And where have you lot gone to? One by one you lost souls drifted away, off through the walls, east, west, north or south. No direction. No leadership. See if I don't desert you some day, you traitors. But, dear ma, you're still with me, my sweetheart. Too bad mothers have no choice. Even if they can't see a hope in hell for their offspring they have to sit it out till the bitter end. Isn't that right, my mother angel? Yes, chew your betels. Spit your blood. Perhaps we could chat about the old days when I come acr -
A key in the lock. Why do they…? Never mind. And there you are, the dungeon keeper. Thirty-six, thirty-seven? Either way, half my age but skinny. Skinny as the Chinese ideogram for tree…written in biro. I could take you, you poorly written character. How dare they toss a twig into the lion's den? No, Siri. Badly mangled metaphor. What would a lion care of a twig? I'll work on that. But meanwhile you walk into my lair with your pail and your tin mug. It's quiet beyond the door, and black. Are you the night watchman? What are your orders, twiggy? Keep him alive till morning. We'll kill him properly then. How hard can that be? Feed me and keep me away from sharp objects. But you don't look that bright, do you?
So I lie still and I stare. I stare into the hypnotic glare of the strip light. My tongue lolls from my mouth like that of a sleeping sloth. My breathing stops. I am clearly dead. Call me a liar. Yes, you dare speak to me. Your words sound like 'Is a saucepan under a yellow?' in my language. You dare. You dare come near enough to look into my cloudy eyes. You dare lean close to my face to hold the back of your hand against my nose. And I have you. Snap. I grab hold of your head and I pull it into my stomach. No pain from my broken wrist, just a disorganised out-of-order feeling. I grip you with my arms and legs and I use what strength I have to hold you there. I am a vice. You writhe. You kick and punch. But you're in no position to do me any damage because — you seem to forget — I am dead.
It feels like a lifetime that I hold you to me. Two weak men in a macabre horizontal tango of death. I imagine the music. I think of fresh baguettes. And at some stage during these reveries, you have withdrawn from the dance. You are a bolster in my grasp. But I hug on. I hug until every last memory is squeezed from you because I know one day you will seek the man who took your life. With luck you'll understand I had to…I had to. But I lose consciousness and the bats and the moths come flocking.
I come round some time later. I feel like death but, presumably, I'm still alive. But not you, twiggy. You lie across me in a show of post-mortem affection. You seem heavier without life as I push you off. I apologise to your mother. She probably had something better in mind for you. I search you and realise you have no pockets. What type of fashion would leave a man nowhere to put his handkerchief, his pen, his keys? I look around to see if you dropped them in our little tug of death. And then I see them. They are three metres away, dangling in the lock of the open door. Where is a plan B when I need one?
It's been ten minutes and nobody has come so perhaps there is nobody. I have been brooding over the dilemma of keys out of my reach. Even by extending my chains to their fullest and my joints to beyond their limit, I am still two metres from the door. It's the funniest thing. I wipe sardonic tears of mirth from my eyes. Why do I never have a long pole with a hook on the end when I need one? I shall make a point of including one in my travel kit on my next journey. You have no belt, my jail keeper, but you have a standard issue black and white checked scarf. It's almost as poor quality as you. I rip it into strips and tie them together all the while trying to recall the movie that taught me the skill of lassoing. It doesn't come to me. I am amazed at how complicated it is to tie knots with one hand. I attach your tractor-tyre sandal to the end of my rope and I toss. Half a dozen times I toss and my aim gets more wayward and my laughter becomes more manic. If anyone were outside the-room they would have heard me by now.
Then I catch me a key. The cloth snags on the bunch and I have a victory of sorts. Except the key is at right angles to me and no end of tugging will remove it from the keyhole. So I work up a rhythm and swing the whole kit and caboodle — door, keys, sandal — left and right, left and right until I'm certain the lasso will slip its mooring. But the keys drop to the tiles with a mighty clang they could hear half a kilometre away. I sit and wait once more for the invasion of guards. And again it doesn't happen. So I cast my line towards the floor-bound keys and I drag them to me. A bunch worthy of a Dumas dungeon. Door keys, cupboard keys, keys to some ancient vehicle, but nothing small enough to unlock me. Then I see it. A little black hex key. Annoyingly simple. I could have fashioned one myself out of my own shin bone after a year or so. If only I can keep my hand still enough to…and it clicks open. And the same key unfastens the chain at my ankle. I could probably open every door and safe and heart in the world with this cunning metal L.?
