by Ali Parker
“There’s a problem with my check.” I opened my eyes and saw her standing with one arm crossed and the other extended to hold out the check. Her eyes were looking upward to the ceiling as if refusing to meet mine.
I jumped from my chair and snatched the paper from her fingers and read the amount. Had I forgotten to fill something in? Had I forgotten to sign the damned thing? Everything looked fine, it must be the amount. “I’ll get you your damned money. How much do I owe you?” I pegged her with a hard glare and waited as she shifted back and forth on her feet and rolled her eyes.
“You owe me a lot,” she mumbled, still looking away.
“Is that why you came over here? Expecting something from me?” Her gaze shifted from the window to the ceiling and back.
“Ha! Like I’d expect anything from you. You never apologized the first time you acted like a possessive caveman. Why would I expect this time to be any different?” Her eyes finally met mine, glaring hard like they could turn molten at any moment.
I’d never seen her so angry and full of fire. Her spirit ignited in a way that sparked mine. I didn’t know whether to be infuriated or impassioned. My jaw clenched, and I stepped forward meeting her toe to toe, her eyes never leaving mine. “Then why bother with me at all?” I wanted her to tell me she loved me, that like me, despite all our troubled past, the mistakes, the missteps, the misunderstandings, she believed we were meant to be together.
Not taking my eyes off her, I reached for her hand, my fingertips grazing softly against her arm. She stood stark still, and the only sign of wavering came in her eyes as she blinked. Despite everything, I wanted to take her into my arms, wipe everything off the desk, and make love to her. I waited for her response, and as she glanced away, my hope faltered.
When she met my eyes again, it was as if her own were a bucket of ice water thrown over me. “I have no idea.”
I choked down the hard lump that had formed in my throat, and the silence that hung in the air was deafening. I dropped my shoulders and turned away from her. If she didn’t know anymore, who was I to remind her? “I’ll get you the money.” My words were meant as a dismissal, but she didn’t leave. Instead, she crossed her arms.
“You overpaid. I wasn’t referring to you owing me more money.” She was so hot when she was huffy, but at the same time, I was sick of looking at her.
I sat down at the desk. “I’m not apologizing for punching your boyfriend.” I kept my tone calm and turned to the books to see where I screwed up my math.
“Big surprise, but he’s not my boyfriend. If you’d paid any attention to what was going on you’d know he saved me from a horrible, painful burn, not to mention being cut to shreds.”
“What a hero. I guess you were about to reward him by showing him your tits.”
“Taking off my shirt was the only way to keep from being burned. Not that you care. All you care about is coming in like a hot-headed jerk and punching people.” Her steps were heavy behind me as she paced the room.
“Don’t give me that shit. You can hate me all you want, but I’m not sorry, and I’m not apologizing. So what if I made a mistake? Bailey or your Daddy would have done the same thing if they’d walked in on what I did and you know it. Granny would have taken the broom to him if she’d walked in on you standing there half-naked.” The image of her perfect breasts cupped in white cotton came back to me like a flood of fire when I remembered where the guy’s eyes had been. Hero or not, he hadn’t missed the eyeful before him. Who would? Even a blind man would have peeked.
“Well, you’re not my brother, and you’re not my Daddy. I don’t need you jumping up to defend me. Besides, what if I wanted to show him my tits? It’s not your business. You don’t own me. I can see whoever I want. You know, one day I’m going to find the man I’m going to marry and then what are you going to do? Punch him in the face too?”
I couldn’t concentrate on the numbers before me with her words cutting like tiny razors from her mouth. My anger got the best of me, and I slammed my fist down on the desk and was up so fast, whirling around to face her that I practically jumped over my chair.
“Here!” I pushed the check against her chest. “Keep the change. Consider it a bonus for spreading your legs.”
Her mouth popped open as if to retort, but then the tears welled up in her eyes, and she turned away, placing the check on the table by the door on her way out.
I righted my chair and sank back down into it. Feeling like shit, I contemplated going after her. Punching that fool in the head a hundred times wasn’t half as bad as insinuating that she was a whore. I may not owe her an apology for before, but I owed her one now. Mama would be furious if she found out I’d spoken to Lauralee that way, and I couldn’t help but want to kick my own ass over it.
Mama had been right, I was an asshole. Instead of letting Lauralee vent and get things off her chest, I’d reacted and made things ten times worse. Hell, a hundred. At this rate, I was going to lose her for good.
The thought of it sickened me. What if she did find someone else. Not some loser that might take her on dates or use her for a piece of ass, but someone who would treat her the way I should have been all along. The way I wanted to treat her, to care for her, as my own. As my girl, my wife.
And like Mama had said, she deserved someone to be that man for her. To protect her without flying off the handle and making things worse. Who would give in now and then and admit he was wrong, even if he didn’t feel he was if only to keep her happy. To keep her.
It was exactly what Mama had talked about. I needed to let down my pride and step out of my comfort zone now and then.
I jumped from my chair and took off like a shot hoping that she hadn’t gotten too far ahead of me. I couldn’t let her get away. I had to make things right.
