I captured my bottom lip between my teeth as I thought it over. Tegan definitely had a point. Jackson had seemed genuinely concerned when he came over on Sunday, and it wasn’t as if he asked if Skylar was there. She just showed up. Like Tegan said, most of our conversations had nothing to do with Skylar anyway.
Besides, it wasn’t like Jackson really needed help gaining Skylar’s attention. In fact, whenever he was around, she seemed to be the one seeking him out. It finally dawned on me that perhaps Skylar was the one lusting after Jackson. I wasn’t sure why now, of all times, she would be interested, but that theory suddenly made more sense than Jackson using me to get closer to Skylar. I wasn’t sure what to do if that were the case, though; besides hope that Skylar would kindly butt out and stop trying to ruin my newly established friendship with Jackson.
After my talk with Tegan and my subsequent moment of clarity, I decided it was time for me to step up and apologize to Jackson for my irrational behavior.
“You should go talk to him between classes,” Tegan encouraged once I’d told her my plan.
I shook my head. “I’ll go at the end of the day. I don’t want to be late for Miss Barkley’s class.”
Tegan seemed to deflate slightly, and I suspected she thought I’d abandon the idea if I didn’t follow through immediately. As fickle as I’d been lately, I couldn’t blame her for having doubts.
“I swear, I will go and talk to Jackson after school,” I said to her as the bell rang, signaling the end of Journalism.
Unfortunately, that promise was broken.
I had every intention of following through. After English Composition, I went to my locker, gathered my things quickly and set out to find Jackson. The halls were crowded, and I was jostled around a bit on the way, but I finally made it to the corridor where most of the eleventh grade lockers resided.
As soon as Jackson’s locker came into view, I was far from enthused. I spotted him immediately, leaning his back against a locker. As he spoke, he grinned that grin that I’d seen—and been charmed by—many times before. Something about it caused a swarm of butterflies to flutter in my stomach. There was just something so enthralling about the expression of happiness upon his face and that little spark of mischief behind his eyes. It was an expression I’d come to love in the short time I’d known him.
The swarm of butterflies vanished quickly, though, when I realized he was talking to Skylar. I cursed under my breath as my heart sunk. Instead of dropping into my stomach, it felt as if it had crashed down around my feet. For one sick moment I considered calling Jackson and Skylar over to stomp all over it. After all, if they were going to break my heart, they might as well do it thoroughly.
While I could feel the people passing by me, I momentarily forgot how to move. A few rude people told me to get out of the way, but I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from Skylar, who laughed as if having the time of her life as she spoke to Jackson.
Unable to stand the sight of her, I tore my eyes from my sister. Instinctively, they flickered over to Jackson, who was still grinning. He turned his head, lifting his eyes. I wanted to dodge behind someone so he wouldn’t see me, but my body refused to cooperate.
When he recognized me, Jackson lifted his right hand and waved as his grin broadened. Instead of finding it endearing, the gesture only made the anger that had almost completely cooled start to simmer yet again. I could feel my features narrowing into a glare, and the moment Jackson recognized it for what it was, his smile faded and his mouth dropped as vertical grooves appeared between his brows.
I didn’t stick around to see what happened after that. I spun on the heel of my foot and headed back toward the exits. I balled my hands up into fists and clenched them as I walked down the thinning hallways. I wanted to cry, as usual, but I kept telling myself not to let it get to me.
As I was walking, I felt someone fall in step beside me. Startled, I glanced up and was surprised to see Mark. He scanned my face quickly. “What’s wrong?”
The words sounded foreign coming from him. This was the same guy who’d shoved me into a locker and stole money from me. Now he was asking me what was wrong. My distress must have been pretty transparent since this guy who barely knew me could tell after just one glance that something was wrong.
I sniffled, trying to fight back the tears, and cleared my throat. “The guy I like likes someone else.”
