Nimi swallowed. “But I always resented that order and see no need to follow it now. Mother told me that he could transform himself, but I had never seen it. I do not think he has transformed since Ichimi was born.” Nimi stared down at her hands.
“The first millennium that you were gone, we all thought you’d come back. Father said when you arrived to beg on our doorstep that we were to let you in, and he would forgive you. It was only after he heard about your apprenticeship to He Who Walks in Shadow that we were forbidden to ever speak to you or acknowledge you in any way.” She cleared her throat, and Xiao realized Nimi was crying. He wasn’t quite willing to stop despising her though. “I’m sorry about your hand. Ichimi shouldn’t have done that – even if – she’s changed, you know, since falling in love with the Goddess of Justice. She sees everything in absolutes now.”
“Is Ao supporting her in the war for the throne?” Nanami asked.
Nimi nodded, while Kairoku made a strangled noise.
“You shouldn’t–” he began, and Xiao turned a baleful glare on him.
Kairoku shut up.
Nimi hesitated. “Has the God of Love decided on his candidate for the Sun Throne?”
“Stop calling me that. And I thought you people didn’t like being ruled,” Xiao said. “Why would you support anyone?”
Nimi and Kairoku looked at each other; Nimi bit her lower lip.
“Ah. Your sister will be consort. Since it benefits your family, you’ve changed your tune.”
“Salaana will be a just arbitrator! She is far more deserving of the position than Aka,” Kairoku argued.
“She will certainly be decisive and adhere closely to her moral code. But she doesn’t understand others’ perspectives.
“Don’t misunderstand. I’m not arguing against a Sun Emperor. Maybe I would have, if anyone asked me before Aka became one. But now millions of mortals worship him. He holds dominion over the gods and keeps immortals from feuding with each other. Someone has to do that job. But I wouldn’t choose Salaana.”
“I suppose you’d support Gang, since he’s a freak like you!” jeered Kairoku.
“Freak?” echoed Xiao, and Kairoku flinched. “Because we’re more powerful than you? Perhaps you’re right. But doesn’t that power give us the right to rule? What do you think, Nanami? Would you like to be the Moon Empress?”
Nanami swatted Xiao on the arm. “Don’t tease them. They don’t know you like I do.”
Xiao laughed. Then he looked back at Kairoku. “I’ll support whomever Jin chooses.”
Kairoku’s brow knit. “Who’s Jin?”
“His betrothed,” Nimi told him. “The Goddess of Beauty.” She stared at them. Then, “I once saw the third Sun Empress with the God of War at my grandfather’s home.”
Xiao couldn’t quite hide his reaction.
Nimi nodded slowly. “Well, I daresay the Heavens will be a very exciting place in the coming months.”
AFTER Nanami and Xiao had been assigned to a guest room, Xiao left for the baths, leaving Nanami alone in the chamber. She knelt before the tokonoma, a small, recessed space containing a brown vase with flowers and a black ink painting of a thrush on a pine tree.
She couldn’t quite believe she was here. That she had been welcomed – not for her own sake, but for the sake of her lover. Who her family openly acknowledged as engaged to another woman. The Sea Dragon scorned illicit affairs, and yet enough power changed everything.
A soft scratching sounded at the door, and Nanami stiffened. “Come in.”
The rice-paper door slid to reveal Miko. Her hair was loose, swinging down her back, and she had replaced her elaborate kimono with a simple brown one meant for chores. She slipped into the room almost as a servant would, and Nanami couldn’t find any words, even though there was so much she wanted to say.
Miko knelt next to her and silently regarded the tokonoma as well, as if the only reason she had entered was to contemplate its arrangement.
“I’m glad to see you, Nanami, even under the circumstances.”
“Mother–”
Miko pressed the back of her hand against Nanami’s lips.
“I’m sorry, but you must not call me that. Your father renounced you and struck you from the family tree.”
“So why have we been invited to stay?”
Miko smiled sadly. “Did we have a choice in the matter?”
Nanami wanted to shake her, this small woman who was completely dominated by her husband.
“I would never forsake any of my children, even if their father did!”
Miko was very quiet. “The God of Love seems like a good choice for you then. He would fight for those he loved against anything.”
Even though the title suited him, Nanami asked, “Why do you keep calling him that? He is the God of Pleasure.”
Miko shook her head. “A conceit of Zi and Hei. They named him wrongly. But children can break free of their parents to become who they were always meant to be – look at you.”
Nanami whirled on her mother then. “If you aren’t here to say you love me, that I’ll always be your daughter, why did you come?”
Miko pleated the skirt of her robe over her thighs. “Did you notice that in dragon form, Xiao was at least five times bigger than Ao?”
Nanami was so surprised by the question that it took her a few moments to respond. “Well, I wasn’t thinking very actively about it, but certainly I noticed he was much, much larger.”
“The dragon form is a manifestation of a being’s power. In truth, any immortal can become a dragon. Ao taught me when we first wed. I was only the size of myself though – much less intimidating than your father. Would you like to see how I look now?”
Nanami shook her head, bewildered. “If you wish to show me.”
