy?”
“You weren’t easy to find, Mara, so I guess I am.” I take the envelope and open it to make sure she’s signed them properly.
“They’re signed. Now what? You gonna try to make me be a mom again?”
“Wasn’t really something forced on you; it happened.”
“And now I have a kid who’s gonna pop up someday and try to get me to feel bad that I walked. Well, I don’t. I tried to make her go away. You gonna tell her that? That her issues are a botched home abortion?”
“No, I’m—”
“You should have let me die!” she cries. “You should have let her die, but you didn’t, and now I’m always going to be looking over my shoulder, and she’s always going to wonder why the woman who gave birth to her doesn’t want her. I hate you! I hate you so fucking much!” She slams her fist against my chest as tears begin to fall. “I’d kill you with my bare hands if I didn’t know she’d come looking for me!”
“You wanna know what she thinks, Mara?”
“I don’t want anything from her. I wish she had died!” she screams, covering her belly with her hands. “I wish my baby had died.”
The pain in her voice contradicts the words she’s spewing. Out of instinct, I reach out to comfort her.
“Don’t you touch me!” She fists my shirt. “Don’t you act like you understand!” She leans her head against my chest. “You have no idea what it’s like to be me.”
“Never said I did, Mara. Never were all that easy to figure out either. You have a wall—”
“She has a mental health issue. She has a disease. She’s two people in one body. Just like her mother was,” David says with no sort of emotion. “But she’s going to be okay. I’m going to make sure of it.” He reaches into his pocket and hands me three pills. “She needs these.”
“They make me feel like shit.”
I look at him, his eyes.
“They keep you here, Mara.”
Bang, bang, bang!
“She’s in there, Tags, I’m gonna rip your nuts out through your throat.”
David walks over and opens the door.
“Sorry, man. Is Mara here?”
I look down at Mara, and she looks up, searching my eyes. Then she steps back. Hers are softer, like Luna’s, but then they’re hard again.
“What the fuck do you want, Neo?” she snaps.
“You stashed these, and you need them”—he points to me—“ ’cause he’s here. ’Cause he’s throwing shit in your face.”
“Neo.” David’s voice isn’t as calm as normal.
“He goes this week.”
“And you go now.” David points to the door.
“Mara.” Neo gives her pleading eyes.
“I’ll catch up with you later.”
“Take the pills,” he nearly begs before leaving.
I hold them out, and she looks at me. “You need ’em, Mara, you should take them.”
“Does she need them?”
“Luna?” I shake my head.
“Mara didn’t until eighteen,” David says.
Her nose scrunches as she closes her eyes.
“I’ll make sure to keep an eye on it,” I tell David.
Mara opens her eyes and looks up. “She still scream all the time?”
I’m tempted to tell her that Luna is a fucking nightmare, just to keep her away, but it’s fucking wrong.
“Nah, she’s good. Really good.”
“Her arm?”
“Her lucky fin.”
“What?” she asks.
“The movie, Finding Nemo. I told her she was like him—had a lucky fin. She’s had a couple surgeries. Only two-inch difference. Not noticeable.”
“Has she asked …?” She doesn’t finish the sentence.
I nod. “She’s in an early ed program. Came home asking who her mom was.”
She shakes her head.
“I hated you for a long time, Mara. Didn’t understand how you could beg me to marry you then take off when I was letting you nap while
taking Luna for a walk. Told the doorman we weren’t allowed back in, shut off my phone, and—”
“I know! I was there!”
“Okay, that’s enough.” David walks over.
I ignore him. “When my head was straight, I didn’t hate you. I felt sorry for you that you were missing out on all the firsts.”
“She doesn’t deserve this,” David snaps at me.
“Then I stopped being angry. Figured you had a drug issue; bigger than what I imagined. I met an angel. She took in a homeless teenager and a screaming infant.”
“Because of me?”
“Because of acid reflux.” I look at her. “All that screaming and those sleepless nights when all she needed was a change in formula.”
She looks so fucking sad now.
“And when she asked about her mommy, Mara, I told her I always wanted to be a dad and that I just couldn’t wait anymore, so I asked a beautiful woman if she would help me out. That the woman made my wish come true. I had a family. I had her.”
“Is she beautiful?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Did her face get—”
“Only a few issues from the night you tried to …” I look down then look back up. “You can’t be part of her life.”
She nods as more tears fall.
“You have to take care of yourself, Mara. Take the pills, go to therapy, stay the fuck away from drugs and alcohol.”
“Stressful situations,” David adds.
“I want this show, David.” She shakes her head. “I need this.”
I lift her chin. “You need to be healthy because, someday when she can understand you and wants to meet you, you better be healthy.”
“I’ll never be healthy.”
“Not with that piss-poor attitude.” I shake my head. “Fun killer.”
She smiles but only briefly.
“The way we lived was wrong.”
She looks back up at me.
“You never wanted to be a mom; I get it. But God, the universe, whatever you believe in decided she was supposed to be here, Mara. She saved me; you had a part in doing that, too. Let the idea of someday being strong enough to see what you created drive you. I promise you she’s worth every hell you’ll walk through just to see her smile.”
She shakes her head.
“Then just get better in case you change your mind.”
