“I couldn’t agree more, Sheriff,” Aubrey Daniels soft voice spoke from the doorway. “But, I think it’s time for you and I to have a chat about the patient in question, don’t you?”
Chapter Nine
Startled, Zeke turned to find Aubrey Daniels’ unsettling copper-colored eyes staring at him with a simmering intensity he wasn’t sure he liked. He suspected the woman saw a lot more than he’d feel comfortable with her knowing about him. “Dr. Daniels? Is Honor…”
“Still sleeping when I looked in on her, I’m afraid,” she replied, dropping her hands into the deep pockets of her knee length white jacket. Zeke listened as the doctor introduced herself to Sunny, the younger woman becoming much more at ease at the therapist’s easy manner. Sunny shared the items she’d brought for Honor, her voice rambling as she obviously tried to prove her desire to help.
After a few moments, Zeke rubbed his jaw and took as step forward. “Thank you, Sun. I know she’ll appreciate it. You’re opening the café tomorrow, right?” he asked, feeling Bree silently observing the conversation with a watchful gaze.
Sunshine nodded, her eyes barely meeting the lawman’s as she shuffled from one foot to the other.
“Alright, honey, I’ll call you there and give you an update. Thank you for bringing this, and Sunny… you did the right thing. Really, you did the right thing. Believe that,” he stated resolutely, wrapping one arm around the young woman and giving her a squeeze as he dropped a kiss on the crown of her head.
Sunshine nodded briefly against Zeke’s chest before withdrawing from him and hurrying toward the door. “I’ll see you later, Sheriff Zeke. Please call me sooner if anything changes for Honor. It was nice to officially meet you, Dr. Daniels.
“You, too, sweetie,” Bree said with a kind smile as the girl disappeared into the hallway. Closing the door behind the younger woman, Bree slowly turned to face Zeke, her eyebrow arching. “You were a bit… hard on her when I walked in here, Sheriff. She seems awfully young to use as a sounding board about Honor, don’t you think?”
Feeling the blood rush to his face, Zeke shifted guiltily on his feet, searching for a reasonable explanation for why he’d run off at the mouth with Sunshine. Sadly, he came up empty. “You know Miss Orla and I hired you to be Honor’s therapist. You’re analyzing the wrong person,” he grumbled, his voice low and grumpy.
“Consider this a freebie from a friend,” Bree countered easily, her unnervingly intense gaze never moving from Zeke’s face.
Shooting her a glare, Zeke fought a yell. He knew Bree was trying to help, but right now, the only thing he wanted to do was check on Honor and go through the damn box he held for a clue as to who might have targeted his woman. He didn’t have time for psychological babble… no matter how accurate that babble might be.
Bree snorted. “The dirty looks don’t scare me, Sheriff. I grew up with Mackenzie Daniels. He perfected the disgusted snarl at age five. Plus, after living in metropolitan cities my entire life, I’m now living in a town without a mall or a Starbucks. I mean, my most recent home was Portland, and I think it might have been the coffee capital of the world. Sacrifices have been made, Zeke. Add that to the fact that I’ve spent time profiling some pretty icky serial killers for my thesis, and I’m pretty much unshakeable. Walking on the wild side is kinda what I do. You’ll have to do a whole lot better than a contemptuous look to frighten me.”
“Mack mentioned that you could be a ball buster,” Zeke finally said with a sigh. “You’d get along well with Honor’s sister, Patience.” He collapsed into one of the chairs when it became clear by the set of her stubborn jaw that she wasn’t going to back down. She didn’t know it yet since she was fairly new to town, but he was pretty damn good at reading people, too. “You’re right, Bree. I shouldn’t have unloaded on Sunny like that. I guess I’m a little overwhelmed by everything that’s happened today. I’ll let her know I was in the wrong tomorrow.”
“Fair enough,” Bree agreed with a nod as she moved to the seat across from him that Sunshine had vacated earlier. “Now, let’s talk about the reason I tracked you down. I’m actually glad to find you in here rather than Honor’s room. I’m not sure she should be privy to this conversation.”
