by Caz Finlay
Maybe there was still a chance to remind her husband of that too?
Chapter Nineteen
Siobhan checked in on Isla and confirmed she was still sound asleep. Fastening the belt of her silk robe tightly around her waist, she crept downstairs to check on dinner. Jake had promised to be home by eight-thirty and, given his behaviour the night before when he’d stayed out all night without telling her, she suspected he’d actually stick to his word for once.
Walking into the kitchen, she lifted the lid on the pan of potatoes before removing the pieces of steak from the fridge. Aside from a pan of scouse, which Siobhan could never seem to make just right, Jake’s favourite meal was steak and mashed potatoes. Her phone call with Jenny had started her thinking about the woman she used to be, before she’d become a wife and a mother. When she used to turn heads wherever she went, and she was witty and funny. When Jake used to actually talk to her, or even listen to her. When he used to make love to her. Despite everything, she still found him attractive and when he was in a good mood, she still saw glimpses of the man she had fallen in love with. She couldn’t even remember the last time they’d had sex, and whilst she knew he had other tendencies these days, there had been a time when he had made her feel desired. She wondered if it was something she’d done to make him turn away from her so completely. In public, he played the adoring husband, but in the privacy of their home it was a very different matter. Perhaps she paid too much attention to Isla, and not enough to her appearance? Had she forgotten how to be a woman while trying so hard to be a good mum? If Jake still had any kind of romantic feelings towards her then she needed to know. Perhaps then there was still a chance for them? She didn’t want to give up on her marriage so quickly if she thought there was even a remote possibility of saving it.
Going to her bedroom, she opened the bottom drawer of her fitted wardrobe and picked out some of her most expensive, and sexiest, La Perla underwear. Trying it on, she was relieved that it still fitted. If his favourite meal and his wife in revealing underwear didn’t at least put a smile on Jake’s face, then their marriage was doomed.
It was eight-forty when Jake strolled through the door of the kitchen. Siobhan had heard his key in the lock and had just added the filet mignon to the sizzling frying pan.
‘Sorry, I’m a bit late, babe,’ Jake said as he approached her and gave her a peck on the cheek. ‘Is that for me?’
‘Yes. I thought I’d cook your favourite.’
‘Oh,’ he replied.
‘What? It’s still your favourite, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah. It’s just that I ate something before with the lads, that’s all.’
Siobhan felt her cheeks flush hot.
‘But it’s okay. You know me, I can always eat,’ he said as he put an arm around her waist. ‘Just don’t give me loads, will you?’
Siobhan shook her head and blinked back the tears as Jake walked away from her and started to unbutton his shirt. ‘I’m just going to get changed,’ he said to her before disappearing upstairs.
Siobhan wiped her eyes and took a deep breath.
By the time Jake came back into the kitchen, Siobhan had plated the food and was sitting waiting for him.
‘This looks lovely, babe,’ he said as he sat down, feeling a pang of guilt for eating with Paul earlier. He was stuffed full of curry and wasn’t sure how much food he could physically force down him.
‘Thanks. I wanted to treat you to a decent meal. I feel like I’ve been neglecting you lately,’ she replied with a smile.
‘Neglecting me?’ Jake said with a flash of his eyebrows. ‘Don’t be daft. You pay me plenty of attention.’ Too much, he thought to himself, but didn’t dare say.
‘Well, I’m glad you think so, but I feel like we’ve kind of lost our way a little lately. Don’t you?’
Jake frowned at her. He’d had a long day and wasn’t in the mood to be dissecting his marriage right now. ‘What do you mean, lost our way?’
‘I mean, we’re so focused on Isla, that we don’t seem to have enough time for each other, that’s all,’ she said.
The guilt that seemed to permanently eat away at him now rose to the fore and he swallowed the mouthful of steak he’d just put in his mouth. ‘Shouldn’t we be focused on Isla?’ he said.
