by Julie Solano
My sister looks sincerely touched by the gesture, as she continues talking to Jenna. “Wow, that’s so sweet of her. But, how do you wear dolls?”
“You don’t wear them, silly. They open up. It’s a set. Here, let me see. There must be something inside.”
Jenna takes the funky looking doll back. They sure are creepy looking things. She holds it up to her ear and shakes it, then nods her head. “Yep. There’s something inside.” When she cracks it open a couple more times, she discovers some type of jewelry.
“Oh, look! Charm bracelets!” Jenna holds them up. “Best and Friends. They’re labeled. Oh my gosh, Kait, your half has a saxophone, a swimmer, and a Beaver. Mine has a catcher’s mitt, a basketball, and I’m not sure what this is? Do you know?”
“Looks like some kind of a castle.” I watch her inspect her bracelet. “Cool.”
“A castle? That’s funny. She must be getting her sense of humor back. She always joked that I was a spoiled, little princess.” Jenna laughs. “Here, help me put it on.”
The girls gawk over their fancy new bracelets, holding them up to admire the bobbles. They look a little bulky to me, but whatever. This is too much. I continue to stew over the fact that Peyton gave the girls gifts and not me. Aren’t “Best Friend” bracelets like fifth grade status? Glad she didn’t give me anything. Probably would’ve been a stuffed teddy bear or something lame. Guess I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did. I need to go text a real woman.
“Glad to see you’ve reconnected with P.” I make sure to pop the “P.” I want them to realize that they’re being a little insensitive. Geez, did they ever think once about how I’d feel? How can they be so excited to get a gift from the girl who attacked me and left without looking back? “See you later.” I say, raising my eyebrows and grabbing my phone and pushing off the chair.
By the looks on their faces, I can tell the girls realize they’ve made me feel bad. “Sorry, Caden. We didn’t think …”
Before they can finish their apologies, I cut them off. “It’s all good. I’m over her anyway. I’m working on someone new.” I hold up my phone and smirk.
A wave of smiles takes over the faces in the room. “Care to share a bit more?”
“Maybe later. See ya.” I walk out of the room, thinking of a way to text Tangles without sounding stupid.
Just as I make my way back to my room, it comes to me. Group text! I can start out slow … talk about the tickets, and get her warmed up to me. Never gonna catch a fish unless I cast the line. Go for it, Woodley. I pick up my phone and make sure to include both girls in the message.
ME: Hey girls. I have to admit, you kicked butt last night. I’ve got the tickets to the party, but you still need to claim your season passes. Text me for details.
JESSIE MAY: Sounds good. Yeah, last night kicked ass. YOU were amazing.
ME: Awww, shucks. You’re such a doll! And, you weren’t too bad yourself.
TANGLES: Gag!
JESSIE MAY: Oh, Avery. Snap out of your mood. It’s Christmas.
TANGLES: Please forgive me. It was just a little hard to read your kissass texts back and forth. Besides, HE had nothin' to do with that win. Neither did you, Jessie May. So why are you congratulating each other on MY win? ;)
So sassy. Her text makes her sound a little jealous of Jessie May. She did act funny when we were messing around down at the school. I think back on the frosting fight when we made each other’s faces look like camouflaged hunters. Tangles did not look the least bit impressed with our frosting makeup skills.
JESSIE MAY: Yeah, sure. YOUR win. I’m the one who got us to the store in 5 minutes, and Caden threw in a whole 50 bucks so we didn’t have to wait around collecting Salvation Army money.
ME: Don’t forget, we’d probably still be running around Mt. Shasta if MY friend hadn’t picked us up.
ME: And Jessie May did charm the socks off of the cookie decorating judge. If it wasn’t for her sweet smile and adorable giggle we would’ve had at least another twenty minutes redecorating our gloppy icing.
JESSIE MAY: Awww, shucks. I’m blushing.
The texting stops. I lie on my bed re-reading our conversation. Boy, Jessie May and I did sound a little flirty. Hope I didn’t give her the wrong idea. Or worse, piss off Tangles and ruin my shot with her. I know how much girls hate watching a guy flirt with their best friend. Damn it. Did I blow it? I need to fix this.
