“Shut it, Kitten. I wanted to get you something, so I did.”
“But, I didn’t…”
“Will you please just open it?” Zeke laughed, cutting her off.
Cracking open the lid, Honor gasped. “Zeke,” she breathed, her surprised eyes lifting to his. “It’s beautiful!” she praised, swallowing hard as she dropped her eyes back down to the gorgeous necklace fashioned in the shape of a dreamcatcher. “It’s way too much, though. I can’t accept…”
“Woman, yes, you can. I found it just for you. I know you’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping, so I did a little sleep research. The pendant is made of quartz crystal which is supposed to promote good dreams. Obviously, it’s in the shape of a Native American dreamcatcher and the theory behind that is pretty self-explanatory. I figure anything is worth a try.”
“Quartz crystal surrounded by a whole bunch of diamonds,” Honor muttered, biting her lip as she stared down at the sparkly pendant. “This must have cost a fortune, Ezekiel,” she continued, flashing him a worried look. “You shouldn’t have spent this kind of money on me. I’m just…”
“Mine, Honor. The word you’re looking for is ‘mine’. My Valentine. Now, turn around,” he ordered, plucking the gold chain from the box and motioning for her to spin away from him. “Let’s see how it looks on you,” he suggested, gently pulling her long hair out of the way so that he could carefully fasten the delicate clasp around her slender neck. “There,” he murmured. “Now, show me how it looks,” he requested as she turned back to him.
Smiling as he saw the twinkling pendant nestled between her high, firm breasts, he nodded. “Just like I suspected. It’s perfect on you.”
Gingerly touching the cool pendant, Honor looked down at it. “It’s the most gorgeous thing in the room, Zeke. Thank you.”
“You’re the most gorgeous thing in the room, Kitten, but you’re welcome for the jewelry. I’m sorry about our lunch plans though… I could have used that steak after the morning we’ve had.”
“Well, it’s not exactly steak, but I had planned to fix that pork tenderloin you liked so much last Easter for supper tonight if you’re interested. I was gonna do baked potatoes, rice pilaf, and homemade butter rolls as sides and a strawberry-chocolate pie for dessert,” she offered shyly.
Zeke’s eyes twinkled. “You were planning on making me my favorite dinner?”
Honor flushed. “No, I was planning on making ME my favorite dinner, and since you’re currently squatting in my house, it’s just good manners to share,” she returned primly.
“If that’s how you see it, baby. Either way, I win,” Zeke remarked with a smile.
“Don’t be arrogant, Sheriff. Keep it up and I’ll invite Slade and Ice. I owe them a thank you for saving all of us.”
“Make ‘em a pie if you wanna show ‘em gratitude, Kitten. Tonight, you’re all mine.”
As it turned out, Zeke spent his Valentine’s afternoon helping Honor make the boys two pies each. Apple and blueberry.
But only Zeke got the privilege of taste testing them from Honor’s lips or sharing an intimate Valentine’s dinner with her.
Turns out the McKinnon kitchen was a much more romantic locale than The Block.
Chapter Seven
Mid-March 2016
Something changed with Honor after Valentine’s Day and it was like all the progress that he’d made with his girl dried up overnight. Zeke wasn’t sure if he’d pushed too far, too fast, or if Honor had just gotten cold feet about how close they’d grown, but she withdrew from him. Both physically and mentally.
Hell, if he was telling the truth, she withdrew from everybody!
Oh, she still went to work and to church. She fulfilled her daily obligations at her restaurant, and she even put on a halfway convincing enough act at the café to fool most of her customers, but anyone who knew her well could plainly see that the spark that usually burned in her eyes had dimmed dramatically. Always the most reserved of the McKinnon sisters, Honor became remote in a way that each member of her family noticed. And not one of them knew what to do about it. She was a shadow of the woman she’d slowly become over the past few months. Gone were the hugs and gentle kisses she and Zeke had begun sharing. In those affectionate touches place was a stillness… a stiffness between them that hadn’t been there before. Honestly, the quiet, detached way she was acting reminded Zeke of those dark days after her rape when she didn’t speak at all and rarely even met anyone’s eyes when they talked to her.
