Impossible Things (Star Shadow #2)

by Bolden, Beth

  Benji’s fingers tightened, and Diego’s heart accelerated, and his mouth went dry. This trip was supposed to be about Ana, but right now, all Diego wanted to do was drag Benji into the house, strip him naked, and climb on top of him.

  “I don’t,” Benji said, flashing him a devastating grin. “Guess all that gorgeousness must have come from one side.”

  Yeah, he’d fallen right into that one, Diego thought, but couldn’t find a speck of regret inside himself.

  Ana still hadn’t let go of Benji’s finger and now they were playing tug-of-war with it. Benji might think he’d inevitably come out on top of that fight, but Diego knew Ana better, and a more stubborn child did not exist.

  “You might want to protect that . . . for later,” Diego hissed under his breath. “We don’t have the time to go to the emergency room for a dislocated finger.”

  But somehow, without even letting go of Diego, Benji had managed to convince Ana to gift him his finger back. “Thank you,” he told her seriously, “I’ll take better care of it next time.”

  After clearing that up, Benji returned all his charm offensive back to Diego. “You guys ready to go?”

  “Ready!” Ana crowed from her perch on his shoulder. “Mouse!”

  “That’s right,” Benji told her, “we’re going to see the mouse.”

  “I just need to grab her bag,” Diego said, and before he could set Ana down, Benji had easily slipped her into his own grip.

  As he went back into the house to grab her diaper bag, Diego had to remind himself that this wasn’t like a boyfriend meeting Ana for the first time, Benji had been around her since she’d been born. He was one of her favorite uncles, and while that fact should have made Diego feel more relaxed, somehow it didn’t.

  Benji wasn’t a stranger in their lives; Diego already trusted him. Especially with Ana. He wouldn’t have ever agreed to Benji coming with them otherwise. But still, this transition from friend to something so much more had him a little thrown.

  Even though they were very much one person, Benji-the-long-time-friend and Benji-his-potential-lover felt like two separate people, and Diego hadn’t quite relaxed around the latter yet.

  But he needed to . . . the way they’d talked to each other the other night . . . Diego wanted that, and he wanted it soon.

  Like possibly after Ana passed out tonight from excitement soon.

  Picking up Ana’s Louis Vuitton bag, he slung it over his shoulder and did a quick mental rundown of everything he’d packed in it just a few minutes before. Satisfied he hadn’t forgotten anything, he walked back outside, locking the front door behind him.

  Benji was dancing around the black town car with Ana, who was bouncing and giggling, her curls flying in the bright morning sunshine.

  Diego’s heart clenched at the sight in front of him. So often life felt imperfect, and like you needed to settle for the next best thing, instead of what you really, really wanted.

  But it didn’t look like he was going to have to settle this time. He was going to get the man he’d loved forever, who also happened to love him and his daughter too.

  It was the sort of miracle that Diego had never even felt comfortable wishing for, because fate never liked it when you got cocky and overly ambitious.

  “You’re cute,” Diego said, thinking of how honest Benji had been this morning and also last Saturday night.

  “What, me?” Benji asked innocently, continuing to dance with a giggling Ana. “I think she’s the really cute one.”

  “Yes, well, my feelings for her are a little different than my feelings for you,” Diego said dryly. Benji finally came over to the open door of the town car, and handing Ana over, watched as Diego fastened her into the car seat the service had provided.

  It wasn’t quite as nice as the one Diego had, but it was still really nice that Benji had thought to ask for it.

  “Yeah?” Benji mumbled, leaning closer, right into Diego’s personal bubble as he straightened. “Feelings sounds pretty serious.”

  “It is serious,” Diego confessed. He reached up and cupped Benji’s cheek. He’d promised himself that he wouldn’t lose sight of what was important today—which meant he needed to focus on Ana having a good time and not making out with Benji—but Ana was in her car seat. One little quick kiss wouldn’t hurt anything, right?

  “These are ridiculous, by the way,” Diego murmured, flicking one corner of Benji’s sunglasses, then pulling him down a little further, covering his mouth with his own.

