Brady slowed the truck as he drove up a small grade on the way back to West Yellowstone. He hated doctors’ offices and couldn’t imagine what life had been like for Rachel during the past two years. He was still pissed that she hadn’t told him about Jimmy, but he couldn’t help but be a little sympathetic to the hell she must have gone through with him.
He grappled with how to tell her that he was sorry he hadn’t been there for her. Then he realized that she was the reason he hadn’t been there. Still, the part of him that had loved her all those years ago wanted to do something to comfort her.
“When we get back, do you think I could see my son?” he asked.
She rubbed her hands together in front of the heater vent. “He was afraid of you the other night.”
“Because I was yelling?”
“Yes. He’s just a kid and he’s fragile right now. I can’t have you upsetting him.”
“I’m sorry. I was shocked and mad. Really mad.”
“I know. I don’t know what I can do to make things better right now.”
As he navigated around a curve in the snow-covered mountain pass, he wrestled with the decision to forgive her. He wasn’t ready yet. If he did it now, it wouldn’t be the truth. But he also didn’t want his son to feel the tension between them, so he’d have to at least compromise for now.
“Let’s just get through the next few days and see where things are. I can’t think about anything but Jimmy’s health.”
“I get it,” she said.
“Have you told Jimmy about me?”
“I just told him that his daddy was away on a long trip.”
“How long were you going to continue telling him that lie?”
“Until he was old enough to understand that two people can love each other a lot and then one day all that love just…disappears.”
His heart skipped a beat. “It didn’t disappear.”
“It didn’t?”
The hopefulness in her tone struck him like an arrow. After all this time, did she still love him? Even with everything that had happened? And even more importantly, did he still love her?
“You can be really mad at someone and still care about them,” he admitted.
She turned to face him. “After Jimmy’s operation, I think we should talk.”
He sighed. “I don’t know if I can trust you again.”
“I know I’ll have to earn it back.”
He nodded but couldn’t get the lump out of his throat. Fortunately, the town came into view and saved him from having to further discuss the tenuous nature of their relationship. He drove through the quiet streets and pulled into the parking lot behind the bakery.
He spotted her car parked near the back of the lot. “Looks like you got your car fixed.”
“Mom has a friend at the garage.”
“That’s good. She has a lot of friends in town. Everyone loves her.”
After jumping out of the truck, he hurried around to the passenger door and opened it. Rachel’s shocked face helped lighten the mood.
He chuckled. “I can’t have you falling out of the truck flat on your face. What would our son think about me then?”
She smiled as he grabbed her waist and hoisted her to the ground. His hands lingered on her hips a few seconds longer than necessary. Warmth spread up his arms to fill his body with a hot awareness that he couldn’t deny. Liar or not, she was still the sexiest woman alive. Images of her prone, naked body flashed through his mind. When he’d laid her down on the bed two nights ago, he’d wanted to devour every inch of her perfection. Now, he wanted to carry her back to his bed and kiss every quivering curve of her pliant flesh.
He dropped his hands to his sides and shook his head to clear it. He couldn’t keep indulging in fantasies about getting her wet, naked, and willing. At least not right now. He couldn’t afford to get distracted when he had so much more at stake.
As she climbed the stairs to her mom’s apartment, his bear roared with approval. He licked his lips and jammed his hands into his pockets. Already semi-erect, he didn’t want to walk into June’s house with a huge hard-on and lust in his eyes.
Rachel held her hand up to knock but paused. “I don’t think we should tell Jimmy that you’re his dad yet. We don’t want to confuse him right now. He has enough to deal with already.”
He grudgingly agreed. “All right, but after he recovers, I want him to know.”
“He’ll know. I promise.”
He wasn’t sure how much her promises meant anymore, so he’d have to trust her for now. “Okay.”
She knocked on the door. June opened it. Her flour-streaked cheeks plumped up as she grinned and waved them in with oven-mitt-covered hands “You’re right on time. The last batch of cookies are coming out of the oven right now.”
Inside the home, a timer beeped furiously.
“I have to grab them before they burn,” she said as she hurried into the kitchen.
Jimmy sat at the small dining room table. Plates of Christmas cookies in all shapes and sizes decorated the table. Jimmy shoved half of an angel-shaped cookie into his mouth. When he looked up, his eyes widened with fear.
Brady silently cursed himself for acting like a jerk in front of his son. Now he’d have to win the child’s affection.
“What kind of angel are you eating?” Brady asked.
“Chocolate chip.” As he spoke, crumbs spewed from his mouth to bounce across the table. Bits of colored sugar and sprinkles covered his tiny hands.
“Are you having fun decorating?”
“Yeah,” he said slowly as if unsure of whether or not he could trust Brady.
“Do you think I could decorate one?” Brady asked.
“Okay.”
Jimmy pushed a Christmas tree-shaped sugar cookie toward him. “Do you want sprinkles or stars?”
Brady slid into the chair next to Jimmy. “Can I use both?”
Jimmy frowned as if considering his request. “Namma said I can only use one kind on each cookie.”
Brady flicked his gaze to June. “Your grandma’s right. You’ve made some really nice cookies. I like the angels and the Christmas trees. Which one is your favorite?”