Twenty minutes have passed. I couldn't stand. My knees had become welded lumps. I had to massage the life back into my legs. I had the option of crawling out on my hands and knees but that lacked…dignity. I wanted to make my escape attempt at least look like that of a biped rather than a tortoise. The feeling slowly came back to me and I staggered through the door and onto an open balcony. The night air was like a blast of freedom. Below was an overgrown stretch of grass that had perhaps hosted football matches in better times. It was illuminated by the odd electric bulb strung along a wall. But, beyond that was a sea of black. My school was the only lit building. I might have been at the end of the world.
I am in the stairwell now, sitting on a step among other debris like myself. I feel like I have been dragged across broken masonry by a team of drunken asses. Indeed I have. My dance with the twig took more out of me than I have to spare. My journey thus far has taken me past three classrooms whose bright lights chiselled out the shape of the doors. From one I heard sobs. The others were silent. Then I passed the room with Teachers' Common Room written in French in grand letters above the door. That was the room they'd taken me to. The business room. It was dark now. Torment is obviously a nine-to-five job. The torturers had hung up their claw hammers and headed off home to play with the kids. Stroke the dog. Kiss the wife.
"How was your day, dear?"
"You know. The usual."
They don't need night sentries at a place like this. One old twig should do the job. The guests are either dead or broken. My feet appear to be bleeding. I should have taken the jailer's sandals. Smashed glass everywhere. My jungle-hardened feet have become soft after two years in Vientiane. Soft, like my old head. I bleed and I sit and I breathe and another burst of energy arrives. Perhaps I can make it to the ground floor.
As I work my way down I wonder what they'll ask me at my interview as I pass through the other world.
"So, Yeh Ming, we see you almost got out of S21."
"Yeah. I killed a man."
"Just the one?"
What kind of a question is that? Of course just one. Surely they don't count death by omission? Damn it. I bet they do. They're tough, these overlords. And they're right, of course.?
I brought the keys with me in case there's a gate or another locked door but it takes me another ten minutes to get back to my corridor and to the burning lights. I know I'll regret this decision but it wouldn't be the first time. I'm mad, don't forget. Irrational. They'll smudge over this in my obituary. I open the first door like Alice, not knowing what world I'll find there. There are three men inside. One is awake and alert. He looks at me with surprise. Another is only half-conscious. He seems to come round as I walk into the room. A third looks dead.
I smile but I'm unable to answer their questions. I hand the hex key to the first prisoner and I check the pulse of the third. Prisoner one unlocks himself and his colleague but there is no point in freeing the third man. I recognised his spirit amongst my classmates. I believe the only chance we have of escape is for us to stick together but I can't convey this thought to these men. The second prisoner, now conscious, ignores me and limps from the room. I personally think this is a bad option but look
where my decisionmaking has led me. That leaves me and prisoner one, whom I shall call Thursday. I have no idea what day it is but Thursday was my birthday. It's also the day Madame Daeng puts special number 2 noodles on the menu. It's a good day.
Thursday and I go together to the second room. Adrenalin has recharged me and my hands are steady now. I can unlock the door without dropping the keys. Inside is a pitiful sight. A woman in her late twenties. Beside her, chained to the same pipe is a child of around three. Both mother and child are bruised. Thursday unlocks them, whispering words of encouragement as he does so. He helps her stand and carries the child out the door.
The stench from the third room tells me that it probably isn't a good idea to go in. I gesture for my fellow escapees to stand back and I open the door. I'm a hard man to astonish, really I am. But the sight I see there takes away what final breath I have. Chained to a floor pipe at the centre of the room is my heavy monk friend. He looks up at me with those same pitiful eyes. But I can tell you, this isn't one of his staged dramas. This is as real as it can be. Filed around the room like stacks of tapped rubber are twenty, perhaps thirty bodies in various states of decomposition. Two are attached on short chains to the big man's ankles. He has been beaten. His fingers are bloody.
