by Kate L. Mary
“The invaders swarmed in one night while we were sleeping. It was chaos. People tried to run, but they were killed on the spot. My dad was so sick he could hardly move, and this big, slimy monster dragged him out of the tent by his feet. My mom knew it was the end, and she tried to stop them. I watched both my parents die that night.”
His hand tightens around mine, making our bones grind together, but I barely wince. I only wish I could do more to comfort him. That there was something I could say to let him know I understand how he feels.
“I really thought we were winning,” he whispers.
I never thought we would win. Not really.
“Did you think we were winning?” he asks, almost as if he can read my mind.
“At first I didn’t think about it,” I say, kicking a rock. It skids down the street a few feet before tumbling into the grass. “My mom told me it would be over fast. That the military would fight the creepers and they’d go running, then we would be able to go home. I was just a kid, so of course I believed her. Then more people died and more cities disappeared and more countries were taken over, and I started to wonder if she was right. When the creepers finally dragged us from the refugee camp, I wasn’t surprised.”
“You think they’re still out there? The invaders, I mean. There’s no way whatever we did to run them off worked everywhere.”
My hand tightens around his. “Probably. They probably left us alone so they could go off and rule some other, less-industrialized continent.”
“Survival of the fittest,” Walker mutters.
We go back to walking in silence, but it’s comfortable. My mind won’t stop spinning, remembering the years spent trapped and starving in a camp. I’m still starving, but at least I’m free now.
“My mom died when the invaders came into the camp, too.” I have no idea why I tell him, but the second it’s out, I feel lighter.
Walker’s hand relaxes and he turns to face me, but he never slows. He walks sideways like he wants to give me his full attention.
“She was trying to get my sister and me out of the camp, but they caught us. I don’t know why they didn’t kill Lilly and me. Maybe they knew taking our mom would be enough. I’m not sure.”
The silence returns full force. It’s becoming a habit with us, but I like talking to Walker. The more I’m with him, the more this ache inside me grows. The desire for love and comfort is so strong it physically hurts, and when he looks at me the way he is right now, it eases things a little. The more we talk, the more he looks at me.
It’s like my heart knows Walker can help me heal.
“It had to have been better for people in the middle of nowhere, you know?” I say, hoping to keep the conversation moving. “People who weren’t close to big cities or military bases. In places like Wyoming where there’s more open country than towns.”
Walker’s hand slowly eases out of mine, and it takes my breath away how brutal the loss is. He wiggles his fingers and gives me a sheepish grin. “Cramp.” He doesn’t take my hand again, though. “That’s a good point. They probably didn’t go to refugee camps. Maybe they didn’t even get rounded up by the invaders.”
“That’s where my dad wanted us to go.”
Walker’s eyebrows shoot up, disappearing under his ratty hat. “Wyoming?”
“Yeah. My dad had a buddy who retired from the Air Force years ago. He had this ranch out in the middle of nowhere and Dad wanted us to go stay with him.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because he was going off to fight the creepers and Mom wanted to be close to him. Didn’t matter, though. We never saw him again.” I suck in a deep breath, and when I blow it out I say, “We should have gone. Maybe things would have been different.”
“Why do you blame yourself?”
I don’t turn to face Walker, but I watch him out of the corner of my eye. His eyes are narrowed on me. He always looks at me like that. Like he can see through me. I hate it and love it at the same time.
“I don’t.” My voice shakes, giving away the lie, but I keep my head held high.
“Come on, Eva. Don’t start lying to me now.”
“I’m not lying,” I say defensively.
“Whatever.”
He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but the space between us grows as we walk until there’s so much room I wouldn’t be able to hold his hand even if I tried. It’s like the Grand Canyon, and I instantly regret not telling him how I really feel. But it seems too late now. Like I’ve lost the opportunity.
17
It’s afternoon by the time Walker pulls his shirt over his head and uses it to wipe the sweat off his face. I can’t help noticing that his farmer’s tan—or burn, really—is minimal. He must travel with his shirt off a lot.
He should.
There aren’t many things left in the world I enjoy staring at, but Walker is definitely one. He’s thin, but toned from years of physical exertion. His chest and arms are firm and defined, and while he doesn’t have a six-pack, he’s still a work of art in my book.
My own shirt clings to my skin, it’s so drenched in sweat. I pry it away from my stomach and flap it up and down, trying to force some air under. It works, but doesn’t really help because the air is hot and thick. Nothing helps when it gets this humid.
Walker glances my way just as I flap my shirt again, and his eyes get round. He slows down, almost stopping completely. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to cool off.” I tilt my head his way. “Not all of us can walk around with our shirts off. I’m jealous.”
Walker presses his lips together, and the dimples in his cheeks get deeper. “I wouldn’t stop you if you wanted to walk around with your shirt off.”
“I don’t have a bra on.” My cheeks get hot, and I have to look away.
Why did I say that? He was joking! It sounds like something a giggly schoolgirl would say to get a reaction out of the boy she’s crushing on, only that isn’t me. It hasn’t been me in a long, long time.
