"I was looking through our archives and test files, hoping to find something of Mom's from her college sorority days. Spying on her, maybe. But I knew she'd get a kick out it if I could find something of hers, like an old test or report, and give it back to her as a Mom's Weekend present."
"And this is it?" I said, happy for Alexis.
She shook her head. "No. This is something else I found. It's totally unrelated to me. But connected closely to someone else here." She held up the scrapbook and slid a glance at the boys in the kitchen.
They were busy, and adorable, joking with each other as they cooked, anticipating each other's moves as if they'd been a team forever. She pointed to an old picture that was held in with photo corners. She leaned into me like I was her coconspirator and whispered in my ear, "What do you think? Seth has been holding out on us. He's as much a legacy as I am!"
I gasped softly, automatically. Which pleased Alexis tremendously, judging from her expression, anyway.
Seth hadn't wanted anyone of the girls to know. Now Alexis had gone and discovered it for herself.
I pulled the book to me and took a closer look at the picture the little sleuth had uncovered. When I saw it, I paled. For a second, I literally couldn't breathe. My chest felt tight, like my heart was cracking.
To the casual observer, it was just a sappy old dance picture. One of the old kinds where the girls had made the backdrop out of butcher paper and crepe paper ribbons. It looked completely tacky and fake.
The couple, dressed in outdated formal wear, stood in the center of an arch covered with flowers. The girl had long blond hair styled to curl away from her face, perfect makeup, and a dress that looked expensive and, judging by the quality, probably was the height of fashion for the time. She had the tiniest of waists and a quirk of a smile that was at once seductive and smug. Possessive. As if she owned the guy and the world and everything in it. She was the perfect Double Deltsie blond.
He had his arm carefully posed around her, holding her as if she were as fragile as a rose in bloom, his large hand covering hers. The look on his face was carefully masked, trained into a forced smile for the camera that didn't reach his eyes. The look in his eyes was focused and fierce, almost like he was furious with someone or something.
And he was…Ian.
My hands started shaking uncontrollably. I made a fist to hide the trembling as I bent over the picture and tried to push disturbing, unbidden thoughts away. Not Ian. Not Ian. Not Ian! Ian's real dad? But how could that be? Dad was our dad! Both our dad.
The last thought made me almost physically ill, off balance and dizzy. Like the world had tipped off its axis and spun the wrong direction. I swallowed hard against the bile rising in my throat.
It was like looking at Ian dressed up for eighties day in high school.
"What year is this?" My words came out a croak.
Alexis didn't seem to notice. She clapped in that way people do when they're pleased with themselves, rapid, tiny claps of glee. "Nineteen eighty!" She pointed. "It says right below the picture."
I'd been so shaken that the caption had swum before my eyes. I focused, really concentrating now, trying to get the words to make sense. Someone had written a description beneath the couple in neat, loopy feminine script—Colleen Smith with Rick Butler, Spring Formal, April, 1980.
My mouth was so dry, I wasn't sure I could speak. I'm staring at Seth's parents.
"That has to be Seth's dad. He looks just like him!" There was absolute delight in Alexis' voice.
I nodded my agreement, reeling and sick, least of all from being hung over. Yeah, Seth looked like the guy in the picture. But Ian was an exact clone, down to the cowlick and dimple.
"Could be an uncle." I spoke on autopilot, defending Seth's secret like it was my own.
Alexis was undaunted and undeterred. She called out to him, "Seth, do you have any uncles?"
He looked up from his cooking, frowning slightly at the odd, out-of-the-blue question. "Yeah."
Alexis persisted, like a bloodhound on the scent. "Blood uncles?"
I tried to warn him with a subtle shake of my head, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at her.
"Mom's brother," he said. "Why?"
"No Butler uncles? Like, is your dad a twin?"
"No. What are you girls looking at?" He poured a cup of coffee.
"Nothing!" Alexis singsonged her answer and turned to me. "See?" Alexis whispered as she tapped the photo. "This is his dad. Has to be."