He speaks first in Khmer, then in French;
"Help me?"
I glare down at him. I hate the man with all my heart but I am not given to revenge. I remove the key from the chain and place it several metres beyond his reach. I tell him how to retrieve it and walk to the door. Nobody deserves to be punished without humanity in this life. He will meet his demons in a future incarnation. I turn back and look at the bodies and I am embarrassed to think of Voltaire at such a moment. I'm afraid that by evoking the words of the writer I might condemn him to the same fate as the books from the library, and the Catholic cathedral and the dove that was just feathers on a rib cage. But he was right.
"One owes respect to the living but to the dead, one owes nothing but the truth."
I wonder how long these dead souls might have to search for that truth or whether they will understand it when it's found. I don't ask the monk what he's doing there because, in my mind, I know. The gaolers are turning on their own kind. The monster has already started to consume its tail. It's only a question of time before there is nothing left.
We are at the bottom of the staircase now, me, my man Thursday and mother and child. The effort of reaching the ground floor has drained me dry. My breath sounds like waves hitting a pebble beach. I don't think I can go on. I need a nice glass of port and eight hours on a soft bed. But the omens bode well. We haven't heard the sound of our desperate prisoner friend being cut down in his escape. In fact we haven't heard anything. I'm starting to believe my skinny guard was the only man on duty this night. There are no lights on this level. We pause at the rear exit. Thursday seems to be in charge now. I'm glad. He listens then gestures for us to follow across the muddy yard of the school. The grass is up to our knees. I can't feel my feet but I have a rhythm now. And we are making good time when Thursday suddenly stops and looks down. I catch up and I look down also. Lying in the thick grass in front of us is a body with a bayonet wedged between its shoulder blades. The blood is still fresh.
Thursday looks at me and sighs. We both know who it is. His cellmate hadn't made it to the fence. I hear a laugh from the shadows of the building behind us and a very slow, drawn-out 'tut, tut, tut' like a disappointed clock. I turn to see the smiley man illuminated only by the lights from above. He is swaying like a boatman. He is shirtless and my talisman hangs around his neck and swings from side to side. He walks slowly towards me, uncoordinated, drunk, and I stagger forward to intercept him. Perhaps I can give my comrades a chance to get away. In silhouette against the dimly lit school, the smiley man would make a remarkable cover for a French noir comic book. The pistol solid in his hand. Black blood specks across his chest. No features visible on his head save a grey smile. Yes, sir, he's a natural.
"You are a terrible disappointment, Dr Siri Paiboun," he slurs.
I laugh. Perfect. What an epitaph. What a way to go.
The smiley man takes one more step, so close now I can smell booze on his breath. He hooks one arm around my neck and pulls my head to him. He lifts his gun and shoots. The last thing I hear is the explosion. It thumps into my temple but I feel nothing. It's all over. One second you are, and then you aren't. Is this the way it's supposed to be, my spirit fellows?
20
HAUNTED
After several days of pressure from the Lao politburo, the Democratic Kampuchean embassy in Vientiane was finally prepared to make an announcement. Those in attendance were representatives from the Ministries of Defence and Foreign affairs, Judge Haeng from Justice, a clerk of the central committee, an interpreter, Madame Daeng and, at her insistence, Comrade Civilai. For two days they had been haggling over a location for the meeting. As the Lao refused to go to the shopfront embassy of the Khmer, and the Khmer Rouge ambassador refused to be dragged 'like a goat' in front of the Lao, their first secretary and a soldier arrived at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs with a typed statement. This was the first and only comment on the disappearance of Dr Siri.
The Khmer secretary was an older man who sagged from the distress of being alive. He made a brief apology for the ambassador's absence but didn't bother to make it sound authentic. Then he read:
"The Republic of Democratic Kampuchea offers its respect to the representatives of the People's Democratic Republic of Laos. We are two nations who share a common heritage and are striving to achieve true democracy in our region. This announcement is in regard to the disappearance of Lao national, Siri Paiboun in — "
"He's a doctor," said Daeng loudly. "It's Dr Siri Paiboun."
