“I’ve always wondered how much you held my past against me,” Zeke murmured, seeming not to hear her. “I guess now I have some idea.”
Jerking her eyes up to his, Honor’s mouth opened.
Holding up a hand when she would have spoken, Zeke shook his head. “Don’t deny it. You know my past. I realized when Angie was giving you and Patience hell the day before she died, that you knew a bit about the man I was before I fell in love with you. I guess I just never realized how much you knew.”
“Your past is none of my business,” Honor quickly denied, mentally kicking herself for opening her big mouth. The idea of hearing anything more about Zeke’s former… dalliances with other women sickened her. Not with jealousy exactly, she tried to reason with herself before she finally accepted that it was fruitless. It was totally the ugly emotion of jealousy currently making her stomach churn. She absolutely loathed knowing he’d been with other women…that he touched them and kissed them. She particularly hated that he’d done a whole lot more with them, too. Chief among them the little fact that he seemed to have an affinity for BDSM if the information that had been shared with her was correct. Even if she could eventually work herself up to having an intimate relationship with a man, she’d never be able to give Zeke the kind of sex life he evidently desired. “I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“Dammit, Kitten! Everything about me is your damned business. The same way everything about YOU is my business!” he retorted angrily, his face darkening with irritation. “I’m not exactly proud of the kind of relationships I had back then. I know I didn’t do anything technically wrong. I was single. The sex was always consensual if a little…”
“Kinky?” Honor supplied dryly, averting her eyes when he took a step nearer her hospital bed. “Or is deviant a better descriptor?” she asked before she could control her tongue. Wincing, she shook her head. “Don’t answer that.”
Zeke’s eyes slowly closed as his shoulders sagged. “Yeah. I suppose kinky is as good a word as any for it, but nothing I did was deviant, damn it. I wasn’t into hurting my partner,” he admitted hoarsely, ignoring her demand to not answer her.
“Partners,” she corrected sadly. “Plural, Zeke. You passed time with more than one… partner.”
Sighing, he continued. “You’re right. I did. And some of those… ladies weren’t very good choices. Back then I was a younger man that sometimes didn’t think with the right head.”
“Yes, I think sleeping with someone as vicious as the late Angela Hastings proves that you didn’t always think things through,” Honor muttered, still unable to believe that he’d actually… yeah, she couldn’t let her mind go there at all.
“All I can say is that I was young, sweetheart. Young, dumb, and filled with a burning desire to prove I was a man with a swinging dick. My stupidity the night I left you standing on the side of the road waiting for a ride proves, though, that back then anyway, I wasn’t much of a man at all.”
“Don’t say that. You’re a good man, Zeke, and I told you to go,” Honor returned distantly, all but abandoning her earlier plan to blast him out of her life with hurtful words. She couldn’t allow him to think he wasn’t a decent and honorable man, though. Not after everything he’d done for her over the years. “That’s on me.”
“Hear me, Honor,” Zeke ordered gruffly, his tone drawing her gaze to him. “Nothing about that horrible experience is on you. It never has been. As I’ve said many, many times before – you were a child. I was – supposedly – an adult. A fully grown 31 year old man. Hell, I was a fucking deputy of the law. And I left you there.”
Peering up into his tortured face, Honor fought tears. She was so tired of the pain that night had brought them all. She wished she could go back in time and never cheer at that stupid football game. She should have stayed home. She should have caught that ride with one of her fellow cheerleaders when her teammate had offered. She should have just gotten into that stupid car with Zeke and ignored the faces his woman had made at her that night.
But she hadn’t done any of those things, and no matter how much she wished differently, she’d never be able to make different choices. Her father had always said that a body had to play the hand they were dealt. And Lord, did she understand what he meant now.
“It’s over and done, Zeke,” she informed him quietly, pursing her lips when she heard his audible snort of derision.
“It’s not over, Honor, and you know it. The fact that you’re in a hospital bed right now because your nightmares and migraines have gotten so bad that you’ve had to resort to drugs to try and stem the pain proves it’s not over.”