Seth came in and set the coffee in front of me. "What are you looking at?" He leaned over to see.
"You never told us you were a legacy, Seth." Alexis pointed to the picture. "If these aren't your parents, I'll turn in my amateur sleuth badge."
He stared at the picture in stunned, stony silence. "Where did you get that?" His voice held a dangerous edge.
"The house archives in the study room. It was stuffed in an old file cabinet that's full of ancient tests and study notes." Her face lit up. "Isn't this fun? I love history and looking at old pictures. These are your parents, right?" Alexis stared up at him, not understanding why he seemed upset.
He hesitated.
For an instant, I thought he would deny it.
But he nodded. "Yes." He spoke the word in a hard staccato.
"Why didn't you tell us your mom was a Double Deltsie?" She sounded genuinely curious and excited. And perplexed, because it was obviously glorious news.
"It's none of anyone's damn business." His words slammed into the pleasantness of the morning like a slap.
Alexis blushed, looking stunned by the sharpness and pain in Seth's voice.
Zach came in from the kitchen, carrying a pan of scrambled eggs and cheese, glaring at his roommate like he'd committed a capital crime. "Seth? What's going on?"
Seth winced. "Sorry, Alexis." He turned and stalked out of the room.
I couldn't take it anymore. I needed air. Things were falling into odd places. Snatches of things were coming together in a way that made me uncomfortable—Ian's cryptic reasons for taking a job here; Ian looking like Seth and his dad; our parents all being in school here together at the same time; both having older brothers the same age.
I jumped to my feet. "I have to go."
I grabbed my backpack, coat, and purse, and was out the door before anyone could stop me.
"Maddie! Maddie, wait!"
I heard Seth calling after me. I ignored him and kept going.
Seth
I chased after Maddie in my bare feet. Outside on the frozen pavement where a gentle snow was beginning to fall. I was so numb I didn't even feel the bite of the cold. Yeah, I'd acted like a douche to Alexis. And made Maddie uncomfortable. I had to explain. But only to her. Everyone else and their curiosity could go to hell.
Shit. Alexis didn't deserve my wrath, either. I watched Maddie drive away until she was out of sight. Alexis was still sitting at the table when I went back in. Zach sat next to her with his arm around her, glaring at me.
I took a deep breath. "I overreacted. I'm sorry, Alexis. Mom's a sore subject with me. Do me a favor—don't show that picture to anyone else. I don't want the girls to know and treat me differently. That's the last shit I want."
She stared at me and nodded. Without warning, she ripped the page out of the scrapbook and held it out to me. "Here." She shook it at me. "We all have crap we'd rather not talk about."
She shot a quick glance at Zach.
I knew what she was thinking. Zach had his own demons.
"Take this. Your secret's safe with me." She shook it again.
Grateful, I took it from her.
She stood and threw her arms around me, pulling me into a ferocious hug. "It's okay." Her eyes sparkled with sympathy when she looked up at me. "Friends?"
Girls, they could rip you up inside with their sympathy and understanding!
I nodded and swallowed a lump in my throat. "Yeah."
She squeezed me again before she let go. "What
are you going to do about Maddie? You can't just let her go."
I shrugged.
"She's not another of your hookups."
There was that fierceness in her voice again. Like she was protecting me and Maddie. Making a statement of fact because things were so clear in her eyes.
"Make a romantic gesture." Alexis studied me. "Soon. As in before the day is out. Otherwise, she'll get the wrong idea."
She patted the chair next to her. "Come. Have some breakfast. Then you can shower and we'll think of something."
Maddie
I was still shaking when I got back to my place and parked in the space directly in front of the apartment. When I slid out of the car, I spotted Olivia in our kitchen window, which faced the parking lot.
She waved.
I waved back, knowing I was in for the college inquisition.
She was waiting for me in the two-by-three square of cracked vinyl we grandly called the entryway. "The shacker returns! Be glad you had such a short walk of shame."
