‘Please don’t say anything, Blaize. There is absolutely no need. For, even if you could be persuaded to agree to this monstrous coercion, I would not allow it.’
‘Georgiana,’ he said, ‘You shouldn’t—’; but she silenced him too, with that same movement of calm authority, a woman I had not seen before, who had been badly hurt, assuredly, but who seemed able to meet and to overcome this new pain as bravely as the madcap girl in her could gallop home from the hunt with a broken bone or pick herself up bruised and laughing from a stony ditch.
And the whole room was completely full of her.
‘Oh Nicholas, how very like you,’ she said. ‘I have been sitting here all day trying to decide just why you hated me so much, whether you wanted me dead so that you could marry again, or merely wished to drive me insane so that I might be locked up out of your way, or whether, perhaps, there could still be a spark of a quite different insanity left between us—such romantic notions. I thought you were doing it all for passion, when really—oh, my goodness!—I see now it couldn’t possibly be that. It’s just a matter of business, isn’t it? What else? And really, Nicky, it won’t do you know. Don’t you think we’ve embarrassed your brother, and poor Faith, long enough—and to no good purpose? I think we should leave them in peace.’
‘Be careful,’ he said. ‘Be very careful, Georgiana—’; but, although the threat was there, the anger of a man who had forgotten how to be thwarted, it was less than I had supposed, an indication that even he was aware of the change in her, the sudden deepening of her nature, a moment of growth and self-knowledge leading her to a threshold it should be our privilege to watch her cross.
‘You must think very poorly of me, Nicky, if you imagine I would lay claim even to my rightful inheritance at such a price.’
‘I’d think you a fool if you didn’t,’ he told her, recovering from his initial shock with the speed of a seasoned campaigner, his body alert now with the stalking caution of a predator circling her defences, certain of breaching them, since he no longer believed in the existence of a woman—or a man—who could not be bought or bullied or otherwise persuaded.
‘Georgiana,’ Blaize said, with quiet pleading. ‘Indeed, you must be careful. This is no game.’
‘Oh—I think it is. What else can one call it? Nicky wants your share of the mills. He has the money to buy, but no weapon to make you sell. But then my grandfather dies, and, gambling on his belief that I cannot live without the Abbey and that you will not allow me to be destroyed, he decides to use me as that weapon. A very simple game—and very effective—except that I will not be so used. Good heavens, Nicky! you have not the slightest chance of success. I have only to say I do not want the Abbey and all your cards fall down.’
‘Then say it, Georgiana,’ he told her, menacing her quietly, almost casually, since he still believed her to be incapable of any such thing. ‘Say it, and mean it.’
‘I—’
‘Yes, Georgiana?’
‘I don’t want the Abbey—not on your terms.’
He swung away from her, his back briefly turned, and when I saw his face again he was actually smiling.
‘Ah yes—I see you qualify your statement. You don’t want the Abbey on my terms—which doesn’t convince me that you’re ready to give it up.’
‘I believe I am.’
‘I doubt it. What you really believe is that I won’t go through with the sale. And, if that’s the hope you’re clinging to, then you couldn’t be more mistaken. I’ll do it, Georgiana. Ask Blaize.’
‘He’ll do it,’ Blaize said, still strangely brittle, very pale.
‘Ask Faith.’
‘He’ll do it,’ I answered, my mouth stiff and awkward to manage. ‘He’ll really do it, Georgiana.’
‘I know,’ she told me almost kindly. ‘He’d have to, I realize that, to save his pride and ease his temper. I know—strangers walking in the cloister, riding in the stream—I’ll say it for you, Nicky, to save you the trouble of taunting me. I know.’ She made a small gesture with her hands, pushing some unseen object away and smiled, shakily, but with resolution.
