by Holly Rayner
And that’s the way it should be, Sean thought as he looked down at her. She shouldn’t have to hide away. I’m the one with a secret to keep.
“I don’t know…” he said quietly. “I need to think this through.”
He felt himself rock back on his heels slightly, bending his body away from her. She drew him in, as if he was a planet being pulled in by the sun’s gravity. He wanted to hold her again, but he had to resist that urge.
He saw a shadow cross over her face as he backed up. He’d barely moved his body away from her, but of course she’d caught on to his intentions; as always, she was tuned in to his body language, probably even more than his words.
She can read me like a book, Sean thought.
“Don’t do this, Sean,” Delaney whispered. Her voice sounded fearful. “We’re only just starting to get to know each other. Don’t pull away at the first little obstacle that comes up for us.”
Sean could see that she was upset. He didn’t like that, but he didn’t know how to make her feel better.
She went on. “Jake is just acting out because he doesn’t like the thought of us being together. He’s got no right to butt in on your business. What if we just… What if we just tell him to back off?”
“It might only upset him more,” Sean said.
Delaney frowned. “He’s so unbelievable. I mean, it’s been years since we were together. My choices have—”
“Delaney, if it wasn’t Jake, it’d be someone else,” Sean said.
His words came out rushed. He felt a crawling, uncomfortable sensation in his bones. He recognized it. It was the same feeling he’d had for almost a year and a half after adopting his new identity.
It was fear.
For a long time, he’d struggled with the knowledge that at any moment, police cruisers could show up at his home and take him away to a jail cell. As he began building up his business, he’d cautioned himself over and over not to get too attached. He’d known that at any moment, it could all be ripped away from him.
Then, after about eighteen months, that anxious feeling had slowly faded. It had been replaced with a gentle realization that if the police had not shown up yet, chances were good that they wouldn’t, ever.
He’d realized that if he just laid low, there was no reason for them to look into his background; his secret was safe.
He’d grown accustomed to his routines. He’d learned to find pleasures in the simple events of life—the look Lila gave him when she was tired and needed a nice cuddle, the sunset, the smell of freshly cut hay.
His fear had pretty much disappeared.
But it was never gone completely.
And now, that fear that he’d buried so deep within himself was surfacing.
“If Jake goes to the police, I could go to jail,” he murmured aloud. “And if I go to jail, this place will stop turning a profit. It’ll go from being an asset to a liability. All I’ve worked for… it could all be taken from me.”
“We won’t let that happen,” Delaney said.
Sean didn’t like the fact that she used the word “we.” He wanted, more than anything, to make sure that Delaney’s good reputation wasn’t harmed.
“This isn’t your problem, Delaney,” he said. “I’m the one who messed up. I’m the one with a secret to keep. You’re so successful and smart… and such a hard worker. I don’t want you to put that on the line.”
She fell silent.
Sean felt terrible. The crawling sensation, deep in his bones, was getting worse.
He lifted his hat from his head and wiped his brow. As he settled it back down on his head, he glanced at the house, half expecting to see the blue and red flashing lights of a line of cop cars in the driveway.
His home looked peaceful and empty. The windows were dark, which made the place look abandoned. For the first time since his tractor broke down, he realized how dark it was getting.
“We’d better head in,” he said. “It’s about a half-mile walk.”
He turned and headed for the house. Delaney fell into step beside him. For a few moments, they walked in silence. Sean was deep in thought. He recalled that Delaney had mentioned the name of Jake’s ranch. It was Millhouse Ranch, down by Whistler Creek. Sean knew a few ranchers down that way. Would Jake gossip to the other ranchers? How quickly would word spread?
How much time do I have before the police arrive at my door? Sean wondered.
He usually loved the time of day when darkness settled over the ranch. The air held a special quality; it was as though all of the grasses and trees were able to relax after battling with the sun all day, and as they sighed with relief, they emitted a sweet and subtle smell. He usually liked to breathe it in and appreciate it. Though he could smell the sweetness in the cooling evening air, he couldn’t appreciate it.
He had too much on his mind.
First and foremost, he was worried about Delaney. He knew how talk among the farm and agricultural community of Texas could travel like wildfire.
When Delaney spoke, it was in a soft voice.
“I guess we’d better cool things off a bit, between us…” she said. Her tone was filled with sadness and regret. “Is that what you’re thinking?”
“I don’t really know what to think,” Sean said. “I just know that this isn’t good—and I hate that. I care about you.”
He fell into a brooding silence. He felt her fingers search for his hand. Her touch was so soft and gentle. He held onto her hand as they started climbing a gentle hill.
They reached the top.
The house was closer now. The dogs ran ahead, eager to get home to their food dishes.
Delaney spoke again. “Maybe if we just stay away from each other for a while, Jake will forget about all of this.”
Sean shook his head.