Chapter 18
Lauralee
Tears stung my eyes as the sun beat down on my shoulders. It was as if the light weighed a ton, but I understood the feeling came from the heavy emotion building inside. I hadn’t let myself break down. Ted didn’t deserve the satisfaction. How on earth could he stoop to such an insinuation?
He was the only man I’d ever been with, and I hadn’t even wanted another, not even Tyler. The idea of giving myself to another had never interested me, not that there’d been anyone else to give myself to.
The truth was, part of me had always felt like we were still a couple. Like we’d always been one. Even when he was off on his own, bedding other women, his heart had always been mine. Perhaps it was the same for him, I suppose. I strayed from the path and walked a few feet into the field where I rested on the low limb of a live oak. We kids used to play here when we were little, and it was the best climbing tree between either property.
Bailey and David had gotten into an argument over whose land it was on, and Granny came out to see, claiming it was right on the line. Now that I’m older I know better. The tree was well on our property by several yards, but Granny thought it was better to share. After that, we’d built a fort and named it Langston’s Hideout. The competitive boys tossed a coin to see whose name went first in the mash-up, and team Langston won. Bailey was always outnumbered, but because of me, Teddy evened things out and often chose to defend our side, even though David and Bailey were better friends.
There wasn’t anything left of that old fort now. After we all outgrew it, Daddy tore it down. He said the tower didn’t have anything to do with that decision, but I knew better.
I missed the carefree days of our youth. Growing up on a farm made for the best childhood. There was always something to do. I loved the fall weather too, and the last of the longer days when you’d get home from school, do your chores, and still have time for a game of tag after supper.
Ted would pick honeysuckle off his gate, and we’d sit on this exact branch tasting the nectar. He’d taught me how to pull the centers until the perfect bead came to the end and more often than not, we’d take turns feeding each other.
David an
d Bailey used to tease us, but Ted never cared. We’d get back at them by playing pranks and got in trouble more than once for hiding their fishing poles. He’d take all the blame, but the others knew I was his partner in crime.
He did his fair share of teasing me too. There were many years when things were awkward, like when I showed the first sign of curves and his voice started to change.
The more I thought about it, the more I remembered the times we’d tie into it over some petty disagreement and it usually had more to do with Ted not getting his way, than anything else.
I sank down against the branch and wiped my eyes. He didn’t deserve my tears, and I vowed then and there they’d be the last I cried. I’d made that vow many times before, and it never took. Remembering that opened up a flood of memories from all those times.
His hot temper went all the way back to elementary school, and my first recollection of him acting out was when Tucker Verde had knocked me down during a game of kickball. I didn’t think it was on purpose, but that didn’t matter to Ted. He crossed the field so fast and dove on Tucker like a rabid dog. The poor boy ended up with a black eye for our class photo, and I was mad at Teddy for embarrassing me. We didn’t talk for days, and I didn’t remember an apology then either. It had happened over and over again through the years, and middle school was the worst. I’d never forget the time my cousins came to visit, and he caught Brody and me catching frogs together at the pond. He pushed Brody down and dragged him into the water before I could explain that he was kin. Things had calmed down a bit by high school, but that was only because he’d already scared everyone from talking to me.
He’d ruled over me my entire life, and it was time it stopped.
The sun came out from the cloud and kissed my shoulder, so I closed my eyes and concentrated on the heat that caressed my skin. Not even the shuffling of grass was going to take this moment of peace away until it got closer. As I opened my eyes, his voice met my ears.
“I remember this old tree.” He leaned against the branch I sat on, and I hopped off, putting the tree between us. It surprised me that he followed and my heart filled with hope that he was going to try and make things right for once.
“Yeah, it was the only place to rest.” I didn’t want him to think I’d been sitting around crying for him and reminiscing.
“Well, I’m hoping we can put all this behind us and move on.” His voice was so lacking in emotion that he could have been saying anything.
“Is that right? You want to put it behind us?” He’d all but called me a whore, and now he wanted me to forget all about it. My red-headed temper boiled as he responded.
“I shouldn’t have said what I did, and I don’t like us fighting, so I hope we can move past it.” He stared down at his boots and then up to the sky and back down again, but not once did he look at me.
“Oh, you don’t like it so you just want to move past it? Like it didn’t happen, I suppose.” I folded my arms to keep from flailing them in his face as if I could hold my anger back and not let it erupt.
“Look, it was hard enough coming after you.” His eyes finally met mine, with more anger than regret in his furrowed brows.
“Hard? You’re talking to me about hard?” I gripped my elbows and pulled my arms tighter across me. “Do you have anything else you’d like to say?” He shifted his eyes away and leaned back against the branch. “Can’t you even look at me? Or say you’re sorry?”
“I didn’t mean what I said. It came out in anger.”
“That’s still not an apology.” I let my arms fall beside me in defeat. “You’ll never change. I guess I’ll add this one to the long list of apologies you owe me.”
“Oh, here we go again. Let’s rehash the past and let it ruin us. It’s not like we’ve wasted enough time arguing in our lives and not speaking to one another.”
How could he be so blasé? “This is not a joke!”
“I’m not joking!” He pushed off the branch and closed the distance between us. “I’m trying to make things okay between us.”
