by Julie Solano
ME: Look. I can’t wait. It’s killing me to think I made you feel like you had anything to do with this. You didn’t. The only thing you’ve ever been to me was a lifeline. You were my light at the darkest time of my life. After the accident, I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. You made me laugh again. You made me forget about the fear. The agony of life after “the accident.” I needed you. Nothing else. Nobody else. Every single day. I needed you. Please, Avery. Text me back.
I reread my text, line by line thinking of what else I can say. Anything else to make her understand how bad I messed up. Please, God. Please have her text me. Please. I stare at the unchanging screen. Hoping. Praying. Wait, bubbles. I see bubbles bouncing beneath my last text. As soon as they start dancing across the screen, they disappear. Damn. She must’ve changed her mind about texting. At least I know she saw it.
Again, I reread my words, wondering what she thinks of them. Wondering how she will react to me pouring my heart out. Is there anything else I could’ve said, can say, to make her talk to me again? The bubbles start, and disappear again. She’s killing me. I wonder if this is how she’s felt for the last week after I threw her to the wolves. I never even texted. Was she waiting? Wondering if I’d ever talk to her again? Wondering if I would apologize for being such an ass? I can’t take this.
ME: I miss you so much. I am so sorry, Avery. I know you’re reading this. I’m watching the bubbles. Please say something. I need you.
TANGLES: You’re right. You do need me. More than you think. I have to show you something.
She has something to show me? Did she do something to herself? Did I push her that far?
ME: That’s it? We need to talk? When? Where? Are you okay, Tangles?
TANGLES: It’s Avery. And not really. I’ll be at practice tomorrow. See you then.
Damn practice has to get in the way of searching for her. I do my darnedest to look for the yellow and black suit, but every time I get to a place I think she might be, we’re re-grouped and shuffled to another run. The snow is coming down so hard they’ve got the groomers working double time. The strong winds are tearing at the flags and wreaking havoc on the course. Thankfully, the other ski teams are being re-located as well. My stomach is in knots thinking about the moment I spot her. And I will. I am not giving up. I couldn’t even sleep last night thinking about what I need to say to her.
The wind pierces through my jacket, and the snow pelts against my face, stinging my skin as I ride the lift up to the top of Douglas. At least Tyler’s on my right, blocking half the snow. He shakes his head, as another gust of wind rocks the chair. I can’t remember a time I’ve felt so worried on the lift. It literally feels like it’s going to blow off the cable.
I pull my hands up to my goggles, trying to block the snow from accumulating on the lens. I have to find her. I search the occupants of every chair for as far as I can see. Dusk is setting in, which makes it difficult. Damn this snow. It was really risky to hold practice down here, knowing there was a major storm forecast for later tonight. But, the team is preparing for States and we’re running out of time. Lucky for me Coach took the gamble to bring us to the mountain. At least now I have a chance to find her.
Though the storm wasn’t supposed to hit hard for a few hours, it seems the wind has ideas of its own. It’s moving in faster than expected. We still have to get back to North County in a bus, and my bet is that he’s going to pull us off the mountain soon. I’ve got to find her before he makes us leave. My desperation intensifies my search. Again, I strain to see the skiers and boarders unloading in front of me.
Finally, when we’re nearly at the top, about five chairs up, I spot a flash of yellow. It’s dangling right next to shiny, blue. It’s got to be her. That’s Jessie May’s suit color. They’re getting ready to unload. I can’t lose track of her. I lean forward, willing my chair to go faster as I watch her travel over the small berm and down to the main run. Hurry chair. I’ve got to get there if I’m going to catch her. I have a feeling this is my only chance tonight.
I turn to my riding partner. “Ty, you’ve got to help me keep an eye on them. We can’t lose ‘em.”
“But Jessie May told me things didn’t work out between you two. Dude, if she doesn’t like you, she doesn’t like you. Leave it alone.”
Great. Now I have to explain myself to Ty too. “It’s complicated. I blew it, dude. I just have to go let her know how bad.”