My cheeks burned once the words were out. I couldn’t believe I was sharing something so personal with Mark Moses of all people. I should have been completely mortified, but I realized I didn’t care. My embarrassment came from the fact that I was on the verge of tears over a stupid boy. I was so sick of feeling like this. My insides ached, and the urge to cry was overwhelming. I just wanted to be home, where I could lock myself in my room and cry in private.
“Want me to kick his ass?”
Mark’s offer startled a laugh out of me, but I shook my head. “No, but thanks for offering.”
As much as it hurt, the idea of bruising Jackson’s pale, precious skin didn’t make me feel any better. Skylar, on the other hand, was fair game. I considered making the suggestion to Mark, but I had no doubt he’d actually do it. Even though I wasn’t feeling particularly loving toward my sister, I didn’t want to see her physically hurt.
Mark and I stepped through the doors out into the cool air. It was hard to believe it was almost December. Before long we’d be celebrating Christmas and ringing in a New Year. I took a deep breath and felt the chill rush through my lungs. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and sighed.
I glanced up at Mark as we walked. “Can I ask you something?”
He turned to look down at me. Even though he and Jackson were close in height, I felt so small compared to his hulking size. “Sure.”
“Why do guys always go after the vain, stick thin girls?”
Mark’s mouth fell open, proving I’d caught him off guard. He didn’t answer immediately. He seemed to consider for a second before he finally shrugged. “I guess because we’re just as vain.”
As much as I’d hoped he’d claim that not all guys were like that, I appreciated Mark’s honesty. Still, it was one of those days where I almost would have preferred some trite lie about how it was what was on the inside that counted.
Mark and I parted with a goodbye, and despite my turmoil, the oddness of the exchange wasn’t lost on me. I walked over to Skylar’s car to wait for her. I tried the door, but, as suspected, it was locked. I shivered against the cold. I wanted her to hurry; yet I had no desire to see her.
I scanned the parking lot, but Tierney’s car was nowhere in sight. I even looked around for Luke’s but it looked like he was long gone. I considered hunting Mark down and asking him for a ride, but I wasn’t sure I trusted him that much.
When Skylar finally showed up, it was with a huge smile spread across her face. She unlocked the doors wordlessly and climbed inside. I followed suit and fastened my seatbelt as she started the car. I went for the heat immediately, hoping it would come on quickly and thaw my chilled insides.
I briefly considered that the cold might be what I needed to cool the boiling anger that resided inside. Was it possible for a tornado to build up inside someone’s body? Any other day that might have been something to really ponder, but today it just sounded ridiculous.
After Skylar fastened her seatbelt and backed out of the parking lot and got out onto the main road, she finally spoke. “Jackson said he saw you inside. Why didn’t you come over and say hi?”
I spared her a glance while willing myself not to reach over and smack her across the face. “I didn’t want to ruin the party,” I muttered under my breath.
“What?”
“Nothing,” I replied louder this time as I stared out the window.
“Well, anyway, Jackson’s coming over to hang out on Friday night,” Skylar commented casually.
My head snapped in her direction. “What?”
“Should I speak slower?” she a
sked. “I said—”
“I heard what you said,” I snapped. “Good for you and Jackson.”
Skylar rolled her eyes. “You can hang out with us if you want,” she said. “He wants to know what’s up with you anyway. Why are you so mad at him? And are you ever going to tell me what the deal was with running away like that on Sunday?”
“If you’re so smart, why don’t you figure it out on your own?” I replied.
As far as I was concerned, the conversation was over. I returned my attention to staring out the window. I willed back tears, but I felt a few leak out. My insides felt like they were being torn apart, or maybe it was just the residual pain from my battered heart, which still seemed to be lying in the school hallway where Jackson and Skylar had obviously taken the pleasure of stepping all over it on their way out to the parking lot.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Generally speaking, I wasn’t a fan of Lindsay Lohan, but I had enjoyed her in Freaky Friday. Every time I thought about the situation, I found myself mentally mimicking Lindsay Lohan’s whiny, high-pitched refrain of, “You’re ruining my life.” Instead of shouting this at my mother, my words were mentally aimed at Skylar.
