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She rolls her eyes. "Oh, please. You know it, even if you dont want to admit it. "
"For someone who says theyll never be friends with me, you sure are sharing a lot this morning. "
"I have to admit I kinda wish you were the bitch some people say you are," she says.
"Why?"
"Because its easy to hate someone who has it all. "
A short, cynical laugh escapes from my mouth. Im not about to tell her the truth--that my life is crumbling beneath my toes just like that sand was last night. "Ive got to get home. Wheres my cell?" I ask, patting my back pocket.
"Alex has it, I think. "
So sneaking out without talking to him isnt an option. I struggle to keep the Oompa Loompas at bay as I stagger out of the bedroom, searching for Alex.
Its not hard to find him, the house is smaller than Sierras pool house. Alex is lying on an old sofa, wearing jeans. Nothing else. His eyes are open, but theyre bloodshot and glazed with sleep.
"Hey," he says warmly while stretching.
Oh, God. Im in big trouble. Because Im staring. I cant keep my eyes from ogling his chiseled triceps and biceps and every other "eps he has. The butterflies in my stomach have just multiplied tenfold as my wandering gaze meets his.
"Hey. " I swallow, hard. "I, urn, guess I should thank you for taking me here instead of leaving me passed out on the beach. "
His gaze doesnt falter. "Last night I realized somethin. You and I, were not so different. You play the game just like I do. You use your looks, your bod, and your brains to make sure youre always in control. "
"Im hungover, Alex. I cant even think straight and youre getting all philosophical on me. "
"See, youre playin a game right now. Be real with me, mamacita. I dare you. "
Is he kidding? Be real? I cant. Because then Ill start crying, and maybe freak out enough to blurt the truth--that I create a perfect image so I can hide behind it. "I better get home. "
"Before you do that, you should probably go to the bathroom," he says.
Before I ask why, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall. "Oh, shit!" I shriek. Black mascara is caked under my eyes and streaky lines of it are running down my cheeks.
I resemble a corpse. Hurrying past him, I find the hall bathroom and stare at myself in the mirror. My hair is a stringy birds nest. If the mascara marring my cheeks wasnt bad enough, the rest of me is as pale as my aunt Dolores without her makeup. I have puffy bags under my eyes as if Im storing water for the winter months.
All in all, not a pretty sight. By anyones standards.
I wet toilet paper and rub under my eyes and on my cheeks until the streaks are gone. Okay, so I need my eye-makeup remover in order to get it completely off. And my mom warned me that rubbing under my eyes will stretch out my skin and Ill be subject to premature wrinkles. But desperate circumstances call for desperate measures. After the mascara streaks are unnoticeable, I dab cold water on my eye bags.
Im fully aware that this is damage control. I can only bandage the imperfections and hope nobody else sees me in this condition. I use my fingers as a comb, with little results. Then I poof my hair up, hoping the poof look will be better than the ratty-nest look.
I rinse my mouth with water and rub my teeth with some toothpaste, hoping to get the worst of the night of puking and sleeping and drunkenness from my mouth until I get home.
If only I had lip gloss with me. . . .
But, alas, I dont. Squaring my shoulders and keeping my head held high, I open the door and walk back to the living room to find Isabel walking to her room and Alex standing when he sees me.
"Wheres my cell phone?" I ask. "And please put a shirt on. "
He reaches down and grabs my phone off the floor. "Why?"
"The reason I need my cell," I say as I take it from him, "is to call a cab and the reason I want you to put a shirt on is, well, because, urn . . . "
"Youve never seen a guy with his shirt off?"
"Ha, ha. Very funny. Believe me, you dont have anything I havent seen before. "
"Wanna bet?" he says, then moves his hands to the button on his jeans and pops it open.
Isabel walks in at that exact moment. "Whoa, Alex. Please keep your pants on. "
When she looks over at me I put my hands up. "Dont look at me. I was just about to call a cab when he--"
Shaking her head while Alex buttons back up, she walks to her purse and picks up a set of keys. "Forget the cab. Ill drive you home. "
"Ill drive her," Alex cuts in.
Isabel seems exhausted dealing with us, similar to how Mrs. Peterson looks during chemistry class. "Would you rather me drive you, or Alex?" she asks.
I have a boyfriend. Okay, so I admit every time I catch Alex looking at me a warmth spreads through my body. But its normal. Were two teenagers with obvious sexual tension passing between us. As long as I never act on it, everything will be just fine.
Because if I ever did act on it, the consequences would be disastrous. Id lose Colin. Id lose my friends. Id lose the control I have over my life.
Most of all, Id lose whats left of my mothers love.
If Im not seen as perfect, what happened yesterday with my mom would seem tame. Being perfect to the outside world equates to how my mom treats me. If any of her country club friends see me out with Alex, my mom might as well be an outcast too. If shes shunned by her friends, Ill be shunned by her. I cant take that chance. This is as real as I can afford to get.