And to be completely honest, the whole thing was beginning to scare the shit out of him. It also didn’t help that he had seen a marked escalation in the creepy notes that were being left for Honor to find all over the town. Not only had the writer grown more menacing in his prose, but he’d begun to add snapshots of Honor to the notes, making them all the more nerve wracking to every man searching for the bastard. Candid photographs that were probably taken with a cell phone had depicted her reading, working behind the counter at the café, and even going into her church at Zeke’s side. He was at a loss, both personally AND professionally as to what to do. Somehow, Honor still appeared to remain oblivious to the threat, but Zeke knew it was only a matter of time before he had to tell her.
He just wasn’t sure what that information would do to the young woman that monopolized the majority of his thoughts. She already seemed to be walking the fine line of a massive breakdown. Learning that yet another whack job was targeting her might well shove her over the edge.
Zeke was doing everything he could to keep her safe. He already had someone constantly shadowing Honor. If it wasn’t himself, he’d enlisted Diego Fuentes, his brother, Ice, and Deputy Hightower to watch over her. None of them had spotted anything unusual. Hell, the past weekend, he’d even installed cameras outside Honor’s house to try and catch the bastard delivering one of the notes. He would have tried the ploy at the café, too, but he knew that the foot traffic was so high, he’d never be able to pin anything on one person. Fuck, but it was like her stalker had a sixth sense and knew what Zeke was going to do before he did it.
Running a hand over his tired, worn face as he watched Honor move mindlessly around her kitchen putting away dishes, Zeke told himself that he was bound to catch a break sooner or later, but he was more than a little worried that Honor would end up breaking into pieces before the case broke open.
The kick in the teeth was that everyone wanted to handle Honor differently. Harmony, Faith and Honor’s Uncle Jethro wanted to continue treating her gently, handling her with kid gloves so that the already unstable apple cart didn’t get upended. Patience, Maggie, Diego and Miss Orla wanted to storm the castle, and force Honor into confronting her demons. Slade said to leave her alone; she’d talk when she was ready. And Zeke’s ever-so-helpful brother recommended they admit her to the nearest psychiatric hospital since it was obvious she had more issues than the family could handle. Most of the other men folk of the family felt as powerless as Zeke did and were uncertain what actions needed to happen. To say the family was divided was an understatement. And that old saying about a family divided wasn’t able to stand was turning out to have more than a little truth to it.
Closing his eyes, he knew he had to try to breach this distance dividing them, and he was just too damned old to pussyfoot around the issue. He had to try one more time to figure out what was going on inside that mind of hers. Clearing his throat as he opened his eyes to look at her, he took another sip of the coffee he’d poured himself earlier before he called out to her. “Honor, come sit for a few minutes,” he urged her, keeping his voice low as he watched her movements slow down almost like a battery that had run out of juice. “C’mon, Kitten. We need to talk about tomorrow. It’s your birthday. We need to celebrate.”
“Birthdays are for children, Zeke,” Honor replied almost inaudibly as she wiped down the already pristine kitchen counter.
“Bull. Birthdays are for everybody, Honor. Now, either you tell me how you want to celebrate,
or I call one of your sisters and let them plan a whole big thing,” he threatened, more than prepared to follow through if necessary. He hoped the threat of a McKinnon-filled hoopla would pull her around to his way of thinking. This current funk she’d immersed herself into was just not gonna fly on her birthday.
“Fine,” she muttered, hanging her head. “A movie and sweats day.”
“Pardon?” he asked, tilting his head as he tried to make sense of what she said. “What the heck is a movie and sweats day?”
“I want to sit around in my sweats and watch my favorite movies on my birthday,” she replied. “With lots of ice cream at my disposal,” she added quickly. “But just us, Zeke. I don’t want a big family thing.”
That didn’t make any sense to him at all. Honor lived to spend time with her family; it’s one of the things that had kept her going doing the darkest times in her life. Her sudden hesitance when it came to spending time with them was disturbing. “Babe, you know your sisters. They’re definitely gonna want to see their baby sister on her birthday.”