The situation was I’d turned into a teenage drama queen because of the sort of love triangle between Skylar, Jackson and myself. It was so bizarre to allow myself to think of it that way, but it was the most accurate description. The guy I liked apparently didn’t like me back. Instead, he seemed to be interested in my sister in some capacity. I still wasn’t sure where Skylar stood. Either she liked Jackson back or just liked the attention she got from him. The other possibility was she was just a bitch who took some sort of sick pleasure in rubbing it my face that she could have what I wanted with the guy I liked.
When I tried to be rational about it, I knew it was pretty ridiculous. I’d never fight with Tegan over a guy. Of course, neither of us would ever go after a guy the other one liked, so that made a huge difference. Even so, I didn’t know why I was letting it nag at me so much.
Even though I knew my dramatics were going to do little to change the situation, it was difficult not to react in anger or tears. I just felt so embittered toward my sister. It was obvious I liked Jackson. There was no way she couldn’t see that, yet she wouldn’t just back off this once and let me have a shot.
I liked to believe that if Jackson wasn’t interested in me as more than a friend that I would be fine with it, but I hadn’t even been given the opportunity to find out before Skylar elbowed her way in. The worst probably had to be way the she was flaunting it right in front of me by inviting Jackson over to our house to hang out.
I couldn’t believe the nerve of her, telling me I could hang out with them. Like I needed her permission after she so rudely invited herself along bowling and insinuated herself into conversations. Still, I couldn’t imagine hanging out with the two of them. Why would I even want to do that? It was already hard enough. I couldn’t purposely put myself in that sort of situation.
Of course, deep down I already knew why Skylar would do something like that. It was plain and simple, really. It was the same reason why she did most things; she was a heartless, selfish bitch.
I didn’t speak to her again that night after our little spat in the car. Even when Mom said, “Sil, do me a favor and tell your brother and sister dinner is ready, would you?”
Instead, I went upstairs, reported to Luke that dinner was ready and told him to tell Skylar. He’d called after me, “Why can’t you?”
“Because I’m not willing to waste my breath on her,” I’d said as I backed down the hallway toward the stairs.
Luke had apparently let her know about dinner because she, unfortunately, showed up downstairs shortly after Luke.
On some level, I knew I was probably being childish, but what I’d said to Luke was true. I had no desire whatsoever to speak to her, and I wasn’t going to unless it was absolutely necessary.
I called Tegan later to talk about it. She was disappointed I hadn’t spoken to Jackson, and she repeated the same thing she’d been saying for what felt like forever.
“Just because Jackson was talking to Skylar, it doesn’t mean he likes her. Besides, Skylar was at Jackson’s locker, right?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t keep the glumness from my voice. Tegan hadn’t witnessed them smiling at each other like Cheshire cats.
“Well, then that means she had to go to him,” Tegan pointed out. “Which proves the point that Jackson wouldn’t need to use you to get to her.”
“Apparently not since they’re hanging out here on Friday,” I commented.
“What?” Tegan’s exclamation was loud enough I had to pull the phone away from my ear with a wince.
I explained my conversation in the car with Skylar. Tegan wasn’t at all pleased, but she tried to reassure me. Our conversation was cut short, though, because Tegan hadn’t yet started her homework since she’d been at the stables all afternoon. For once, I was somewhat grateful to get off the phone. As much as I needed Tegan to be my voice of reason, sometimes I just really wanted to wallow in self-pity.
Thursday morning I was still in a dramatically pessimistic mood, and I informed Luke, as we were getting ready to leave for school, that I would be riding with him. Skylar stopped short when she overheard. She glanced at me over her shoulder, quizzically, but I didn’t acknowledge her.
If my announcement surprised Luke, he didn’t let it show. Instead, he nodded toward his car and muttered, “Come on then.”
