Jonah ran up to her as she set down the pitcher of lemonade at the table. “Now?” he signed, pointing at Josh, who was finishing up distributing the last of the lemonade.
Jonah was a friendly child by nature, but even that gregarious spirit didn’t explain the connection her son felt with the man who was his father. It made her wonder, over the past few days, if the whole world couldn’t see the relationship between them. Their near-instant connection and physical similarities shouted out to her—could everyone see it so easily?
“OK,” she signed as she saved a seat on the other side of Jonah for Josh. Jonah was so eager to give Josh his name sign that it made her second-guess withholding Josh’s true title from her son. It wasn’t wrong to protect the boy from heartbreak until she knew Josh would stay in his life, was it? The loss of his grandfather was loss enough—she’d spare him any further hurt any way she could.
Josh laughed as Jonah tugged him enthusiastically to the place setting and tapped both small hands on the chair in an invitation to sit.
“As you can see, Jonah’s very ready to present you with your name sign,” Jean explained.
“I get that,” Josh replied, making a big show of sitting down as instructed. “You could have let him do it earlier, you know.”
“And miss my best leverage for good church behavior?” she replied with a laugh and a wink at Jonah. “A mom needs to use any advantage she’s got.” She caught Jonah’s eye and signed, “Now you may,” while voicing the same words.
“Wait—” Josh cut in, twisting to face Jonah. Slowly he said, “Jonah, what is my name?” while executing the corresponding signs with fumbling but enthusiastic fingers.
Jean’s heart turned over in her chest at the effort. The moment suddenly felt hugely important for all three of them.
Jonah grinned wildly and made the combined sign he’d chosen, wiggling the fingers on both hands back and forth in a “swimming” motion as he gradually separated his palms in front of his chest.
Josh paid careful attention, his eyebrows furrowing in an effort to connect the sign he’d seen before, finally looking to Jean for an explanation. The eagerness she saw in those dark eyes turned her heart over again. “Wait, I’m...?”
“Big Fish,” she said as Jonah made the sign again.
As name signs go, it was unusual. Then again, was there anything even close to ordinary in the situation? For a moment, Jean held her breath, uncertain of Josh’s reaction.
Josh’s eyes widened for a moment, and then he threw his head back and laughed. “Big Fish!” he repeated, imitating the sign as Jonah made it again. “I love it. Big Fish. My name is Big Fish.” Without any instruction from her, he’d used the signs from his earlier question so that he could form the sentence “My name is Big Fish.”
“Yes!” Jonah signed with a happy yelp that erupted into nonstop giggles.
“Big Fish.” Josh repeated it like the grandest of titles, wiggling his “fishy” fingers with delight.
Bill and Rose, who had taken seats on the far side of the table and had seen the exchange, laughed. “Hello there, Big Fish,” Bill said, trying the name out on his own fingers. “Nice to meet you.” Bill caught Jonah’s attention and signed “Well done!” as he said the same.
“Thank you,” Jonah signed back.
Josh touched Jonah’s shoulder, signing, “Thank you.” She could hear the powerful emotion in his voice. She’d worried he would take offense at whatever name Josh chose, aware that it served as a barrier to his true identity. His delight at being named “Big Fish” was as heartwarming as it was surprising. She had no doubt that Josh would be introduced to every person on the lawn before the day was over.
Jonah waved at Kelly, who’d seated herself across the table from Jean as a sign of moral support, and signed “My friend Big Fish” to her.
Kelly’s smile was filled with understanding, and she signed back, “Good choice.”
“Take your seats, everyone, while I say a blessing over our meal” came Pastor Mitchell’s voice.
Bill and Rose, unaware of the weight of the moment they’d just witnessed, joined hands and reached out to Kelly and Josh, as well. And there they were, joined in a circle of hands, Jonah unaware he held the hands of each of his parents in his two small fists.
She felt the moment hit her like a landslide, somehow deeply aware of how it hit Josh, as well. Pastor Mitchell’s words washed over her, heard but barely understood over the roar of emotions in her chest. How could she have any hope of going back to a life that didn’t include Josh now? How could she hold back the bursts of optimism that he would truly be part of their lives? Those insistent bursts waged war with the protective mama side of her that would not, could not, see Jonah hurt or ignored or sidelined by the man her son had proclaimed “Big Fish.”
Oh, Father, she prayed silently alongside Pastor Mitchell’s mealtime blessing. Protect us. So much could go wrong here.
Yet, for the first time since Josh Tyler had set foot in Matrimony Valley, Jean began to believe there might be a chance for so much to go right.
* * *
Bill Williams caught up with him at the dessert table. “So you’ll be back for the wedding?”
“Of course,” Josh replied. “And who knows? I might need more gear by then.”
Bill laughed. “I expect a man like you can get a whole load of top-notch stuff on the internet.”
“I could.” Josh smiled in return. “But I’ve discovered I like the old-school approach. Go ahead and see what you can whip up for me for when I come back.”
