by Mia Pride
Looking around, I broke out in a sweat, and my heart began to ache. He wasn’t here. Maybe he used these past three days to convince himself I wasn’t worth the hassle. Half the time, I didn’t even think I was worth the hassle.
“Monica.” His deep baritone voice was barely above a whisper, but it hit me like thunder. Looking over my shoulder, I drank him in like the cool glass of water he was. He wore a dark gray suit, almost black depending on the light, and a red tie that I could imagine wrapped around my wrists and tied to his bedpost. Good God, he was a mighty fine man. His jawline was smooth and strong, making his yellowing bruise more obvious. But all it did was make him look more rugged. Hands in pockets and dark hair perfectly groomed, his green eyes greeted me with what looked like complacency.
“H-hey.” I couldn’t help but look around and notice that literally every woman in the room had their gaze glued to him, some with their eyes wide and mouths agape. I didn’t blame them one bit. He was a sight to behold, and something about his business suit made my lady bits tingle.
“Monica Stevenson?” The nurse called my name, and I snapped out of my stupor, standing from my seat as Chris came up beside me.
“Are you ready to come in?” I nodded and began to walk in. The nurse put out a hand and looked at Chris. “Is he daddy?”
“Huh?” I looked at Chris and cleared my throat. “Oh, yes. He’s the father.”
“The first ultrasound isn’t what most women expect. It’s more... invasive. Are you comfortable with him coming in?”
Biting my lip, I crinkled my brow, having no idea what she meant by “invasive.” But he came all this way, and I wasn’t going to make him wait out here with all the drooling women. “Yeah, sure. That’s fine. This is... fine.”
Chris looked down at me. “Are you sure? I want to be here, but I want you to feel comfortable.”
“I will be fine.” Fine was the only thing I could promise. I wasn’t going to die. Aside from that, I had no idea how I would do. Was I ready to see this little bean for the first time?
Following the nurse into a room, I sat down on the exam table as the she asked me questions about my pregnancy. Have I been feeling sick? Have I consumed any alcohol, drugs, or tobacco? Have I been taking my prenatal vitamins? Have I had any worrisome cramping or spotting? I answered them all and passed her test as she nodded, clicking away at the keyboard as she charted her notes.
I watched as she stood and bent over to pull out a gown and blanket from a drawer. “Remove all of your clothes, including your bra and panties. Opening in the back. You can cover yourself with the blanket.” Pointing to the ultrasound machine, she signaled to something that looked like a giant, white dildo. “This is what she will use for today. At this point, the baby is too small to be seen with the external attachment. The doctor will be in soon.”
I looked at Chris, who stayed silent and straight-faced, not at all concerned that I had to strip down—not that he hadn’t seen it before. This was different, though. I wasn’t willingly getting naked so we could fool around. I was about to be probed.
“I will leave so you can change,” he murmured, walking toward the door.
“No, no. It’s okay. Just turn you back? I will need help tying the laces on this thing anyway,” I said as I picked up the limp floral-patterned gown with the long frayed strings.
Chris turned around to face the wall silently, and I hastily stripped down to my birthday suit. The room was cold, and my feet felt like blocks of ice. Once I was naked, I fiddled with the gown. My nipples were hard enough to cut glass and were so sore from hormones that they hurt when the gown’s rough fabric rubbed across them.
“Okay, I’m ready.” I turned around for him, knowing he could see my bare ass but didn’t really care. If he continued to be involved with this process and attended the birthing, he would see way more than that.
I felt his warm fingers graze my spine as he tightened the strings. When he got to the lower ones and touched my lower back, goosebumps spread across my flesh. “Thank you.”
Chris stepped away and placed his hands in his pockets again but remained eerily silent. Sitting on the high table, I crossed my legs, not bothering with the blanket just yet. I was essentially naked from the hips down, but he didn’t seem to notice. That was a good thing, right? I didn’t bring him here to gawk at me. Still, he had gone from being unable to keep his hands off me to acting like I was vapor, or worse, just some random girl he knocked up and felt obligated to support.