"Isabel, take me home," I say, then look at Alex.
He gives a small shake of his head, grabs his shirt and keys, and storms out the front door without another word.
I silently follow Isabel to her car.
"You like Alex more than as a friend, dont you?" I ask.
"More like a brother. Weve known each other since we were kids. "
I give her directions to my house. Is she telling me the truth? "You dont think hes hot?"
"Ive known him since he cried like a baby when his ice cream fell on the street when we were four years old. I was there when, well . . . just leave it at the fact that weve been through a lot of stuff together. "
"Stuff? Want to elaborate?"
"Not with you. "
I could almost see the invisible wall going up between us. "So our friendship ends here?"
She looks at me sideways. "Our friendship just began, Brittany. Dont push it. "
Were coming up to my house. "Its the third one on the right," I say.
"I know. " She stops her car in front of my house, not bothering to pull into the driveway. I look at her. She looks at me. Does she expect me to ask her in? I dont even let good friends come into my house.
"Well, thanks for the ride," I say. "And for letting me crash at your place. "
Isabel flashes me a weak smile. "No problem. "
I cling to the door handle. "I wont let anything happen between me and Alex. Okay?" Even if theres something going on below the surface.
"Good. Because if something does, its going to blow up in your faces. "
The Oompa Loompas start knocking again, so I cant think too hard about her warning.
In the house, my mother and father are sitting at the kitchen table. Its quiet. Too quiet. There are papers in front of them. Brochures or something. They quickly straighten, like little kids caught doing something wrong.
"I . . . I thought you were st--still . . . at Sierras," my mom says. My senses pick up. My mom never stutters. And shes not giving me shit about the way I look. This is not good.
"I was, but I got a killer headache," I say, walking forward and focusing on the suspicious brochures my parents are so interested in.
Sunny Acres Home for Special People.
"What are you guys doing?"
"Discussing our options," my dad says.
"Options? Didnt we all agree that sending Shelley away was a bad idea?"
My mom turns
to me. "No. You decided sending her away was a bad idea. We were still discussing it. "
"Im going to Northwestern next year so I can live at home and help. "
"Next year youll have to concentrate on your studies, not your sister. Brittany, listen," my dad says, standing. "We have to look into this option. After what she did to you yesterday--"
"I dont want to hear it," I tell him, cutting him off. "There is absolutely no way Im letting you send my sister away. " I snatch the brochures off the table. Shelley needs to be with her family, not in a facility with some strangers. I tear the brochures in two, toss them into the garbage can, then run to my bedroom.
"Open the door, Brit," my mom says, jiggling my bedroom doorknob a minute later.
I sit on the edge of my bed, my mind whirling with the image of Shelley being sent away. No, it cant happen. The thought makes me sick. "You didnt even train Baghda. Its like you wanted to send Shelley away all along. "
"Dont be ridiculous," my moms muffled voice comes through the door. "Theres a new facility being built in Colorado. If youd open this door we can have a civilized discussion about it. "
Ill never let it happen. Ill do everything in my power to keep my sister at home.
"I dont want to have a civilized discussion. My parents want to send my sister to a facility behind my back and my head feels like its about to split open. Leave me alone, okay?"
Something is sticking out of my pocket. Its Alexs bandanna. Isabel isnt a friend, yet she helped me. And Alex, a boy who cared about me last night more than my own boyfriend did, acted as my hero and is urging me to be real. Do I even know how to be real?
I clutch the bandanna to my chest.
And I allow myself to cry.
CHAPTER 22 Alex
She called me. If it werent for the ripped piece of paper with her name and number scribbled on it by my brother Luis, Id never believe Brittany actually dialed my number. Grilling Luis hadnt helped because the kid has the memory of a flea and hardly remembered taking the call. The only info I got was that she wanted me to call her back.
That was yesterday afternoon, before she puked her guts out on my shoe and passed out in my arms.
When I told her to be real, I could see the fear in her eyes. I wonder what shes afraid of. Breaking down her "perfection" wall is going to be my goal. I know theres more to her than blond streaks and a killer bod. Secrets shell take to the grave and secrets shes dying to share. Oh, man. Shes like a mystery, and all I can think about is unraveling the clues.
When I told her were similar, I wasnt bullshitting. This connection we have isnt going away, its only getting stronger. Because the more I spend time with her, the closer I want to be.
I have the urge to call Brittany just to hear her voice, even if its filled with venom. Flipping open my cell as I sit on the sofa in my living room, I enter her number into memory.
"Who ya callin?" Paco asks, barging into my house without ringing or knocking. Isa files in behind him.
I click my phone shut. "Nadie. "
"Then get your ass off that couch and come play soccer. "
Playing soccer is a helluva lot better than sitting here thinking about Brittany and her secrets, even if Im still feeling the effects of last nights partying. We head to the park where a bunch of guys are already warming up.
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