Bill scratched his chin. “Oh, I don’t know that you’ll have much time to fish with all that wedding stuff going on. Jean’s got so much happening, I feel like she ought to post a calendar on a sign in the middle of the street.”
“She’s organized, I’ll give her that.” Josh gazed over at Jean, talking to a knot of people on the far side of the lawn.
“She’s more than that. She’s a lot like her daddy. I’m thinking she saved the valley. Pretty special, that one.” He shot Josh a look. “I’m thinking maybe you see that, too.” When Josh raised an eyebrow, he went on. “You didn’t go home with your sister the other day.”
“Wow, I guess what they say about small towns is true,” Josh replied, feeling a flush rise up his neck. “Everybody’s watching everybody.”
Bill stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “We got our charms and our faults, just like the rest of the world.” After a moment, he added, “You’re welcome back anytime, you know. Don’t have to be for the wedding stuff. You can come just ’cause you want to.” He nodded toward Jean. “To fish, that is.”
* * *
Jean stood before Josh in the airport terminal drive later that Sunday afternoon. She’d left Jonah with Bill and Rose, aware this farewell would be difficult and awkward. “I owe you an apology,” she began.
Josh shifted his bag to his other hand. “I thought we were past that now.”
She fiddled with the drawing she held. “No, I owe you an apology for something else.” She felt she had to say this, had to get it out on the chance it really would be years before she’d see him again. Which was silly—he’d be returning for Violet’s wedding a dozen days from now—but the irrational fear stuck in her gut anyway. “I...well, I misjudged you.”
“I don’t understand.”
“We weren’t...perfect...when we were together, but I put that all on you. In my mind, I built you into this distant, busy executive. Someone too much like your father. It was easier on me, I think, to view you that way. To make it all about how you wouldn’t listen and none of it about how I wouldn’t make you understand. Part of the fault for what happened between us falls to me. On my unwillingness—then—to stand up for myself. I made you the bad guy because that made it easier to stay away, to keep the silence between us.”
“Well,” he said, “it’s not like I didn’t give you reasons to think that way.” He shifted his weight. “I didn’t pay attention. I took you for granted. And that falls on me. I don’t want to be that kind of man anymore.”
She dared a long look into his eyes, pleased to see sincerity there. “For what it’s worth, I do believe you aren’t that man anymore.”
“I’m not—well, I don’t want to be.” The strength of his gaze tilted her off balance, the dazzle both familiar and a bit frightening. “This isn’t the last time you’re going to see me.” The way his voice could pull her in hadn’t faded with time.
“Of course not,” she countered, scrambling for the distance she was quickly losing. “The wedding’s coming.”
“That’s not what I meant. Look, I don’t know how we make this work, but I do know we will make this work. I won’t be the ‘Big Fish’ that got away.”
It was just like Josh to find a clever way to say the really important stuff. She admired clever, but she needed true. She knew what his powers of persuasion could do to her, knew her doubts were still warranted. After only four days, could she truly believe Josh’s attentions would stick? Could she really count on it? Especially with Jonah’s heart on the line?
“I’m having my office send Jonah a new electronic tablet. This one has built-in video and transcription software. When I talk, it will write the words out in captions on the screen. That way, when I goof up on the signs, you can still tell him what I mean. And I’m going to get fluent in emoji, too, so we can talk in those tiny pictures in addition to whatever words he can read at his age.”
“That’s really kind of you.” He was trying so hard. Jean felt her heart tug madly after the fact, too desperate to believe this first burst of enthusiasm would last. It was just that all the years of “old Josh” weren’t allowing her to stake so much on the “new Josh” she’d met this week.
“He’s amazing, Jean. Just the way he is, just like you said. You’ve done an incredible job. I...” He didn’t finish the thought—something that wasn’t like him. Josh Tyler finished every thought, usually with a flourish.
“You have a plane to catch,” she made herself say. “Don’t forget your ‘Big Fish’ drawing.”
He smiled at the paper. “I’ve never had a drawing to put on my fridge before. I’m not even sure I have those magnets you use to hold them there.”
“You’ll adapt.” How had he managed to look even more attractive now than he did earlier today at the potluck? Confidence looked wonderful on this man, but the unsettled look in his eyes right now went straight to her heart in a way his trademark confidence never had.
“I’m glad, you know,” he admitted with an uncharacteristic sheepishness. “I’m glad I wound up here. Violet says it’s fate, but I know you have a different opinion.”
Jean took a deep breath. “I’m thankful God brought you to the valley. I’m...” She was going to go ahead and say it, even though it felt like hurtling over the falls. “I’m thankful you’re back in our lives.” She’d said “our lives” and not just “Jonah’s life.” His eyes widened, and suddenly the exposure of the admission felt like too much. “I’m glad Jonah will know his father.”
He paused a long moment before replying, “That, too.” He took a step toward her. “You know, I never really stopped wondering how you were doing. Maybe not enough to act on it, and that’s on me, but I did think of you.” Josh smiled, shaking his head. “Mayor Jean Matrim. Pretty impressive.”