‘Yes, of course. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make time for each other too,’ Siobhan said as she allowed her robe to slip open and reveal a glimpse of her fuschia-pink lace bra.
Jake stared at his wife. He didn’t like feeling guilty, it was an emotion that didn’t sit well with him and who he was. So, he did what he always did, and buried it under his primary emotion – the one that always bubbled just beneath his skin.
‘Is that what this is really about then? The meal and the underwear?’ he snapped. ‘You’re just trying to make me feel bad for not paying you enough attention!’
‘No. That’s not it at all. I just thought—’
‘You thought what?’ he snarled. ‘That a bit of steak and a flash of your knickers would stop me from going out to work? That’s where I go, you know, Siobhan. To work. To keep you and our daughter. To give you the lifestyle you both deserve,’ he said as he stood up from the table.
‘Jake, that’s not what I’m trying to do,’ Siobhan pleaded.
Shaking his head, Jake stormed out of the kitchen and upstairs. His heart pounded in his chest and he felt like he was going to vomit. His head spun from all the lies he constantly had to tell. Despite everything, he did love Siobhan and he hated what he was doing to her. But the alternative was to reveal what he really was – and he couldn’t do that. Could he? All he knew was what he’d told Paul last night was true – he couldn’t go on doing this for much longer.
Siobhan sat on the sofa with a large glass of wine in her hand and tears streaming down her face. She was completely useless. She couldn’t even cook a nice meal for her husband without it turning into an argument. How the hell could she meet up with Jenny, who remembered her as fun Vaunie, not this miserable shell of a woman she’d become? Then she’d be the talk of their old friends. She could just hear them all now, gossiping about her and talking about how far she had fallen. Well, she couldn’t argue with them, could she? She was a stupid cow. Stupid for getting herself involved with Jake bloody Conlon. She was wiping the tears from her face when Jake walked into the sitting room and sat beside her.
‘I’m sorry, babe,’ he said softly as he put an arm around her shoulder. ‘You tried to do a really nice thing for me, and I threw it in your face.’
‘I just wanted us to spend some time together,’ she said with a sniff. ‘I wasn’t trying to have a go at you.’
‘I know. I’m sorry I went off on you. I’m just a bit stressed out, that’s all. Work is doing my head in. But I shouldn’t take that out on you. I am really sorry, babe.’
‘Okay,’ she said with a nod. She didn’t entirely believe him, but it was easier to be around him when he was like this, and she didn’t want his mood to change again.
‘Come to bed, eh? You look knackered, and I could do with a good night’s kip,’ he said as he took the glass of wine from her hand and then pulled her up from the sofa.
Feeling like she couldn’t refuse, Siobhan followed him to their bedroom.
Chapter Twenty
Grace placed Siobhan’s mug of coffee on the table beside her and watched her daughter-in-law as she cradled Oscar. He had big brown eyes and dark curls and, just like all of her other children, was the image of his father. Oscar nestled contentedly into the nook of Siobhan’s arm as she ran her fingertips across his chubby cheek.
‘Not broody are you?’ Grace laughed as she took a seat on the armchair.
Siobhan looked up at her, her mouth a ring of surprise. ‘You must be joking. I’ve got my hands full with just the one,’ she said, indicating her head towards Isla, who was playing happily with her three-year-old aunty Belle. Despite the two-year age gap, the two girls adored each other and would play together
with dolls and building blocks for hours. Siobhan had become a regular fixture in the Carter household. Every Monday and Friday afternoon she came around with Isla and stayed for dinner. Then on Sundays, the whole family would arrive for a slap-up roast dinner. The thought of her new hectic family lifestyle made Grace smile. She had always wanted a big family – and now she certainly had one.
‘Ah, she’s no bother at all,’ Grace said.
‘Not when she’s here with Belle. But she gets bored on her own.’
