by Arlene James
She almost believed it. Almost.
Chapter Eleven
“We’d be sharing the utilities as well as the rent,” Garrett said softly the next morning, opening the front passenger door of the town car for her. “Consider that. And I’ve already budgeted the cost of creating the parking space, so don’t worry, that’s on me.”
Jessa laughed as he handed her down into the seat of the car. His enthusiasm seemed to know no bounds, and since their “discussion” in the family parlor the day before, he’d taken every opportunity to sell her on the idea of sharing the Monroe place. Having thought about it—as well as those kisses—all night long, she had to admit that the notion was rapidly growing on her, but she had to be sure. She’d stumbled blindly into marriage and lived to regret it. She couldn’t make that kind of mistake again.
Garrett closed the door and hurried around to get in behind the steering wheel. He let the ladies, Kent and Hunter out in front of the church a few minutes later then left to park the car across the square in front of the pharmacy. Jessa wouldn’t see him again until they met for worship in the sanctuary just over an hour later.
As before, during corporate prayer, she spoke silently to God, requesting His guidance and wisdom. She knew that Garrett sat beside her doing the same thing. Perhaps he was even asking God to convince her of the rightness of his plan. Perhaps he even asked for more.
It was the more that truly troubled her. Could Garrett actually love her? He hadn’t said as much, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted him to. At the same time, she wanted it more than anything else, and such neediness frightened her. Was it so wrong, though, to want to be loved?
She didn’t doubt that she could love him. In truth, she feared that she already did, but to acknowledge such a thing, even to herself…
Then there was her son to consider. She’d never seen Hunter so happy, so free. He adored Garrett, and Garrett seemed to enjoy him as much as she did. Wayne considered the boy almost a possession, something that she had stolen from him. She wasn’t sure that he saw their son as a person at all, only a thing to control, to have. Was it any surprise that Hunter couldn’t be his own person around his father? But he could with Garrett. Somehow, Garrett had done what even she could not: he had freed Hunter to be his own person. But what happened if Garrett left them one day or lost his temper and struck out or…
She shook her head. She could invent what if’s all day long, but that didn’t change the fact she wanted to be free of the fear that had paralyzed her for so long. Free to love.
Did she have the courage for that? She didn’t know. She just didn’t know. So, she did the only thing that she could think of to do—she told Garrett about her concerns after lunch. It occurred to her, even as they swayed back and forth, side by side, on the swing, that she’d never have done this sort of thing with Wayne.
“I’m not sure I can do it,” she admitted to Garrett.
“You can,” he told her. “You have more strength than you know. You had the strength to get out of your situation, and that’s so much more than many can say.”
“You have to understand. All the years of my marriage, all I ever wanted was to be on my own, to be apart from him.”
“From him,” Garrett echoed. “Not from the world, not from everyone. You just wanted away from the pain and fear. But what about love and support and sharing? No one truly wants to be apart from those things, and those things can only be given to us by others.”
He was right. She knew he was right, but could it be so simple as this, so simple as saying yes?
She laid her head on his shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“Then we’ll wait until you do,” he said, wrapping his arm around her.
It was the best thing he could have said.
“It’s a lot to take in,” she told Garrett on Monday. “Because it’s not just a business plan.”
“It isn’t,” he admitted, strolling beside her as they walked the perimeter of the estate. He did this a couple times a week, just to be sure that nothing on the fifteen acres needed his attention, and he’d been pleased when Jessa had agreed to walk with him today. Hunter ran ahead, stuffing his pockets with acorns and rocks and oddly shaped twigs. “I could tell you that it is just business,” Garrett said, “but it wouldn’t be true. I want a life with you and Hunter. I think I have from the beginning, and I think God means it to happen and that’s why He brought us together at the Monroe place and now here at Chatam House.”
“I thought that way once,” she confessed softly, staring off into the distance, “that everything happened for a reason.”
Garrett swallowed a lump that had risen in his throat and waited for her to tell him more. There were things that he should tell her, too, but not now. Not yet. They hadn’t mattered before, but now they might.
“Wayne was a reporter for a state magazine,” she said with a wry smile. “It seemed so glamorous, but the money wasn’t very good, and he’d finally worked his way into a management position with stable hours and no travel. He could think about starting a family, he said, and there I was, so young and stupid and so in awe of this older man. I asked myself why he would want me, but it didn’t occur to me that it was precisely because I was young and stupid and so in awe of him.” She shook her head.
“You aren’t quite so young now,” Garrett pointed out, “and you’re certainly not stupid, and I’m the one in awe of you, I’m afraid.”
She laughed at that. Hunter lifted his head from studying something on the ground and came running back to them to see what was so funny. She hadn’t told him about the plan, Garrett knew, so he wouldn’t. That was her choice to make, her call.
“How old are you anyway?” she asked Garrett suddenly, sliding an arm around Hunter’s shoulders.