I didn’t like how I felt inside. I pushed Chris away when he wanted me but craved his affections when he seemed indifferent? What was the matter with me? I wished I could say I was just looking for some flirty attention, but it was more than that. I wanted him to want me—because I wanted him, too.
“So, how are you?” I asked, knowing it was probably the dumbest question I could ask.
His eyes locked on me, and my heart stammered. “I’m not sure how to answer that question,” he replied. “How have you been feeling the last three days?”
Miserable, and not because of the pregnancy, I thought to myself. “Pretty good. No complaints. Just looking for work. It’s not easy when I’m pregnant and will be on leave in six months. It’s a man’s world,” I shrugged.
He nodded but remained silent. Luckily, there was a knock at the door just before the doctor walked in. “Miss Stevenson?”
“Yes.” I shifted where I sat and felt my breath quicken. I was going to have an ultrasound... because I was pregnant. Dear God.
“I’m Doctor Herrera. It’s nice to meet you.” Just about middle-aged, the doctor had lovely long dark hair and an olive complexion that made her smile all the whiter. I instantly felt comfortable and smiled back. “And this must be dad...” she looked at her clipboard. “Chris?”
“Yes, it’s nice to meet you,” he said with his deep voice, pulling one hand out of his dark gray trouser pockets to shake her hand.
“And you,” Doctor Herrera said. “Okay, let’s get you all set up.” Washing her hands, the doctor then instructed me to lie down and helped drape the paper blanket across my thighs so I could preserve some modesty. Chris stayed near the wall, staring at some informational poster showing a fetus curled up inside a woman’s uterus. I knew he was just diverting his gaze for my sake, which I appreciated. We hadn’t even had a date, and already he’d seen me in stirrups.
“So,” the doctor said while she dragged the machine closer and placed a long transparent sheath over the white wand that was soon to invade my insides. “You two make a lovely couple. How long have you been together?” She squirted some lube on the wand, and it made a sound that made me choke back an immature laugh.
Awkwardly, I looked at Chris and frowned. “Uh... I...”
“About a year,” he answered and slowly stepped forward. My brows rose, but I appreciated his white lie. It made me seem like less of a trollop.
“Oh, how nice! Okay, Monica. This is pretty self-explanatory,” she smiled. “I will place this inside you and turn on the screen. We will see the baby’s progress, get some measurements, and hopefully hear a heartbeat.”
“And if we don’t?” I asked, suddenly feeling the blood leave my face. Chris stepped closer and took my hand.
“We will talk about that if it becomes necessary. The first twelve weeks are the most crucial. By now, we should be able to see an actual tiny human, maybe an inch or so long. Your paperwork says you are just shy of ten weeks. Technically we could do a belly scan, but since this is your first scan, I think transabdominal is best just in case you’re not as far along as we think. Next time, this will be much easier.”
I took a deep breath as she slid the wand inside me and moved it around for the best angles. The screen was on, and I looked at Chris, whose green eyes were glued to it as he squeezed my hand even tighter.
After an uncomfortable moment of silence, the doctor smiled. “Ah-ha. There he is... or she is!”
It was harder to see than I expected, but su
re enough, a tiny human showed up on the screen with mini feet and hands, and I could even see some organs, including a beating heart. Tears welled up in my eyes, and a strange feeling wove its way through my body. Maternal instinct? I wasn’t sure what it was, but seeing this baby made it real. I created this life, and that reality slammed into me like a wrecking ball, making me shake as tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Do you see this, Chris?” I whispered, unable to drag my eyes away from the screen.
“Yeah... I see.” His words were few, but the emotion in them was tremendous. His voice shook in a way I never thought it could.
“I’m just going to do some measurements here... okay. Nine weeks and five days. It’s not an exact science. But that’s how big your baby is measuring. Would you like to hear the heartbeat?”