She waved away his compliment, wishing he wouldn’t stand close enough for her to smell the elegant beachy-spicy aftershave, or be pulled in by the depths of his brown eyes. “Oh, I doubt you’re impressed by the likes of Matrimony Valley.”
“I am. The valley, and its mayor.” Before she could stop him, he leaned in and left the lightest of kisses on her cheek. “See you soon.”
All those years and all this baggage didn’t change how he could still blow her away with the slightest touch. She coughed, fighting to wrench her composure back by saying, “Memorial Day weekend.” That was Violet’s wedding weekend.
“Before that. Maybe in person, but at least online. Gotta show off my new sign skills as I learn them, right?” He duplicated the name sign he hadn’t stopped repeating since the potluck. “Big Fish and all.”
“Big Fish.” Josh had never once mentioned what she could see in his eyes: he knew, just as she did, that Big Fish was just a placeholder until she allowed him to use Daddy.
“I’m glad you like it.”
“I figured it’d just be some jazzed-up version of Josh, but this is much better.” He grinned. “I wonder if I can make them put it as my title on my business cards. I mean, CEO is impressive, but Big Fish is so memorable.”
Was he going out of his way to show her he was okay with the fact that it wasn’t Dad? Did he really just genuinely get a kick out of Jonah’s choice? Jean couldn’t tell. She could barely think straight about anything today. A host of different emotions tossed her off balance. She couldn’t ignore the warm glow of the attraction Josh could still pull from her.
But neither could she ignore the dark wall of fear and doubt over what their future held. She’d never be able to make him pay attention to his son or to her. If he chose to, it might truly work. But even if he had the best of intentions toward them, the demands of his life were loud and relentless. She’d welcome his promises, accept his declarations, but she’d never allow herself to count on them. All of this week’s progress didn’t change how much forgiveness they still had to work through with each other.
He put his hand to his forehead as if he knew that, as well. “I’ve got a million things I want to say. A million conversations I want to have. Only I can’t find a way to start any of them just yet.” He made a frustrated sound. “We need so much more time than we’ve had.”
Jean made herself stare straight at him, even though her heart was turning rebellious cartwheels inside her chest. “So come back.”
“I will. I really will.”
Too much of her wanted to believe him. Far more than was safe just yet.
He must have seen the resistance in her eyes because he grabbed her hand. “No, I mean it, Jean. I really will.”
She settled for the safest response. “Don’t disappoint him, Josh.”
“I know. I get how important this is. And I won’t disappoint him. I’ve got too much to make up for to mess this up. We’ll figure it out.” He stared into her eyes, again too close. “We will figure this out.” His emphasis dug its way under her resistance like an undertow. For a breathtaking, terrifying moment, she thought he might kiss her—really kiss her, not just that careful peck on her cheek—and she couldn’t be sure she would be able to fend him off. I can’t trust anything I’m feeling right now.
Thankfully, Josh took her elbow instead. “So I’m not saying goodbye,” he said with a soft insistence. “This is ‘I’ll see you soon,’ got it?”
She nodded, her composure too fragile for words.
With a wave and a million-dollar smile, he turned from her and walked toward the terminal. In a matter of hours, he’d be back in his frantic California office, grabbing the world by the tail.
She stared after Josh as the glass doors slid closed behind him, pleading to Heaven that he wouldn’t leave Jonah, and her, behind in his wake.
Chapter Eleven
Josh jabbed at the car stereo control button Monday morning, cranking it to the earsplitting volume he usually loved. He waited for the throbbing beat to course through him, underscoring the twisty drive to his office that launched his days.
The days he actually made it home from work, that was.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been away from work for four days. Sales calls and conferences pulled him away from his desk frequently, but never to the level of disengagement of this past weekend. Half of him
wondered what sort of disasters lay waiting on his desk, even though he’d been up for three hours poring over accumulated emails.
The other half of him—a half he didn’t recognize—wanted to just keep driving. Take off down the highway in search of the quiet that had eluded him since the plane wheels touched down last night. He couldn’t have stopped living loud; loud was who he was. His whole life was music and noise. It was about being loud and large, about being headed for greatness and impossible to ignore.
Josh Tyler was a high-volume guy in every respect.
So why did the noise just jar and annoy him this morning?
Chalking it up to jet lag, Josh applied the effort it took to make the left turn into SymphoCync’s parking lot and told himself to enjoy the way the sun reflected off the building’s huge glass windows. He had six meetings today, the first of which started in twenty minutes. As he hit the lock button on his key fob, making the car chirp out a sound from its “J. Tyler, CEO” parking spot, Josh made a small version of his name sign with his left hand. Okay, Big Fish, time to hit the ground swimming.
The day’s meetings went by in an uninspiring blur. The next day’s presentation went fine, but Josh felt no zing of success when the new advertisers signed their two-year contract.
On Wednesday Matt sent back a proposal Josh had given him to review with a dozen corrections. Mistakes Josh should have caught. “Get your head in the game” was scrawled across the bottom of the last page in Matt’s all-caps handwriting.
His Surprise Son Page 10
