CHAPTER FIFTEEN
TANYA STARED INTO Liam’s gorgeous blue eyes. How could she tell him about the person she’d become and ever hope to see desire in his gaze again? It had appeared there moments before, vivid and wild. Then, as if he’d caught himself, the desire had been replaced with suspicion. If she told him the entirety of her truth, would the suspicion become pity or, worse, disgust?
Fear and sickness rolled through her. She’d rather suffer his rejection than his pity. His pity would be too much to bear when she was falling in love with him all over again. If there was any chance of them being together, she wanted to be his equal.
She stood and met his concerned gaze, slipping her hand from his. “Wait there.”
He frowned. “Where are you going?”
“You want to know what happened, but it’s not as simple as that. I’m different, Liam. Suffering from severe anxiety changes a person.” She smiled softly in the hope of allaying some of the concern in his face.
Renewed strength flowed through her, banishing the anticipated nausea. She walked to her desk and extracted a key from her pocket. Unlocking the top drawer, she drew out her medication.
Let us see the ugly... The words Marian had said to her when Tanya first arrived back in the Cove whispered through her mind.
She slammed the drawer.
Liam stood in the exact spot, his body so still it was as though he’d hadn’t breathed since she’d left him there. She walked toward him with her gaze locked on his, and lifted the bottle. “I’m taking medication and am likely to for a while yet. I’m still so unsure...so afraid my decisions will be bad ones.”
Questions and confusion warred in the depths of his eyes as he took the bottle. He scanned the label, his brow creased. “How long have you been taking these?”
“About a year.”
He lifted his chin, and disquiet shone in his eyes. “A year?”
“Uh-huh. But now I’m back, I can feel myself getting stronger, feeling less alone. Sasha was right when she said I should go home. She told me to come back to the Cove and see that people will soon accept me back. They are...” She smiled. “You are.”
He shook his head and looked at the bottle again. “Even a week is too long for anyone to feel helpless and alone. Especially too long for you.”
She smiled. “Am I different from everyone else then?”
“Entirely different.” His gaze was somber when he looked at her again. “You’re unique. Always have been.”
The soft admiration in his voice caused tentative joy to whisper across her heart, but Tanya held the notion he might love her again one day at bay. She couldn’t afford to hope for so much. She had no right.
He held her gaze, a muscle clenching in his jaw. “I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to have to rely on medication to get you through the day.”
She smiled. “Neither do I. It’s temporary. At least I hope it is. I’m back to change. I want to be happy.” Her smile faltered. “But it’s going to take time.”
“You never had to be alone. I was always here.”
She took his hand. “I had no right to come back expecting anything from you after I left without giving you any explanation of how I was feeling.” She shook her head. “None of that was your fault. I loved you, Liam. I loved you and I messed everything up.”
The intensity between them changed from nervous anticipation to something fiercer...almost possessive. His eyes darkened and his jaw tightened. Tanya’s heart beat faster and her fingers itched with the need to touch him. She curled her hands into fists at her sides. “You’re sweet to be so good to me after everything I—”
“What I’m feeling right now is far from sweet, believe me.”
The desire in his eyes turned them midnight blue and Tanya trembled. She wanted him to take her. Take her right there in her office. She wanted his hands on her bare skin, his lips on her breasts and his broad, hard chest bearing down on her until he was nestled deep inside her. She swallowed. “Liam—”
“You need to be with people who will look after you. Where people care about you. You need to be in Templeton. You need to be with me.”
“You can’t fix me, Liam.” Tears burned. “Even if you wanted to.”
“Is that a challenge?” His eyes glinted dangerously, the flickering flames of the candles dancing in his gaze. “You think I can’t make you happy?”
Her heart hammered with hope, with the need to sink into his arms, weak with gratitude, but first she had to be sure she understood what he was saying. “No one but me can do that. I have to discover me. Who I am. I don’t want to put my mistakes on you, or anyone else. I want...” She hesitated, fear of hurting him shuddering through her. “I want you to want me as an equal. I want your respect and support, not your pity and protection. I want you to look at me with excitement not concern. I want you to look at me and know if you need to lean on me, you can. I want you to believe I won’t break.”
Silence fell like a fragile barrier between them—a barrier that had to be ripped away if they had any hope of moving forward.
He dropped her hand and rubbed his fingers along his jaw. “I already admire you for just telling me about the pills, the breakdown, everything.” He set the bottle on a cabinet beside him. “Respect isn’t the problem.”
“Then what is?”
His gaze roamed over her entire body until he met her eyes once more. “The problem is how much I want to make love to you right now. What do we do about that?”
Her body came alive with awareness and heat. She swallowed. “Maybe we should just go with it...”
He clamped his hands possessively on her waist, his gaze boring into hers. A heartbeat, and then his mouth claimed hers. Her body burst with need and Tanya gripped his biceps. He groaned into her mouth as their tongues tangled. She had no idea who led whom as their fingers worked feverishly at each other’s clothes, their kisses hot.
His T-shirt was off and her shirt open within seconds. He pulled back, stared deep into her eyes before emitting a low growl and kissing her throat all the way down to her collarbone.