Usually, I would have smiled and laughed at her teasing. Tossed it right back at her. Today, I fought back tears.
"That must have been some study date!" She whistled low, like, wow. "I want all the details."
She stopped short. "All right, what's wrong? What the hell happened? Am I going to have to kick him in the balls and make a eunuch out of him for you?"
That was so like Olivia, always coming to my defense. I was already an emotional wreck. I completely lost it and began sobbing my heart out.
She grabbed me and pulled me into a hug as I murmured incoherently about blowing things and going too fast.
Olivia was the best friend I'd ever had. She held on to me fiercely and stroked my hair like I was her child. "It can't possibly be as bad as you think. And if he's not the one, as in at least your next boyfriend, better to know now than after you've invested more time in him. You had some hot sex and a good time. Now you move on."
I kept blubbering. "No, it's much worse." I pulled back and wiped my eyes. "I think we might be related."
Olivia's eyes flew open so wide she looked like one of those big-eyed plush toy animals she had on her bed. "What?" She led me to the sofa. "Where did this crazy idea come from? Is that the wine talking? Tell me everything."
Even the dim light in our apartment hurt my eyes. I put my head in my hand and covered them. "Crap. I have a killer headache. Too much wine."
"Hang on. Have you eaten anything?"
I shook my head.
"You need to eat something innocuous." She went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water, a generic store-brand cherry toaster pastry, frosted, our infamous bag of peas for icing wounds, and two ibuprofen. She handed me the bag of peas. "On the head. Cold on the head. Heat on the feet."
After I complied, she handed me the toaster pastry. "Eat this first."
"Yes, Mom." I wrinkled my nose, but after the first bite, the pastry tasted good and I felt less ridiculous about having a bag of peas on my head. I finished the pastry and took the ibuprofen. "What would I do without you?"
She smiled. "Whenever you're ready to talk…"
I nodded. "First, you have to swear, on your life, not to tell anyone about this. Ever."
"That serious?" She pursed her lips. "All right, I swear. You can absolutely trust me."
Which I knew. Olivia had a sense of honor and loyalty totally uncommon to mankind. She was the only one I would trust with my torturous thoughts.
"You know how you were teasing me about Seth looking like Ian?" I told her the whole story.
"Coincidence," she said when I finished.
"No, you don't get it. I wish I had that picture to show you. Ian looks exactly like Seth's dad."
"In case you haven't noticed, there are common looks in this world." She bumped me playfully. "That's why we have that saying that everyone has a twin out there somewhere."
I shook my head. "Not like this."
She studied me. "What are you saying? That your parents adopted Ian?"
The thought had crossed my mind on the drive home. But it didn't make any sense. Why would Mom drop out of school to adopt a Double Delstie's baby? How could she have known then that Dad would get cancer and she would struggle for years and years to get pregnant? She'd never even mentioned someone named Colleen.
Then there were the pictures of Mom in the hospital with Ian, looking pale and delicate after giving birth. She couldn't have faked those.
I shook my head. "No. Ian is Mom's. I know she gave birth to him."
Olivia whistled like my assumptions were just fully dawning on her. "Wow! Way to make an accusation. Do you really think your mom had a thing with Seth's dad, got pregnant, and trapped your dad into marrying her to cover it?" Her eyes were wide. "That's ridiculous! Anyone with eyes could see how much your parents loved each other. Your dad was crazy for her."
I nodded. "I know. He was crazy for her. But you know Mom. She's…reserved. Now I'm wondering—was she as crazy for Dad? If it's true she had someone else's baby, it shatters everything. My childhood is nothing more than a myth."
Olivia gave me a sympathetic look. "Your childhood, your relationship with your mom and dad and Ian are all your authentic experiences. This changes nothing." Her undying protectiveness came out again. "Let's not jump to conclusions. You have no proof of anything."
"Yes, but—"
"No buts." Her tone was firm.