He shakes his head and points toward a small group of trees, just off to the left of the lift. “They’re standing there. Next to the trees. Keep your eyes on them. It looks like they’re ready to take off.”
I jump off the lift. As soon as I catch a bit of slope, I strap in as fast as I can. I watch the girls start to move away from the trees and toward the other side of the run. “Hurry, Ty. We’ve got to catch up. I can’t tell if they’re hitting North Saddle or Highland.”
Ty straggles behind me, but I can feel he’s close. I tuck low to pick up speed, veering right on the main trail. I’m glad I know these runs like the back of my hand, because I’m damn near boarding blind. It’s getting dark, and the snow is coming down in buckets. “Ty! Are you here?”
“About three feet back, but it’s hard to see you.”
“I don’t think we’ll be able to find them. Not unless we call for them. You’ve got to do it, Ty. Call for Jessie! Don’t let her know I’m with you. They’ll stop if they hear you.”
Ty begins calling out for Jessie May. Instinct tells me they’re going to want to get to Revolution. It’s wider. Clearer. The wind is too strong. They’re going to want to get out of this storm and make it back down to the lodge. “Follow me, but keep yelling!” We continue on to the right, trying to find our way over to the terrain park. “I’m sure they’re going to Revolution. It’s one of the best lit runs.”
By now, any natural light is completely gone. It’s dark, especially on the trails we’re cutting through to make our way across the mountain. Tyler hasn’t given up on calling. Just ahead, I hear crackling through the trees. It’s got to be another boarder or skier. “Hey! Hey, over there.”
“Yeah?” It’s a husky voice.
“I’m trying to find my friends. I was wondering if you’d seen them.”
The figure is still unclear, but I’m close enough to make out his response. “Who’s that?”
When I get closer, I can see that it’s another Mount Shasta skier. “Jessie May and Avery. You’re on their team right?”
“Coach just called us all off the mountain. They should be headed toward Panther Creek. I just saw them by the rails. You’re about a half minute back.”
“Not anymore!” I raise my hand and kick off. “Thanks, pal.”
With a blizzard beating at my face, I kick it into the next gear. I hear Tyler holler behind me, “Wait up, dude. I can’t catch you.”
“You know the way! Hurry your ass up! But, keep calling.”
I’m so desperate at this point, that I start screaming out their names myself. I’m choking on snowflakes, screaming at the top of my lungs. I can hear Ty, echoing behind me. That’s when I finally hear a tiny echo from the trees. “Over here.” I recognize the voice. It belongs to Jessie May. “We’re over here. We’re stuck.”
We ski toward the voices.
“Keep calling! We’re trying to find you!”
“In the ditch! We lost the trail!”
“Stay there.” I’m relieved that they’re not moving. It gives us a chance to catch up, to be more careful about moving through this crazy storm. Slowly, we make our way toward the trees. When I’m about two feet away, I spot color, down in the ditch, surrounded by fresh powder. I slow to a stop and unstrap my board. “I’m here.”
I turn back toward the run. “Ty, over here. They need help! I think they’re down in the ditch.”
“Do you need me to call for help?”
I try to peek over the edge. The ditch isn’t that deep. I think I can get to them. I holler bac
k to Ty, “Not yet.” I don’t want to worry him. “I think they just need us to pull them out.”
“Are you girls okay?”
“We’re okay. The powder is just too deep. We’re not strong enough to get out.”
“We’re here. Hang tight. I have an idea.”
I begin pounding at the snow with my board. Packing it down to make a small trail. “Help me, Ty. Pack it.” The two of us make quick work of packing a small trail down to the girls. “Here, hand me the end of your pole.” Tangles looks at me, untrusting. “Avery. I’m here to help you. Give me your damn pole.”
Jessie May turns to her cousin, “If you don’t, I’m going to. Get up there, now. Stop being stubborn. We’re running out of time!”