Miko rippled and suddenly a small white dragon with silver horns and a mane like mist was next to Nanami. It was about the size of a kitten, and just as elegantly, it climbed into Nanami’s lap and curled into a ball.
Gingerly, Nanami caressed its scales. Tiny and delicate, it was like petting a snake. The little dragon spoke.
“No one worships me, and I never had very much power to begin with – I think that’s why I notice every time power trickles away from me. As it does with each birth in our family.
“It is widely said that born immortals inherit the power of their parents, but it is more literal than most people realize. By the time Sanmi was born, I had realized that a family’s power is finite, and we all share the same power. When I met Ao, I already shared my power with my father and sisters. Between my children and my nieces and the grandchildren, that same power is now pulled in over forty directions.”
Nanami was shocked. “Does – does Ao know this?”
“Of course. Why do you think he controls his children so tightly? When you use magic, his own is reduced. That’s why he stopped transforming into the Sea Dragon after Ichimi’s birth - he realized he was smaller. He didn’t fully understand why, then, and he was afraid of losing standing.”
Since his children literally had his power, he viewed them as extensions of himself.
“If – I have trouble believing that Ao would willingly share his power. Why didn’t you stop having children?”
Miko the dragon slipped off Nanami’s lap and became herself again. “We wanted to have a big family. He found that if his will is the strongest, he can keep most of the power for himself. And of course, he figured out how to supplement by taking mortal worshippers.”
“But he isn’t a god...”
Miko made a noncommittal gesture with her right hand. “He isn’t called one, but he is worshipped. How else could he control the sailors on your ship?”
Nanami pressed her fists to her forehead. “This is all very interesting, but I don’t understand why you’re bringing it up.”
Miko’s hands came together, stroking each other as if she needed to be soothed. After a moment, Na
nami grasped her mother’s two hands in her one and squeezed them.
“I married a man a thousand times more powerful than me. I have tried to arrange more equitable alliances for my children. Xiao has access to the power of two Colors, while you have only one – and you must share it with two dozen others.”
And then Miko tugged her hands free of Nanami, and her eyes became distant.
“I will convince your father to lift your exile, but this isn’t your home anymore. We aren’t your family. You are free of us, and all the vows you made as a daughter of the Sea Dragon. But please, don’t come back. Take your lover away. Leave us in peace.”
Nanami stared at the tokonoma, too hurt and angry to answer. How dare Miko claim they weren’t family when their shared power proved otherwise? After the silence stretched unbearable, Miko rose and left.
Miko’s warning, that there was too great a disparity between her power and Xiao’s, seemed to indicate her mother still cared for her, but Nanami felt that care was wholly misguided. It was her father’s personality that made him override his wife so wholly, not his power. And if Miko really cared about Nanami, she wouldn’t reject her like this.
Some time later, Xiao returned. He stopped just inside the door, and Nanami knew he was reading her like a book, just like always. That was good because she didn’t want to explain herself.
He lit a lamp, then pulled her into his arms.
“Who came to see you?”
“Miko.”
“And she begged you to take your big, bad dragon and never return?”
Nanami laughed, though it wasn’t a happy sound. “Yes. She said that they are no longer my family, and this is no longer my home. I am free of them, and all the vows I ever made to the family.” She began to cry, and Xiao offered her his sleeve, which she soaked.
“Why does it still hurt?” she asked him. “It’s nothing I hadn’t realized. I knew this already. I said it to you, that you will be my family now. So why does it still hurt?”
“If you want, I can destroy this whole place.”
Nanami shook her head. “No. I still want... I still want...”
“Them to be well? To be happy? To be safe?”
“Yes,” she admitted.
Xiao stroked her head; then his hand suddenly fisted, pulling her hair.
“Ow! What was that about?”
“Oh – I am sorry – but...”
“What?”
“What did you say your mother said? You’re free of them and the vows? What vows?”
“Ah – as children we all vowed to protect the waters of the world, to give mortals safe sailing, unless they were wicked. The Sea Dragon considered it our duty as his children. I suppose that is what she meant.”
“And so, because you are no longer his daughter, you are released from your promise.”
“Yes...why? Is it important?”
Xiao opened and closed his mouth twice before saying, “I think it’s time for you to meet my parents.”
Nanami sat up, feeling very confused. “I have met them, you know. Before you were born.”
Xiao looked at her blankly. “You have? When and where and why?”
“Several times actually. We saw them – not regularly but sometimes – before the immortal creatures were all trapped. The time I remember the best was my four thousandth birthday party.”
“Your coming-of-age celebration,” Xiao mused.
Nanami nodded. She was glad to talk about the past. It was easier than dealing with the messy present.
“Tell me about it,” he demanded.
So Nanami leaned against him again and accepted his fingers running through her hair, letting them pull away her sadness.
She fell back in time remembering how she felt the morning she came of age. She had awoken alone in her room, but her handmaiden had soon come to help her dress.
“I can’t imagine you wearing anything that requires a second person to put it on.”
Nanami snorted. “Not with my current life choices, but I wore a gown as impractical as Miko’s yesterday,” she told him.
“What color was it?”
