by Noelle Adams
They’d missed the rehearsal and this evening’s dinner, but they’d called to let the bride and groom know what had happened. Amanda was determined to still make it to the wedding tomorrow, so he’d rented a car to finish the trip to Hilton Head. Amanda had dozed during the final leg of the journey, and they’d finally gotten to the hotel at ten in the evening.
Amanda’s room was down the hall from his. He’d carried her luggage into the room for her and then stood for a minute, staring at her and fighting the impulse to ask if he could stay.
He hadn’t wanted to leave her. And it wasn’t just because he wanted to have sex with her.
He always wanted to have sex with her, but that wasn’t the most important thing right now. Mostly he wanted to be with her. Hold her. Listen to her breathe. He wanted it so much he’d barely been able to stop himself from suggesting it.
He’d never had that particular impulse before—to hold a woman outside of the context of sex, without even the promise of sex in the future. He wasn’t sure what was happening to him.
But he had his suspicions.
Staring at his face in the mirror, he processed what he was looking at. Damp hair. Dark eyes. Thick eyebrows. Slightly stubbled jaw. High cheekbones. Prominent nose. A familiar face. Nothing different from normal except the scratches.
But he felt like he was looking at someone else.
Someone foolish enough to fall in love.
He’d spent so many years holding himself at a distance. Protecting himself from this very thing. Never giving up the parts of himself that were the most vulnerable. Not even letting other people see that those parts existed. And then he’d walked right into the trap willingly, as soon as it was laid, because he simply couldn’t resist Amanda’s sharp mind, hot body, and deep heart.
What the hell was he thinking?
There were still things he could do to protect himself and go back to the man he’d always been. He should start to pull back now. Erect a few barriers around his heart. Stop himself from tipping over the final ledge and free-falling into the dangerous unknown.
But who was he kidding? He was already falling. And soon he was going to hit the bottom.
Hard.
He was still trying to process that bleak thought when there was a knock on his door.
Frowning, he stepped out of the bathroom and looked out the peephole.
Amanda.
He swung the door open so fast the air whooshed. “Are you okay?”
She must have taken a shower like he had. Her hair wasn’t wet, but she smelled like soap and toothpaste. She wore soft lavender pajama shorts and a white tank top that did little to hide the shape of her breasts or the outline of her nipples.
He gulped and looked up at her face. “Is everything all right?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” She shifted position and looked down at the floor. “I... I... I don’t really know why I’m here.”
He stepped out of his doorway to let her come in. “What’s the matter, sunshine? Couldn’t you sleep?”
She shook her head. “I took a quick shower and then lay down. This day feels like it’s been forever, but I couldn’t go to sleep. Everything is just whirling behind my eyelids when I close my eyes.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have bothered you. Were you sleeping?”
“No. I just got out of the shower.” He reached over to lift her chin since she was hiding her expression behind her hair and it bothered him. “Tell me what’s the matter, Amanda.”
She let out her breath again. This time longer. Slower. Like she was giving up her resistance. “I don’t even know. I just feel... jittery. Upset. Rattled. It’s probably just the accident. I know it wasn’t serious, but it made me feel so out of control. Insecure. I... I... don’t want to be alone.”
His heart lurched. It actually lurched. Like it was trying to reach from his chest over to her.
He’d just been telling himself to protect himself. To keep his distance. To not let himself fall over the edge.
But there was a truth he knew now and had known when he was standing at the mirror. He’d fallen a long time ago. And trying to stop himself now would accomplish absolutely nothing—except it would hurt her.
Which was something he’d never do.
So he cleared his throat and murmured, “Then stay with me.”
Her eyes flew to his face quickly.
“Not for sex,” he explained quickly. “I don’t mean that. Just to sleep. You can sleep with me.”
Her voice barely a whisper, she asked, “Really?”
“Yeah.” Then he couldn’t stop himself from admitting, “I don’t really want to be alone either.”
That was apparently the right thing to say. Amanda relaxed. Gave him a shy smile. And walked all the way into the room. She glanced around, but there was nothing to see except his open suitcase on the low dresser and otherwise undisturbed soulless hotel furnishings.