“I turned twenty-nine on the tenth of April,” he told her. “It was the day that Magnolia told me she’d persuaded Kent to seek a combined use zoning for the place on Charter Street.”
“Ah. It was meant to be your birthday gift, I see.”
“I suspect so. What about you?”
“A woman never tells her true age.” It was the first time she’d bantered with him.
“Age and birth date, I’ll have them both, thank you,” he teased, snapping his finger. “Come on. Give.”
“Twenty-six,” Hunter supplied.
“Traitor!” she quipped, tapping the end of his nose with her forefinger as they ambled along. “I’ll have you know that I’ll be twenty-seven on July sixth. And you,” she said to Hunter, ruffling his hair, “will be seven on August eighth.” She stopped and stared at him. “Goodness me, how can it be?”
Hunter hunched his shoulders. Curly, Kent’s old yellow cat, darted out of the shrubbery just then. “There you are!” Hunter called, racing off after the creature. To Garrett’s surprise, the tomcat flopped down in a patch of sunshine and let the boy catch up. Hunter fell to his knees and began to pet the mangled yellow fur.
“Seven years old,” Jessa said wistfully. “My baby will soon be seven years old.”
“Did you never want another child?” Garrett asked gently.
“Not with Wayne,” she answered forthrightly, “and he didn’t want another, either, thankfully.”
“I do,” Garrett told her bluntly. “I never thought about it until just now, but I’d love to have a couple more kids.”
A couple more. As if Hunter were already his to claim. He watched the boy stroke the old yellow cat, and held his breath. She said nothing, just stood there. Then she slipped her hand into his. And squeezed.
He could breathe again.
Jessa lay awake on Tuesday night, thinking. Garrett had presented her with a formal business plan that evening. He would absorb the building costs, but then most of the building was on his end. They were to split th
e monthly bills evenly, including rent and utilities. The lease would be in her name, so if sharing the place didn’t work out, it would revert to her. The generosity of that astounded her. Garrett astounded her.
He’d even figured in the cost of signs and proposed that they dub the site Willow Tree Place. He would call his business Willow Tree Nursery. She liked the sound of Willow Tree Floral for her shop. Still, she hesitated, and she wasn’t really sure why.
Earlier, sitting on the workbench in the greenhouse next to her, Garrett had told her again to take her time. “I’m not trying to rush you,” he’d said. “I just thought you should know what I’m thinking.”
Feeling his solid warmth along her side from her shoulder to her knee, she’d thumbed through the printed matter he’d given her and listened to his explanations of the charts and columns. It was a good business plan. Garrett had even come up with a used walk-in refrigerator that she could afford, and he denied that either he or the Chatams were footing any part of the cost. He’d thought of things she hadn’t, like taking on part-time help and what sort of revenue stream would be needed to pay for it. The amount seemed daunting, but that was not what held her back. She knew in her bones that the shop would be profitable.
She didn’t fear the future, either. When she thought about it, when she envisioned what Willow Tree Place might look and feel like, she felt only excitement and hope. More convinced than ever that the Charter Street site was perfect for her, their, purposes, she was already mentally stocking the shelves and designing the displays. And Garrett was always right there beside her while she was doing it. She could no longer quite see a future for her and Hunter without Garrett.
So why didn’t she say yes? She closed her eyes and imagined Garrett there with her.
“Take all the time you need,” he would whisper. “It’s all up to you. I want you to be sure. I want you to be happy with what we’re doing.”
She smiled into the night, hunching her shoulders to keep the imagined words close, words he’d already said in one way or another. Suddenly she knew why she continued to delay, and the truth stunned her.
She was enjoying herself!
This was no longer about doubt and fear. This was about those soft, sweet words, about the little touches, the warmth in his sky-blue eyes. This was about being courted, and he was courting her, without doubt.
Wayne had courted her, too. He had, in fact, quite swept her off her feet with calculated looks and touches, and half compliments.
“You would look so beautiful in green,” he had said. She had heard “beautiful” and dashed out to buy a green blouse, which he hadn’t liked because the stitching was “coarse.” She had bought another, one he had picked out.
“You would be smart to accept the guidance of an older individual,” he’d told her, meaning himself, of course. She certainly hadn’t been smart enough to see through his manipulations. He’d even implied that she was a burden to her mother.
Unlike Wayne, Garrett gave her options. He saw needs that she did not always see herself, even where her son was concerned, but he did not dictate. Garrett offered choices and calm support. Wayne had given, bestowed, as befitted a superior being. Garrett shared. And she loved him for it.
She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to love him and risk her heart. But she wanted to be loved. She wanted Garrett to love her. And Hunter.
As selfish as it seemed, she was going to give herself a chance at that love.
She finally agreed to share the Monroe place with him on Wednesday after the midweek prayer service.
“It’s really the only fair way,” she said.
“Thank you,” Garrett told her, closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around her. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” His relief made him light-headed, so he opened his eyes again, gazing out across the moonlight-silvered grass. They stood in the shadow of the massive magnolia tree on the west lawn, chest to chest, their hearts beating in unison.