“Fine,” she grunts, hitting the handle of the pole into my hand.
“Hold on tight. I’ll pull you up.” Avery begins climbing, as I tug on the pole, backing away from the ditch. As she begins to slip back down, I begin to slip too. “Ty, help me. It’s slick!” Ty gets in back of me, holding onto me as I pull. With one final tug, Avery comes up over the edge, falling right beside me.
I look down at her, panting and exhausted. She looks so fragile. The first thing I think of is how sorry I am. This poor, sweet girl is so undeserving of my anger. And now that she’s lying right beside me, and I’m looking into those hurt eyes, the guilt begins to eat at me. I did this to her. I’m responsible for making her eyes look like this. A lump forms in my throat and I begin to tear up. I shake my head slowly, whispering, “I’m sorry. So, so sorry.”
Her finger comes up to my lips. “Shhh.”
“But …”
“Not now. My cousin needs you.”
Jessie May. She’s still down in the ditch. Tyler is there now, pulling the skis up from below. “Can you quit making googly eyes at Avery and give me a hand? Jessie May’s turning into Jack Frost down there. She’s got icicles coming off of her hair.”
I snap out of it and head over to help Tyler. Again, we form a train to pull her out.
With both girls sitting side by side now, we check to make sure they’re okay. “Anything broken?”
“We’re good. Except for this.” Avery holds up her ski. “My binding is completely busted. It’s the same one I had to get fixed after the last race.”
Crap. How am I going to get her down there in this weather? We’re still quite a distance from the lodge. I can barely fight the wind and snow on functioning equipment. I’m not sure how to get Tangles down on one ski. My mind flips through different methods. I’m determined to get her off this mountain, and I’ll do whatever it takes. “Ty, take Jessie May down to the lodge. I’m going to help Avery get down the mountain.”
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. Maybe I should help her down. Can I trust you? She’s already been through enough.”
I deserved that. After the way I treated Avery, I’m not sure I will ever gain Jessie May and her trust, but I’m sure as hell going to try. First, I need to convince her cousin I will get her down the mountain. “I promise you, I will take good care of her. I owe it to her. I won’t let either of you down.”
“Jessie May, I appreciate it, but I’ll be fine. You need to go tell Coach we’re up here. He’s going to come looking for us. We should’ve been back down at the bus ten minutes ago. Here, take my broken ski. It’ll make it easier for me. Now go!”
Avery gives Jessie May the ski and a hug.
“Take care of my cousin, will ya?”
“You’ve got my word.”
And with that, Ty and Jessie May take off down the hill, disappearing into the gusty, windy snowfall.
“GOT AN IDEA.”
And I do, but convincing her to trust me is going to be the tricky part. “Can you make it on one ski? You can use me to balance.”
“You expect me to touch you?”
“No, I don’t expect it. But, I hope you will.”
Without warning, a strong gust of wind comes up, nearly knocking me to my knees. Avery drops, huddling to the ground, blocking herself from the pelting, wet snow. I lay myself across the top of her, trying to block her from the savage attack. As I shield her with my body, a loud crack booms out above us, drawing our attention upward. Swirling, darting sparks fly overhead. It’s the last glow of light we see. When the light of the sparks vanishes into the night sky, complete darkness covers the mountain. The wind howls, the relentless snow pounds against us. I can’t see my hand in front of my face. A whimper cuts through the blizzard. It’s Avery. She’s at her breaking point. What am I going to do?
Think. “Tangles. I know you don’t want to touch me. But don’t do it because you want to. Do it because you need to. I want to help you. We need to get out of here. The blizzard is getting worse. Face your ski downhill and hold on. I’ll try to light the way with my phone. We need to stay low to the ground. Don’t let go. We can’t get separated.”
“I’ll try.” Hesitantly, she wraps her arms around me, one foot on her ski, the other standing on my board.