ME: I have to confess, I’ve never seen another girl chop wood quite like Tangles. Wouldn’t I love to learn your secret. ;)
There. A compliment. Hopefully that can get us back on track. I hate to admit it, but I’m bothered by the lack of messaging. Come on. Text back already. Frustrated, I throw the phone down on my bed and start to watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. A light tap at my door pulls my attention away from Clark and the pool scene.
“Hey, Caden?”
It’s Jenna’s voice.
“Come in.” I pick up my phone one more time. Nothing. I set it face down on the bed, and look up to see Jenna and Kaitlyn come through the door.
“Brody’s here. He wants to take a ride in your new truck. You up for a little Christmas drive?”
Drive. Out there? In the snow? Suddenly I feel sick. “I’m not feeling so well. Maybe later, huh?”
“You’re kidding right? You just downed three pieces of quiche and a cinnamon roll. You feel fine. I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get out of driving. You’re still scared aren’t you?”
I can’t answer her. Not in front of Jenna.
“Aren’t you, Caden?”
Jenna’s face shows a sudden look of realization. I watch her jaw slacken. “Oh, Caden. It’s not your medication, is it? Of course it’s not. You’re not even taking it anymore.” Jenna’s mumbling so low, I can barely make out her words. “You’re scared to drive. That’s why you made me park the truck at your dad’s store last night. That’s why you made me take you to Peyton’s … Why didn’t I see it? I’m a horrible friend.”
“You need to tell Mom and Dad. You need help with this. This isn’t like you, Caden. You’re strong and brave. Something’s wrong with you.”
I don’t answer.
“It’s okay to need help.”
“Need help with what, babe?” Brody walks up behind T.
Great. This is all I need. On top of everything else, my best friend is going to think I’m a wuss.
“It’s Caden. He’s scared to drive. I think it’s because of the wreck.”
I can not believe she just sold me out to Brody.
“Shut the hell up, T!”
“Hey dude, don’t talk to your sister like that. She just wants to help you out.” Brody does that thing he does when he’s being protective, and wraps himself around her.
It’s great when he protects her from other people, but not me. He was my friend first! “Great. Now I can’t even count on my best friend to have my back!”
The volume of my voice comes out just a little louder than I’d intended. I know it’s because I’m feeling embarrassed and humiliated. I knew my best friend had it bad for my sister, but I never thought he’d side with her on something like this. I’m hurt. I feel betrayed, and I’m pissed about it. Everything I’ve been shoving down for the past month is boiling inside of me. The wreck. My arm. The nightmares. The pain. Not being able to play basketball. And what kind of chump is afraid to drive his own truck?
“You know what? Why don’t you all just mind your own damn business? Leave me alone. You hear me? Leave me the hell alone! This is my thing, NOT YOURS!” I shout as I slam my hand against the door jam. I pause, and fiercely glare down not only Kaitlyn, but Jenna and Brody too. I’m telling them, with as much fervor as I have in me, that I am done with this. They’d better knock it off, or I’m going to lose it in a big way. As I try to squeeze my way past Brody, and out into the living room, I run straight into my father. He’s standing tightly, next to my mother. He stops me from going any further, holding m
e firmly by my shoulders.
“Son, why didn’t you tell us?”
“There’s nothing to tell, Dad.”
“Yes there is, Caden, and you know it!” My damn sister butts in again.
“Shut up, T!” I spit.
“Do not tell your sister to shut up. It sounds to me like she’s worried about you. She’s only trying to help.”
“I don’t need anyone’s help. This is my thing! I’m the one who did it, and I’m the one who has to live with it! I’m sorry if it’s affecting you!”
I have got to get out of here. I’m ready to break. The last thing I need to do is start crying.
“Kids, will you excuse us?”
Phew, saved by Mom. I start to pull away from my dad.
My mom’s voice stops me. “No, not you Caden. We need to talk.”
My sister, Jenna, and Brody all head out, leaving me standing there alone to face my parents.
“Let’s go into your room, son.” My mom’s tone is soothing. It almost makes me forget that I’m about ready to face one of those life-changing talks.