  Diego had never been with anyone where each kiss was better and hotter and even more incandescently amazing. Kissing Vicky had been . . . fine. Not bad, and not particularly amazing either, but every time he kissed Benji, his toes practically curled. If he’d known how good it was, and how good it could be, would he have sat around waiting for so many years?

  Benji preached how discreet his car service was, but Ana was in the back seat too, and so after the kiss went on a moment and then a second moment longer than he’d intended, he finally pulled away, panting.

  He swore he heard Benji whimper. “Please . . . please tell me we can do more of that later,” he asked softly.

  “After,” Diego promised. “If you’re not as exhausted as Ana is definitely going to be.”

  “I’ve got some stamina, baby,” Benji promised, the corner of his mouth curling up in a cocky smirk that shouldn’t have done anything to Diego’s knees, but apparently that was exactly the kind of thing that got him going more than anything else.

  He wanted Benji to know how he felt, but that was a step too far, and so he thwacked Benji smartly on the shoulder. “Behave yourself,” Diego admonished, but all Benji did was smile sheepishly.

  ———

  The drive to Disneyland took longer than it should have, but the driver knew exactly where they were going, and instead of taking them in the front gate, he went in a side entrance. “Where are we?” Diego asked, mystified. He’d been to Disneyland tons of times, and he’d never gone in this way.

  “As head of your security,” Benji said, with another one of those panty-melting smirks—if Diego wore panties, “I’ve taken care of getting us the VIP treatment. This is a special entrance, exclusively for VIP use.”

  Diego usually didn’t like throwing their money or celebrity around, but he guessed once or twice wouldn’t hurt, and if it meant giving Ana a better time today, he’d keep his mouth shut. Besides, Benji looked so proud of himself—Diego couldn’t disappoint him.

  “You ready, Ana Banana?” Diego said to his daughter, who cackled with excitement.

  “Mouuuuse!” she cried.

  After getting out of the car, they were quickly welcomed, and taken by a friendly-looking young woman to the main concierge desk.

  “Ah, Mr. Schmidt and Mr. Gonzalez,” a woman in a polo shirt embroidered with a Disney logo greeted them. “So happy you’re here today.”

  “Thank you,” Diego said, reaching for his wallet. Every time he’d been to Disneyland, he’d had to buy tickets.

  “Everything has already been taken care of,” she explained with a friendly smile. “I’ll just go take you to meet your tour guide, Abby.”

  Diego shot Benji a reprimanding look, but he just flushed and looked away.

  Abby turned out to be a young man, blond and slender, with a bright, slightly awestruck smile. “Hi, I’m Abby,” he said in an unexpectedly British accented voice, “short for Aubrey, sadly. And who might this be?” he asked, crouching down to Ana’s level.

  “Ana,” Diego said, as his daughter could only babble nonsense excitedly at Abby’s question.

  “It’s great to meet you both,” Abby said, rising to shake both Diego’s and Benji’s hands. “I’ll admit to being a big fan. Especially for the new music.”

  “We’re back in the studio later this week,” Benji said. “Not sure yet when the album will be ready, but that’s great to hear.”

  “Yeah,” Diego echoed. He was never good at meeting fans “in the wild
.” Benji had always handled that part of their fame so much better than him.

  “Now, it says in my notes, we want Ana to get on all the kiddie rides. We can definitely do that. Any shows you’re particularly interested in?”

  Benji raised his eyebrows at Diego, who frankly had no fucking clue. “Anything you think she might like,” Diego confessed.

  “Then, we’ll definitely take our time in Toontown,” Abby said, “she’ll love that.”

  “Thank you,” Diego said gratefully. “I’ve . . . I’m not used to all this.”

  Benji chuckled, and Abby just shrugged. “It’s the best way to see the park, in my opinion. Ana here is going to have a wonderful time, I’ll make sure of that.”

  ———

  Abby’s words were prescient, because he and Ana bonded even more quickly than she’d latched on to Benji.

  As Abby and Ana held hands and excitedly skipped toward Toontown, Diego and Benji hung back, half a step behind, and just watched.

