“But did you put her in her place; tell her what you thought of the system?” Rachel persisted.
Sue felt her face flush because despite her conviction to do just that, the nurse had been so friendly she hadn’t had the heart to. “Well, no, she was really nice and I didn’t want to be awkward.”
“You mean you didn’t want to upset her, you’re too damn polite, she’s probably perfected the persona of the matey, sympathetic health care professional just to stop people in the same position as you taking it out on her,” Rachel pressed home her point.
Sue nodded. “I know, you’re right, I went in with the intention of explaining everything clearly and making her understand my position but she threw me completely off track.”
In truth Sue felt rather ashamed of herself, she’d been determined that this time she would receive ESA at the first sweep and thus avoid the dreaded appeal, but all the things she’d planned to say had evaporated in the face of the nurse’s…well, niceness. She could speak the language of outrage but couldn’t yet direct it at anyone; Rachel was correct, she was too polite and lived in dread of hurting any ones feelings.
“Well, let’s wait and see,” Kay commented, taking the role of mediator, “hopefully she could see that you were a genuine case and everything will be fine.”
“Yep,” Sue agreed, not because she was convinced but because Rachel’s comments made her uncomfortable, she probably had let herself down once more. “Anyway,” she smiled and made the effort to change subject, as they all tucked into the strawberry tarts, “are you all ready for the big day?”
“Ahhh, one minute I wish it was here and over and everything had gone perfectly, the next minute I want to put it off a bit longer so I can still enjoy the build-up. I can’t believe this time next week I’ll be…” Kay consulted her watch, “…on the way to the church.”
“How’s Simon holding up?” Rachel asked.
“Oh, he’s fine, but then he’s not on the phone to caterers and florists checking last minute arrangements. I’m sure he thinks everything has just magically organised itself, he had the nerve to comment that he didn’t know why I was getting so harassed as the wedding hadn’t been that hard to sort out. Honestly, I could have killed him, all he’s done is arrange the suit hire and have a stag party, and it took him weeks to get round to that, the suits I mean, not the stag party.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make the hen night,” Sue commented, it hadn’t been the first time she’d apologised. Several weeks earlier Kay, Rachel and a group of Kay’s friends had gone to York for the weekend, something Sue had excused herself from. She knew her friend had been upset that she hadn’t gone, but she hadn’t wanted to spoil her time away. Sue’s body would not have coped with the train ride, she wouldn’t have been able to take part in the girly shopping trip or the pub crawl, and would have been comatose in the hotel by the time they went for their evening meal. Her contribution to the occasion would have been to stay in the hotel, lying down, and waiting for everyone to come back whilst making them feel guilty for leaving her in the first place. Put simply, it would have ruined Kay’s weekend and Sue cared far too much about her to do that.
Kay reached over and patted her hand, “It’s okay, you’re coming to the wedding and that’s the main thing.” Sue smiled back in gratitude, where would she have been, what would she have done without her family and friends? “Anyway, tell me what you’re both wearing.”
Sue laughed. “Aren’t we supposed to ask you that?”
“My lips are sealed.” Kay had allowed no-one, apart from her mum and sister, to accompany her when she’d been scouring the shops for The Dress. She wanted it to be a surprise, not only for Simon, but for everyone else as well; so other than tell them she’d gone for ivory, she’d never let even the tiniest detail slip.
“Well, I’ve bought some beige trousers and a lilac silk blouse,” Rachel replied, and then added, “From the first shop I went into, I was quite impressed with myself.”
“And I...well, I haven’t actually bought anything yet.”
“What?” Kay squeaked in disbelief.
“Yep, I can vouch for that, I’ve tried to persuade her to come shopping with me but she won’t have it,” Rachel confirmed.
“Well, you know fine well I can’t walk around the shops. I’ve been searching on-line,” Sue said.
Kay looked aghast. “But even if you ordered something tomorrow, it may not arrive in time.”