“What side of the bed do you like to sleep on?” she asked.
“Usually the left, but it doesn’t really matter.”
“The left is perfect. I prefer the right.” She climbed under the covers on the right side.
“I’m going to brush my teeth. Then we can turn off the lights. You can turn the TV on if you like.”
When he returned from brushing his teeth and going to the bathroom, she hadn’t turned on the television, so he switched off the two lamps and climbed into bed beside her.
He was exhausted. But wired. Which was probably the way she felt. He wasn’t in a particularly sexy mood, although he was sure he could summon the interest and will had she suggested it.
She didn’t.
They’d agreed a long time ago that they’d just have the one time together, and she’d never even hinted about changing her mind regarding that subject. He was supposed to be her friend now. That was what he’d told her, and that was what he’d resolved in his mind before he’d gone over to her house last weekend to apologize.
Friends was fine. Better than nothing. And far safer than anything else.
But he didn’t feel like friends with her.
It felt like she was everything.
“Are you okay?” he asked into the darkness.
“I... I don’t really know.”
“What can I do?”
“I don’t...”
The fact that she didn’t finish that statement made him realize that she did have something in mind. Something he could do for her. “Tell me.”
“It’s stupid.”
“I don’t care.”
“You’ll hate it.”
“Maybe I won’t.” His heart was beating like a jackhammer, the pounding almost painful in his chest.
She took a ragged breath. “It’s what silly female characters in movies say—the ones I’ve always scoffed at. I really don’t know who I’ve turned into lately.”
The dry comment mirrored his own reflections to such an extent that it felt like déjà vu. But the allusion was enough to clue him in to what she was talking about. “Do you want me to hold you?” he asked with way too much gravel in his voice. “Because I will. I will.”
She turned onto her side to face him. It was dark, but his eyes were adjusting, so he could see her nod. “Please.”
He made a weird rough sound. He had no idea what it meant. Then he pulled her toward him, settled her against him, and wrapped both arms around her.
She shifted for a minute until she got comfortable. Then she exhaled deeply, her body softening against his.
She was warm. Smelled like soap. Her hair tickled his bare shoulder and chest. Her breasts were pressed against his skin, and he was acutely aware of them.
Of all of her.
But she needed this—and only this—so he was going to give it to her.
As he held her, he realized one other thing.
It was why he’d felt so jittery himself and didn’t anymore. This was the thing that he’d been wanting.
He n
eeded this too.
seven
WHEN AMANDA OPENED her eyes, it was dark in the room. Dark and warm and safe and pleasurable in a way she didn’t immediately recognize.
She didn’t know where she was. Or when she was. But she was cozy right now, and she liked it.
The first thing that clarified in her mind was that she was in a hotel room. Then she recalled it was the hotel in Hilton Head.
Then she remembered the car accident yesterday.
And Robert. His urgent voice when he’d been afraid she’d been hurt. His dryly amused tone when he teased her. His dark eyes—in turn warm, wry, questioning, hungry.
His strong arms and lean, solid body when he held her last night as she went to sleep.
Robert.
She sat up straight in bed. His bed. She’d gone to sleep with him, and his warmth and smell were the reasons the bed felt so nice this morning. But he wasn’t lying beside her right now, sleeping or otherwise, and he wasn’t anywhere in sight.
A quick check of the clock informed her that it was only four thirty in the morning. He shouldn’t be up and dressed yet. They didn’t have anything scheduled early today, and it wasn’t that long ago that they’d gone to sleep.
When a hit of light illuminated the room and then quickly went out, she realized where Robert had been. In the bathroom. And he was coming out now.
He stopped in the middle of the floor, probably because he saw her sitting up in bed. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just disoriented for a minute. I didn’t know where I was or what was happening.”
“Ah. Well, it’s still early. Might as well go back to sleep.” Robert took a few final strides toward the bed and climbed in beside her. He smelled like the hotel’s hand soap and something else.
“Why’d you brush your teeth?” she asked, pushing her messy hair back over her shoulders.
“Bad taste in my mouth.” He’d lain down and was watching her from his pillow. “You feel okay?”