The secretary ignored her and continued, "in Phnom Penh in May 1978. The Republic of Democratic Kampuchea has diligently and fairly carried out an extensive investigation with regard to the whereabouts of Lao national delegate Siri Paiboun. It is our duty to inform you that the citizen in question is dead."
There were no sighs or murmurs of shock at that disclosure as, after ten days, they had all arrived at that conclusion. Following Civilai's revelations, the Vietnamese had been invited to share their own intelligence of the situation inside Kampuchea. On this occasion, the Lao had been more prepared to listen. The rumours from refugees and defecting Khmer Rouge soldiers were not fantasy. Cambodia really had gone to hell. Siri and Civilai, being expendable, had been sent to test the temperature. Only one of them had returned. The secretary continued to read.
"Despite a number of warnings about the dangers of venturing beyond designated zones, it appears that Siri Paiboun illegally entered a part of the city of Phnom Penh not yet cleared of live ammunition dropped by the pitiless American imperialists during the Revolutionary Army of Kampuchea's liberation of our capital. He was killed when stepping on an unexploded bomb. The Republic of Democratic Kampuchea sends its condolences to his countrymen and to his widow, and we — "
"Where's his body?" Daeng interrupted.
The secretary attempted to complete his reading but she cut him off again.
"His body!" she said, loudly.
The Khmer soldier who had thus far remained silent and immobile spoke loudly in Khmer to the secretary, staring all the time at Daeng. The Lao translator was about to interpret but the old man did so himself.
"Our ambassador regrets that the explosion did not leave any trace," he said.
"Convenient," said Civilai.
"I'm sure the Khmer are doing their best," Judge Haeng assured them. "This is a very delicate matter and we don't want it to affect the relationship with our southern neighbours."
"No it isn't," said Daeng. "It isn't a delicate matter. It's a big thumping noisy matter that's being handled delicately. Why are they still here with diplomatic status, calling themselves ambassadors and first secretaries?"
"Madame — " Judge Haeng began.
"What are
they doing in our country?" she continued. "Haven't you lot heard enough? Send the bastards home. Better still, lock them up."
Haeng and the clerk were making a move towards the distraught woman. She stood and lunged at them and they fell back.
"If either of you goons so much as touches me I'll break every bone in your hands," she said.
"And she can," Civilai confirmed.
Daeng stepped back and knocked over her chair. She sneered at the Khmer secretary and spat at the soldier and pushed past the officials on her way to the door. Civilai nodded and followed her out. Judge Haeng finally broke the silence.
"She's upset," he said. "You know what women can be like."?
It was midnight and Daeng sat in the Dr Siri memorial library plodding through Inspector Maigret. She couldn't understand why her husband had been such a fan. She invariably knew who killed whom and why a minute after all the characters had been introduced. Sometimes before. Perhaps it was a French thing. Perhaps there were nuances she lost because she had a dictionary open on her lap the entire time. Or perhaps it was one of those peculiar male traits. It played up to their big male egos to think they could solve a mystery, imagine nobody was as smart as them.
It had been six weeks since Siri had left for Wittay Airport. Six weeks since she told him not to forget his noodles. She hoped they didn't have show-and-tell nights in the other world or wherever he'd gone.
"And, Dr Siri, what were the last words you heard from your beloved wife?"
She knew she'd have to reopen the shop again soon. She had money put aside but with this crowd in power, her savings were shrinking before her eyes. Perhaps she'd shut up shop and move back south. At least there she'd be spared the sympathy. They had all come to see her. Nice people. They invited her to visit. To stay over. Even offered to move into the shop to keep her company. Brought presents. Yes, nice people. She hated every one of them. Did she really need to know how much they loved her husband? Did she care how sorry they were? Eventually she'd been forced to lock the front shutters and shout her conversations from the upstairs window. And then she stopped shouting and they stopped coming.
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