“Gingerbread man!”
Brady picked up one of the gingerbread cookies and held it as if he was about to chomp on it. “He looks tasty.”
Jimmy giggled. “Don’t bite off his head.”
“Where should I bite first?”
“His arms, silly.”
Brady laughed as he bit the arm off the cookie. He chewed with exaggeration while pops of cinnamon, nutmeg, and clove danced across his tongue. After he’d swallowed the delicious cookie he said, “I think we need some milk.”
“Yeah!”
With the palm of his hand, Brady rubbed Jimmy’s head. “I’ll be right back, tiger.”
“I’m not a tiger.”
He grinned. “You’re right. You’re more like a bear.”
At that, Jimmy scrunched his hands into claws and growled. He broke off into fits of giggles. From the kitchen, June joined in the laughter.
As Brady turned the corner to walk into the kitchen, Rachel stood with her back to him. Her palms pressed against the countertop as if she needed it to hold herself up. Quiet sobs wracked her body.
“Hey,” he walked up behind her and gently laid his hand on her back. “What’s going on?”
June opened the fridge to get a gallon of milk. After pouring two glasses, she left the kitchen to join Jimmy in the dining room.
As soon as they were alone, Brady rubbed his hand across her back. “What’s going on? Talk to me.”
She sniffed and pushed off the counter. She wiped tears from her eyes. “It’s just…seeing you together. I can’t help but think about what it might have been like had we stayed together.”
He gathered her into his arms. “I’m here now.”
“Are you?” She looked up through tear-soaked eyes.
“I am.” He pulled her against his ch
est and stroked her hair slowly. He would have given anything to be able to take her pain away, but he had no idea how to help.
“He can’t die,” she whispered.
“He won’t. The second the doctor confirms I’m a good match, we’ll go back to the hospital and do the procedure.”
“It’s so risky.”
“Tomorrow morning, I’ll try to shift. If I can’t, then we should be okay. The doctor seems to know what she’s doing. If you trust her, I trust her.”
She pulled back slightly. “I don’t know how to thank you.”
With the pad of his thumb, he wiped a tear from her cheek. “I just want to see you smile again.”
June cleared her throat as she walked back into the room. “If you guys need some time alone, I can watch Jimmy again.”
“I don’t want to put you out,” Rachel said.
“Are you kidding? I hardly ever get to see my grandson. Maybe I’ll take him Christmas shopping tonight.”
Brady glanced out the window at the growing darkness. “It’s probably too cold to take him out and stores will be closing soon.”
June said, “You’re probably right. I guess I can watch that cartoon bear movie again.”
“He loves that movie.”
Brady puffed up his chest. “I’m glad you’re teaching him a bit about bears.”
Rachel said, “I didn’t want him to be shocked later in life, so I thought I’d at least get him to like bears while he’s young.”
“Good idea.” He turned to June. “If you really don’t mind taking him, I think it would be good for Rachel and me to spend some time together. We have a lot of catching up to do.”
June smiled knowingly. “Just be sure to have her back first thing in the morning. I can’t leave all the pie-making to my assistant. It’s too much work for one person.”
“I’ll make sure she’s home by sunrise.”
He looped his arm around Rachel’s waist. “Let’s get going before you turn into a pumpkin.”
She flashed a wicked smile. “Just don’t turn me into pumpkin pie.”
Chapter 7
Rachel stood at the window in her hotel room. When Brady came up behind her, she sighed and relaxed against his solid warmth. “Another storm’s rolling in.”
He set his chin on the top of her head. “Where did we go wrong?”
“I let my ego get in the way. I was so hurt when you told me you were leaving.”
“I was hurt that you didn’t support my decision. I had to go. But sometimes… I wish I hadn’t.”
She turned slowly to face him. “What happened while you were over there?”
“I don’t like talking about it.”
He released her and walked over to the bed to sit. She crossed the room to sit next to him. Outside, wind whipped through skeletal branches. Solid chunks of snow fell from the roof to land in the growing snowdrift on the side of the motel. Even with Brady in the room, a sense of loneliness overwhelmed her.
He spoke softly. “When I joined the Marines, I knew I’d see action in the Middle East. But it’s nothing like they’re reporting on TV. It’s dirty, hot, and sand gets into places you wouldn’t dream of. I think I’m still shaking sand out of every nook and cranny.”
She laced her fingers through his. “Was it worth going?”
“I’m glad I went to defend my country, but I wish I could forget the things I’ve seen.”
Rachel said, “I thought about you every day since you left. Every time I look at Jimmy, I see your face.”
“Why couldn’t we work things out that night?” he whispered.
“We just weren’t honest with each other. I should have told you about Jimmy.”
“When did you find out?”
She sighed. He wasn’t going to like this, but she couldn’t bring herself to tell him another lie. “I went to tell you the night you told me you were leaving.”
“You knew that night and you didn’t tell me?” His voice broke.
“I wanted to. I almost did. But then you told me that you wanted to leave and I was shocked. I didn’t want you to have to make the choice between your obsessive need to join the Marines and your child. I didn’t want you to end up resenting him and hating me. I couldn’t stand the thought of you leaving, but I also couldn’t stand the thought of you rejecting our baby. I wasn’t willing to take the chance.”