Tanya trembled under the force of his possession, her heart slamming and her center pulsing. She brought one hand to the back of his head and urged him closer. His kisses turned to delicious nips and bites as he moved lower to the top of her breast. Her nipples ached, and when his fingers pulled at the button on her pants, she reached for the zipper on his jeans.
He clasped her hand and lifted his head. “I want you on the desk.”
Arousal rippled through her. “Shouldn’t we at least shut the blinds first?”
He arched an eyebrow. “Depends how much of the Tanya who wanted to make love on Cowden Beach, in the shower and on her mother’s back porch still lingers inside here.” He gently ran his finger over her heart and down the crevice between her breasts.
Her core moistened with a heat she hadn’t felt in far too long. “Give her time and she might make an appearance when you least expect it. But for now...” She eased him back and, with a lingering glance, stalked to the window.
She pulled the blinds and turned. He watched her, the candlelight flickering over his face and washboard stomach, bathing him in a seductive, deliciously golden glow. She stepped out of her pants and, clad in her bra and panties, came toward him, reveling in his hungry gaze that swept from her face to the tips of her toes. Strength pulsed through her, fueled by the man standing just inches away, his erection visible as it strained against black denim.
Toe-to-toe, Tanya flicked out her tongue to moisten her lips before reclaiming his mouth. They kissed as he slid his hand around her back and snapped open her bra. It fell to the floor, and when the air struck her naked breasts, her nipples peaked. He ran his hand over her breasts with tantalizing precision, under the curve and back to her nipple. She s
hivered and fumbled for his jeans, impatience ripping through her as she lowered them and his boxers to the floor.
She purred catlike when she took the heavy, beautifully long length of him in her palm, caressing him.
“Shit.” He groaned and tipped his head back.
Tanya smiled softly. Liam. Was she meant to come back here because he was her salvation? She massaged him, inhaled his clean, spicy scent as she watched the entirely masculine shift of his throat and the ripple of muscles in his arms and shoulders.
His gaze raged with a fire that couldn’t be mistaken. “I want you, Tanya. Right now.”
Before she could gather enough breath to ask him what he was waiting for, his hands clasped her waist and he whipped her around, guiding her toward her desk. Without care for the samples carefully arranged on its surface, he swiped them onto the floor. Tanya’s heart pounded with anticipation, and her body screamed with yearning.
He ran his hand up the length of her spine, its insistent pressure easing her forward. Knowing and wanting the same as him, she surrendered and lay over the desk until her breasts pressed against the wood. She splayed her hands in front of her, her breaths coming in short, desperate pants. “Liam...”
He traced the bumps of her spine until he reached the top edge of her panties. He slid them gently, agonizingly slowly down her legs, his kisses burning every inch of her skin as his lips followed his hands. She squeezed her eyes shut as he retraced his path...and stopped there. The brush of his breath made her realize her readiness. Heat against her wetness, she held her breath as her heart pounded and her fingers clawed the desk.
“Liam. Please.”
The teasing of his fingers and the urgent, clever use of his mouth and tongue drove her higher. Increasing pleasure licked and teased over her body and Tanya pushed back, wanting to resist her orgasm until he was buried deep inside her...until they were joined as one. His fingers halted their play and the soft padding of his retreating footsteps filled the quiet room.
Tanya snapped her eyes open and was about to cry out in frustration when the blessed rip of what she prayed to God was a condom wrapper filled the dark room. Anticipation washed over her skin, prickling her entire body with animalistic need. She writhed forward on the desk, the wood tormenting her peaked nipples.
The slow, tender attention to her core announced his return and she shamelessly gave him fuller access.
Now, Liam, please don’t make me wait anymore...
His fingers never stopped their exquisite attention as, at last, he thrust deep inside her. There was no hesitation or finesse...just his possession and passion that she craved like oxygen. She held her breath and gritted her teeth as he thrust again, his fingers digging into her waist.
Her orgasm built quickly, the telltale ripples slipping from her core to the rest of her body. “Yes, oh, God, yes.”
He gripped her tighter, pumped harder until he pushed her over the edge and her orgasm exploded through her body on a storm of pleasure. She dropped her mouth open and rode the wave, reveling in the ripples as they singed her body to the height of pleasure only Liam had ever managed to take her. Cursing, he increased his speed and then abruptly stilled, his body vibrating against hers as the strength of his orgasm pushed her name from his mouth in a cry that sent shivers of happiness through her heart.
Slowly, achingly, their pleasure subsided and Tanya leaned her cheek to the desk, waiting for her heartbeat to slow. Liam rested his forehead against her back, his beautiful hands running over her sides and across her bottom. She smiled. “Well, that was way more effective than any pill.”
His laugh heated her skin. “Give me enough time and those pills will be history.”
Tanya closed her eyes and grinned, her heart filled with love and hope, despite the harsh and unexpected sting of tears. “You have no idea how much I want that to be true. No idea at all.”
* * *
LIAM CAME OUT of the bathroom at the back of Tanya’s office and his heart stumbled. He grinned, knowing he must look like a freaking cartoon character, his eyes heart shaped and popping out of his head. He inwardly kicked himself and tried to wipe off his smile, but it was impossible.
