by Kennedy Fox
“I’m just tired, I think. Sophie and Maddie dragged me to the grocery store with them. Hopefully, I’ll feel better after a nap.”
Hunter narrows his eyes as if he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t push it. Releasing me, he tells me to call if I need anything. He grabs his work stuff and then is out the door.
I grab the pink box and head to the bathroom. I’ve never taken a pregnancy test and try to quickly read over the instructions.
“Okay, well seems pretty basic. Pee on the stick, wait two minutes, life changes forever,” I mutter to myself, my hands shaking as I take off the cap. Since there are two tests, I decide to pee on both of them.
Once I’m done, I set them down on the counter and pace the tiny bathroom floor. It’s then that I really think about what this could mean if I am.
The last time Brandon and I had sex was the night before he died. That was two months ago. If I remember from learning about this in school, a pregnancy gets calculated from the first day of your last period, so it’s like two weeks before conception. That means if I am, I’d be ten weeks pregnant already.
The realization hits me hard and fast. I could be having Brandon’s baby, and he’s not even here to experience this with me. He won’t get to meet his child. I won’t have a husband to rely on and be joyful with. Leaning against the bathroom door, I fall to the floor. I can’t raise this baby alone. My parents will never approve. So not only will my baby not have a father, but it won’t have grandparents either.
My phone goes off, telling me the two minutes have passed, and it’s time to know for sure. My palms are sweaty, and my heart is beating so hard, I can feel it all over my body. Part of me already knows what I’m going to see when I look at those tests.
Crawling over to the counter, I grab the two sticks from the sink and lower them. I clench my eyes tight, trying to steady my breathing before I open them and look at the two lines in front of me.
Positive. Both of them.
Two bright ass pink lines.
The tears immediately fall as I come face to face with reality and what this means for my future.
A future without Brandon. The grief hits me all over again.
I curl up into a ball on the floor, unable to find the strength to move as I cry myself to sleep.
A loud knock on the bathroom door startles me awake, and as I peel my eyes open, I realize I’m still on the floor and have no idea how much time has passed. I can’t believe I fell asleep, and now my body is sore from lying on the tile. As I pick myself up, I see the two tests next to me and tear up all over again.
“Lennon, you okay?” Hunter knocks again. “I got home about twenty minutes ago and am starting to get worried about you.”
“I’m fine,” I croak out. “Be right out.” Shit. He just got home from work, which means I’ve been in here for hours.
Standing, I stuff the two tests in my back pocket and look at myself in the mirror. I’m a hot fucking mess. My face is blotchy, my hair is still pulled up from this morning, and you can tell I’ve been crying. You’d think all my tears would’ve dried up after Brandon’s death.
After washing my face and adjusting my hair, I leave the bathroom and walk into the living room. Hunter’s digging around in his bag, and when I take a seat on the couch, he lifts his head and studies me.
“Shit, Lennon. Are you sure you’re okay?”
I shake my head, my gaze staring into nothingness. “No. I don’t think I am.”
Hunter moves around the coffee table and comes into my view, and though my eyes don’t focus on him, I can feel his movements. Part of me feels numb. How could this be happening now?
Haven’t I gone through enough?
Haven’t I endured enough pain to last a lifetime?
Being pregnant should be a positive and happy time in my life, but all it does is finalize the fact that Brandon’s never coming back. And I’m alone. I know I have my sisters, at least, but I can’t expect them to rearrange their lives for me. They each have dreams they’re chasing too. I nearly gasp for air when I think about my parents and what their reaction will be.
“You’re starting to scare me,” Hunter says. “Did something happen?”
I nod, finally blinking, and turning to face him. No use in putzing around, so I might as well rip the Band-Aid off. “I’m pregnant.”
Hunter stares at me for a long moment, and I know he’s just as shocked as I am. When I’m certain he’s not going to say anything, I open my mouth, but then he speaks first.