Sue smiled at her friend. “I don’t think my outfit is something for you to worry about, I will turn up on time, fully kitted out whilst not embarrassing either of you.”
“Well, that’s okay then.” Kay laughed, and then excused herself and headed off to the ladies.
Rachel watched her go before turning to Sue. “I’m sorry, that was such a stupid thing to say.”
“Don’t worry its fine,” Sue replied, but she could feel the first sting of tears behind her eyes, because, truth be told, she had no money to spare for anything as frivolous as an outfit for a wedding.
“Yeah, well, I am sorry and I was going to ask…to say, err…I mean, I’ve bought Kay and Simon the sky blue towels off their wedding list, I’ll just pop your name on too.”
Sue’s tears were joined by a thick lump at the back of her throat. “It’s okay, really, I’ve crocheted them some cushions for their lounge.”
“If you’re sure?”
“Yes, it’s fine, but thank you anyway.”
“And what about your outfit, I mean I could give you some money to-”
“Kay, please don’t worry,” Sue interrupted, “I’ll be fine, but thank you.”
“Okay, I hope you didn’t mind me asking, it’s just…”
Sue smiled at her friend, gratitude finally teasing the tears out. “Of course not, I appreciate everything you do.”
“And here comes the, almost, blushing bride,” Rachel greeted Kay’s return, her jocularity over the top and forced. If Kay noticed she didn’t comment, and it gave Sue time to wipe her cheeks dry.
*****
Sue sat on the bed, wardrobe doors open wide in front of her. She didn’t know why she’d bothered looking, it’s not like something to wear would have magically appeared since the last time she’d looked. But she’d wanted to look at her black top again; it was still no good for a wedding and there was nothing else. She’d long since sold any decent items of clothing, and no matter how many times she looked that wasn’t going to change. She rolled back onto the bed, frustrated with her lot. She took a deep breath, turn the negative into a positive she reminded herself, after all if that was all she had to worry about she wasn’t doing too badly. She pulled herself upright, tomorrow she would ask her dad if he’d take her down to one of the charity shops, setting herself a budget of ten pounds. Hey, at least she had that option, many didn’t, equilibrium restored she struggled downstairs for a cup of tea.
*****
It was a revelation, Sue couldn’t believe she had never shopped at her local cancer research shop before. The clothes people donated were practically new. Admittedly she’d been a bit reticent at first, and was rather ashamed to admit that she had looked to see if there was anyone around she knew before darting through the doorway. Plus, once inside, charity shops did have that trademark smell. However her inexcusable snobbery had vanished the moment she’d begun hunting along the rails, alongside men and women of all ages. Now she was standing, trying to decide between a long red and russet brown maxi dress, and a long pale green and yellow skirt, with a cream blouse. The lighter colours would suit a summer wedding more, but she also really loved the dress.
“Oh, that’s a lovely dress,” a woman beside her smiled as she spoke. She looked to be in her early sixties, short grey hair, and very smartly dressed.
“It is isn’t it,” Sue agreed. “But I’m looking for something for a wedding next weekend and I’m not sure about the colour.”
“Yes, the skirt and blouse are more summer colours. What sort
of shoes do you have?”
“Shoes?” Crickey me, she’d forgotten about shoes. “Oh I don’t know now, I have some boots that would be fine with the maxi, but I haven’t really anything to go with the other.”
“There’s a lovely pair of cream shoes over in the corner, just a slight heel. I would have gotten them myself but they are too small. What size are you?”
“I’m a five,” Sue replied.
“That’s perfect then, they should fit and they’ll match the skirt and blouse.”
“Yes,” Sue answered absentmindedly, buying shoes would take her over her budget.
“They’re only a fiver,” the woman stated, perhaps recognising Sue’s hesitation for what it was, she couldn’t afford to spend that much.
“No, I think I’ll go for the maxi. I’ve got a light cardigan I can put over the top.”
“Well, that’ll be lovely, enjoy the wedding.”