Walker coughs and rubs the back of his neck, and warmth that has nothing to do with the sun spreads through me. Something about the expression on his face tells me he likes the idea even better now. Maybe there is a flirty girl left inside me somewhere after all.
I watch him out of the corner of my eye, but he keeps his face straight ahead. Every now and then his eyes move my way, and I can’t help wondering if he’s thinking about what I’d look like with my shirt off. I glance down and shake my head. My chest is too flat. Especially after seeing Ginger.
“Ginger was nice,” I blurt out, then wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.
Walker turns his whole head to face me. “What?”
“Ginger,” I say again, even though I’m already on the verge of dying of embarrassment.
His eyebrows pull down, then he grins. “Yeah. Ginger. She was nice.” I swallow, and he chuckles, shaking his head. “So it’s Ginger now, not Tara.”
Just hearing Tara’s name come out of his mouth makes the guilt inside me swirl to the surface. “What do you mean?”
“You were always worried about Tara before.”
My face burns at his bluntness and I have to look away, focusing on the asphalt at our feet. Tracing the cracks with my eyes as we walk down the street.
He knows I’m attracted to him and he’s calling me out on it. I must not be very subtle.
I don’t say a word, but I do glance at him long enough to see that he’s still smiling.
“I take it she told you we aren’t involved,” he says.
I nod, but I can’t look up.
“So now you assume I’m into Ginger just because she has big jugs?”
Oh. My. God. Why won’t the ground open up already? This is probably one of the most uncomfortable conversations I’ve ever had in my entire life!
“I-I didn’t think that. I mean, I would understand. She is pretty.” My cheeks threaten to burst into flames.
Walker chuckles, an
d when I finally drag my gaze away from the road to look at him, I notice he’s walking closer to me than ever before. If I stretched out my fingers, I could touch his arm. Electricity hums between us, and he doesn’t seem the least bit embarrassed when he looks down at me.
His blue eyes hold mine when he says, “Ginger was okay.”
Okay? I feel like there’s some kind of hidden meaning behind that word. I search his face, but I can’t figure it out. I was fourteen when this whole thing happened. Just a kid. I don’t know how to decipher his words.
Walker exhales and pulls his gaze away from mine, surveying the landscape. “Maybe we can find a pond or something today. Get cleaned off. I hate to stop for too long and lose the momentum we have, but it would be nice. It’s just so damn hot.”
I swallow and nod. “I was thinking of heading north for the summer before you and Tara found me.”
“Makes sense.”
We lapse into silence, but the space between us never grows. If anything, he walks closer. Our arms brush and his warm skin against mine makes my whole body tingle. I wish he’d hold my hand again. This whole thing is such a new sensation for me.
The sun moves closer to the horizon with each step we take. My head sizzles and my calves ache. On top of that, I’m sleepy. As much as I want to get to Lilly, I’m ready for a break. A few hours of sleep sounds nice.
We pass a canteen back and forth wordlessly as we move. It’s metal, so we can boil more water in it tonight if we find a pond or a stream. I hope we find something. My throat is already dry and my lips are cracked. This little bit of water we have won’t last us long.
The sky has turned a pale orange by the time Walker breaks the silence. “You see that?” he asks, pointing into the trees as he comes to a stop.
A bead of sweat runs down the side of my face as I narrow my eyes. I swipe it away. A tangled mass of trees stretches out in front of us, and through a small break in the foliage, something shimmers.
“Water?” I huff, trying to catch my breath.
Walker nods and takes a step forward. “I think so.”
“What about gators?”
He doesn’t stop moving toward the trees, and I follow behind, dragging my feet. It’s hard to get moving again after stopping.
“Guess we’ll have to see what it looks like,” he says, ducking into the trees.
Branches scrape against my arms and legs as I follow him, but I barely feel it. My body is numb from heat and exhaustion, and all I can do is pray there’s enough water for us to wash off in. Right now all I want to do is get clean and cool.
We step into a clearing and I laugh. It shakes my body and feels good. I wish I could force myself to do it again. It’s the most genuine sound I’ve made in the last four years. Other than crying. The pool of water in front of us is small, probably only ten feet across, but not man-made. It appears pretty clean, though. Not like a marsh or a swamp the way most of Georgia’s bodies of water look. If there are gators, I’d be surprised.
“What do you think?” Walker asks.
My skin itches. “I think it looks perfect.”
I sit down and pull off my boots. When I stand back up and drop my pants, Walker’s mouth falls open. I don’t care. All I want to do right now is jump in.
I keep my shirt on as I wade out, and when the water is up to my waist, I dive under. My body slices through the water and I’m instantly cooler. The dirt slides off my skin. When I resurface, I lean my head back so the water runs down over my face. Then I pull my shirt over my head and toss it aside. It lands at Walker’s feet. He hasn’t moved.
“Come on!” I call, smiling. A real smile that stretches the muscles in my face and warms me all the way to my soul.
Walker looks down at my shirt, then back at me. He looks like he’s in shock. “You’re naked.”