“I’ve been talking to a few of my friends on staff at the high school. You know, just to find out if there’s any way I could help you kids.”
“Mom!” I interrupt. “That’s so embarrassing. What did you tell them?”
“Caden, they all know about the accident. There’s nothing embarrassing about it. I just wanted to see if there were any resources around here to help teenagers who’ve been through something like this.”
I know my face is red. I can feel the heat pounding in my forehead. How has my life turned into this? One minute I’m a happy, healthy high school athlete, and the next, I’m a disabled head case.
“Well, what I found out, is there are a couple support groups in our area, for teens who have been through different kinds of trauma. It’s just a place to talk, you know, connect with other kids your age who are working through some tough stuff.”
“Oh no. Uh uh. I am not going to talk about this stuff with kids who go to my high school. No flipping way.”
“I thought you might say that. The groups I looked into don’t meet in our town. There’s one in Medford and one in Mount Shasta.”
“Well, I’m glad those kids are getting help. That makes me really happy. Can I go now?”
“Yes you can. To one of those groups.”
I look at my mother in disbelief.
“I’m with your mother on this one, son. We’re going to insist that you go. At least a couple of times, just to see if you get something out of it. If it doesn’t work for you, then we’ll look into a more individual plan of action. Maybe a counselor.”
I throw my head back, and release the breath I’ve been holding. “You’re really making me do this? What if I don’t?”
“Then you’ll be walking everywhere you go until you get better. No more rides from friends and family, Caden. You’ve got to do this. It’s for your own good.”
“I’m thinking you might want to go to the group in the South County. At least during the winter. It’s not quite as bad as driving over the Siskiyous.”
There’s no way in hell I’m driving that mountain pass in the snow. How am I going to get out of this? Ugh.
“I’ll go once.”
“Once?”
I have to pull out my best negotiating skills. There’s no way that I’m going to be spending my entire winter and spring with a bunch of messed up teenagers. If I know anything about myself, it’s that I always want to fix the issues of the world, and I am not about to take on everyone else’s problems too. “ONE time. To the one in South County. And if I don’t get anything out of it, I’m done.”
“We’ll talk about that when the time comes,” my dad retorts.
“When is it?”
“They’re taking a break til after New Year’s. Until then, we’ll let the kids drive you anywhere you need to go. Deal?”
I really have to think about this. Hopefully by then, I’ll be up for driving again. “Deal,” I groan. This is going to suck.
I’M LYING OUT ON THE couch re-checking my phone, when everyone comes back into the living room.
“Hey, Caden.” Ugh, Brody. I’m still mad at him for the way he teamed up against me with my sister. Jerk.
I can’t help but lash out at him with my response. “What do you want?”
He pauses and looks at me apologetically. “Listen, can we just forget about what happened back there? I’m sorry for butting in like that. I should’ve stayed out of it.”
Now I’m listening.
“Anyway, my cousin just messaged me. Seems the grandparents are asleep, and he wants to go check out his new snowboard. He wants to know if we’d be up for it.”
“It’s Christmas. Did you ask my parents?”
“They’re cool with it. Said they wanted to go hang out with Jenna’s parents.
I look down at my phone for the twentieth time in twenty minutes. Still no text. I blew it. I know it. She thinks I like Jessie May. “Not sure I’m in the mood.”
“Oh, come on, Caden.” Kaitlyn steps out from behind Brody. “Look, I’m sorry I told Mom and Dad. You’ll thank me later. I know you will. Just come with us. Jenna’s going. You’re not mad at her, are you?”
How could I be mad at Jenna? She really didn’t do anything. Well, except for rub Peyton’s gift in my face. “Where do you plan on going?” I grumble.
“We’re thinking Ashland. It’s a little less crowded than Mount Shasta on Christmas day. You in?”
I guess it’s better than sitting here looking at my phone all day, waiting for a text that isn’t going to come. I’d better try one more time. I pick up my phone and give it one more go.
ME: You girls do want to go to the party, don’t you?
JESSIE MAY: YES! Sorry I didn’t text back earlier. I was dealing with some family stuff. But, yes. I plan on going.
Phew. They got my text. But still no Tangles. “Okay, I’m in. When are we leaving?”