“Thank you, I will,” Sue smiled at the woman, not for the first time she was touched by how nice people were. It was easy to be bogged down by the bad eggs, but they really were the minority; stripped to their basics, people were generally generous and friendly, or maybe it was her new Buddhist optimism talking. Either way Sue preferred to feel good about herself and the world rather than descend back into the black pit she’d been lucky enough to crawl out of. She’d also noticed that she found herself more receptive to others these days; she had plenty of time and didn’t need to rush anywhere, not that it was physically possible for her to do so, thus on her walks around the village, where she may previously have thrown out a cheery hello as she stormed past, her slow and painful gait meant she could stop and exchange more than a perfunctory greeting. She even called out to the various cats she’d gotten used to seeing as she wandered around. Buddhism had shown her that life was good again, and resurrected lightness in her spirit that she protected, and held onto because it was infinitely preferable to the darkness tucked away, not yet eradicated.
*****
Sue heard Rachel rustling for a tissue beside her, no doubt to dab her eyes also, because the vision of complete and utter joy that Kay presented, as she walked up the aisle to Simon, was overwhelming and absolute. She’d gone for a traditional wedding, in a tiny intimate church. The ends of the pews were swathed in pale pink and cream ribbons, while delicate roses of the same colour framed the couple as they stood in front of the vicar. Kay’s dress was not at all what Sue, nor indeed Rachel, had thought it to be. They’d expected a more modern sleek style, not the Cinderella dress their friend wore. It had a fitted bodice, quite plain but for the pearls that framed the neckline, and a vast, full skirt, that twinkled and rustled as she moved. She looked perfect, beautiful and happy, and Simon’s face was a picture of absolute adoration as he gazed upon his bride. It was wonderful to behold and for the first time in many years Sue found herself wondering what it would be like, to be in love again. To have your stomach dance at the mere thought of glimpsing that person, to be excited by their presence and touch, to savour the initial moment of attraction. Sue didn’t take the thought any further than that, she neither allowed it nor discounted it, she just enjoyed it.
A gentle breeze of humour surrounded the congregation, as Kay’s hands shook so much Simon could hardly manage to place the ring upon her finger, and then they were married and everyone was clapping and laughing. No worries of everyday life, no stress, just optimism and joy. It was, Sue thought, quite wonderful. For that instance, encapsulated within her friend’s happiness, she was neither a dole scrounger, nor a lesser human being, she was equal to all, united in emotion. It was odd, Sue thought, the joy a wedding could bring. Although she herself had never felt the need to commit, and didn’t really understand the concept if the truth be told, she loved going to weddings. Never mind the figures that informed about how many marriages would end in divorce, at that moment, when a couple became one, there was nothing but complete faith that they would be the pair, the one that bucked the trend and on that day, all their family and friends believed it too.
“Shall we head straight over to the reception?” Rachel asked.
“If that’s okay with you,” Sue replied. Simon and Kay were having photographs taken in the grounds of the church, and although she was loath to admit it, Sue was struggling to stand and wait for them. She’d had a quick visual sweep of the immediate area and other than perch upon a gravestone, like some gothic entity, there was nowhere for her to sit down.
“That’s fine,” Rachel smiled as she spoke, “we’ll miss the queue at the bar.”
The reception was being held in a local pub, converted from an old water wheel and mill house, it was an excellent place for yet more photographs. The wheel creaked as it turned slowly and sedately through its cycle, goats and ducks the predominant audience. No doubt enjoying the warmth of the season as they avoided children with rolled up trousers and fishing nets. Splashes of pansies, violas, marigolds and petunias, complimented the old stone building, and Sue doubted a more picturesque spot could have been found.
Inside, the pub was warm, cosy and intimate, with a network of small rooms spreading out from the main bar area. The ceilings were beamed and the floor stone, tables were fashioned out of bear barrels and very few of the seats matched each other. The informality of the interior was as carefully crafted as the exterior. Sue and Rachel settled themselves into a cosy corner as more of the guests arrived, excited chatter filling the space.
