by Fields, MJ
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Finn,” I said while pouring the hot drink into both mugs, keeping my back to him. But I knew I’d have to face him eventually; it’d be too obvious if I handed him his cup without turning around.
“You asked me if I’m interested in you.”
Well, that was enough to make me slowly turn on my heel and meet his stare.
“Yeah, I figured that would jog your memory.”
I finished preparing our coffees and carefully slid one across the counter to him. There was no point in hiding my face; he’d already seen the blush that had taken over my cheeks, refusing to go away. So, I stood there with my hip propped against the counter, my mug close to my lips while I blew on the steaming liquid, and my eyes set on his, daring him to continue without any prodding from me.
“Why don’t we take this to the couch?” he suggested.
“I’m quite comfortable here.”
“Stop being so defiant, Mady. You’re making this more difficult than it has to be.”
I shrugged and took a sip of my piping-hot drink, trying to pretend I hadn’t just scorched my tongue in the process. “I think you’ll find that you’re making this difficult, Finn. If you remember correctly, I’m not the one who wants to have this conversation. You are.”
“You wanted to have it yesterday?”
“No…I asked a yes-or-no question. That’s hardly a conversation.”
“Fine. Suit yourself. I’m going to the couch.” He stood and took his mug to the living room.
Really, it was pointless, considering I could see him from the kitchen. The only thing that stood between us was a table. But at least he sat on the sofa so that his back was to me, preventing me from seeing his face while he explained all the reasons he wasn’t interested in me.
I’d just taken another sip when he called out, “I’ve wanted nothing more than to continue what we started at the ranch.” It made me choke and cough, burning every inch of my mouth and throat as I struggled to swallow. Although, once I finally calmed down, I realized he hadn’t budged, not even to make sure I was all right.
For all he knew, I could be dead on the floor right now.
“If you’d like to continue this discussion, I’d really appreciate it if you joined me in here, so I don’t have to keep shouting over my shoulder.” This must’ve been his plan all along, and it made me wonder if what he said was even true. The only way to find out was to go to him, so I did—begrudgingly.
I huffed as I took a seat on the opposite end of the sofa. “Fine, I’m listening.”
Finn turned toward me, holding me captive with his intense stare. “I mean it, Mads. I didn’t want to end it when we left, but when I came over a couple days later, it seemed like you weren’t interested. So I didn’t say anything about it.”
“That’s because you’d made it very clear that you were over it. I asked you to stay when you dropped me off, and you said no. Then I didn’t hear from you at all the next day. What was I supposed to think?”
He set his mug on the coffee table and scooted closer, resting his arm on the back of the couch as he leaned forward. It was almost like he wanted to touch me but didn’t know if he was allowed. “I was exhausted by the time I dropped you off. All I wanted was to get home, take a shower, and pass out. You depleted me of energy; otherwise, I would’ve taken you up on your offer in a heartbeat.”
While that made sense, I still felt a little irritated at being passed over for sleep. “Then why didn’t you call or text the next day?”
“Because I didn’t know what to say. And to be honest with you, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the rejection. Believe it or not, that wasn’t my first roll in the sheets with someone who’s out of my league. I’m quite familiar with how it ends. On top of that, I work for you, and I was worried I’d lose my job.”
My head spun with all of his reasons, not sure which one to grab onto. Finally, I settled with the excuse that stuck out the most. “Back up…you thought I would reject you? Why?”
“Are you serious?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t know what you mean by being with someone out of your league and knowing how it ends.”
He closed his eyes and pulled in a deep breath. When he looked at me again, it was like I could see his soul, and it made me hang on to every word he uttered. “I’ve already told you about my struggles with weight when I was younger, and how, as I got older, I learned everything I could about women. But I’ve never been able to keep them interested for long. The longest was my ex-wife, which lasted for almost two years before she woke up one morning and decided she could do better.”
“I guess I don’t understand where you’re coming from. What do you mean, she could do better?”
He shrugged and dropped his gaze to the cushion between us. “Admit it, Mady…if you saw me on the street or in a club, you wouldn’t give me the time of day.”
I hesitated before answering, wanting to be truthful without being hurtful. “If I’m being honest, you’re right. But that’s only because you look so intimidating. I’d probably worry that you’d mug me or something.”
“I’m not the type of guy you go after, and I know that. It’s okay to admit it. I’m fully aware that women like you don’t go for guys like me.”
“Women like me?”
“Yeah…gorgeous, successful, confident. You can have any guy you want, so why would you want some overweight thirty-something-year-old when you could be with a young, good-looking gym rat?”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “There’s no way you’re that insecure.”
“I’m not. I’m realistic. Like I said, this isn’t my first rodeo with this type of thing.”
“Then why do you keep doing it? If you don’t think you can keep their attention, why keep trying? Wouldn’t it make more sense to go after someone you deem in your league?” I failed to understand his logic.