‘Nicky, I would like to make you understand. This morning I believed no price could be too high. I was wrong. The Clevedon land nourishes the Clevedons—you’ve heard me say that often enough, too often I suppose—but only if we deserve it. No, no—I’m not talking fairy-tales. If I accepted your quite shameful terms, then the crops wouldn’t fail and the cows wouldn’t abort, I know that very well. But if I lost my self-esteem I could hardly consider myself a Clevedon and I’d have no right to the Abbey then. I’d be the stranger in my own cloister and I would prefer not to be there at all. There’s no need to take the Abbey away from me, Nicky. I’ll give it to you freely, even if the law says it’s not mine to give—for it seems to me that, in this case, the law is showing very little common sense.’
She paused, her hands clasping themselves jerkily together, the great strain in her face sharpening every feature to a heart-rending clarity, her eyes a darker green than I remembered, her eyebrows a deep copper, a dusting of freckles across her resolute, patrician nose, a beading of sweat above her lip, the merest suggestion of tears blinked fiercely away whenever she felt them threaten. And she had not yet done.
‘Yes, Nicky—I’ll give it away, and let me tell you what it is I’m giving—since you see everything in terms of what it could fetch in the market-place. I don’t understand such things, but I can tell you what my gift is worth to me. Every happy day of my life is in that house. My father and my grandfather are in the churchyard, and my brother, who was not a good man—but I loved him. To you it is a heap of stone. To me every stone has a voice. But it doesn’t matter. Take it all, Nicky, and sell it, because if it has become an instrument of harm—a weapon—then I can’t wish to keep it. My grandfather would not have kept it himself on those terms. My son, if he grows to be the man I am hoping for, would not wish to receive it from me at such a cost to others.’
He said, ‘How noble. Perhaps you’d care to visit your tenants tomorrow and explain why they’re to be dispossessed.’ And I could have slapped him, hurt him.
‘You can’t turn them off—surely?’
‘Some of them, yes, I can. The choice is yours.’
‘Then do it, Nicky.’
Once again he turned away, allowing the silence to fall, Blaize and myself remaining on the edge of it, Georgiana standing with her hands neatly folded now, her head high, waiting with at least a surface calm for the next blow.
‘What now, Nicky?’
‘Just this. Don’t stand in my way, Georgiana. You’ll surely regret it.’
And this conventional threat surprised me, caused me to glance at him keenly, half afraid of seeing defeat in his face, although I wanted him to be defeated. But there was not even a spark of anger in him now, nothing so warm nor so weak as that, nor even any great coldness. Calculation, certainly, and shrewdness, a perfect readiness to manipulate his wife’s finest feelings as if they had been figures on a balance sheet, not from greed or jealousy or any kind of passion, but for the sake of the manipulation itself. And for a moment Georgiana allowed him to look at her in silence, her body relaxing now beyond calm to a strange and moving serenity.
‘I believe you are right,’ she told him. ‘I will regret it. But not for the reasons you suppose. I have been so afraid of you sometimes, Nicky, and now, quite suddenly, I can see no cause. What can you really do to me? The law allows you full control of my body and my spirit, we all know that—but I have already told you that the law, in these matters, is sadly lacking in sense. All I need to do is refuse—and go on refusing. And if that is a very alarming step to take, at least the first time—and it is very alarming—I would get used to it. Eventually I would be bound to prevail. The Abbey is the only real cord you had to bind me, and now it’s gone I do believe I’m free. How very astonishing, but really, Nicky, what else can you take away from me?’
‘I wonder,’ he said smoothly,
almost as if this unexpected resistance, this stretching of his ingenuity, was giving him enjoyment. ‘Let’s see. There are the children—’
But even this—which I anticipated with dread—did not dismay her.
‘Yes, indeed. The children. In law you are their guardian and I am nothing—I realize that—just the brood mare that gave them birth. And who ever heard a brood mare complain of ill usage when one takes her foals away? Yes, Nicky, the law allows you to treat me in just that fashion, for I have made enquiries as to my exact rights, and have been correctly informed that I have no rights at all. But, for all that, I am not sure you can do it. My children are no longer babies who can be locked away in a nursery with a nanny to bar the door. You could keep me out of Tarn Edge, but you can hardly keep Gervase and Venetia in—not all the time. And your mother would not help you to do it in any case. If they love me and want to be with me, then they will come to me, whatever I have done, wherever I may be. It may not be in accordance with the law, but it accords well with reality. I am not afraid of it.’