“Not indigo,” she said, and Xiao kissed her forehead. She’d been allowed to choose the material herself, so of course she had decided on whatever would get her the most attention. “It had white and silver fans with green pine trees embroidered on a really gorgeous coral silk.” She remembered being disappointed when she put it on though – the pretty fabric hadn’t suited her, and she had looked dumpy.
“Nanami? What’s wrong?”
She opened her eyes to find him bent over her, his engaging features no less appealing for being upside down. “I didn’t look pretty. I don’t have perfect dimples or a chiseled jaw,” she teased, touching those features of his.
“Ah, but you are Nanami, so you don’t need those things. Round cheeks,” he cupped them, “and delicate brows,” his thumbs stroked them simultaneously, “suit you splendidly.”
“Charmer,” she said.
“Naturally,” he winked. “So who was invited to this shindig?”
“Hmmm.” she closed her eyes, and his hands began to massage her scalp. “It was large – the main hall was packed. Bai came, and I remember Ao being angry that he brought the God of War – he was of course, the only child of Aka at that time. Both of your parents and the Sleeper.”
“You’re older than Salaana.” Xiao shook his head. “I guess I should have known that, but for some reason it never occurred to me before. That’s so weird.”
Nanami slapped his arm and he dimpled at her. He said, “I’m surprised Aka and Neela weren’t there.”
“Father hates the Sun Emperor. Father isn’t that fond of Neela either, and he never invites her when my grandfather – the Moon Deer – will be here.”
“So did you speak with my parents? Did they give you a present?”
“Mmmm, that feels good,” she told him, referring to the magic his fingers were working without any power at all. Unless...
“You’re not spelling me to feel better, are you? I have some resistance to influence, but you are very powerful.”
Xiao’s hands stilled. “No. I would never. Not without your permission anyway.”
Nanami’s cheeks heated, and she opened her eyes again. “I’m sorry if I offended you. I didn’t mean to sound accusatory. I just can’t believe how much better I feel. I haven’t had someone to...take care of me like this in a long time.”
“I know,” he said. “Now stop delaying! What happened with my parents?”
“Oh – right. Let’s see – they did give me a present, I’m sure, but I don’t remember what. Probably something very pretty that took a hundred years or so to make. That’s what most people gave. But I do remember what your mother said to me.
“‘Ao is blessed with his children! You are so beautiful and talented. It makes me yearn for a daughter.’”
“That’s it?” Xiao asked. “I’m surprised you remember that.”
Nanami met his eyes – his beautiful lavender eyes. “It may seem like nothing much to you, but I was rather upset by it. No one really thought I was beautiful. Nor particularly talented. I was neither musically nor artistically inclined. The only thing I’ve ever been really good at is stealing – creeping, sneaking.”
WHEN Xiao returned from his bath to find Nanami distraught over her mother’s visit, he had set out to comfort her. In some ways, it had been easy. Her long repressed need for physical affection meant she responded disproportionately to his touch – a fact he enjoyed immensely.
But when she revealed her insecurities, he didn’t know what to say. She was such a source of strength – someone he admired so deeply that he had trouble comprehending that she might not see herself the same way. He mulled over her words, that she had felt neither beautiful nor talented when she came of age.
“I’m sorry,” he said at last. “I’m sorry that you ever felt that way, an
d I’m sorry that my mother caused you pain. But I’m not sorry that you have become who you are – that you are so strong and independent and unique – because of it. You’ve given me courage, inspired me, set me free, and I feel so grateful for you being just as you are.”
Nanami was still staring into his eyes, her head in his lap, his hands cradling her skull. “Thank you.” Then she cleared her throat. “I went off on this tangent because you said you wanted me to meet your parents. What were you thinking of?”
“Well,” he kept his tone to be light, “I’d guess, no offense, that my parents might not even remember that exchange you had. And since I’m going to marry you, I think they really ought to know who you are.”
Xiao could see the moment she processed what he had said. She sat up quickly and shifted onto her knees. “Marry? But Xiao–”
He pressed a finger to her lips. “You’re worried about my breaking a vow, but what you don’t know is my vow is only to honor my parents’ wishes. Bai pointed out to me two days ago that if Jin stopped thinking of Aka as her father, she would be released from her promise. And when you told me what Miko said, I realized that was true for me as well, even though they’re my biological parents.”
Nanami’s lips parted beneath his finger. Then she smiled and threw her arms about his neck, her lips smashing into his.
Xiao chuckled. “You like the idea, then?” he murmured against her mouth.
But a moment later she pulled back, her brows knit. “But Xiao, do you really want to emancipate yourself? You won’t regret disowning your parents? I don’t want–”
Xiao tackled her to the tatami mats, pinning her wrists with his hands. “Nanami, it would be a dream come true, even if I didn’t get to marry you. You’re just a bonus.”
She stuck her tongue out at him, so he pulled it into his own mouth. He couldn’t help but chuckle when she gasped in surprise and arousal.
When Nanami broke their kiss yet again, Xiao growled his displeasure. “Just one last question, I swear, and then you can have your wicked way with me.” Her voice quavered slightly on the last words, and Xiao knew she was nervous.
“We don’t have to–”
Vows of Gold and Laughter (The Immortal Beings Book 1) Page 34