“Okay. Shoot. Where Honor’s concerned, I’ll help any way I can.”
“Yes, that’s what her sisters and aunt said when we talked earlier. Between them and town lore, it’s a well-known fact that you’re Honor’s champion. Her knight in shining armor,” she informed him, leaning back in her chair and crossing her trim legs as she tilted her head, assessing him.
“If I’m a knight, I can assure you the armor is well-dented and severely tarnished. And believe me, Doc… I don’t think Honor shares her sisters’ romantic notions.”
Bree smiled faintly. “You do try to stand between her and whatever would cause her pain though, don’t you?” she prodded knowingly.
Zeke’s eyes narrowed as he tried to figure out the intelligent woman’s angle. Of course he tried to protect Honor. Hell, he’d killed for her, and he’d do it again without hesitation if it meant she’d sleep better at night. God knew, he’d die for her in a heartbeat if it ever became necessary, but he prayed that it didn’t since his greatest desire was to spend the rest of his life loving her if she’d let him. Fuck yeah, he’d put himself between her and trouble in a New York minute. “Eight years ago, I failed Honor in a way I can never undo when she needed me the most, Doc. I don’t intend to make the same mistake twice. So, yeah, I make it a habit to put myself between her and anything that’d hurt her.”
“Yeah. Thought so,” Bree acknowledged, offering him a long, steady look before adding, “I’m gonna need you to stop that.”
Zeke stiffened as her statement penetrated. Slowly leaning forward in his chair, his jaw clenched as he gripped the wood armrests tightly. “Excuse me?”
“I’m going to need you to Stop. Doing. That,” she repeated, carefully enunciating each word.
“Hmmm,” Zeke hummed thoughtfully as he wondered if this woman knew how close he was to losing his temper entirely. “Let me think about that,” he said slowly before quickly adding a sharp, “No!”
Aubrey chuckled at that. “I figured you’d say that, too. Mack owes me ten bucks.”
“He thought I’d agree with you?” Zeke growled.
“No, he thought you’d fire me,” she returned, markedly unconcerned.
“That’s a distinct possibility.” Taking a deep breath as he willed himself to relax, he gave her a measured look. “Tell me why you just suggested that I change the way I protect my woman.”
Clearing her throat, Bree snorted. “Your woman. See, the way I’ve heard things, that’s the one thing that Honor insists she is NOT.”
“Honor is confused,” Zeke stated flatly.
“Agreed. From what I’ve learned, she’s got good reason to be. A lot has happened in her very short life to confuse her. My job is to help her get some clarity, and I can’t have your caveman tendencies interfering with that where my patient is concerned. You can’t keep protecting Honor from pain. She needs to feel it. Experience it. Deal with it. Then, ultimately, move on from it.”
“I don’t exactly disagree, but I don’t see how you think I’m hampering that process,” Zeke noted, his gray eyes perplexed as they focused on the doctor.
“I don’t think you do it intentionally. Not from what I’ve seen and heard. I just think that as long as you allow it, Honor will use you as a buffer between herself and her pain. The same way she’ll use her sisters. I don’t think it’s intentionally done by her, but it is what it is, Zeke. And it’s called enabling.”
He hated that she had a point. Fuckin’ despised it. However none of that changed the fact that she was right.
“Okay,” he consented. “I’ll check myself. Maybe now would be a good time for you to tell me your expectations of me, Doc,” he suggested. “You don’t exactly seem like the shy type, so let me have it.”
“You’re ri
ght. I’m not the tiniest bit bashful,” she said truthfully. “In fact, where my patients are concerned, I will guard them with the vigilance of a junkyard dog. Because as of this afternoon, Honor McKinnon is now my priority. She’s my patient. And as much as I like the McKinnon clan and am amused by their antics, and as much as I respect you and how much you obviously love my newest patient, I will not tolerate anyone – family, friend, or foe – getting in the way of Honor’s recovery from the traumas she’s endured. From her parents’ death when she was just a little kid to her kidnapping and gang rape as a teenager all the way up to the most recent attempts on her life, she has been through ordeal after ordeal. And from what I’m told, she’s spent a lot of time and energy avoiding her feelings about all of it. She focuses on others. She takes care of everybody else. She’s made herself into a martyr, Zeke, and she is much too young and vibrant a woman for that nonsense.”