“If Hunter and I are going to live in the house, though, we should pay more,” she insisted.
He shook his head. “I’m content with fifty percent. Why complicate things?”
“I still don’t know about us,” she said into the hollow of his shoulder. “I want that whole happily-ever-after thing, but is that even real?”
“Yes,” he said firmly, tightening his embrace, “and I want to give you that. I want to give you that more than anything else in this world.”
“I’m not sure this part of it is fair,” she admitted. “I’m not sure that you don’t feel more for me than I can dare to feel for you.”
“You’ll learn to trust me,” he promised her, “to trust yourself, to trust us, and when you do, you can dare anything.”
“I hope so,” she whispered.
“I know so,” he told her boldly, daring to believe it. And once she did trust him, them, he would tell her all. Then he would ask her to marry him—and be prepared for a long engagement. She was understandably skittish, and he didn’t deserve her, of course, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him, not if God was good enough to give her to him. He smiled to himself and held her tight.
“When do you think we should tell everyone else?” she asked, easing away a little. He loosened his hold. If she wanted space, he would give her space. Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, he would see that she had it.
“Tomorrow at dinner? That’ll give us time to make some plans and iron out as many wrinkles as possible. For instance, would it be best if I put the utilities in my name?”
Jessa considered and decided, “It might make it more difficult for Wayne to track me down. Leases are private. Utilities are part of the public record.”
“Then we’ll put the utilities in my name.”
She smiled and turned up her face. “You know, this could work out very well indeed.”
He cupped her lovely face in his hands, promising, “This is all going to work out great. You’ll see.”
Then he kissed her, and she slipped her arms about his neck and kissed him back.
This was all going to work out wonderfully well, he told himself a little desperately.
Please, God, let it all work out just half as well as I imagine!
Uncertainty swamped Jessa as she faced the dinner table, Garrett at her side, on Thursday evening. They’d purposefully delayed their entrance until everyone else had settled into place. She’d even sent Hunter on ahead to take his seat. Now, she wished that he was there beside her to hold her hand.
She knew that sharing the Monroe place was the right thing, but now that the moment had come to publicly commit herself to Garrett’s plan, she could barely breathe for the pounding of her heart.
Father God, don’t let me panic now. I know it’s best. I know it. But…can I really do this?
Apparently, she could. When Garrett gripped her hand and cleared his throat, calling attention to the two of them, she took a deep breath and felt instantly calmer.
Everyone applauded when Garrett made the announcement, even Hunter, who had no real notion of what was happening.
“Well, it’s the perfect solution,” Asher said.
“An excellent compromise,” Hypatia decreed.
“Sounds as if you have things well in hand,” Kent said, giving tacit approval.
“Very well in hand,” Magnolia commented pointedly, smiling like a cat at the cream bowl.
“So when is the grand opening?” Odelia wanted to know.
Garrett glanced at Jessa. “We’re hoping for a week from this coming Friday,” he said. “If ya’ll don’t mind lending us Dale.”
“We can manage that, can’t we, my love?” Kent said, looking to Odelia.
“Of course, Mr. Bowen must stop his work here to help you two prepare for your grand openings
,” Odelia announced magnanimously. “We have time yet to complete our quarters.”
“That’s very generous,” Garrett said. “Thank you.”
Jessa quickly addressed Ellie. “I know this plan gives me less than a week to do the flowers for your wedding, but I’ll have them ready, I promise.” She turned her gaze to Kent next. “And I won’t let you down at the pharmacy, either. I’ll stay on until you find a replacement.”
“Oh, my dear,” Kent chuckled, “don’t concern yourself. We never had an opening in the first place. I offered the job merely because Garrett thought it would make you feel better.”
Jessa gasped. “You gave me a job when you didn’t need the help?”
Odelia laid her head on his shoulder, crooning, “Isn’t he wonderful?”
“Oh, my goodness!” Jessa clapped a hand over her mouth, tears filling her eyes.
She glanced around the table and took in the slightly apologetic expressions. Had everyone known? Everyone but her? She couldn’t help feeling a little foolish—until her gaze settled finally on the man at her side. Then she simply felt blessed. She had never known such kindness as she’d found here, such thoughtfulness.
Garrett slipped a comforting arm about her shoulders, and Hunter smiled, his lips curved in a perfect crescent. Dashing away tears with one hand, Jessa burbled with laughter. “You’re all such dear, caring people. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay your generosity.”
“But don’t you see?” Hypatia said. “We have our own personal florist now!”
“Indeed, you do,” Jessa agreed, laughing. “You’ll never be turned away from my shop.”
“Well, then, I’d say it’s worth it,” Magnolia put in, smiling at Garrett. “Very much so.”
“Oooh,” Odelia cooed, “we have to come up with the perfect grand-opening gifts.”
“Now, don’t go overboard,” Garrett cautioned sternly, but then a smile broke out across his face.