‘All the more reason to have another one then?’ Grace grinned at her and then immediately regretted her remark when she saw the look of panic flash across Siobhan’s pale, freckled face. She’d noticed the change in Siobhan in the past few months. Gone was the feisty, confident woman who could hold her own in any situation, and in her place was a woman who came across as quiet and shy, and who often appeared lost in her own thoughts. Grace wondered if she was suffering from post-natal depression, but the one time she’d mentioned such a thing, Siobhan had got very upset and seemed so incredibly offended that Grace hadn’t wanted to bring it up again.
‘Any thoughts about whether you’ll go back to work?’ Grace said in an attempt to change the subject.
Siobhan shook her head. ‘I want to, but Jake doesn’t think it’s the right time. He thinks I should wait until Isla starts school at least.’
Grace frowned. ‘And what do you think?’
Siobhan shook her head. ‘I really don’t know what I think any more.’
Before Grace could probe any further the door to the living room burst open.
‘Daddy!’ Belle squealed as she looked up. Flinging her doll onto the sofa, she ran into Michael’s arms and he scooped her up high into the air before giving her a kiss on her cheek. Isla followed suit and toddled over to him. ‘Ganga,’ she shrieked as she lifted her arms to signal she wanted picking up too.
With Belle in one arm, Michael picked up Isla too and began to swing the pair of them around until they were shrieking with laughter. Oscar stirred on Siobhan’s lap, but, used to the noise of a busy house, soon snuggled himself back to sleep.
Grace smiled at her husband and he winked at her in response. ‘How was work?’ she asked.
He shrugged. ‘The usual. Nothing exciting.’
‘Did the lads have any trouble with that new firm I told you about, Sable Securities?’ Despite being on maternity leave, Grace had always kept an eye on the competition, and her recent uneasiness that something was untoward had made her even more curious than usual. Sable Securities were a new firm. Grace had been looking into them. They were taking over the doors that Cartel Securities didn’t run and she wondered whether it was a matter of time before they pushed their luck.
Michael placed the two girls on the floor and walked over to Grace before kissing her on the head. ‘Nope. It was all fine, love. They haven’t been near any of our premises.’
‘Did you tell Murf to keep his wits about him anyway?’
Michael smiled as he sat on the sofa next to Siobhan. ‘Murf has been in this game for as long as I have. He knows the score, Grace.’
‘I know.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s just—’
‘That you’re a control freak?’ Michael laughed as he finished her sentence for her. ‘That you can’t switch off from it all, despite your insistence that you wanted nothing to do with work for at least six months?’ He grinned at her, his brown eyes twinkling.
‘All right,’ she said as she lifted her hands in mock surrender. ‘Not another word.’
‘You’re the only one who imposed this work ban on yourself. I can see you getting twitchy to come back already.’
‘But Oscar’s not even five months old yet,’ Grace said.
‘So?’ Michael replied. ‘Just come back part-time then?’
Grace shrugged. As much as she adored her children, she did miss working. ‘Maybe just a day or two a week for now?’
Michael nodded. ‘Sophia said she’d watch the kids if we ever need her to. You know how much she adores them, and with her girls at school all day, I think she gets a bit lonely.’
‘I thought she was going to start covering the lunch in one of the restaurants?’ Grace asked.
Sophia was married to Michael’s brother, Sean and Grace adored her. The two women had only been discussing the possibility of Sophia working in the restaurant a few days earlier and Grace knew that her sister-in-law was looking forward to getting back to work herself after years of being at home with her children.
‘I think Sean was just worried about her having nothing to do while he was at work all day. Anyway, if she does, my dad and Sue will have the kids. Or I will. We’ll sort something out. Just don’t feel like you can’t go back to work, that’s all I’m saying.’
As though he’d heard the conversation, Oscar woke up and began to protest loudly. Michael took him from Siobhan. ‘Is he due a feed?’
Grace checked her watch. ‘Yes. There’s some expressed milk in the fridge.’
‘I’ll sort this little milk monster out then, and leave you ladies to it.’ He smiled as he stood up.