“Wasn’t it a lovely service…”
“Didn’t Kay look beautiful…”
“What a lovely church…”
“Simon looked so nervous…”
“Would you like a drink?” Rachel asked.
“Err, I think I’m alright for now, thank you,” Sue replied. She did want a drink, rather desperately, as her tablets tended to dry her mouth out, but she only had about five pounds to spend, and as that was highly unlikely to cover more than two soft drinks she thought she’d better space them well out.
“I’m going to get something, before the bar gets any busier. Are you sure you don’t want anything?”
“No, I’m fine, thank you.”
“Okay,” Rachel replied, before adding, “I won’t be long.”
“It’s alright,” Sue replied. And it was, she was quite content sitting watching everyone arrive. She hardly ever went anywhere really, and so when she did venture out with the, ‘real people,’ in the, ‘real world,’ it was such a treat. It made her feel normal again, doing what she had taken for granted for so long previously. But even as she enjoyed it she knew the emotion wouldn’t last. It wouldn’t be long before enjoying the day turned into an endurance test, pain and fatigue taking over and then the pure selfish emotion of wanting to be back at home would consume all else..
“Here we go,” Rachel said as she popped a fresh orange juice down on the table. “I thought you might change your mind.”
Sue smiled at her friend as she resumed her seat, “thank you, how much was it?”
“Don’t be daft, its fine.”
“Thanks Rachel,” Sue said, a little quietly because it was a special thing to have friends and family who could read the underlying text beneath your words. That gave unconditionally without any expectation of reciprocation.
“There you two are,” Kay’s mum said, “Kay wants to have a picture, just the three of you. She’s just in front of the waterwheel.”
“Oh, okay,” they both responded almost in synch.
“I’ll watch your drinks and bags and stuff.”
“Thank you,” Sue replied as she negotiated her way back out from behind the table.
“Can you remember Kay’s mum’s name?” Rachel whispered to her on the way out.
“I was hoping you would. Is it something like Mary or Margaret?”
“June,” Rachel stated triumphantly.
“That’s it, of course. Where on earth did I get Mary or Margaret from?”
“My mother is called Muriel if that helps?” Rac
hel laughed as she spoke, Sue giggled in response.
“There you two are, I’ve had search parties out looking for you both,” Kay exclaimed.
“Sorry, my fault, I dragged Rachel away,” Sue replied. “Gosh,” she continued, “you look absolutely beautiful.”
“You do,” Rachel confirmed, “Simon is a very lucky young man.”
“Oh, I know,” Kay agreed. “I tell him that all the time. But, what do you think of my dress?”
“Kay, it’s gorgeous,” Rachel said, as the photographer manoeuvred them around, a touch to the right, a smidgeon to the left.
“It is,” Sue agreed, “and totally different to what we were expecting but, I couldn’t see you in anything else now.”
“That’s why I wanted to keep it a surprise.”
Sue watched her friend as she chatted happily away, and thought, my god she actually glows. The poor photographer had a job on his hands keeping her quiet enough to take the pictures. She wanted to know their opinion on the bridesmaid dresses – lovely, delicate and cute, especially Simon’s four year old niece, the way the church was decorated – it complimented the dresses beautifully and the whole place looked as if it belonged in a fairy tale, their vows to each other – perfect, they made us cry, and the reception venue – perfect once more, but then they had helped her chose it.
The room set aside for the reception was equally perfect, and was actually quite breath taking. The top table lay in front of a wall of glass, dressed with swaths of white cotton, swept up and held by a posy of summer flowers. Each end was saluted by a pedestal of pink and white flora, framing the bridal party beautifully. Their table was covered in starched white linen, with a pale pink runner down the middle, a clear vase, holding a single rose, placed at intermittent distances along it. The rest of the tables were round and benefitted from the same decoration. Everything looked so delicate, and so stylish, it was simply wonderful.
An Ordinary Working Man Page 25