“I doubt it,” he said. He stopped in his tracks and turned to her. “I’ve been thinking about this… the logistics of you and me. I’m crazy about you, Delaney, and I always have been. Even all those years ago, when we were at Pepper Ridge, I just knew that you were the girl for me. But—”
He stopped short. It was going to be difficult to put into words the thoughts that were stirring in his heart, but he knew he had to try.
“But what?” she asked. Her voice quivered.
The moon was just a thin crescent of white, low in the sky. Because of the darkness, Sean could barely see Delaney’s features. But in the pale moonlight, he thought he saw tears glistening in her eyes.
She dropped his hand. “But what, Sean?” she asked again.
Her release of his hand hurt him to the core.
Maybe it’s best if she pulls away first, he thought.
“But—I don’t know if I can do this to you,” he said. “I care about you too much. I can’t let my problems threaten your livelihood. I need to think about all of this… I need to think about how I can make it right. I need to think about how I can become the man I know you deserve to be with.”
“I see,” Delaney said.
Her voice still had a quiver in it. Sean had the impression that she was holding back tears.
They walked the rest of the way to the house in silence.
“Just let me think about it,” Sean said when they reached her pickup truck.
“Okay,” Delaney said flatly.
“I’ll call you,” Sean promised.
She didn’t respond. Instead, she got into her truck, slammed the door shut, and put the keys into the ignition. She waved once as she backed up, and Sean waved back halfheartedly.
He wondered what she meant by waving goodbye like that.
Was it goodbye for good?
The thought broke his heart.
Chapter 16
Sean
After serving up dinner for Sam and Lila, Sean pulled a beer from the refrigerator. He twisted off the cap, took a long swig, and then set the bottle down on the counter before him.
His mind was racing.
Delaney’s news upset him, bu
t didn’t shock him. Ever since he’d been out to breakfast with her, this very scenario had been on his mind.
Delaney has connections, he thought. While I’ve carefully severed all of mine. I can’t be the man to walk by her side and be seen out with her, while I have skeletons in my closet.
What are my options?
He knew one of them: he could say goodbye to Delaney. He wanted the best for her, and maybe she’d be better off without him in her life.
That thought made him feel almost ill.
He looked down and saw Sam still eating his dinner. Unlike Sean, whose appetite had vanished as soon as he’d heard Delaney’s upsetting news, Sam seemed ferociously hungry. He ate his kibbles with gusto. Lila, a faster eater, was already done with her dish. She sat at Sean’s feet with a look of adoration in her eyes.
Her loving gaze filled Sean with hope. The look of admiration in his pup’s dark pupils made him realize that maybe he could be worthy of love—if he took care of the skeletons in his closet, first.
What would that look like? Sean wondered.
He picked up his beer and sipped it again. The long hours of work out in the dry fields, under the tractor, had parched his throat. The beer was cold and refreshing.
I’ve been running from my past for so long, Sean thought. It’s just become a way of life to me. But what if there’s another way? What if I stopped running, and actually faced my past head-on?
What if, instead of keeping Derek Bradshaw’s criminal activities hidden away inside of me, I actually opened up about them?
What if I confessed?
The thought scared him. At the same time, it felt lighter than the idea of staying out of Delaney’s life for good.
Right now, I can’t be the man I know she deserves. But if I owned up to my crimes and paid my dues, maybe then, I could be worthy of her love.
He realized, as he sipped his beer and thought this over, that running from his past was, in a way, keeping him from being whole.
I’ve split off from a part of myself, he thought. I’ve been ashamed of my past. The only way for me to move forward and feel truly worthy is if I collect that broken part of my identity. I need to heal. I need to become whole. Then, and only then, can I truly be in a genuine relationship with Delaney. To really let myself love her.
That’s what I want. He saw this clearly. That’s what I need—I need to love and be loved.
I need Delaney.
I’m going to do it. I’m going to confess.
He felt filled with hope.
He moved to the cupboard and removed a glass, then filled it with water. As he drank, his mind raced.
When?
How?
He finished the full glass of water.
Soon. It has to be soon—before I talk myself out of it. I’ll make a few arrangements, and then I’ll drive myself to the sheriff’s office and tell them who I am.
How much jail time am I going to have to serve?
It will probably depend on the jury, he thought. How they’re feeling. Could be a range of years—five to ten, I’d guess. Maybe more. Maybe less.
His heart became heavy as he realized one of the arrangements he’d have to make.
The dogs, he thought. I’ll have to find a temporary home for them to stay in while I’m gone.
Sam was finished with his dinner, and he and Lila sat at Sean’s feet. They looked up at him with so much love.
Sean knelt down and gave Lila a hug and a kiss on the warm spot on top of her head. He scratched behind Sam’s ears, in just the way he liked.
“Don’t worry, you two,” he said. “We’re a family. I’ll come back for you. Tomorrow, I’ll take you over to Al’s house. He’s always been good to you… You’ll like it there.”
He thought about his best employee, who always had treats in his pockets for Sam and Lila and always looked after them when Sean traveled.
“It’ll only be temporary,” he said. “Maybe just a year or two. Who knows?”