As scared as I am, the feeling of her arms around me brings me renewed strength. I will protect her. I will get us out of here. “Hold on tight,” I plead as I start us off down the hill. I shine the phone light down at the ground. As we pick up speed, the snowflakes fly in every direction beneath and around us. The movement against the snow is dizzying. That, mixed with the tug of Avery on one ski, has me off balance. We start to wobble. Her ski begins to move in and out in front of me, finally making its way across the top of my snowboard. Before I know it, we’re wrapped up in a heap on the ground. “Tangles, are you okay?”
“Yeah. Sorry. This is harder than I thought. My boot is slipping off your board and the wind is throwing me off balance.”
“We’re going to walk. Let’s leave a trail of equipment. If someone comes up looking for us, they’ll see the ski and poles sticking out of the ground. Let’s start with your ski.”
“That would be great if I could find it. It popped off when we wrecked. I can’t see.”
Shit. My phone. I must’ve dropped it when we wrecked. “Tangles, my phone. We need it. We need the light. I can’t find it.”
We both pat around on the ground, blindly. Damn it. If it would just die down for a minute, maybe I could think.
“Found something.”
“Is it my phone?”
“I think so, but I can’t make it turn on.”
What are we going to do without light? I’m frustrated and find it hard to keep my cool. “Can this get any worse?”
“Let me try to get mine. It’s in my pack.”
Avery digs around her backpack. I swear I hear the words, “got to show …”
“Did you find it?”
“Yeah, right here.”
Once again, a small beam of light pinpoints our trail. “We need to call down to Jessie May. She needs to know that we’re having a tough time. They’ve got to send up a snowmobile.”
“Got it.” Avery shuffles around, taking off her glove to text her cousin. We wait for a few seconds. “Oh, no.”
“What?”
“My text came up with an exclamation mark. Message not sent. Caden, I think we lost service.”
Lost service? Okay. We can deal with this. Just stay calm. There’s no need to worry her. “Okay, let’s just go. We’ve got to get down this hill. Stick your pole in the ground.” As she buries the pole, the wind picks up speed, damn near blowing Tangles off her feet. “Here, take my hand.” I hold my hand back to her, shaking at her to take it. As we stumble our way down, I see a large black mass off in the distance. What is that? It can’t be the lodge. We’re not close enough. After thinking through a few different possibilities, I remember there’s another structure up on the hill. I know what it is. It’s the race hut. I remember going there with my dad for the dedication. He donated some of the building materials so the coaches had a place to watch the racers compete. I was just a little kid. My team never uses it, so I’d forgotten all about it. Why didn’t I t
hink of this before?
“I know where we can go. A safe place to wait this out. They’ll be able to find us there.”
“Are you delirious? We’re in the middle of nowhere. No place is safe. What are you talking about?”
I point to the large, black silhouette. “Look. It’s the race hut. Come on. We can make it.”
We battle through the wind and snow. It’s freezing outside, but under this jacket, I’m a sweating ball of heat from pulling both of us through the intense storm. I can barely lift my foot onto the threshold when we finally reach the small wooden cabin. I pull on the door. It doesn’t open. With disappointment, I have to let her know my idea’s shot. “It’s locked.”
She looks at me and releases the breath she’s been holding. “Here, shine the light into my pack. I think I have something that can help us.”
I watch Tangles dig through her outdoor pack. I see some trail mix, a large thermos, and what looks to be a spiral notebook. Interesting. She brings her homework up on the mountain? I didn’t peg her for a bookworm.
“Found it.”
“Your homework?”
“No. We’ll talk about that later. I found this.”
She holds up a utility knife. Curiosity gets the best of me. I have to ask her, “Are you a girl scout or something?”
“I’m a country girl. You never know when you’re going to need one of these things. Besides, it was the last gift I got from my brother. I carry it with me everywhere.” I watch her willfully work away at the handle. “This one’s not too tricky. I used to have to pick locks all the time out at our farm. We were always getting locked out of places we wanted to get into.” I detect a smile playing at the corners of her lips. “Got it.”