“I’m in this hospital bed because somehow I ended up with the wrong pills in my bottle, Zeke. Although, I’m still not sure how that monster managed to get my pill bottle. I always lock up my purse at the office. And someone is always with me at the house.”
“You wouldn’t have taken the medication in the first place if you weren’t sleep deprived and experiencing tension migraines. And those things are happening because you haven’t dealt with what happened to you eight years ago, Kitten.”
Feeling her heartbeat escalate as her agitation built, Honor glared at him. “I’m dealing the best way I can, Ezekiel, considering two of those monsters are still running around free and knowing that they very possibly are responsible for these attempts on my life. And yes,” she hissed, her eyes narrowing on his impassive face, “I’m aware that this whole medication snafu is an attempt on my life. I might be known for being the sweet McKinnon sister, but I’ve never been stupid, Sheriff.”
Moving to the side of her bed, Zeke reached out to cup her jaw and she couldn’t help leaning against his warm palm. “No, you’re one of the smartest women I know, and I pray that you’re gonna be smart now, baby,” she heard him declare in a hushed voice. “Take the help that Bree can offer you. You know in your heart that she’s not like the other doctors you’ve seen. Doing this could truly make a difference, Honor.”
Lifting her eyes to meet his, Honor’s face twisted unhappily. “Zeke…”
“I know you don’t believe it and don’t want to hear it, but I love you, Honor. I want you healthy and strong and ready to kick my ass. Lately, that sweet, capable woman I adore has been fading in front of me. We’ve all seen it. I know you’ve felt it. I can’t stand by and watch it happen. I won’t lose you. You can hate me. You can call me a bully and a bastard. I don’t care. As long as I see the light come back into those gorgeous eyes, it’ll be worth it. I think Bree can help with that and so does everybody else.”
“But this isn’t everybody else’s life, Ezekiel,” Honor pointed out.
“You’re my life, Honor. Don’t try to take that away from me because you wanted to be stubborn more than you wanted to be saved. There’s a lifeline here, darlin’. Reach out and take it.”
“That ship has sailed, Zeke. I can’t be rescued,” she whispered miserably.
“Just fuckin’ watch me,” he growled a second before he bent and covered her cool parted lips with his.
Chapter Twelve
Four Days Later
Juggling her keys, purse and mail as she climbed out of her car in the gravel parking lot of the I Don’t Care Café four days after being released from the hospital, she was surprised to find so many familiar cars littering the small lot. Glancing at her watch, she frowned when she saw that it was just a little after ten in the morning, hardly time for a lunch crowd. Lord, how she hoped nothing awful had happened in the short time she’d been running errands at the bank and post office. Glancing at the screen of her phone, she noted that she hadn’t missed any calls.
Shouldering her purse strap, she bumped her hip against the car door to close it and hurried toward the back entrance of the restaurant and bar she owned with her siblings. Frowning as she crossed the threshold to find the normally bustling kitchen empty, she peered through the order window to see the dining room crowded with familiar faces. “What in the world?” she murmu
red. Not bothering to drop her things in her office, she instead dumped her stuff on the metal prep table in the center of the kitchen and rushed toward the swinging door that lead into the main body of the café.
Heart in her throat as she burst into the large room, Honor caught her breath as she crashed into a familiar broad chest. Looking up into Sheriff Zeke Monroe’s familiar gray eyes as his big hands dropped to her waist to steady her, her wide eyes collided with his furious gaze. “Zeke? What are you and everybody doing here in the middle of the morning?” she asked worriedly, looking over his shoulder at a sea of concerned, serious faces. “What’s happened? And why are you looking at me like that?” she asked nervously when the muscle in his jaw flexed as his eyes grew darker.
“You. You’re what happened, Honor,” Zeke seethed as he continued to scowl down at her with a kind of cold fury in his eyes.