‘I take it you are thinking of leaving me, then?’
‘Yes.’ she said without hesitation, but without hurry, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. ‘I have been thinking of leaving you for some time.’
And when I made a flustered movement of escape, a muttered plea that they must wish to be alone, Blaize silenced me with a gesture, while neither Nicholas nor Georgiana appeared to notice my interruption at all.
‘It can hardly surprise you, Nicky.’
‘It doesn’t. I suppose you had planned to live at the Abbey.’
‘Yes. I had planned to be discreet, as a woman should. I thought if I went over there for a month, three months, six months together, then there would be no gossip when it became a year—forever.’
‘You could still do that, Georgiana.’ But even before she shook her head I doubt if he expected to be taken seriously. For the Abbey, as a weapon, had lost its cutting edge. Whether in the end it would be relinquished or not, she had shown Nicholas that she could live without it, and I understood, with a mixture of respect and sorrow, a touch of grudging amusement, that he had put it out of his mind. The Abbey had been a possibility. It was so no longer. And his acute, deliberately narrowed brain would soon be leaping forward—if it had not already begun—to explore other possibilities, some other way of settling his differences with Blaize. I had been reluctant to witness his defeat. He was not defeated. He had simply put the matter into abeyance.
‘No, Nicky. I wouldn’t like to do that now.’
‘What would you like, then?’
And, lowering her eyes, she said, almost in a whisper, overcome even in her new-found strength, by the enormity of the request she was making. ‘I think—in fact—is it possible for us to be divorced? There have been some new laws, have there not?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then what must I do?’
‘Please—not here,’ I said in anguish, for divorce, although possible now in law, and in London, was unknown in Cullingford, was as shameful, as unforgivable, as great a casting-out as it had ever been, and I didn’t want that for her. But, turning to me, half smiling, she said, ‘Oh Faith, I am so sorry, but please don’t stop me now, for if you do I may never find my voice again. And it must be said. I can’t live with you again, Nicky, and it is for your sake as much as mine. We have not been good for each other. No—that we have not. To begin with, I was foolish and inexperienced and easily hurt, and you were never altogether sure you loved me. Sometimes it was to distraction—although that was long ago—sometimes hardly at all, even from the start. You confused me, Nicky, and by the time I gained some understanding of the things you needed in a woman I rather imagine you had discovered them elsewhere—and I was very lonely. I was not self-sufficient, you see, when we married. I had never needed to be. I had grown up among people who loved me and who told me so. We lived together, not separately each, one in his private egg-shell. And silence terrifies me. Sometimes I had to get to Galton just to convince myself that I wasn’t dying. I could feel the blood turning sluggish in my veins and I had to keep it flowing. Well, I am a little more in command of myself now, and a good deal older. I have learned, really, that what I must do is the best I can, and our remaining together would not be for the best. It would not be honest. We have damaged each other enough. And I think we have failed each other enough. I have seen your father, sometimes, as hard as you. But what he felt for your mother always came through it. I have never been able to do that for you. Nicky. And you have never learned to accept me as I am. You have wanted me to be myself and different from myself all together, and it has been too much to ask. I have soured you and you have stifled me. And why should we continue to spread the misery of it through our lives, and our children’s lives, so that the Cullingford tea-tables might not be shocked? I suppose they will call me a whore when I leave you, but I shall not feel like one, and you will know I am not. Will it be very difficult?’
For a moment I thought he couldn’t answer, but then he spoke gruffly, gratingly almost, as if the words had been forced through some blockage in his throat.
‘To leave me? No—no difficulty except that you have no money and I would not be obliged to support you. Divorce? Relatively simple nowadays—if you are ready to supply me with proof of your adultery.’
‘I have not committed adultery, Nicky.’
‘No. I never thought you had. But if you wish to obtain a divorce there is no other way.’