Honor shook her head. “No. Not this year. Zeke, my headaches are killin’ me, and as much as I love my sisters and their extended families, they aren’t exactly known for being quiet. I just want a little peace tomorrow, okay? I’ve already told them this morning that I wasn’t feeling well. They all understood.”
“Babe, I promise you, nobody understands. I know your head hurts and I know you still aren’t sleeping for shit, but this depression you’re in is more than that. And we’ve all noticed.”
“Zeke, I don’t want to argue with you,” Honor whispered, her fingers clenching around the dishrag in her hand.
“Kitten, I love you. Do you think it makes me happy to see you like this? Talk to me, baby. And if you can’t talk about whatever’s on your mind with me, let’s find you somebody that you can talk to,” he offered gently.
Whirling around to glare at him, Honor shook her head. “Why can’t you just believe me? Nothing is wrong with me. I’m just worn out is all!”
“You woke up screaming three times last night, Honor,” Zeke pointed out sharply, wincing internally as he heard his own strident voice.
“I have nightmares.”
Slightly gentling his voice this time, he replied, “Yeah, got that memo. I hear you crying almost every night, Honor. Do you know what that does to me? It’s like having salt poured directly onto an open wound. You won’t let me help you and you won’t ask anyone else for help! How long do you expect us to live like this?”
“Nobody but you is making you stay here, Ezekiel,” Honor snapped. “You should feel free to leave at any time and resume your life.”
“Don’t even start with that bullshit. I told you months ago, I’m in this for the long haul.”
“And that so-called haul appears to be never ending,” she muttered, throwing the wet rag into the sink with a vicious flip of her wrist. “Are you even looking for the person that tried to run me and Patience off the road anymore? And what about those animals Tanner mentioned when he was dying. Nope, sorry, I mean WHEN I KILLED HIM!” Honor screamed furiously. “Have you made any progress on that, Sheriff?” she sneered. “Maybe I’d rest better if you could find at least ONE of the culprits. Have you ever thought about that, Zeke?”
“Every day of my life, Kitten,” Zeke acknowledged softly. “Every fucking day.”
Dropping her head, Honor buried her face in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, her words muffled. “I am so, so sorry, Zeke. You’ve been nothing but supportive, stayin’ here with me and getting up in the night every time I make a noise. You’ve sacrificed so much of your life for me, and I’m actin’ like an ungrateful witch.”
Rising from the table, Zeke was across the room in seconds, prying her hands away from her face to cup her cheeks. “Don’t. You’ve done nothing wrong. Anybody would be anxious for this to be over. I swear to you, Honor, I am lookin’ under every rock and turning over every stone to find the pricks that hurt you, baby. I won’t stop looking until I find them.”
“I know,” she conceded while she tried to blink back tears. “I really do know that. Sometimes it just feels like my nightmare is never gonna end, you know? Last night, I kept dreamin’ ‘bout Tanner and the night I ki-ki-ki…” she began to stutter and shake.
“Hey, you didn’t kill that bastard, and even if you had, it would have been self-defense,” Zeke began to calm her.
“He had his back turned when I stabbed him in the back, Zeke,” Honor wheezed, pressing one hand to her stomach as the tears began to slip past her cheeks.
“Yeah, and when you stabbed him, he was holding his gun to Harmony’s head. If those aren’t the definition of extenuating circumstances, I don’t know what is. Besides, the coroner stated that the stab wounds were survivable. The seventeen bullets that myself, Jake, Slade, and Diego put in him were not. If anybody killed him, I did, sweetheart. I emptied my fucking clip in the fucker. You are not the slightest bit culpable for ANYTHING that happened.”
“Hard to believe when I can still feel his sticky blood drying on my hands,” she said faintly, staring into space. “I know he raped me. I know he deserved to die. But I never thought I was capable of…of… you know. And God, when it isn’t him I’m dreaming about, it’s THAT night. THAT night is never gonna leave my mind, Zeke. Not ever. There’s not a day that goes by that my mind doesn’t get drawn back there. Sometimes it’s only for a second that I go back there, but other times… I get lost in the past and I’m terrified that I won’t find my way back.”