“What are you talking about?” she asked taking a step back from him to put some distance between the obviously angry man and herself. Disconcerted, she stared up at him and tried to figure out what she’d clearly missed. Zeke had been in a good mood this morning when she’d walked into her kitchen to find him pouring himself a cup of coffee. He’d been fine when he’d followed her to work this morning from their house. He’d seemed to be in a normal mood when he’d stopped by the café an hour later to eat the breakfast of toast and eggs she’d served him.
Now, here he stood, facing off with her for a sin she didn’t know she’d committed. And evidently he’d brought her entire family and half the damn town for backup.
“Dr. Aubrey Daniels called the house this morning to discuss you canceling your appointment with her,” he informed her, pointing toward the woman in question, currently standing at the back of the café by the glass door with her brother, Mack.
“You’re spying on my phone calls?” Honor blustered, stiffening as her cheeks turned red with guilt.
“For a while now. I had the calls you receive to your landline forwarded to the station so that we can monitor the line for your safety,” he explained carelessly. “But that’s not really the point is it?” he asked softly. “Why? Why would you cancel, Honor? I thought we were finally getting somewhere?”
Flashing an uncomfortable look toward the gathered folks watching their dispute, Honor pursed her lips. “This isn’t the time for this, Zeke. We can discuss this privately when there aren’t dozens of eyes on us.”
“Wrong.” Zeke denied flatly with a shake of his head. “We’re gonna do this here and now. Together,” he continued, gesturing toward the assembled group.
“Wh-what?” she stuttered nervously as her aunt and uncle rose from a table to stand, their hands clasped together in a show of unity. “A-aunt Orla, what’s happening here?” Honor asked the elderly woman shakily as she felt every eye in the place focus on her.
“I’m sorry, Sweet Girl,” Uncle Jethro said before his wife could open her mouth. “You didn’t leave us any choice but to do things the hard way. Your momma and daddy might be gone, but they left your auntie and me to watch over you girls as the head of this here family we have, and you’re gonna have to listen to us now.” Hard of hearing and always loud, today his voice was like thunder in the still café and Honor jumped slightly at the sound.
“This here is what you call an intervention,” Aunt Orla declared with a decisive bob of her head, picking up where her wise husband left off. “And you, my girl, are gonna listen to everything we have to say,” she ordered as Zeke took Honor by the arm and guided her to a chair facing the room. “Everyone in this room cares for and loves you, Honor, and you’ll give them the respect they all deserve!”
Jerking her arm from Zeke’s grip, she turned to glare at him even as she did as her aunt ordered and sat down to hear what everyone had to say. “Is this your idea of helping me, Sheriff?” she asked in a scathing whisper. “You – who know how much I hate prying eyes – would allow this kind of humiliation?”
Looking down at her with eyes that held so many emotions it was hard to define a single one, Zeke squatted in front of her to meet her gaze squarely, unafraid of her wrath. “What choice do I have left here, Honor? What option did you leave me? Tell me.”
“Please,” she begged, meeting his gaze with as much dignity as she could muster. “Undo this and send these people home.”
“I’d do anything for you, Kitten. Lie, cheat, steal…commit almost any sin. But I won’t do that.”
Jaw clamping, Honor fought to control her quivering lips as she lifted her chin defiantly, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. “Then know that I will never forgive you for this, Ezekiel. Never.”
“If that’s the price I’m forced to pay for forcing you to get the help you need, so be it. I’ll bear the cost.” Sighing, he gave her one last longing look and shook his head sadly before rising back to his full height. “Aunt Orla, you’re up first,” he said quietly to the elderly woman. “Maybe she’ll be more willing to listen to you.”
Aunt Orla squeezed Zeke’s arm as he passed her on his way to stand against the wall beside Jake and Abel. Slowly making her way to where Honor sat as Jethro resumed his seat at the table, she offered her niece a hard look. “Little Girl, I used to turn you over my knee when you gave me that mutinous little look as a child and don’t think I’ll stand for it any better now,” the old woman warned in a low voice meant for Honor’s ears alone.