Even though he was trying to be positive, his voice caught as a knot formed in his throat. Tears welled up in his eyes. Sam whined, and Lila placed her paw on his knee and licked the side of his face.
“I know,” he said. “But it’s what I have to do if I want to become whole again. I need to heal from all that I’ve been through. It’s time. I’ve put it off long enough. I have to face up to what I’ve done, so I can be with Delaney.”
Lila lifted her paw and then placed it down again.
“Thanks for understanding, girl,” he said. “Come on… there’s something on my mind.”
He led the way to his office. On the wide mahogany desk, his silver laptop sat open. He stirred it awake and then stared at the open search engine screen.
His mind filled with thoughts of Delaney. If he was going to confess, it would be years before he could take her out on another date.
Will she wait for me? he wondered.
His heart ached with a desperate hope that she would.
He stared at the laptop screen.
I have to give her something to remember me by, he thought. It has to be beautiful… as beautiful as she is.
In his mind, he had a vision of the various origami papers that he’d seen back in high school. He could remember how it felt to look through them. He’d been astounded by the beauty. Though it was just paper, the delicate designs and rich colors had filled him with awe.
And apparently, the beautiful paper had touched Delaney’s heart as well.
She liked that it was a crane, too, Sean thought. She said she liked the symbol. Cranes represent peace.
Maybe if I give her an origami crane, it will remind her of peace, despite the chaos and upheaval of me going to jail. Maybe it will remind her of the peaceful times we shared—like sitting on the swing in my barn, listening to the sound of the coyotes and crickets. Or when we strolled by the river, in San Antonio, the way the colors of the streetlights looked as they reflected on the inky black water.
She’ll remember the way it felt to walk hand in hand home from her favorite diner, as the birds sang and the damp grass dried in the morning sun.
Maybe if I give her a new beautiful origami crane to hold on to, she’ll remember all of those peaceful moments, and she’ll find it in her heart to wait for me.
I know we could have something so magical, once I own up to my crimes. Then, I’ll really be ready to be the man she needs.
He typed “origami crane” into the search bar. A few instructional sites popped up, as well as plenty of blog posts and pictures.
To refine his search, Sean added “beautiful” and “for sale.” This narrowed down the results, and he was able to browse through some well-crafted origami cranes that were for sale by private vendors.
Nothing caught his eye, however, until he reached the bottom of the page. There, he saw the most delicate earrings, made with small origami cranes that dangled from eighteen-karat-gold earring posts.
The cranes were made with ceramic that was purple, red, and blue. He spotted little gold-rimmed flowers in the pattern, and immediately loved the design and the warm, rich tones of the pigment. Above each crane was a small turquoise stone, and below, the description stated, was a ruby and a diamond.
They were stunning.
He could imagine them framing Delaney’s face. The warm tones would go well with her brunette locks and gold-flecked eyes.
She likes turquoise, too, he thought, as he recalled the jewelry she often wore.
He looked around the website that the cranes were listed on and found a way to contact the seller. Her name was Rhianna, and as luck would have it, she lived in Houston, Texas. Sean wasn’t sure if his search engine had shown him local results first, or if the universe was in some way interceding to help him out. It did seem that when it came to Delaney, the universe had a strange and often synchronous way of arranging things.
He sent a message to Rhianna right away, asking if the crane earrings were still for sale. He also expla
ined that he had a unique request—he needed the earrings by tomorrow.
A few moments later, he was about to close his laptop when he heard the “ping” of an email arriving in his inbox.
He opened his email and saw that Rhianna had replied.
Hello Sean,
Thank you for inquiring about the Peaceful Cloud Crane Earrings. You have wonderful taste! This earring was recently featured in Houston’s Modern Art Museum, in their world jewelry collection. I am so very glad you’re interested in them.
I am asking $12,000 for the pair.
Unfortunately, I am heading out of town soon to take a red-eye flight to Paris. I would be happy to arrange a meeting with you when I return in two weeks.
Sincerely,
Rhianna Chuka
Sean frowned. The earrings were perfect, but buying them in two weeks might not work. He needed them as soon as possible. He quickly composed a reply.
Rhianna,
Thank you for your quick response. I am very interested in the earrings, but as they are a gift, I do need them before your return from France. What time is your flight out of Huston? I am three hours away in the countryside that surrounds San Antonio. I could meet you at the airport. I am prepared to pay $15,000 to make up for any inconvenience to you.
Sean
Rhianna’s response was almost immediate.
Sean,
Yes, that would be wonderful. Thank you for your generosity. My flight departs at 1:30. Could you meet me in the main terminal at midnight? There is an Elkhorn Coffee Shop there. I have short dark hair and I’ll be wearing a red scarf. I hope that isn’t too tight of a timeline for you, but I do want to get through security with an hour to spare.
Thanks for considering this,
Rhianna
Sean glanced down at his watch. It was almost nine.
If I leave now, I can make it, he thought.
He typed up a hasty response, agreeing to the plan, and then closed his laptop.
“One last road trip?” he asked his dogs.