Gripping her arms, Zeke stared down into her pained eyes. “Baby, please, for the love of God, let me find you some help. A professional you can talk to about this. You know Dr. Mackenzie’s sister is practicin’ in town now. I know I can…”
“No!” Honor shouted hoarsely, shoving him away from her. “I’m not crazy and I don’t need any kind of head shrinker trying to channel my pain. I won’t go, Zeke. Don’t even mention it to me. I can handle my own problems.”
Oh, how he wanted to argue with that statement, but he could tell by the mutinous look on Honor’s face that anything he said now would travel in one ear and out the other, and he’d give anything to know why she was so unnaturally stubborn about seeking help. Instead he said, “Maybe we can talk about that when you’re feeling better and not run ragged from lack of sleep, baby.”
“Don’t bother! My answer won’t change.” she retorted briskly, shaking her head quickly as she stared at him with determined eyes.
Zeke took a deep breath. “I hear you, Honor. Now, back to your birthday,” he prompted as much to distract her as anything else. “You said your sisters accepted that you didn’t want to do a get together?”
Honor slowly nodded. “They weren’t real happy with me, but Faith said Annabelle is still a bit feverish from that virus she had, and Patience is still fighting the triplets’ bout with colic. Plus, Harmony is overseeing an engagement party. Honestly, I think my sisters were relieved that I wanted to do something low key this year. I agreed we’d all go out for a day of shopping next week sometime soon. It seemed to satisfy everybody.”
It didn’t satisfy HIM, Zeke thought grouchily. He knew her sisters had families and lives of their own, but he KNEW they’d all been watching Honor struggle lately. The fact that nobody was making it a point to spend tomorrow with her pissed him off.
“The only one I couldn’t put off was Aunt Orla. She’ll bring a chocolate sheet cake by sometime tomorrow afternoon. She does it every year since my momma and daddy passed,” Honor noted a bit unhappily.
“I know, baby,” Zeke answered with a sigh as she turned away to stare out the kitchen window into the back pasture.
“I love her for it. I truly do. I just wish…heck, I don’t know what I wish anymore,” she declared wearily, her shoulders hunching as she hung her head.
She looked so heartbroken, bent over the sink as she fisted her hands against the edge of the counter and warred with herself
for control. He couldn’t fight the overwhelming need he felt to comfort her. Moving to stand behind her, he carefully wrapped his arms around her and drew her back against his chest as his cheek grazed hers. “You know, it’s okay not to be okay sometimes, Kitten. It doesn’t make you weak to need to lean on somebody else. It makes you human.”
“I want so badly to be normal, Zeke,” she confided, her thin voice almost despondent. “I want to be strong enough to rely on just myself.”
“First of all, normal is just a setting on the washing machine, Honor. There’s no such thing. There’s no standard healing time for what you’ve lived through. There’s no playbook for enduring the shit you’ve been forced to swallow in your life. You’re handling it the best you can, and you’re strong enough to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That’s all any-fucking-body can ask of you. Anybody that expects anything more than that from you can go straight to hell. In the meantime, you can do and say whatever you need to do and say to get through the day intact. If anybody is brave enough to voice a problem with it, I’ll handle them. Got it?” he asked, squeezing her gently to let her know he was serious.
“Got it,” Honor assented.
“Now, tell me what movies you want to watch and what kind of ice creams you want on hand. You and I have a movie and sweats day to plan.”
~*~
Armed with a list of Honor’s favorite movies, Zeke made the trip to their local superstore before stopping in at the diner to grab the ice cream that Honor had mentioned was in the freezer. Nodding to a few familiar faces as he entered through the side door into the busy bar, he grinned when he saw Harmony behind the counter.
“You pulling a double today, Harmony?” he greeted the eldest McKinnon sister as he walked toward her. “Because I distinctly recall seeing you this morning.”
“Look around, Sheriff. We’re packed tonight. It’s payday and game night over at the college. Plus, I’ve gotta be off tomorrow night for that engagement party I booked last month,” she replied, referring to her other career as a party planner. “So, Verlena and I are closing the place down tonight,” she continued, winking at the big, buxom black woman that stood at the end of the bar sliding a frosty mug of beer to a customer sitting on a stool in front of the bar.
Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) Page 14