“Well, that depends on when we can find a truck that will make it over the Siskiyous. There’s chain control right now … unless you have a four wheel drive. Does anyone here have a four wheel drive?” Brody’s devious smirk bores into me. “If we come up with a vehicle, I can drive.”
I shake my head. Incredulously, I ask, “You want to drive my brand new truck? The one I just got this morning? Like before I do?”
Oh, this boy has some balls.
“Well, someone’s got to drive it.” I hear Brody’s comment under his breath.
He thinks he’s going to drive my truck before I do? Yeah, I don’t think so. I’ll just take it around the block when nobody’s looking. I can at least do that. I have to be the first one behind the wheel. I have to.
“Well, go get your stuff together. We can take my rig. I’ll be ready in a half hour.”
While the gang goes to their houses to grab their gear, I decide to bite the bullet. I’m going to do this. I don’t know how far I’ll get, but I’m going to take my new truck for a spin. I grab the keys off the key hook and step into the cool winter air. Snow is coming down lightly. Except for a few snowmen standing in various yards, there’s no one to be seen. Silence fills the air.
I grab my snowboard out of the garage, and slowly walk toward the truck. It’s me versus you, big boy. I stare it down, like I’m ready to step into the ring with Mike Tyson. I swear I hear the engine roar at me. I bring the remote up to unlock the doors. Click. The sound rings through the quiet street. I flinch as it echoes out around me. I take a step back and survey the neighborhood once more. Nope. Nobody’s out here. Again, I step toward the truck. This time, I lift my hand to the handle. When I pull back, it’s locked. Crap. I must’ve taken too long. It’s already re-locked itself. Again, I unlock the door with the remote. Just do it. I work to convince myself.
When I finally get up the nerve to open the door and jump inside, I jam the key in the ignition. Ding. Ding. Ding. I wince again. The alarm has me on
edge. Something about that sound freaks me out. I pull the door closed and turn the key. My blood begins fighting its way through my veins the second I hear the engine roar to life. Trying to calm myself, I take in a deep breath and blow it out.
As I sit there, contemplating whether to shift into first, I recoil when out of nowhere, slush flies up and pelts the window. I can’t do this. My heart is racing. My pulse is so strong it hurts. The window is beginning to fog up from my panicked breathing. You have to do this.
I push in on the brake and pull down on the lever. Clunk. Clunk. Clunk. I feel the shifter hitch into different gears as I move it down slowly. No movement. You’ve got to take your foot off the brake, dumbass. I decide to give it a go. Slowly, I release my foot from the brake and start to pull out into the road. Hhhhooooonnnnk. Oh my God. Oh my God. I breathe in and out. In and out. I forgot to check the mirrors. I can’t do this. I can’t. I lay my head down on the steering wheel, trying to make my heart slow down. I can feel my pulse in my throat. This is a nightmare. Okay, back to the basics. Pretend you're fifteen. Learning to drive. Nothing bad has ever happened to you. Get your head back in the game.
A wave of courage comes over me. I check the mirrors this time. All clear. Finally, I release my foot from the brake and gently step on the gas. I look at the speedometer. I’m only driving six miles an hour, but everything I pass is making me dizzy. It reminds me of the first time I ever drove. I was nine, and everything was so big. So fast. Larger than life. I increase my speed to fifteen. It feels like the neighbors’ houses are zooming by at warp speed.
I feel a bead of sweat trickle from my forehead. I start to hyperventilate, as I round the first corner and make my way up the next street. This road is pretty steep. Glad this is an automatic, or I’d probably start rolling backward. Oh man. I sure hope Schuler’s not home. He’d flick me so much crap if he saw the way I’m driving.
By the time I make it to the top of Georgia Way, I have cramps in my calves and thighs. My back and neck have knots from stress. Just one more corner and you’ll be heading home. Both sides of the narrow street are completely lined with cars. I watch a grey CRV come toward me. This truck is wide. The road is narrow. What should I do? I try to pull in as close as I can to the car parked on the side of the road. I step on the brakes and close my eyes, as I hear the sound of the car drive past. When I open my eyes, the road is clear again. That was a close one.