He fiddled with the radio until he found something he liked while he waited for Skylar to back out of the driveway. Once Skylar’s car was out of the way, he glanced over at me to make sure my seatbelt was on, checked for any signs of traffic and then he reversed out of the driveway and onto the street. Luke was careless about most things, but he was always adamant about seatbelt safety.
“So, I take it you and Skylar are still at odds then?” Luke adjusted the heat, turning it down slightly. He could make a lot of complaints about the car, but the heat was not one of them.
I glanced at him, but his eyes were on the road. I shrugged to myself as if to say, “What the hell?” before I answered. “I guess you could say that.”
“Still over Jackson?”
I looked at him fully then. His inquiry came as a surprise. I didn’t know he was aware of the Jackson situation. He hadn’t been home any of the times Jackson had come by, so I was confused as to how he knew about it. It certainly wasn’t as if Skylar or I would talk to him about such a thing, but I didn’t know where else he could have heard about it.
“Have you been talking to Skylar?” It sounded more like an accusation than a question.
“No,” Luke nearly snorted. “It would be beneath her to talk to me.”
“I thought that only extended to me.”
“Think again, little sister,” he smirked.
I rolled my eyes. “So, what makes you think Skylar and I are arguing over Jackson?”
“It’s not brain surgery,” he said. “You and Skylar both know him. You’ve been at odds since he started coming around. It’s pretty simple to put two and two together.”
I wanted to ask how he knew Jackson had been coming around, but I decided it really didn’t matter. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest, defiantly, and replied, “Well, go ahead and say it.”
“Say what?”
“That he’s out of my league. I can’t compete with Skylar. There’s no way he would be interested in someone like me anyway. The battle’s already been won. I should just get over it already,” I said, rattling off all of the thoughts I was certain were going through my brother’s mind.
Luke tore his eyes off of the road and raised an eyebrow. “Why would I need to say it if you’ve already told yourself all of that?” he asked. “Besides, who says I was thinking anything like that anyway?”
“Weren’t you?” It sounded like an accusation.
“Actually, I wasn’t.” I couldn’t say why, bu
t I kind of believed him.
“What were you thinking then?”
“That it’s really none of my business,” Luke shrugged.
“Yeah, okay, so you asked if that’s why Sky and I were fighting because you didn’t want an answer?” I smirked. “You’re just as bad as a girl wanting to know all of the latest gossip.”
“I am not,” Luke laughed.
“Yes, you are,” I said, smiling despite myself.
“Okay, maybe—just maybe—you’re right,” he shrugged. “And for the record, I don’t think he’s out of your league. I don’t think the battle’s been won already either, but if you want to give up, fine. Just go ahead and let Skylar sink her claws in and use him for the next few months until she gets bored and finds her next target.”
I felt more than a little stunned at Luke’s words. It seemed that not only did he believe in me, he paid more attention than I thought. Most of my life I’d felt like the trivial trials of my life didn’t concern him, but it appeared as though I was wrong at least in this case.
Somehow Luke had managed to pick up on what was going on between Skylar and I. He also seemed concerned when he thought Mark was bothering me that day at lunch. He even knew enough to recognize Skylar’s boyfriend patterns. I guess he was more perceptive than I gave him credit for. It felt so odd to make this realization. He was actually paying attention to me without me even knowing it.
I felt a little guilty about it because I’d always considered him to be grumpy and self-absorbed much like Skylar. Maybe that wasn’t the case, after all. He was giving me advice in his own twisted seventeen-year-old guy way. I guess it really showed he actually cared, and it caused a warm ache in my chest. I realized maybe I hadn’t given Luke enough credit.
When he needed help learning how to do the laundry, he’d come to me. Of course, he’d gone to Skylar first, only to discover she was just as clueless as him. Instead of turning to Mom, he’d asked me. Then when I decided to make dinner for the family, he hadn’t seemed reluctant or surprised like the rest of the family. Maybe he really did believe in me. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
Infinite (Strange and Beautiful, Book 1) Page 27