“Wow…uh. You’re sure?” He brushes his hand through his hair as if he’s trying to process all of this too.
Leaning over to one side, I grab the tests from my pocket and hand them to him.
“Well, I’m 99.99% sure.”
He stares at them as if he’s trying to read a different language.
“Two lines means positive,” I tell him.
“Uh, yeah. I figured that out. I’m just—”
“Don’t worry. It’s not your responsibility,” I blurt out, worried he’s thinking the worst-case scenario. I didn’t tell him because I expected him to do anything, but more so because of our newfound friendship. “Just because Brandon was your best friend doesn’t mean you now have to take care of me or our baby. So I’ll start looking for another place as soon as I can.” I shift to stand, but Hunter grabs my knees and gently pushes me back down.
“Why the hell would you think that’s what I was thinking or going to say?” His tone is harsh, and my heart beats rapidly, my breath increasing at how hurt he looks. “Have I not proven to you over the last two months that I want you here? That this place is just as much mine as it is yours? Have I not shown you that I have your back no matter what?” His volume increases with each question as if he’s upset, which confuses the hell out of me.
“Hunter, I just assumed—”
“Exactly,” he barks. “I’ve apologized to you over and over for the way I treated you. I know I was a dick, okay? I’ve been trying to make it up to you because I didn’t want either of us to grieve alone.” His tone holds so much sincerity that it makes my heart hurt seeing how regretful he feels about the past.
“Hunter, it’s not that,” I try to reassure him. “But this is more than just leaning on each other through a hard time. This is a baby. I don’t even know how to process this, much less expect you to. It’s easy for you to say that you want to be here for me, but what happens when you’re ready to move on with your life? How are you going to bring a girl home when your roommate’s baby cries all night long? Why would you even want that? You’re used to going out all the time. I know you’re going to eventually want that again. You can’t know how this will change everything, but it will. This changes everything.”
Instead of firing back at me like I expect him to, he stands and walks off. Hunter’s done nothing wrong, but here I am, pushing him away. I know it’s for the best. He wants to think we can still go on like this as two roommates, but eventually, he’ll want his old life back. And when he does, I’ll be left to pick up the pieces of what’s left of mine.
When he doesn’t return to the living room, I decide to go find him instead. I hate that he thinks I don’t appreciate everything he’s done because I have so much. This is more than just feeding me and making sure I get a good night’s sleep. This is a life-changing moment, and he doesn’t have to take responsibility for it. I don’t expect him to.
His bedroom door is half open, so I assume he’s in there. Probably to pack up my shit and give me a head start out the door. Hell, I wouldn’t blame him if he did.
“Hunter, I’m—” I push it open to check if he’s inside, and my jaw drops when I see him standing in only his boxers. His back is ridiculously cut, just like the rest of him, and tattoos wrap around his side. Part of me has always wondered what they represent.
He doesn’t turn around at the sound of my voice but continues to dig through his dresser. He grabs sweatpants and a T-shirt and then spins and faces m
e. “I’m moving my clothes over to the other room, and you should do the same. This room is bigger and will fit a crib and whatever else you’ll need. This is your room now.”
I release a gasp, shocked. “Hunter,” I start, but he cuts me off and closes the space between us. He’s only a couple of inches from me, and I’m pretty sure he can hear the rapid beating of my racing heart.
“Nothing you can say or do will make me want you out of my life, Lennon. You got that? You aren’t leaving. I’m not leaving. This is our home, and we’re going to make it work. I don’t give a fuck about my old lifestyle. Trust me. It wasn’t what you thought anyway, and I have no desire to return to it. You can yell at me, make your assumptions about me, and call me an asshole all damn day, but I’ll still be here for you. Nothing’s going to change that, so you better get used to it.”
I suck in my lips at his blunt honesty. It’s the last thing I expected from him, but if I’ve learned anything these past several weeks, it’s that Hunter isn’t anything like I thought. He’s more unpredictable and has proven that to me over and over.