“I’m sure part of it is ego-driven, knowing I can initially gain the attention of someone like you. But it’s mostly because I go for the ones who are my type. If I’m attracted to you, why not at least try to see how far I can get?”
“Even if you think it won’t go further than the bedroom?”
“Well, there’s always the chance that it will, so it’s worth it to see.”
I shook my head, confused by his method of thinking. “But you didn’t even try to see how far it could go with me. You didn’t reach out at all, the day after we came home.”
“That’s true; I didn’t. But neither did you.”
That certainly shut me up for a moment. “Okay, so where does that leave us?”
“Here, having this conversation so we can see where we stand with each other, and what we want moving forward. Something we should’ve done last week.” He reached out and grabbed my hand, taking it in his while maintaining eye contact. “But we need to be realistic about this. I still work for you, and I have no intention of leaving or losing my job.”
I nodded, and for the first time since the ranch, I felt settled with him.
Fourteen
Finn
“Are you sure about this, man? It seems too risky, even for you.” Kyle regarded me with a raised brow while continuing to shuffle a deck of cards, all without missing a beat.
It was poker night, and it was my turn to host it at my house. As much as I wanted to stay on Mady’s couch with her wrapped in my arms, we needed to stick with the boundaries we’d set for ourselves. So I left after polishing off the Chinese we’d ordered and rushed home to get ready for the guys to show up.
As usual, Kyle was the first one here. I was thankful for that, though, because it gave me time to update him on the whole Mady situation. Granted, I hadn’t planned to fill him in on anything quite yet, but he more or less dragged it out of me when he asked about her uncle’s party. It was hard to explain how that went without mentioning the scene in the bedroom.
“The only alternatives are: I quit working for her so w
e can date without risking our working relationship, or we keep things the way they are and never figure out if we have anything worth chasing.” I finished dumping the chips and salsa into bowls. The beer was in the fridge, so at least I didn’t have to do anything with that.
“I get it, but surely you’ve thought about the ramifications of this not working out, right?”
“Of course I have, but it’s not enough to stop me from wanting to see what we could have together. And she agrees with me. It’s not like we’re jumping in blind. We’ve discussed it from every angle, and together, we came up with certain rules to keep things from getting messy.”
He tapped the cards on the edge of the table and then leaned back in his chair. “Oh, this ought to be good. What kind of rules are we talking about here?”
This was more than I wanted to divulge to him—or anyone, really—but I knew if I didn’t give him what he wanted, he’d never drop it. And the last thing I wanted was to have all the guys up my ass about my relationship with Mady. So, it was either put it all on the table for Kyle, or put it all on the table for Kyle and four other guys.
That was a no-brainer.
“No sleepovers; work hours are strictly for working, which means keeping it professional; we’re going to take our time, not rush into anything; and we must constantly and openly talk about our feelings so that if anything changes, we’re both on the same page.”
He nodded with narrowed eyes, as if mentally dissecting our plan. “Listen, Finn…you’re my best friend, we go all the way back to grade school, so I’m gonna give this to you straight. What you do with it is your business, but I love ya, and I don’t want to see you get hurt. Got it?”
“Oh, brother,” I grumbled and dropped my head back in exaggerated annoyance.
“If you don’t want to hear it, fine. I’ll keep it to myself, but just know that if this blows up in your face, I’m going to say I told you so.”
I rolled my wrist, motioning for him to get on with it. “Just tell me; you know you want to.”
Kyle sat forward and leaned against the table with his forearms, his fingers laced in front of him. All he was missing was the pinky finger at the corner of his mouth and a bald cat, then he’d be Dr. Evil. “How long have you known her?”
After doing a quick mental calculation, I said, “Just over a month.”
“It seems like every time we talk about her, you tell me that you don’t really know her. So my concern is that you’re risking a job that you love—and you can’t deny that; I’ve never seen you more excited about a Monday in my life—for the small chance that you guys could work out romantically. Don’t you think it would be better to spend the time getting to know one another before making the decision to date, especially with all that you both have riding on it?”
This was yet more proof that Marissa was perfect for him. Before her, Kyle was never known for his advice. In fact, it was widely known to do the exact opposite of what he suggested. But it seemed that being with Marissa and listening to her intelligent ideas had smartened him up. That only made me want to clone her for myself—except have her look different. That would just be weird.
“It’s hard to explain.” I took a deep breath and thought about the best way to word how I felt. “You’re right…there are so many things about her that I don’t know yet, but I’m learning so much on a daily basis. And what I do know about her is what makes me want to take this chance instead of dragging my feet. She’s like the perfect girl. I’d be stupid to let that slip by.”
Kyle laughed, more so to himself than out loud, his shoulders jumping along with the humor that rolled through him. “Oh, come on, man. The perfect girl? Since when have you been into her type for more than the horizontal mambo?”