  “Thank you for this,” Diego said softly. “I know it probably wasn’t cheap. You didn’t have to do it.”

  But Benji just shook his head. “What is the point of having all this money if we don’t get to enjoy it?”

  Something Diego often argued, but not a point that Benji tried to make frequently. Usually Benji was occupied trying to make more and more money, to the point where the dollars rolling into his bank accounts didn’t even have a purpose anymore, except to accumulate even more.

  “Yeah, I know,” Benji said, rolling his eyes. “I should listen to you more often. But this is special, and Ana is special, and you are both very special to me.”

  There was a look in his eyes that Diego had never seen before. A full and complete acceptance that this was everything he’d ever wanted and was determined to enjoy for the rest of his life. Diego and Ana and everything.

  Diego’s fingers itched and he wanted so badly to reach out and take Benji’s hand in his own, but they were surrounded by the regular Disney crowds. The last thing they needed right now was a picture spreading on social media. The crowd of paparazzi currently following Leo and Caleb around on their daily runs was enough to convince Diego that no matter how much he wanted to hold Benji’s hand, there was no way he was ready for it.

  “I want to kiss you again, so bad,” Benji said, leaning over and saying the words just quiet enough that Abby couldn’t hear them. “This morning . . .”

  “It wasn’t enough,” Diego confessed. “Not even close to enough.”

  “I know you said later,” Benji said, carefully, “but if you’re tired or not feeling it, we don’t have to rush things because of . . . Saturday night. Okay? If I can just kiss you again, I’m good.”

  While it was immensely comforting that Benji was willing to continue waiting if that was what Diego wanted, he wasn’t sure he really liked it. It had been so all-consumingly hot to hear just how much Benji wanted him. Maybe he didn’t want to take things as slow as he’d thought. Maybe the nerves over his lack of experience would just fade away in the white-hot heat they created together. He wanted to fan Benji’s desire and then get lost in it.

  “Saturday was . . .” Diego glanced up at Abby and Ana, who were chattering away like old friends, as Abby pointed out all the different landmarks in Toontown. “Saturday was so good. I want more. I need more.” Diego took a deep breath. “What I really need is you.”

  Benji’s face lit up with a huge smile. “Ditto. Trust me, ditto.”

  “Then we’ll figure out the rest,” Diego said. “Come on, let’s see what Ana is so excited about.”

  ———

  Ana took pictures with Mickey and Minnie, spent twenty minutes crawling all over the enormous play structure in the middle of Toontown, and then announced, with a surprisingly forceful voice, “Want princess!”

  Diego crouched down in front of her. She was still holding hands with Abby, who, thankfully, seemed charmed rather than annoyed at her clinginess. Usually, Diego thought with a trace of resentment, Ana wanted to cling to him, but maybe it was a good thing that she met and enjoyed other people. The potential for others to use her made Diego keep probably a closer, tighter eye on her than was healthy, but the alternative was so much worse.

  He was always going to protect his daughter with every fiber of his being.

  “You want to see some princesses, darling?” Diego asked.

  Ana shook her head emphatically.

  Diego glanced up at Abby, who just smiled. “I think she wants to see the princess boutique. They do the full princess makeover—hair, dress, accessories. I could make an appointment for us after lunch, and that would give you two some time to explore the park on your own.”

  Diego opened his mouth to object—they weren’t here so he and Benji could go on any rides—but Benji smoothly stepped in. “I bet Ana would love that, wouldn’t you, sweetheart?”

  Ana clapped her hands excitedly and shouted, “Princess!”

  Shrugging, Diego capitulated. “We don’t need to stay with her?” he asked worriedly. “Are you sure?”

  “She’ll be in the best hands, and I won’t take my eyes off her,” Abby promised. “And I’ll give you two some special passes that’ll make sure you get on any ride you want without waiting in line.”

  Benji grinned. “What about Space Mountain?”

  “Anything you want,” Abby emphasized with a friendly smile. “So, should I make a reservation for after lunch?”