"Yes, there is a but. How can I date Seth now? With these suspicions hanging over my head? I can't very well ask him. That's like dropping a bomb. 'Hey, by any chance, did your dad knock up my mom in college and she have his kid?'" I sighed. "Like Seth would know, anyway. If Mom didn't tell me or Ian, why would Seth know?" I took another deep breath. "I mean, what if Seth and I share a brother?"
I couldn't believe what I was saying. Spoken out loud, it sounded preposterous.
Olivia gave my shoulders another squeeze. "So?"
I frowned. "How can you be so calm! This is…this is disastrous."
She shook her head. "I don't see how. Let's play out the worst-case scenario—Ian is the son of your mom and Seth's dad. That makes Ian a half-brother to both of you. But you and Seth aren't related. And you weren't raised together like brother and sister in a blended family. What's the problem?"
She made a good point. But I was still leery.
"If Seth and I get past this, whatever this is, a bump? And get into a relationship, eventually it could all come out. Then what?"
"If that happens, you deal with the fallout." She shook me playfully. "Hey, maybe this is the good thing your intuition was telling you about! Found family members." She grinned like she was teasing me again.
I shook my head. "Right. I don't think so. If Seth knows anything about this, he's a brilliant actor. He looked at that picture, too. His only response was to get mad that Alexis had found out his mom was a Double Deltsie." I rearranged the peas on my head. "What would you do?"
She looked up in thought. "How much do you like this guy?"
"I've only known him a few days."
"You're hedging." Olivia sighed. "Don't BS me."
"I've never felt this way before."
She grinned. "That's better. That's what I thought!"
She sounded way too happy about it.
"Given that's the case, what would it hurt to give it a little more time? Find out the truth before you throw something away that has the potential to be life-changing."
Her smile softened. "You could be completely wrong, you know. Vivid imagination and all that." She paused. "Just see what happens, okay? I mean, if you feel this passionately about him, what can it hurt?"
Chapter 9
Maddie
Olivia was right, but her point was probably moot. My promising beginning with Seth had spiraled into a disastrous end. I took a shower to clear my head. And stupidly checked my phone the minute I got out. As if I expected Seth would text me. How was I going to face him in lab on Thursday after r
unning out on him? How would I ever explain?
I dressed, dried my hair, and settled down to study at the kitchen table. Or, more accurately, deride myself for overreacting and blowing things with Seth.
I carried on an internal conversation with myself, the equivalent of picking the petals off a daisy to decide whether I pursued him or not. A big part of me wanted to take a chance on love, throw caution and convention to the wind, and text him. Guys weren't the only ones who could put themselves out there.
On the other hand, if my vivid imagination had any merit to it, I was flirting with danger each time I flirted with Seth. There was no way in the world I would ever intentionally do anything to hurt my big brother. Or Mom.
I racked my brain, trying to come up with an innocuous, totally stealth way to find a way to find out if Mom had ever even met Rick Butler. I guessed I could ask her directly. Toss his name out there and watch her reaction. Mom had always been honest with me. I'd thought.
Someone pounded on our front door. I jumped, startled out of my thoughts. Olivia was expecting one of her lab partners, but she was up in her room getting ready to go out. I was closest to the door and in a total state of dress.
"I'll get it!" I yelled to her.
I threw the door open without a second thought. And there stood Seth, holding a wine bottle with a single red rose in it like this was a scene from an Italian restaurant.
He held it out to me, a heart-melting look of apology on his face. "You forgot your homework. I thought you might need this for proof of tasting or something."
He looked completely adorable, almost like the bottle was his heart in his hand. And a red rose? Who could resist that?
As I reached for it, our hands brushed. The passion I felt for him surged through me.
I'm doomed in love.
I stared at the rose. At the bottle. Looked back into his eyes.
"Thanks," I finally managed to stammer. "Repurposing thrown away objects, that's sweetly green of you."
He grinned and my heart became a puddle.
Hushed Page 9