He squeezed her hand. “I hate to admit it because I’m still mad that you kept this from me, but I’m beginning to understand why. I was fixated on joining up, but I would have stayed with you had I known.”
“But can you honestly say that you wouldn’t have resented us?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know.”
As Rachel listened to the patter of snowflakes on the window, she wondered how they could move forward. They’d both been hurt by the choices they’d made. But could they find a way to rebuild their relationship? Did he even want to?
She turned to ask him. In the same moment he twisted to face her. His lips were only a few inches away and she needed something to take away the pain. A deep longing rose up from her soul as she searched his face for any sign that he also needed to be comforted. What she saw in his eyes stole her breath.
He leaned closer. “Can you forgive me for leaving?”
She studied the gentle look in his eyes before responding. “Can you forgive me?”
As he brushed a kiss across her lips, she sighed. It felt as if the whole world sighed with her. His hands glided across her thighs as he reached for her. She leaned into him and let him lower her to the bed.
Unlike the other night, he didn’t tear at her clothes. Through the softness of her jeans, he caressed her hip. Through the warmth of her sweater, he caressed the curve of her breast. And through the heat from his lips, he slid his tongue inside to claim her in a soul-shattering kiss.
She wanted to weep with relief. Even though he hadn’t expressly forgiven her, he showed her how he felt with every smooth touch and passion-filled kiss. It didn’t take long before he had her wet, panting, and needy.
When she tried to reach for his jeans, he grabbed her hand. “Not yet. I want this to be all about you.”
“But, I need you,” she murmured.
“I need you more.”
She whimpered as his hand slid under her sweater to trace a trail of fire across her flesh. She arched against his hard chest while struggling to take a breath. Every inch of her body sang with desperation. She wanted him, God how she wanted him. But he took his time. As he slowly undressed her, passion pooled in the pit of her stomach and swirled in wild jubilation.
He pushed her sweater up and then dropped down to kiss the curve of her trembling belly. The soft plane of flesh jiggled as she drew a shaky breath.
“Shh… let me love you.”
She clasped the sheets in her hands and twisted as his warm lips traced a path through the valley of her breasts. His tongue flicked out to slide across the edge of her lacy bra.
“Sit up,” he whispered.
She did. He tugged the sweater over her head and unclasped her bra. When it slid down to reveal her full breasts, it was his turn to moan.
“You’re so beautiful. I don’t know why I ever left you. I was a fool.”
“We both were,” she said.
Naked from the waist up, she lay back against the pillows. His lips reaffirmed their connection with every kiss, every nip, and every brush across her skin. When his mouth closed over one turgid nipple, she lost control. “Brady, please.”
He responded by unbuttoning her jeans. She reached for the zipper and tugged it down. As she wriggled out of them, he helped. He grasped her panties in his teeth and winked salaciously before dragging them down to her ankles. She giggled and laced her fingers in his luscious hair.
Already wet and ready, the second his tongue found the inside of her thigh, she twitched. “Oh.”
“I’m dying to taste you.”
She spread her thighs. Hot breath b
lew across her needy sex. When his lips grazed the silky slit, she moaned. His tongue slid against her in a long, luxurious stroke that left her shaking with desire.
When his tongue found her clit, a shockwave of pleasure rushed down the insides of her thighs and curled her toes. She grabbed a pillow and pressed it over her face to keep from screaming. He lavished her pussy with drawn-out kisses and scorching caresses. Each pass brought her closer to the precipice of absolute ecstasy. She shivered and twisted her hips to one side. It was too much, too intense. Her heart pounded against her ribcage. She’d been a fool to let go of the man attached to such a skillful tongue. What the heck had she been thinking?
As he captured her clit between his lips, she screamed. Cascading ripples of pleasure rushed out like an exploding star. Rolling waves of release flowed over every inch of her body until she fell slack against the bed. She couldn’t move anything except the hand which held the pillow. She shoved if off her face and lifted her head to look at Brady. The expression on his face was somewhere between self-satisfied and lusty.
“Come up here,” she whispered.
He crawled up to kiss her. The sultry taste of her juices on his lips inflamed her desire. She wanted to taste him. She pushed his shoulders and rolled him onto his back. Slowly unbuttoning his shirt, she left a trail of kisses in her wake.
When she reached his pants, he grabbed her wrist. “I need you.”
“I want to taste every inch of you.”
His sexy growl sounded through the room.
She unbuckled his pants, unzipped and pulled them off to reveal taut thighs covered with a smattering of wiry brown hair. As she perused his muscular abs, he smiled. She locked gazes with him as she dropped to kiss the inside of his knee. She watched his smile transform into a sultry display of masculine lust. Just knowing how much he wanted her gave her a sense of power that she wasn’t quite ready to relinquish.
She kissed every contour of his abs before dragging her tongue across his hipbones. She eyed his rigid cock and smiled. She couldn’t wait to make him moan. As she drew his hard length into her mouth, he whimpered. His belly clenched and his eyes glossed over. She swirled her tongue up and down, gently sucking and tasting him.
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