  “Sure,” Diego said. “Where to next?”

  “Miss Ana said she really wanted to ride the carousel,” Abby said. “And then on to Dumbo, unless you two have any objections?”

  As they headed toward Fantasyland, Benji elbowed Diego in the side, which should have been more platonic than sexy, but all it did was remind him of later, when Benji could finally put those big hands all over him.

  “I told you this was a good idea. Dumbo without a line,” Benji muttered under his breath.

  Diego shot him a look that was probably a lot warmer than Dumbo deserved. “What about the teacups?”

  Benji visibly swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Is anyone else thirsty?” he asked, and the glance Diego got in return was definitely hotter than Dumbo was used to. “I could use a lemonade.”

  “Yeah, me too,” Diego agreed. “I can share with Ana.”

  “Abby, do you need anything?” Benji asked.

  Abby looked surprised. Diego assumed that most people he showed around the park probably treated him like a servant, and not a friend, but that was just one of the many reasons he loved Benji so much. He was gracious and kind and a gentleman, and never acted pretentious or rude.

  “No, I’m good, but thanks,” Abby said gratefully.

  With one last burning look in Diego’s direction, Benji departed toward one of the concession stands dotting the walkways, as they headed toward the huge carousel dominating Fantasyland.

  Ana insisted on riding the huge white charger, tucked up next to Diego. As they started to slowly turn, Diego caught Benji’s eye, standing with the rest of the crowds, holding a lemonade and sipping another. And it occurred to him, not for the first time, that Benji shouldn’t be on the edge, looking in. He should be up on the carousel with him and Ana. In some ways, he and Vicky and Ana would always be the first version of their family, but there didn’t have to just be a one-and-only version. There could be others, and one of the others could include Benji.

  Had to include Benji, Diego realized abruptly. It was a scary step, opening up their lives that had been so closed off and so private for so long, but Benji wasn’t a stranger. He was already on the fringe, they just needed to open their arms and welcome him in.

  When the carousel ride completed, and Diego carried Ana over to where Abby and Benji waited for them, he shot the latter a huge smile. “I’m so glad you came with us,” Diego confided as Benji handed him his cup. “You made today special.”

  Benji shrugged a little self-consciously. “You could’ve m
ade the same phone call and gotten the exact same results.”

  “I don’t mean Abby, and not waiting in any lines, though that is nice,” Diego said. “I mean that it wouldn’t have been as special if you weren’t with us.”

  Benji nearly pulled up short as they approached Dumbo and its insane line, creeping all the way around the ride and threatening to spill into the walkways around it. “You . . . you really mean that, don’t you?” he asked, clearly surprised.

  It was hard not to feel a twinge of guilt at the shock in Benji’s voice. “You’ve always been an important part of our lives, but . . . now, more than ever, we want you here, with us.”

  Benji reached out and squeezed Diego’s shoulder. His gaze told Diego that he wanted so much more. He wanted to lean down and casually kiss him, like it was something they already did a dozen times each day. He wanted to hold hands, without it catching the attention of every single harried parent in this line.

  Diego could have changed the famous line, “with great power comes great responsibility,” to “with great power comes great obligation,” and it would have still been completely accurate. He’d never felt the obligation of his fame as strongly as he did in this moment. Before, he’d felt it for others, specifically Leo and Caleb, but never for himself. It had never truly gotten in the way of anything he’d ever wanted—instead it had made a lot of things easier. Money made even the bitterest pill easier to swallow.

  But money couldn’t fix this problem. No matter how much money they had, Benji couldn’t confiscate every single phone in this park. He’d seen the occasional interested face, and more than one quick flash in his direction. Pictures would exist of his trip here today with Ana, and while it was terrible enough that they were taking pictures of his kid, he couldn’t risk him and Benji looking like anything more than good friends.

  “You excited for Dumbo, Ana?” Benji asked her as Diego picked her up and carried her the last bit of the way to the ride. She was good on her feet, with sturdy legs that usually would carry her farther and faster than Diego ever wanted to go, but it had been a long day already and he could tell she was getting tired.