“I’m sorry.” I swallow hard. “I hope you know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. This has nothing to do with our rocky past, Hunter. It’s ancient history now.”
He nods, keeping his gaze tight on mine. “Good. So you’re staying?”
I can’t help but laugh. “Yes. I’m staying.”
Hunter wraps his large arms around me and kisses the top of my head. “You’re going to get through this, Lennon. You always do.”
Chapter Eighteen
Hunter
After finding out about Lennon’s pregnancy last night, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions—happiness, anger, excitement, and even bitterness. The truth is, I don’t know what or how to feel because I’m in complete shock. Part of me is happy Brandon left a piece of himself behind, but it also breaks my fucking heart that he’ll never know he and Lennon created a little miracle. He would’ve been overjoyed about the news, so damn happy and proud. I have no doubt he would’ve been a great dad too. When I close my eyes, I can almost imagine his exact reaction, and I try to find peace in that, though it’s just another reminder that Lennon will always be Brandon’s girl.
My thoughts are all over the place as I get ready for work. I meant every word I said to her. She’s staying, and I’ll help her any way I can during her pregnancy and once the baby arrives. I have no clue what I’m doing, just like a new dad wouldn’t, but I’m going to try to prepare the best that I can.
The apartment is dark, and since Lennon is still sleeping, I try my best to keep quiet. As I pour coffee into my to-go mug, I think about the news. Her being pregnant makes so much sense—the mood swings, loss of appetite, nausea. Combined with the stress and sadness of losing Brandon, though, no wonder she didn’t notice. But it explains so much. I’m surprised I didn’t think of the possibility sooner.
Before heading to work, I walk to her room and crack open the door to check on her. She’s sleeping soundly, and I can hear her light snores. On the bedside table, I see one of her romance books, and it makes me smile knowing she’s still invested in them. I quietly close the door and leave for the day.
I spend most of the morning going back and forth between the jobsite and the office. We’re finally pouring the foundation for the condos and seeing the footprint of the buildings blows my mind. Sure, we mapped it out, and I’ve studied several schematics, but actually standing in front of it is almost unbelievable. We have four more months to go on the build and then this project will be over. As long as no disasters happen, I’ll be moved to another one. The hours pass quickly, and as I’m loading shit into my bag, I get a text from Lennon.
Lennon: Do you have plans tonight? :)
The smiley face is perfectly placed at the end because she knows damn well my world revolves around her right now.
Hunter: Just hanging out with my wang out.
Lennon: OMG! Could you keep your wang in? I invited my sisters over for dinner. I need to tell them the big news. It’s not something I want to text or do over the phone. Would you be here with me, please?
A smile touches my lips, one that she causes because she wants me there with her. If someone would’ve told me six months ago this would be my life, I’d have called them a fucking liar to their face.
Hunter: I’d be honored.
Lennon: Thank you. I just can’t do it alone, you know?
Hunter: I’ll always be there for you, Lennon. No matter what.
And I mean every single word I text her.
Lennon: I’m so thankful for you. I know Brandon would be too.
Another punch straight to the gut.
There’s so much I want to say to her, but instead, I keep it short. It’s better this way.
Hunter: :) I’ll be home soon.
I stand in my office and run my fingers through my hair. It’s so easy for me to live in this make-believe world where Lennon secretly feels the same way about me, but I know that’s not the case. I’m not trying to swoop in and steal her. Boundaries—I’ve got to make them and not break them.
On the way home, I try to imagine how Sophie and Maddie are going to react. Considering they’re the ones who forced Lennon to buy a pregnancy test, I doubt it’ll be a complete shock. I bet there are a few told you so’s thrown in because that’s just how Sophie is, being the oldest sister and all.
When I make it to the apartment, music blares throughout, and it smells so damn good. I drop my bag by the door and walk to the kitchen where Lennon dances around in those damn tiny jean shorts and a tank top, mixing something in a bowl. I lean against the doorframe and watch her, soaking this all in and wishing things were different for us.