“On that we agree,” he murmured.
“Good. I’m glad. You need to understand, though, that once we convince Honor that she needs therapy and she agrees to treatment, your capacity in all of this will be limited to what she feels like allowing you. To be clearer, I do not work for either you or the McKinnon family. My sole obligation is to Honor. Once she’s able, she’ll steer the course of her therapy and you’ll be involve as much or as little as she sees fit. I won’t discuss her with you without her express permission. You won’t be included in sessions unless she permits it. Because I know that you are a huge part of her life and because you are not an idiot, you know that you’ll be discussed. Please understand, Zeke, that in this, I’m not on your ‘side’,” she explained, using air quotes. “Technically, I don’t have a side. I’m simply an advocate for my patient. When it’s appropriate, and if I deem it necessary, I will suggest including you in some of our sessions, but ultimately, it will be up to Honor. After today, if you want to talk about your feelings with me where Honor is concerned, I’m gonna need you to become a patient. Otherwise, I can’t help you unless I feel she is in mortal danger and I need your input as her medical proxy. Am I making myself heard?”
“Loud and clear,” Zeke returned evenly, but clearly unhappy about the turn of events.
“Zeke,” Bree said softly. “Before I begin interacting with Honor as her doctor, I have some questions that might help me to have answered by you. They are, however, personal and may be uncomfortable for you to answer honestly.”
“I’ve never had a problem being truthful, and if it will help Honor in the long run, fuck my feelings. Just ask,” Zeke ordered flatly.
Bree nodded as she pulled a small notebook and ink pen from her coat pocket. “Mind if I take notes?”
Zeke shook his head, anxious for her just to pose her intrusive questions so that he could get back to his girl.
“Sheriff, I think your commitment and loyalty to Honor is admirable, and you’ve been clear with both her, her family, and half the town about being in love with her. But I have to ask, are you sure this is an actual and authentic romantic affection that you feel for her and not some misplaced and misguided guilt you feel for not saving her eight years ago? Perhaps, this is more a need to make things up to her rather than love. Sometimes one can feel like the other. It’s an easy mistake to make, and it happens a lot more often than you might think.”
“You sound just like Honor every time I try to explain my feelings to her,” Zeke grunted as his shoulders tensed. He knew he should be accustomed to defending what he felt for Honor, but it had never happened for him. It pissed him off each and every time. “Or maybe it’s my brother you remind me of. He regularly attempts to talk me into going out and fucking another woman to try and get Honor out of my system. He seems to mistakenly believe all women are interchangeable and any one of them could curb this ache I feel for Honor. I’ll give you the same answer I give both of them: A man knows when he’s in love because it’s not just a feeling in his gut. It becomes a way of life for him. It’s in every move he makes and every act he performs. Honor is, quite simply, my life. It’s a simple truth that I accepted a real long time ago. I don’t bother questioning it any longer because she’s become a pivotal part of the fucking man I am. I make no apologies for that. Mostly, because loving her made me a better man,” he informed her bluntly. “Now, are you gonna ask me if I have a savior complex next, Doc? It’s usually Honor’s next go-to excuse as to why I can’t possibly be feeling what I know I feel, or will you mix it up and accuse me of having a hero complex?”
“Interesting. Do you think you suffer from either condition?” she questioned blandly, blinking at him with curious eyes.
Zeke blew out a long breath and shook his head at the woman sitting serenely in front of him as if she were discussing the weather with him rather than the woman that made his blood heat and his heart race. “Mack was wrong about you, Doc. You’re not a ball buster. You’re a ball crusher. And you never even break a sweat.”
Bree smiled. “And that, Sheriff, is a classic avoidance tactic. Well done, but I’m still gonna need an answer to my question.”