I nodded and wiped away my tears, only to drown in more when a quick-paced frantic beat consumed the room with a push of a button.
“Oh... my God! We made this, Chris.”
He looked down at me with the most intense stare I had ever seen, and I wondered if he was freaking out. I assumed he was ready to run away; he didn’t want this. I didn’t either at first. Hell, even ten minutes ago, I wasn’t sure I wanted this. I never considered termination, but I would be a liar if I said I hadn’t mildly hoped to lose the baby at first. Now, that was the furthest thing from my mind. I was overcome with a need to nurture this tiny fetus until it was a strong, healthy baby in my arms. I was only twenty-six years old... this wasn’t part of my life’s plan. But what was it that Lennon said? Life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Now, this was my life. My everything.
“There you have it.” Doctor Herrera slowly removed the wand, and I sat up, feeling dazed and a bit concerned by Chris’s silence. Letting go of his hand, I scooped my hair over my shoulder and behind my ear.
“You have a healthy baby so far. Development is on track.”
“Are we in the clear?” I asked, suddenly worried I would lose my baby and be crushed.
Wiping her hands, the doctor shook her head.” Pregnancy is a complicated matter. Thousands of things have to happen all at once and just right for your baby to be born developmentally normal. I’m not trying to scare you. You are both young and healthy. The odds are absolutely in your favor. But I don’t like to create a false sense of security in my patients. Once you pass twelve weeks, your odds of a miscarriage significantly decrease. Just make safe choices, follow the food recommendations, take your vitamins and some classes, and just live your life. No stress. Just enjoy the ups and downs as they come. Once your sickness wears off around the beginning of the second trimester, you will enjoy yourself much more and should start to show. Everything is looking great, and I have no reason to assume it will ever be otherwise.”
“Thank you, Doctor Herrera.” I appreciated her honesty. Yes, most pregnancies went well, but nothing was certain in life, and it wasn’t her job to feed me false promises.
The doctor said her goodbyes and left the room. Chris and I stared at each other silently, neither of us knowing what to say.
“Are you all right?” I asked, bending over to pick up my panties and pants, slipping them on while still wearing the robe.
“Yeah. I am.” He smiled and nodded. “Just taking it all in.”
“You seem uncertain. Can you untie me?” I turned around and waited while I felt his fingers tug at the laces. The gown slipped off, but I kept my back turned as I replaced my bra and sweater.
“I’m not uncertain, Monica. I’m just not sure what my place is in any of this. My instincts are warring with my better senses.”
Slipping my shoes on, I looked at him wearily. “I’m not sure what that even means.”
“I’m just glad the baby is healthy, and so are you. I want you to know I’m here day and night if you need anything. It’s not ideal to know you carry my child, but that I’m not really allowed to be involved beyond appointments.”
“Wait.” I grabbed his arm and frowned. “I never said that.”
“If I’m not there late at night to rub your feet, to feel the baby move, to get you ice cream when you have a craving... to share your concerns with or pick names and build a nursery... then I’m not nearly as involved as I want to be.”
Picking up my purse, I swung it over my shoulder but didn’t leave just yet. This wasn’t the place for us to discuss these sorts of things, but obviously, we had a lot to talk about. “I... I know. Those are things a couple does. Trust me; it’s not ideal for me to be alone at my place, wishing someone was there to rub my feet or share the baby’s movements or get me snacks on demand. But, that’s the reality of being a single pregnant woman. Hell, at least I have cable TV and my pug. Could be worse.”
I sensed there was a lot on his mind, something he held back. I felt the same way. “Maybe we can get lunch this weekend and chat? I think we can work out an arrangement. I don’t want you feeling like you can’t be as involved as you want to be. It’s your child, too.”