I put my hand on his chest and met his eyes. “You’re acting like it’s no big deal. You’ve always done that, and it is a big deal!”
His hands balled into fists, and he pushed against my hand. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
I dropped my hand and turned to face the tree. It would be easier to drive my point across to the old oak. I’d have more luck talking to a wall. “You don’t get it, Ted. You never will.”
“Explain it to me, then.” His hand fell heavy against my waist, like a cold stone pressing into me.
“It won’t matter. You’re not ever going to change. You’ve never understood me. It’s just like prom!”
“Prom? Are you kidding me? I thought we were past that!” His hand left me and I glanced to see him leaning back against the tree, his jaw set so tight the muscle in his jaw flexed.
“See, you don’t get it.”
“No, I don’t. Not after the other day when you fucked me. You sure seemed over it then. Now you want to bring it up.”
That sent my temper flaring. I spun around and pinned him against the tree, pushing at his chest. “You told me to explain, so why don’t you shut up and listen.” His brow rose. “You never understood how much that dance meant to me. I dreamed for us to go together. I begged you to take me, but you were always so stubborn that you didn’t ever ask me why it meant so much to me. You were only concerned about yourself!” He averted his eyes and his chest swelled up and receded beneath my hand. “I wanted to wear my mother’s dress. The one you ruined when you punched Andy. He was only a friend, a nice boy who was giving me the chance to do something my mother always wanted me to do, something you were too damned stubborn to do! And then you never even said you were sorry for ruining the whole night!”
Tears pooled in my eyes, but I willed them to stop as I thought back to my mother and me talking about her own prom. She’d showed me the dress she’d worn, a beautiful teal chiffon with tiny sparkling crystals along the bodice. She’d held it up to me and complimented the color against my complexion and brassy hair. It was the perfect color for me, and as she wrapped it back in its plastic and put it away, she promised I could wear it to my own prom if I liked. Though I was only in middle school at the time, I imagined me and Ted dancing, twirling around the dance floor in a magical mist and having our first real kiss.
Then she’d told me about her and Daddy’s date and how many times she’d stepped on his toes. He’d given her a promise ring that night, and I remember wondering if Teddy would ever do the same for me or would I end up with someone else. If only I’d known way back then that I’d be wondering the same thing all these years later.
Ted spoke up. “I tried to take you out, but it wasn’t good enough. You could have worn your mom’s dress out to dinner with me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go out with you. I didn’t want to go to that stupid prom. And speaking of apologies, I didn’t get one either.”
“Are you serious? I don’t owe you an apology.” My face lit with a smile, but it was only because of the incredible disbelief building inside of me. The arrogance of this man baffled me. The smile swiftly turned into a sneer.
“Maybe I have a long list myself. You ever think of that?” He crossed his arms and spit on the ground beside us.
He couldn’t admit that he was wrong and never would. “You are delusional. It’s almost as crazy as the time you dragged poor Brody into the creek. I guess you don’t have to apologize for that either since you never have.”
He shook his head. “Oh please. I dragged him out when you said you were kin, and I even hosed the little bastard off. We became friends after that.”
“The point is, you assaulted him over me and then didn’t apologize.” I rubbed my temples. “You even made me sit out at recess when the boys wanted to play chase.”
“That’s because it was kissing chase, and I’d have had to beat the hell out of somebody, which you should be glad I avoided. Besides,
I sat out with you.”
“My point is, you have an awful habit of this behavior, and quite frankly, I’m done!” I turned to leave, but he grabbed my hand, spinning me back to face him. I pulled back, for a moment thinking he might try and kiss me.
“Hunting frogs was our thing like going on dates was our thing. I don’t understand how you thought I’d be okay with you going out with someone else.” I tried to pull away, not liking where this conversation was going when his tone changed. “I’m sorry.”
I searched his eyes to see if there was one ounce of sincerity and after a long pause, his shoulders deflated, and he loosened his grip on me.
“I have been a stubborn asshole, and I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I’m sorry for everything. I should have taken you to that stupid dance myself. I’ve been mad at myself for years that I didn’t.”
“You sound real sincere.” I rolled my eyes and looked away from him. He’d never see it as more than a stupid dance when it meant so much to me.
“Now my apology isn’t good enough? Great.” He threw his hands up in the air and stepped around me. I turned to face him, not quite sure that he wasn’t about to head straight home. He mumbled something to himself and then met my eyes. “Nothing I do is right these days. I don’t know why I bother trying. Shit’s piling up on the farm. I let the fuel supply run out, and I still can’t get the damned computer system up and running. I’m failing at everything. I don’t know why I thought I could fix us. If you’re done with me, I guess there’s nothing to fix.”
I felt bad that things were going so poorly for him, but I didn’t know what to say to make them any better. I didn’t want to be done with Ted, not ever, but for some reason, I didn’t know what more to say. Maybe if we stopped worrying about each other and our failed relationship, we could both move on to better things. Maybe what Ted needed was time to concentrate on what mattered most to him, which was running his farm. Maybe it was well past time to be done with things between us because, for some reason, the apology didn’t seem to change anything after all. Maybe I needed more than words.