Looking up at the woman who’d been a second mother to her, Honor swallowed hard as her face softened, immediately chastised by her auntie’s stern words. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“That’s better.” Aunt Orla nodded her satisfaction, turning to gesture for Slade to carry her a chair to the front of the room. Waiting until she lowered herself into the seat, she leaned forward to take Honor’s small hand in hers. “I remember the day you were born, Honor,” she reminisced softly. “Prettiest baby this county had ever seen. And the sweetest disposition a parent could ask for. Everybody commented on it to your momma and daddy. Everybody still comments on it, sugar. But with that sweet you’ve got, comes the stubborn, too. You get that from your daddy and your uncle,” she noted with a chuckle. “I swear – when you were little and somebody tried to help you tie your shoes or reach a high shelf- it just plumb broke your heart. You always wanted to do everything for yourself.”
“I does it!” Uncle Jethro boomed from a table away from them as his faded blue eyes found Honor. “That’s what she’d say. ‘I does it, Uncie Jetro!’”
“What you never did learn, though, Honor was a body can’t do everything on their own. Sometimes, a person needs help. What I can’t figure is when you started thinkin’ there was some kind of shame in it?”
“I don’t, Aunt Orla. Honestly,” Honor disagreed.
“Honor, you know that isn’t the truth,” Orla chided. “Honey, you’ve always been the baby. Our baby. Your parents’. Mine and Jethro’s. Your older sisters’. And eight years ago, we mistakenly let you have your way after we had a bad experience with a few doctors. I’ll bear the responsibility for that since it was ultimately my decision to allow you to stop going to Knoxville for those monthly appointment. We let those silly sawbones intimidate us with their talk of admitting you to a hospital in Nashville or Atlanta when you quit talking for those months. Jethro, your sisters and me… we should have kept looking for a doc that would have been a good fit to you. Somebody like that Bree Daniels standing back there,” the old woman continued, jerking her head toward the silent physician at the back of the restaurant. “We all made a mistake and let you have your way because you were our baby and we were all terrified of watching you disappear from us completely.”
“Auntie…”
“No, you need to hear me, Little Girl.” Aunt Orla stopped Honor with a wave of her hand. “You’re not a baby anymore, Honor Grace. You’re a woman grown. A woman that’s living half a life because of what happened to you all those years ago. And now it’s time for you to stop it.” Nodding toward the eldest sibling, Aunt O
rla rose from the chair in front of her as Honor saw Jake kiss the side of Harmony’s head before her sister approached her.
“Honor, your uncle and I will always love you,” Aunt Orla shared, tears filling her bright blue eyes. “But we can’t keep watching you slowly destroy yourself. It’s time to accept help or cut ties. It’s up to you.”
Honor watched, shocked, as her elderly aunt… her surrogate mother, walked back to take her place beside Uncle Jethro. Looking to her oldest sister, Honor shook her head. “You gonna threaten me, too, Harm? You? You know better than anyone why I don’t wanna discuss any of this. With family OR with strangers,” she hissed, wiping her cheek furiously as a tear spilled over. “I didn’t see you running out and getting therapy after that awful ex-husband of yours got through with us! How dare you come up here and judge me?” she hissed viciously, crossing her arms tightly over her chest as she stared at the other woman with bitter eyes as Harmony looked toward her husband for support.
“Just tell her how you feel, Wildcat,” Jake urged his wife, his voice deep and soothing.
Honor shot him a look of contempt. “Yes, Harmony. Do tell me how my trauma affected you? I can’t wait to hear,” she muttered sarcastically.
“Honor,” Jake murmured, his eyes steady on the younger woman. “I get it. You’re pissed. But Harmony adores you. Do me a favor and hear her out without bein’ hostile. This is as hard for her to say as it is for you to hear. Because we both know – whether she should or not – she feels a heap of guilt over everything that happened to you.”
Honor’s eyes widened as she flushed, suddenly ashamed of the contemptuous words she’d spoken as she felt Zeke’s dark eyes on her. God, she was making a fool of herself. The quicker they all had their say, the faster she could get out of here and lick her wounds. “Fine,” she conceded softly, looking at her eldest sister. “Let’s just get this over with.”
Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) Page 21