Opening the door and holding it open for me, Chris nodded and let me walk out, following beside me. “Sure, we can set a time to meet,” he said casually, as if this was a business transaction. I missed the passion he had for me before our fight, that yearning we both shared and repressed until we tore the clothes off each other. But, that was all we ever had—lust, attraction, mutual desire. We never had romance, a date, or anything resembling an emotional connection. Maybe I lost any chance for that when I rejected him. Now, Chris had taken whatever interest he had and shoved it into a closet, slamming the door. I could try to pry it open and pull everything out again, try to organize the mess into something making sense, but what was the point? If we didn’t work out, we would end up hating each other forever and sharing custody of a child.
It was better this way: friends raising a child together. He would move on with women, and I would find a man someday who didn’t care that I was the baby mama of one of the wealthiest men on the West Coast. Remaining only friends was definitely the best option.
So, why did I feel like I was missing out on some wonderful adventure every time I considered nailing that door shut forever?
Chapter Nine
Chris
PROPPED UP IN MY BED with my readers on, I scanned the pile of contracts I still needed to approve or make notes on, but the lines blurred together, and the words felt meaningless. Today, I saw my child, heard his heartbeat. I felt forever changed. My usual priorities seemed so meaningless compared to my impending fatherhood.
Tossing the papers down onto my California King mattress, I stared at my phone, itching to send a text to Monica. I wanted to know how she was doing every second of the day. I always imagined that when I was preparing to be a father, my wife would be here in bed beside me, where I could see her, know she was well, pamper her. Instead, I had to sit here and assume all was well unless I heard otherwise.
Nothing drove me more insane than having no control over a situation! And this was worse because it was my baby! Picking up my phone, I again resisted sending Monica a text just as my phone rang. Looking at my screen, I blinked in surprise.
“Monica?”
“Chris?” Her voice shook, and I instantly pushed off my bed.
“What is it? Is everything okay?”
“I... I don’t know. She paused, and I heard her breathing hitch. “It could be nothing... I’m just not sure. I started spotting, and I... I’m scared.”
“I’m coming over.” I was already grabbing my keys and slipping on my flip-flops before she spoke again.
“Are you sure? I didn’t mean to disturb your night or make you feel obligated to...”
“Monica. I’m coming over. Not because I’m obligated. And you could never be a disturbance to me. I want to be there for you.”
“Okay...” she whispered. “It’s probably nothing you know...”
“I know,” I said reassuringly. “But I’m still coming. Be there soon.”
Hanging up the phone, I spe
d out my front door, started my car’s engine as I walked toward it, hopped in, and peeled out, barely giving the gate a chance to open before zooming through it.
I knew it was likely nothing, but she was scared, and truthfully, so was I. I wanted her to know we were in this together. She didn’t want me as her man, but that didn’t mean I would let pride control me. As hard as it was to be around her yet unable to hold her, I would do it for that baby.
As I drove over to her condo, I pulled into the first guest parking spot I found and threw the car into park, making it rock to an abrupt stop, but I was too concerned about Monica and the baby to give a shit about my car. Running up the cement stairs to her condo, I knocked and stepped back just as the door swung open, and a black pug jumped on my leg.
“Chris, meet Charlie,” Monica said and bent over to pick up her dog. He wriggled in her arms and licked her cheek, making a smile creep up her wan face.
“Hey, Charlie. Monica, are you all right?” I asked. Her skin was waxy and pale, her eyes red and swollen. I had never seen her look so scared, yet she was still as beautiful as ever.
“I think so. I’m really sorry, Chris. I shouldn’t have disturbed you.”
“Stop.” Pushing my way in, I shut the door behind me and placed my large palms on her slim shoulders. “You didn’t disturb me. Nothing... literally nothing is more important to me than you... and the baby,” I added, cursing myself for saying that aloud, and cursing myself even more because it was true. Christ, I was in love with this woman.
My stomach dropped as the notion swept over me like hot coals followed by cool waves, boiling my blood then soothing my flesh, terrifying and calming all at once.