“Holy shit!” she screams, pointing the mixing spoon at me with a death grip.
I burst into laughter. “Sorry! I didn’t want to interrupt your dance solo.”
She places a hand on her hip. “You almost made me pee myself, which apparently is another delightful symptom I get to embrace.”
I shake my head and snort, walking farther into the kitchen. “Whatcha cookin’ for me?”
“Homemade chicken pot pies,” she answers with a smile. “For everyone,” she adds. “I was watching the Food Network earlier today, and it looked good.” She shows me her phone where the recipe is. “So I thought I’d try it.”
“So you find out you’re pregnant and become Betty Crocker?” I taunt. She’s always cooked with the exception of the past couple of months.
That earns me a smirk. “When the cravings call, you follow them.” She shrugs unapologetically.
Lennon pulls the crust off the cookie sheet and stuffs it in a baking dish. After she pours in the filling, she carefully places the second dough on top and puts it in the oven.
“I’m gonna take a shower. How much time do I have?” I ask.
“My sisters will be here in twenty minutes.”
I nod. “It’ll take me ten.”
I rush to the shower and turn on the water. I told her it’d take me ten minutes, but I clean up and dress in eight minutes flat. There’s just enough time for me walk in the living room and sit on the couch before a knock sounds on the door.
“I got it,” I call out as she comes rushing out of the kitchen. She makes it just past the couch when the timer goes off on the oven.
“I didn’t change clothes!” She looks down at herself. “Shit!” She goes back to the kitchen, the timer stops, and I hear the oven door pop open.
I let out a laugh and answer the door. As soon as I do, Maddie and Sophie rush in.
“Oooh, you smell good,” Maddie says, making a show of inhaling up my chest. Sophie turns around and smacks her shoulder.
“Don’t start,” she says between a gritted smile, glaring at Maddie.
Maddie plops down at the kitchen table with a huge smile on her face. “Lennon, why’d you insist Buzz Killington come over too?”
Sophie rolls her eyes and sits at the tabl
e just as Lennon comes out carrying the masterpiece she made.
Maddie’s eyes go wide. “Holy shit. You made this?”
Lennon beams proudly and passes out the plates and forks. “Why is everyone so shocked? I know my way around the kitchen!”
“Because growing up, cooking meant Pop-Tarts and a can of tuna,” Sophie adds to the blow.
When I burst out into laughter, all three of them turn and look at me, then go back to giving each other shit. I can only imagine how they were all under one roof.
Lennon’s soft gaze meets mine, and she lets out a ragged breath. Her sisters aren’t paying attention as they scoop food onto their plates, but I notice every little thing about her, even if she thinks I don’t.
Once we all have food and start eating, Lennon clears her throat, and I can tell she’s nervous. I look at her, encouraging her with one simple glance.
“I’m sure you two are wondering why I invited you over,” she begins. I can see her pulse throbbing in her neck. I almost reach over to hold her hand, to calm her, but I don’t.
“To tell us you and Hunter are finally a couple?” Maddie says with a huge grin.
Lennon’s face contorts. “What?”
“No,” I add at almost the same time, seeing how Lennon’s face reddens at Maddie’s words. Sophie gives Maddie the death stare, and she shrugs like it’s no big deal. I’d find it humorous that Maddie constantly gets scolded by them, but I’m too terrified to react because I don’t want Lennon to see my true feelings.
“I’m not really sorry for saying that. So I’m not gonna apologize.” Maddie playfully smirks. “I mean, come on!” She flails her arms in the air, and it takes all the willpower in the world not to look at Lennon for a reaction.
“We’re just friends, Maddie. Stop it, you’re embarrassing me,” Lennon sternly tells her, then glances at me with apologetic eyes as though it would be a bad thing if we were more than that.