Tanya had laid a blanket on the floor and arranged trays of canapés in a row, two flute glasses glistening beside a bottle of champagne. Dressed in her bra and panties, she looked as graceful and elegant as always. His groin twitched awake as she leaned over to fuss with the food, aligning and realigning the plates, her bottom lip between her teeth in concentration.
He remembered the same look on her face before, but not in the guise of this gentle yet incredibly sexy woman, preparing to feed him. He remembered her frowning in the form of an ambitious, career-driven machine poring over scores of figures and inflation rates. This Tanya looked happier...and way more beautiful.
“Are you going to stand there watching me all night? Or help me eat some of this food and drink some of this champagne?”
“How did you know I was watching you?”
She turned. “I sensed you.”
“Just like you always did before.”
She smiled. “Just like I always did before.”
The urge to have her again rumbled through Liam’s body. Beneath the surface of his skin, his blood boiled and churned, heat searing through muscle like a slow-burning fire. He dragged his gaze from hers and lowered to the blanket, willing his libido under control. He’d made love to her for the first time in eight years with the desperate need, the domineering force, of the man he’d been years before. He couldn’t allow that man to rise again so easily.
He was in control of his life and actions now, and far too much time had passed for Tanya to gain her place back in his heart when neither of them had said what they wanted or needed in the future.
When he dated now, he gauged and studied, took pleasure in getting to know a woman...became saddened when he realized she wasn’t what he’d hoped she’d be. In other words, she didn’t laugh, smile, focus or dream as Tanya did.
With her arranging done, she sat beside him and passed him the champagne. “Will you do the honors?”
The pop of the cork broke the silence. Tanya held out their glasses. He filled the flutes until the bubbles reached the rims, and slid the bottle back into the ice bucket. She passed him one of the glasses, her dark eyes shining with happiness. “To finding joy over a desk.”
He laughed and the potential for post-sex awkwardness vanished. His Tanya was still there, waiting to reemerge. It was only a matter of coaxing her back, making her feel safe and convincing her she had nothing to seek forgiveness for. Not from him, the Cove, or most important, Sasha.
The way to help her get to that point was to make her feel comfortable enough to talk to him...about everything. He lowered his glass. “So, is there anything else I need to know?”
The shine in her eyes dimmed. She put down her glass and stretched her beautiful body across the blanket to pluck up a tiny phyllo tart. “Nothing.”
That single word, her inability to look at him and the clear hesitation were enough for Liam to know she lied. He studied her profile as she returned to his side and shifted into a more comfortable position. She gazed resolutely ahead, but the tension in her jaw and throat as she chewed and swallowed gave her nervousness away. Maybe he didn’t have the right to push her for more. She’d told him about her anxiety and followed up with the giving of her body. Shouldn’t he be satisfied with that?
He exhaled. “As much as I hate to think of you taking pills, I know they’re sometimes necessary.” Silently, he willed her to look at him so she understood his words were said with concern rather than accusation. Her gaze frustratingly remained upon the candle in front of her. He stared at her profile. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t do my damnedest to make you see all the strength you need is inside that amazing body and mind of yours.
”
She turned. Her eyes shone black in the semidarkness, her cheeks red. “Don’t try to fix me, Liam. I can do that myself. What I want from you goes so much deeper than searching for someone to solve my problems.”
The somber tone of her voice and the seriousness in her gaze had him taking her hand and sitting up straight. “Then tell me what you need from me.”
“Your forgiveness.”
Her eyes glinted with unshed tears, confirming his suspicions. He stroked his finger along her jaw, gently gripping her chin to bring her face closer. He brushed a gentle kiss over her lips. “You had that the moment you walked into the Seascape, whether or not either of us realized it.”
He kissed her again, savored the soft plumpness of her lips and the slow, sensual draw of her tongue over his. They parted and he swiped his hand over his face. “The people I see every day, the reasoning behind their actions and the selfish way humankind can barrel through others’ lives has made me incapable of believing in the human spirit. Lies split families apart, deceit changes carefree children into angry, and sometimes violent, adolescents.” He shook his head and met her gaze. “What happens next between us is going to take time, but I’m glad you’re here with me like this...and I’m glad you want my help with Davidson.”
She leaned forward and gently kissed him. “I want to be with you, but, in time, if our being together isn’t possible, then all I want is for you to be happy with a woman who deserves you. You’ve been alone too long.” She smiled and ran her hand over his shoulder, lower to grip his biceps, her fingers urgently digging into muscle. “I hope you can learn to trust me again, but if you can’t, you should be with someone you can. You love, Liam, you’re kind and caring. You should be a husband...and a daddy.”
The lurch in his chest indicated she’d unwittingly hit the bull’s-eye. A family of his own, children and a woman to share life’s challenges and joys, was all he’d wanted for more years than he could count. It was pathetic after learning how much Tanya had gone through with her guilt for not being there for Sasha, her failure in her career...the breakdown. Yet here she was trying her best to hold her head high and forge a better life in her hometown.
Her Hometown Redemption Page 19
