by SM Olivier
“Okay, well goodnight, beautiful,” Jax kissed the top of my head before he turned to go into his room.
“Night, Mr. All American,” I mumbled.
He chuckled tiredly as he stumbled into his room.
I grabbed the laundry basket and went into Jax and Remy’s room first. I took their clothing out of their hampers before I emptied their packs of all their clothing. I carried their food into the kitchen and put them on the counter. I decided our sleeping bags would need to be cleaned as well, the smell of the bonfire still clung to them.
I hit up Drake and Troy’s room next. Both of their packs were in their closets. I wasn’t surprised to see Drake had already emptied his pack and put all his stuff away. I just had to empty Drake’s hamper into my basket and empty Troy’s pack.
I crept into Jaxson and Noah’s room last. Jaxson was already passed out. He looked extremely boyish in sleep. One of his black locks of hair fell over his eyes as his mouth hung open slightly. I couldn’t help but smile at his wildly sprawled out body.
Jaxson was also the messiest of all the guys. Noah or I were constantly cleaning up after him since we moved here. His pants, shirt, and socks hadn’t even made it to the hamper, instead they were lying beside it. The extra inches to put them in were apparently too difficult of a task for him. I shook my head in exasperation as I loaded his clothes up in my basket. I folded the shirt and pants he wore tonight and placed them on his dresser.
I emptied their packs and loaded them in my basket, as well. It was overflowing now. I grabbed our dryer sheets and laundry detergent pods.
“I’ll be right back,” I told Drake as I opened the apartment door. “I think I’m going to wash our sleeping bags. I’m sure the laundry room is empty now so I’m going to take advantage of all the empty machines.”
Drake looked up. “Are you sure you don’t want help?” he looked down at his watch. “It’s already nine. We can wait to do them tomorrow.” He frowned
“It’s fine,” I reassured him once again.
I left the room and started the long walk to the laundry rooms. The only problem with our apartment was the fact that it was away from almost everything. Not that I was really complaining. I would prefer living in the apartment then the other alternative.
I had to walk past the dayroom and noticed it was empty. I wondered where they could be but didn’t dwell on it too long. I was trying to get my mind off them. I made a mental note to grab a few bucks for a soda from the machine and maybe a snack.
It sucked not being able to have our own machines in the apartment. Especially since the laundry room was typically a mess. People were inconsiderate and didn’t like to clean their lint traps, even with the signs posted everywhere. Trash, drinks, and food were typically left on the folding tables. I had come in here several times to find sticky, unknown substances on the surfaces. It was clean right now, so I assumed whoever had it as their additional duty today had just finished in here.
The laundry room was also blissfully empty. I was glad I didn’t have to see or talk to anyone. I could easily load all of laundry up, including the sleeping bags. I was going to load what was in my baskets up and go back for the others.
It was a large room with over twenty front load washers and over twenty front load dryers. Most of the dryers were on the walls while the washers were in the middle of the room. There were also several folding tables for those who preferred to fold their laundry after they came out of the dryer or if they were waiting for another load to dry.
As I left the room, I noticed the lights in the hallways were already dimmed. It was eerily quiet for nine o’clock at night. I knew a quarter of us had been on that training exercise, but it didn’t account for everyone else. There were plenty of single people that had been left behind, and they were strangely absent.
Drake was still immersed in his research when I got back so I just walked into the rooms and retrieved our sleeping bags. I loved how focused he could get when he set his mind on something. I had no doubt he could, and would, improve the dining facility here. I wondered if they would let me back in the kitchen, too. I wouldn’t mind helping Drake from time to time. I missed cooking with him.
I looked at the sleeping bags’ care instructions to make sure I could wash them in the machines and saw that I could. I grabbed one of the wagons Remy purchased. They conveniently folded up and could easily be stored under the beds. It had come in handy for our shopping trip. Now I could use it to carry our seven sleeping bags. I was almost out the door with the one of the filled wagons when I remembered to grab some money for the vending machines.
After loading up the machines with the sleeping bags I made my way over to the dayroom. It was still empty. I grabbed a drink and a bag of skittles. As I was walking out the door, I noticed a guitar laying on one of the armchairs.
I longed to borrow it but didn’t know if I should. My desire to get lost in music outweighed my fear of having the owner get mad at me. I looked around the room and found a notebook and pen. I wrote a quick note for the owner.
Dear Owner of the Guitar,
I borrowed your guitar. I apologize in advance
if this displeases you. I am in the laundry room
if you would like it back.
Thank You! Blake Thomas
I placed the note on the armchair and took it back to the laundry room. I found a seat on the folding table and noticed immediately that it was out of tune. My dad had taught me how to tune a guitar by ear. I hadn’t known there was any other way until I met other people who played. Most of them used a little electronic tuner. I wasn’t criticizing them, but I knew I had an upper hand when it came to recognizing when an instrument, or any instrument for that matter, was out of tune.
Will and Jace were also musically inclined. I wonder if they missed music as much as I did. I pushed that thought away, determined not to think about Jace, Remy, or Troy. I was still torn between hurt and anger towards them.