“No,” I say, almost laughing. I must be delirious from the heat, because I feel almost giddy at the moment. “I still have my underwear on.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath, then dive back under. I stay down. The cool water swirls my hair around my face, but it’s not long enough to get tangled or tickle my nose. It’s eerily quiet down here. Like being in a cave. I wrap my arms around myself and curl into a ball. My body bobs in the water and my lungs burn, but I hold my breath until I feel like I’m going to burst. Finally, when I can’t stand it anymore, I release the air and propel myself up. When I break the surface I gasp, greedily sucking in a mouthful of air.
Walker is right in front of me, treading water. I smile when my eyes meet his, but he just shakes his head. “What the hell, Eva? I thought you drowned.”
I can’t help the smile that breaks out across my face. “Just giving you some privacy.”
Walker doesn’t take his eyes off me. I kick my legs, bobbing in front of him. The water comes up to my chest, revealing the top half of my breasts. His eyes move over the little bit of skin that is exposed. I swallow, and something in me flutters. For a second, I’m almost able to forget where we are and who we are and how we got here. This moment feels like something I would have wanted years ago. Before war ruined our lives and destroyed our country. Before it changed me.
“I like you,” I blurt out.
I have no idea why. I know he knows and he knows I know, but it feels good to say it loud. Plus, I want it out there. I don’t want to mess around and drag this out longer than it needs to be. Life is too uncertain, and even though I’ve spent the last year in a daze of unhappiness, at this moment I want to believe all that can change. I want to believe Walker can be a part of my future.
A smile spreads across Walker’s face. With his hat off, he seems more open. His blue eyes are sharp and intelligent. Bright. Welcoming.
“I like you,” he says.
I laugh, which feels like a dream after all this time. A good dream. “I have no idea what to do with any of this.”
Walker moves closer to me and the water swirls around us. Somewhere above our heads, a bird sings a song that reminds me of a Disney movie. The sun is lower now, and the forest is getting darker. Orange rays of light break through the trees and reflect off the surface of the pond.
“If it’s alright,” he says, “I’d like to kiss you.”
My heart pounds, and I swallow. A million fears swirl through me along with a million hopes. They mix together and create one giant tornado of emotions that threatens to crush me.
“I’ve never been kissed.”
Walker chuckles, and his cheeks turn pink. “Believe it or not, it’s a first for me, too.”
For some reason, that helps me relax. “I’d like you to kiss me.”
Walker somehow manages to tread water while raising his hand, running his fingers down my cheek. Then he’s gripping the back of my neck and pulling me closer. I squeeze my eyes shut. My heart flutters when his lips briefly brush against mine. They’re soft and warm. Inviting. It’s gentle. Like an embrace. He pulls back, and I open my eyes. He grins like he just won a million dollars. Back when money was worth something, that is.
“Now,” he says, “I’m going to do that again.”
I start to laugh, but his mouth covering mine cuts it off. His hand moves down my bare back, and his tongue brushes my lips. I open my mouth even though I’m totally inexperienced and I have no clue what to expect. When he pushes his tongue into my mouth, heat rushes through me. He pulls me closer until our bodies are right up against each other’s, and I can’t stop myself from wrapping my arms around him.
We sink below the surface and Walker pulls away. Pond water fills my mouth, and I kick my legs, spitting it out as I resurface. I hack and cough, and Walker laughs.
“Maybe we should try that on dry land,” he says, grabbing my hand.
He pulls me along as he swims, but the closer we get to land, the more aware I become of the fact that I am not dressed. Do I want him to see me naked? I have no idea.
My feet touch the bottom, and I take a deep breath as I move forward. The water m
oves down until it’s around my waist. Walker is in front of me, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers. They’re heavy with water and sit low on hips. He doesn’t look back at me, which I’m thankful for. I need a few minutes to collect myself before he turns around.
Walker stops in front of my shirt and drops my hand to scoop it up off the ground. He stares at it like he isn’t sure what to do, and I hold my breath. I’m not sure what I want him to do either. Finally, he turns with my shirt still in his hands, and his eyes move over my bare skin. The hair on my scalp prickles, and I hold my breath while I wait for him to say something. I ball my hands into fists when the urge to cover myself sweeps over me.
After a few seconds, he holds the shirt out to me. “Do you want to put this on?”
I have no idea. “Do you want me to?”
“No,” he says, not hesitating for even a second.
I take the shirt out of his hands and drop it to the ground. Then step closer. “I don’t want to either.”
His mouth covers mine again, and my legs wobble. I put shaky hands on his chest, marveling at the way his muscles move under my palms. He puts his hands on my waist, and only seconds later, they slide up my sides. Slowly. Hesitantly. Like he doesn’t want to frighten me. My skin tingles and his mouth moves faster on mine, then he kisses his way down my neck. He pulls back and stares at my bare chest. I’m panting and my body trembles like I want more, but I have no idea what to do about it.
His hands are on my upper back when he looks up at me. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” I say, the words coming out like a gasp.
Walker holds my gaze and slides his right hand further up my back. I take a deep breath as his eyes move over me. A jolt shoots through me unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
Walker looks up, and my face gets hot. Staring at him in the middle of this intimate moment makes me squirm.