‘Thanks, love,’ Grace replied as she watched her husband carrying their son out of the door. She couldn’t deny that it would be good to get back to work, even if it was just a few days a week. The trouble with her job, though, was that it was difficult to limit a working week. She knew that as soon as she returned, she’d find it hard not to take the helm again. She was no longer cut out for taking a back seat. But being at home, fretting about what was and wasn’t happening in her absence, wasn’t exactly ideal either. She’d have to make a decision soon, to either step back or get stuck back in.
Siobhan had watched Grace and Michael’s exchange intently, and with a pang of jealousy. She saw the way Michael looked at Grace and realised that her own husband would never look at her that way. She had married a man who would never love her the way she needed him to, the way every husband should love his wife. She had known Jake was gay and she had married him anyway. No, she had practically forced him to marry her. Now she realised she had quite possibly made the biggest mistake of her life.
Chapter Twenty-One
Siobhan dropped Isla’s changing bag on the kitchen table and placed her daughter in her high chair.
‘Shall we have some dinner, Isla?’ she asked as she took a tin of beans from the cupboard. Beans were currently Isla’s favourite food and one she was guaranteed to eat. Siobhan had been thinking about going back to work ever since she’d left Grace’s house earlier, and was wondering how to broach the subject with Jake. She couldn’t cope with a battle of wills with Isla over dinner time too.
Another positive outcome of her visit to Grace’s was that she’d agreed to go out with her old friend Jenny later that evening. Up until today, Siobhan thought she couldn’t face hearing all about Jenny’s exciting adventures and comparing them to her own miserable life. But seeing how happy Grace was in her marriage, something had sparked in her. So, when Jenny had sent her a text message asking if she fancied some cocktails, Siobhan had agreed. Jake had promised to be home by six to do Isla’s bedtime, and since staying out with no notice a few nights ago, had been largely keeping to his word. He could look after Isla on his own for a change.
‘Bees, mummy,’ Isla said with a clap of her hands, snapping Siobhan from her thoughts. ‘Bees.’
‘Yes, bees.’ Siobhan smiled as she shook the tin of beans in her hand.
As she was emptying the contents of tin into the saucepan, Siobhan’s mobile phone started to ring. Glancing at the screen, she saw it was Jake.
‘Hi, Jake,’ she said when she picked up.
‘Hiya, babe. Look, I’ve got to work tonight. We’ve got a job to do in Scotland.’
‘Scotland? What are you doing up there?’
‘Just some business,’ he replied.
‘So, when will you be back?’
‘Some time in the early hours. I’ll be home by the time you and Isla wake up. Yo
u’ll hardly even have time to miss me.’
‘For God’s sake, Jake! I was hoping to go and see Jenny tonight!’
‘Jenny who?’
‘Jenny Lyon! Who went to school with us. I told you she’s back from America and she’d got in touch.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t know you were going tonight. You never mentioned it. Look, ask her to come round instead. You can show her your fancy house. Ask her to bring a bottle and you could treat yourselves to a nice takeaway?’ he offered. Did he expect her to be grateful that she could treat herself and her friend to a takeaway?
‘Oh, just forget it,’ she said with a sigh. ‘What’s the point anyway?’
‘For fuck’s sake, Siobhan,’ he snapped at her. ‘What the fuck do you want from me? I have to work. How else could I keep you in designer fucking handbags?’
‘How dare you! I haven’t bought a handbag in over a year,’ she said instinctively, then felt angry that she was even attempting to defend herself.
‘Whatever,’ he said dismissively. ‘I’ll see you both tomorrow. Give Isla a kiss from me.’
‘Yeah. Bye,’ she said and hung up before he could answer. God, how could she have even thought for a second that they had anything worth saving? Jake was a selfish, narcissistic, egotistical bastard who clearly had little regard for her, and despite all his talk of his love for his daughter, had lately done little to actually demonstrate that.