‘You could not—’
‘No. Adultery on the part of a husband is not a ground for divorce unless it is accompanied by other offences of which I am not—and couldn’t be—guilty. I’m sorry. I don’t make the law. In this instance I simply benefit from it. I would have to track you down like a criminal—which is how the world would see you and treat you. I would have to catch you with your lover, like a thief caught with his loot. And then I would have to take action against you. If I succeeded, then it could only be because the charge of adultery had been proved, which would allow the Cullingford ladies to call you whatever names they liked. I am not squeamish, Georgiana, but I wouldn’t enjoy doing that to you. And even then you would not save the Abbey. Should our marriage be dissolved, you could take nothing away with you. Your Abbey, your children, the few hundred pounds your grandfather left you, would still legally belong to me—unless I chose to be generous.’
‘And would you?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘We’ll talk about it, shall we?’
And when he quite clearly had no answer, she made it for him. ‘Yes, I believe we will. My goodness, how strangely our prayers are sometimes answered. What I hoped for—even a day ago—was that we could somehow begin to talk to each other. And now—Ah well, I am no schoolroom goose. I won’t live with you again, Nicky. Oh no—I haven’t altogether displeased you tonight, have I? I may have spoiled your scheme, but you don’t really mind that. You’ll soon concoct another. And I’ve been bold, at least, and interesting. I’ve struck back at you, which you can’t quite help liking. I know. And I know it wouldn’t last. There’d be silence again very soon, and it’s far better for us to live apart and learn to talk. Oh dear—I think—yes, really, Nicky—I would like to go back to Tarn Edge now. Faith, if I may use your mirror a moment?’
And as I made a move towards her I had no need of Blaize’s restraining glance to tell me she needed to be alone.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I didn’t believe that anything more could be said; certainly I could not have spoken. But after a moment Blaize got to his feet and, looking at Nicholas, nodded and smiled wryly, almost wonderingly, his face plainly showing the stress of the day.
‘It occurs to me that the lady may have won herself an Abbey all on her own,’ he said.
‘It could well be—or not. Who knows?’ and picking up the long brown envelope Nicholas looked at it for a moment and then tore it neatly into two even pieces.
‘
All right, Blaize. So much for that. I don’t see the point in suggesting we could work together again. Do you still want that split?’
‘I’m not sure I want it, but I’ll take it. I think it’s the best we can do.’
‘We’ll see Agbrigg in the morning and get the figures right. And then you can set yourself up as a manufacturing man. I’m not usually free with advice, but I’ll tell you this much—you’ll need somebody reliable to look after your sheds.’
‘Yes, I know. Are you starting to worry about me, Nick? I thought I might take Freddy Hobhouse off your hands. He’s reliable enough, and he might feel easier about taking my money than yours.’
‘He might at that. I wouldn’t stand in his way—since I don’t need him. And, if you should happen to sell the sheds back to me in a year or two, it would help to know they’d been properly managed.’
Blaize smiled, nodded again, a swordsman, I thought, accepting a challenge.
‘I’ll have a word with him, then. Who knows—it might even boost his confidence so high that he’d marry my wife’s sister and make himself a rich man again—rich enough to buy his own sheds back, I reckon. And Nick—since we’re exchanging advice—don’t rely too much on Dan Adair. He’s good, but he’s not young, and it’s hard out there on the road—harder than it used to be.’
‘I know. I’ve got a lad or two coming up. I wouldn’t waste your time worrying about me, Blaize. There’s no reason for it.’
‘No reason at all. I notice you can’t say the same for me.’
And this time it was Nicholas who smiled. ‘I reckon not—but we’ll see how it goes. And if it goes downhill, Blaize, then I expect you’ll have the sense to pull out before it’s gone too far. Because even for Tarn Edge I’m not the man to throw good money after bad.’
‘That’s what you’re hoping for, is it, Nick? That I’ll pull out at the first slump in trade or that I’ll get bored?’
‘No. I don’t deal much in hope. It’s what I’m expecting.’
Flint and Roses Page 65