“Of course you do,” Zeke mumbled under his breath as he privately wondered if this woman was really as great a doctor as Cain and Mack claimed she was. Her credentials were impeccable, but her bold, in-your-face of approach was disconcerting as all hell. “I wish I’d been able to save Honor eight years ago when she was taken off the side of the road. I had my chance to do it; I was selfish, though, and I failed. Has that failure made me even more determined throughout the years to keep her safe? Yes. But I don’t call that a savior complex. I call that learning from past mistakes. As far as the hero complex goes, I’m a lawman. I always try to save the day; it’s how I’m made, but make no mistake about this. I’m only interested in being one woman’s hero. Honor’s.”
“Hmm,” Bree hummed as Zeke watched her scribble something on a pad she had pulled out of her pocket.
Studying the woman as she continued making notes, Zeke waited for her to look up before he asked, “So, in your oh-so-elevated educated opinion, do I genuinely love Honor?”
“Oh, I have no idea,” Bree dismissed him breezily, shrugging. “I told you, these questions are to help me with Honor’s case. If you’d like to make an appointment with me…”
“No, I’m good,” he stated, interrupting her. “So, we done here?”
“Not quite, but brace yourself. The next few minutes are going to be unpleasant for you, Sheriff,” Bree replied. “During my discussion with the McKinnon sisters, it was mentioned that you – once upon a time- had a penchant for enjoying sex of a varied sort with your intimate partners.”
Zeke fought the urge to bury his face in his hands. When the hell would people begin to leave the past in the past where it belonged where his sex life was concerned, he wondered? Drawing in a deep breath, he reminded himself that he was willing to do whatever necessary to help Honor...even if it meant telling his deep, personal life experiences to a woman he barely knew or trusted yet. “I experimented with the BDSM lifestyle in my late twenties and early thirties, Doc. It was completely consensual at the time, but I’m no longer involved in that lifestyle. Hell, the only sex life I’ve had for the past few years is with my right hand if you are lookin’ for complete honesty.”
“Yes, the girls said you haven’t been in a relationship since Honor turned…” Bree flipped back a few pages in her notebook. “Ah, eighteen, right?”
“To put it bluntly, Doc, I quit fucking other women when Honor turned eighteen. I realized my feelings for her were changing. Looking back, I can see I was falling in love with her. I fought it for a while because of the age difference between us, but it was useless. My body no longer responded to other women. She was all I could see. That hasn’t changed. By the time she was 21, I’d accepted how I felt for her completely. I quit telling myself it was wrong to want her and started focusing on everything I wanted to give her.”
“So you’ve been celibate for…”
“Six very long years,” Zek
e shared succinctly.
“That’s dedication,” Bree murmured, jotting down another note before lifting her eyes back to his. “But before…on the night Honor was taken, you were with another woman. She was in the car with you when you pulled over that night to offer Honor a ride after the football game, yes?”
Zeke’s gut twisted painfully as he recalled Honor’s innocent face staring at his under the glow of the streetlights. “Yeah,” he confirmed hoarsely. “That’s correct. She saw the woman I was with in the passenger seat and knew I was on a date. And since I know where you’re going next with this, I’ll save you time. Yes, I took that woman back to my place and was fucking her while a pack of hyenas were ripping apart my Honor,” he continued through gritted teeth. “And yeah, the sex was what you, Honor, and hell, even myself would call dirty. I tied her up. I used my toys on her. It was consensual, but it doesn’t change the fact that while I was turning Sherri Lawson’s ass red with my leather paddle, Honor was having her innocence and her spirit shredded,” he said bitterly as he swallowed down the bile rising in his throat. “I live with that fucking awful knowledge every day of my life. I’m not ashamed of who I was back then, Doc. Everybody has a past. It’s a consequence of living. But, I won’t deny that I wish like hell that I had been doing anything else that night. I regret that knowing how I used to live affects Honor now. Somehow – and God, I wish I knew how – Honor knows about what I was doing the night she was taken, too. And as much as I hate that for myself, I hate it for her more.”
Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) Page 17