He was starting to irritate me, so I flexed my fingers in a vain effort to calm down before I snapped at him—something that didn’t happen often. “I’m telling you…she’s nothing like you’d expect. I’ll be the first to admit that when I met her, I thought she’d be full of herself, just like every other girl I’ve ever come across who looks anything like her. But she’s not—at all. She’s caring and thoughtful and will do everything in her power to make others feel included and comfortable around her. I don’t need to know her favorite color or worst childhood memory to know that I want to explore more with her.”
“All right. Sorry.” He held up his hands in surrender. “I’m just worried that you’re blinded by her puss. That’s all. And I wouldn’t be your best friend if I didn’t say anything about it.”
“You’re not wrong…I might be a little blinded by what she has between her legs, but I’m also intrigued by what she has between her ears and attracted to what she has between her ribcage.” When Kyle didn’t say anything, just sat there with a dumbstruck stare, I realized I would have to spell it out for him. “Her brain and her heart.”
“Yeah, yeah. I got that.”
“Then why are you looking at me like you’re confused.”
His brows knitted together for a second before he shrugged it off and sat back in his seat. “Because I’ve never heard you talk like that before. Hell, even with the wench—whose name shall never be uttered—you never said anything like that about her. Now that I think about it…I don’t recall you ever talking about her much, unless you were complaining about something.”
“Do you see now why I’m willing to risk it all for her?” I asked while getting the poker chips ready for everyone so we wouldn’t have to waste time before playing. Most of the guys had wives to get home to, and Kyle’s wife was pregnant, which meant they couldn’t stay late, so I wanted to get everything set up beforehand to give us more time to lose all our money. “She’s different, Kyle. I can’t really explain it any other way. She’s just different from every girl I’ve met before her.”
“If you say so, boss. All I ask is that you play it smart. Think with your head, not your dick.”
God, he knew me too well.
“And if things start to get ugly, run.”
All I could do was laugh at him and shake my head.
Thankfully, the doorbell rang, interrupting our conversation. I’d never been happier to have someone show up at my house. Now, if only we could make it through the rest of the night without Kyle bringing up the topic of Mady, then I’d be good. Our poker game would end up getting cut short if anyone else weighed in with their opinions of her. I didn’t stand for it when Kyle did it, so I sure as hell wouldn’t stand for it coming from anyone else.
And considering I didn’t have many friends as it was, I didn’t care to lose the few that I had.
* * *
I was a little late showing up at Mady’s on Monday morning.
There really wasn’t a need for me to go to her house every day. It wasn’t like I couldn’t do my job from home or even my car, but somehow, over the last several weeks, our morning catch-up calls had turned into morning visits. Which had turned into me spending nearly all day with her, not leaving sometimes until after four in the afternoon.
Part of me wondered how she’d react to my tardiness. It wasn’t like I was late often—actually, this was probably the only time it’d happened—but after our talk yesterday, I didn’t know if she’d assume that I’d gotten too comfortable with her and took my time on purpose. And by the time I knocked on her front door, I was eager to find out if she’d let our relationship interfere with work by letting it slide.
While it wasn’t meant to be a test, it wound up being one in the end.
“What took you so long?” she asked as she opened the door.
I walked in when she stepped to the side to let me pass before closing the door behind me. “I’m not that late, am I?” I asked, making my way to the kitchen table with my computer bag. I knew how late I was, but since I’d been handed a golden opportunity to feel her out, I decided to go all in.
“Well, I guess not. You usually get here around eight, so I assumed you’d be here then. It’s almost ten now. I texted you a l
ittle bit ago; did you not get it?”
“Yeah, but I was in the shower. I told you I had some guys coming over last night for poker, so I was up later than usual. That, and I had a few too many to drink. Didn’t hear my alarm this morning.”
Mady lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug and then went to the kitchen to pour me a cup of coffee. It’d become our routine over the past few weeks.
“Does this mean you’re not mad that I’m late?”
“Considering we’ve never set a time for you to be here—because, like I said, you just always showed up at the same time every day—I can’t really say you’re late.” She brought me a mug, the same one I used every time I was here, and set it on the table in front of me.
It was difficult to know if her reaction was genuine or colored by the mutual attraction between us. After all, she was right. It was hard to say I was late if we’d never agreed to a specific time. “Then I think we should lay out certain rules for work, too. We put a lot in place to keep our…romantic relationship from getting in the way of business, but I think we should add a few more, just in case. That way, neither of us can accuse the other of trying to take advantage of the situation.”
She dropped her forehead to the table with a thud and let out a long, exaggerated growl. “You and your damn rules. I swear, Finn…it’s like you’re turning this into some sort of business merger.” She lifted her head just enough to look at me. “What’s next? Are you going to make me sign a contract?”
It was good to know this weekend hadn’t changed her.
I couldn’t help but laugh with her—except, she wasn’t laughing, though I knew she was on the inside because I could see it in her eyes. “I’m simply trying to make sure we don’t complicate things.”
“I’m sorry, are you saying that having a million rules is supposed to simplify things? How about this…be here by nine. If you show up at eight, wonderful. If you’re going to be late, call or text to let me know. And let’s plan to be done with work by two.”