Once the guitar was tuned I started strumming away on it. I found myself closing my eyes and singing along with some of the songs my heart led me to play. The band and I had created a few songs together. There was one song in particular that continued to come to my mind as I played.
It was a song Ben had written during one of the times he had been struggling in a relationship. With our help, he had been able to put music to it. The song was a song full of longing, anger, and confusion. He had written a song most people could relate to.
Jax was right; every couple fought. It was natural. But how many people could relate to my situation? It was one thing to feel the mental and emotional angst of dealing with one person. I was dealing with three of them.
I stopped singing and allowed my fingers to listen to my heart. I let my feelings pour out of my fingers as I wondered if my life would have been better off if I didn’t have a gift. Would my life be the same if this wasn’t the path I had been given? Would I still have been the result of an insemination procedure? Would I have been conceived by natural means?
I allowed myself to daydream of the life I would have chosen if I had the choice. I would have been born to a loving couple that wanted me. They would have put me in different programs to find my niche. I could have been a gymnast, martial artist, or dancer that loved to play music. I would have had my first crush at twelve or thirteen as most girls did. I would have been asked to the prom by my first real boyfriend. We would be happy. This year we would be planning on going off to college. Maybe we would go to the same college, well probably not—not everyone found their soul mates in high school. We would be sad that we would have to say goodbye at the end of the summer, but we would know that if we were meant to be, we would be.
Reality came crashing down as I heard a male voice speak from the doorway. “That’s really pretty. What song was that?”
I jumped, startled. It was Bradford, the trainer I despised the most. Even if he hadn’t been so hard on me for no reason, I really didn’t think I would care for h
im too much. There was something about him that I never liked.
Physically he was decent looking guy. He was in his late twenties I would say. He wore his black hair shorn close to his head. He kept his body in decent shape. His face was symmetrically pleasing, even. It was his cold dark eyes that left me wary. His eyes were dead. They were devoid of any emotion except for glimpses of cruelty.
He thrived on making others feel weaker. He loved training people because he wanted to break us. He reveled in it. It was like he got off on it.
“Don’t know,” I said coolly. “I just made it up.”
I realized the washers had stopped spinning so I jumped down off the table.
“So, I heard you had a successful training exercise,” Bradford said as he advanced into the room.
“Mm hmm,” I said noncommittedly as I began transferring the clothes and sleeping bags from the washer to the dryers.
“Look, Blake,” he said suddenly. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. Maybe we just had a little misunderstanding. I didn’t mean to be so hard on you, but I saw great potential in you, and I wanted you to rise to the occasion. I want us to be friends. Can we start again?”
I turned around cautiously. I didn’t know what he was up to or why, but I felt uncomfortable suddenly. “I thought it was frowned upon for the trainers to fraternize with us.” I raised an eyebrow at him.
I turned my back on him and finished loading our stuff into the machines.
He chuckled, but even that wasn’t natural. “You know we really don’t have a rule book, per se. Our situation here is different. A lot of my students are my friends. I want you to be one, too.”
I looked at him, trying not to let him see how uncomfortable he made me. “I’ll think about it,” I lied. “I’m pretty busy with school, training, my siblings, and family.”
“What about those men that always hang out with you? You have plenty of time for them, don’t you?” something unnerving crossed his eyes.
I felt my anger begin to rise. “I really don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
He advanced closer to me. Anger nearly making his lips snarl. “All my life I’ve known girls like you. You−”
“Hey, Blake,” Gavin said cheerily from the doorway. “What’s up?” he said aloud, then silently asked, You okay? What’s going on?
Bradford just came in here, and he is really making me feel uncomfortable. I don’t know what games he’s playing, but I don’t want to find out. I answered silently, but verbally I said. “Just doing laundry. It’s about time you got here. Thanks for congratulating me, Bradford. I’ll see you in class on Monday.” I dismissed him coolly.
I saw his fist clench and unclench before he smiled and reached out to touch one of my loose curls. “See you later.” Why did it sound more like a threat than a promise?
Chapter 13
“What was that all about?” Gavin asked as Bradford left the room.
“I have no clue,” I shuddered. “I was just doing some laundry and playing on the guitar. He came in, saying he wanted to start over and be friends. But I don’t trust him. Something about him creeps me out.”
He nodded. “I agree. I don’t like the way he watches you when he thinks no one is looking.”
I frowned. I thought the only thing he felt towards me was resentment. There was a saying that said Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach. He was the perfect example of it. Rumors circulated around that he suffered from a severe case of PTSD and wasn’t physically capable of doing everything an operative was required to do, so he was given a position as a trainer. I always thought he resented me because I was young and recruited in, that he was denied a position that he coveted, mine. This revelation was news to me.
I snorted. “You must be mistaken. He hates me. That’s why I’m so confused at his behavior tonight.”
He shook his head. “I know what I see. I think I’ll hang out with you for a little while.”
I knitted my eyebrows at his conviction but shrugged it off. I had enough drama to deal with right now without adding Bradford’s sudden interest into it. “You don’t have to. I’m only waiting for the clothes to dry, and then I’m going to hit the sack. I’m sure your girls are waiting for you.” I smiled slyly jumping on the chance to change the subject.
He shook his head at me, rolled his eyes, but smiled. “I borrowed your gift and told them I was hanging out with you for a little while.”
“So….” I prodded with a smile.
“So, what?” he tried to hide his smile, purposefully acting obtuse.
“So, I see you seemed to have found a balance in your relationships,” I stated.
He shrugged and frowned slightly. “It’s tough, you know. I have never been in a true adult relationship, and now I have two, or I’m expected to have two. I am still struggling with it, honestly. How is it even…fair to them? I can’t give either one of them my full attention. I constantly think I’m going to make one of them happy, but the other one will be disappointed. I can’t please both of them all the time.”
“You can try,” I joked with a wink.
He predictably turned pink, but then I saw a grin tilt his lips. “Is that what you do with your guys?”
I spluttered. “Not fair and no!”
“See that’s what I mean,” he stated. “How do you get the guys from not feeling left out or…neglected? How can we expect our connections to love us? When we have to constantly divide our attention on them. I tell you, Ake, I don’t know how you do it.”
Somewhere in our friendship he started calling me Ake. He said it was because since the day I entered his life, I had sent it in a whirlwind. He said I was a pain in his ass, therefore I was an Ake. He said it was the perfect way to shorten my name.
I gnawed on my lip as I thought of the best way to break it down to him. “Didn’t you say that your father came from a large family?” I finally asked as it dawned on me.
He looked at me in bewilderment. “What does that have to do with this?”
“Did your grandparents love one child more than the other? Did your father and his siblings feel neglected when their parents spent more time or gave more attention to their other children?” I asked.
A slow smile spread across his face. “No. But isn’t a parent’s love different than the love we should have for our connections?”
I shook my head. “Not necessarily. Some would believe children were a gift from God. It wasn’t like they chose them. They just loved them. At least the good ones do. Some people believe our gifts are from God. Why would he give us connections that we may not be able to love?
“I can’t speak for all the gifted, or as every nucleus, but I feel like each one of my guys was given to me for a reason. Each one of them complete me in a unique way.”
“Do you think Jemmy could ultimately be happy with our situation?” Gavin sighed. “She loves being the center of attention, and I can’t give it to her all the time. Sierra’s a great girl, too. I can’t neglect her and hurt her feelings, while I assuage Jemmy’s…”
“Insecurities?” I supplied for him. “I think she loves you. I think she wants to see you happy, ultimately. She knew that this may be a possibility. Maybe not with her as the connection, but she knew. I think if you make sure to make time for her, she’ll get used to it.
“I feel like she’s already shown so much more maturity than normal. I think she would be willing to make the adjustments to stay with you. She’ll learn. We are all learning.” I frowned as I thought of my situation, but then I added, “You spend a lot of time with Sierra during the day. She gets to work alongside you. I think if you make time in the evenings for Jemmy, she’ll feel more secure in this situation. I understand your drive to get these simulations completed, but you deserve this break, too.”
He frowned. “I have been spending a lot of time in the labs with this program. I can make time for her. I just,” he ran his fingers through his hair. “I just don’t want to disappoint her
. Initially when she was pushing the intimacy card, I wasn’t ready. Now that I might be, I’m afraid I won’t make her happy.”
I squeezed his arm reassuringly. “You won’t.” At his look of skepticism, I added. “She loves you, and I have a feeling it’s mutual, so show her.”
He began to open his mouth as shrill laughter sounded in the hallway. I looked over at the window over one of the folding tables. There was a group passing by heading to the dayroom. It was Yaris and his friends, followed by Adams and her friends giggling, laughing and touching my guys. They all had drinks in their hands, and they looked just as happy and relaxed as the girls.
“Wanna talk about it?” Gavin asked slowly. “I noticed you guys seemed…off at dinner. Did something happen?”
I jumped down from the table in the guise of grabbing my soda. I went to open it and frowned for a second. I hadn’t remembered opening it. I shrugged. I had immersed myself in my music. I’ve been known to do things and not remember doing them when I was focused.
I took a large gulp of my drink. “There’s not much to talk about,” I said in a bitter tone.
Anger, jealousy, and hurt warred in me. My hands were shaking with all my pent-up emotions. “I compelled them earlier, when you were coming up the mountain. They didn’t’ trust me or my abilities, so I forced them to connect with me, so I could throw you off your game. They didn’t appreciate that, so now they’re pissed at me. Apparently enough to be sleeping with the enemy.” I snorted to cover the tears that threatened to fall. My next words were filled with bitterness. “So, it would appear my connections feel I don’t give them enough attention and are willing to find it anywhere.”
He frowned. “Blake, I really don’t think that’s what going on. They may be mad at you, but they will never cheat on you. They love you.”
I snorted as my first two loads of laundry buzzed. I went over to the dryer, glad for the interruption. “Apparently not,” I muttered as I threw our clothes onto the table.