“Yeah. Fine. A little bruised up from yesterday but not too bad.” She wanted to lie back down and scoot against him. She wanted him to take her in his arms like he had before. She wanted to do more than that.
A lot more than that.
“Are you going to go back to sleep, or are you planning to just sit there in the dark?”
She loved how he sounded. Amused and affectionate both. Intimate.
“I’m going to go to the bathroom first,” she decided, concluding that was safer than jumping him right now without warning.
She wasn’t used to being turned on first thing in the morning, before she’d barely woken up. It was strange and unsettling. Highly disturbing.
She rolled awkwardly out of bed and padded barefoot to the bathroom. After she’d taken care of business, she took a long time washing her hands and then her face. She applied some of Robert’s toothpaste with her finger since she didn’t want him to think she had bad breath.
Then she stared at herself in the mirror for a long time.
Her hair was a mess of long, tangled waves. Her skin looked pale except for a tinge of pink on her cheeks. There were dark shadows under her eyes. They looked almost bruised. And there was a definite bruise on the curve between her neck and shoulder from the seat belt.
She didn’t look terrible, but she definitely wasn’t the stuff of sexy fantasies. This was hardly the time to be indulging carnal urges for Robert’s body.
He’d wanted to go back to sleep. That was what she should do too.
Go back to sleep. Stay safe. Just be friends. Don’t put herself in the position of getting wrecked by Robert the way she’d done for so long with Dave.
Finally she gave a firm nod and flipped off the bathroom light as she walked out.
“You okay?” Robert asked as she crawled under the covers.
“Why do you keep asking me that?”
“It just feels like something is wrong.”
“You’re imagining things.” She rolled on her side to face him. Even in the darkness, she could see his face turned toward hers, his eyes focused intently.
“No, I’m not.”
“Why do you always argue with me?”
“I argue when you’re not telling me the truth.”
“Who are you to make all-knowing pronouncements about who I am and how I feel?”
He reached out with one hand, cupping her cheek with his palm. His voice was low and thick. “I’m Robert Castleman, and I know you, Amanda. I know you—even the parts of yourself that you don’t want anyone to see. I know the little part of you who sometimes wonders if you’re good enough. I know you’ve spent your whole life trying to perform for a mother who never made sure you believed you were loved no matter what. I know you lived way too long clinging to a dream about a man who wasn’t right for you because he was one of the few people who made you feel valued. I know the you that you pretend to be, and I know the you that you really are. I know you, Amanda, even when you don’t want me to see you.”
Her lips had parted when he started to speak. Her mouth went dry. Her throat closed up. Her eyes burned. Her whole body started to shake.
Robert’s hand moved to very gently stroke her cheekbone. Her jaw. Her throat. “I see you all the way, and I think every part of you is breathtaking.”
She made a silly whimper and reached out for him, her silent resolutions about holding herself back from these urges forgotten. She grabbed for his shoulders, pushed him over onto his back, and climbed on top of him until she was straddling his hips and leaning over to kiss him hard and deep.
He didn’t hesitate. As soon as she moved toward him, he reached for her with both hands, rolling over willingly and helping her position herself above him. His hands remained wrapped around the back of her thighs, squeezing the soft flesh there as his mouth and tongue moved against hers.
Her hair was falling down over both of them. The straps of her tank top were slipping off her shoulders. A deep throbbing between her legs had ignited, and she could feel it everywhere, all the way to her fingers and toes. She was messy and eager and nakedly needy as she kissed and rubbed against him, and she didn’t even care.
His hands slid up to her bottom, holding her in place against his groin. He was getting hard. She could feel his erection growing against her. She still couldn’t believe this man wanted her that way. Wanted her so much.
“Damn, sunshine,” he murmured raggedly, breaking out of the kiss by turning his head. “I’m going to lose it soon. Are you sure about this?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure. I’ve never been so sure about anything.” She stared down at his flushed face and hot eyes. “Are you sure?”
He nodded and gently gathered her hair into one of his hands so it wasn’t hanging over her face. “Yes. I’m sure. You’ve always been my sunshine.”
Her heart jumped a few times. She was still shaking, although only part of it was nerves. It was so much. So much of him. All at once. She wasn’t sure she was capable of handling the wave of joy and pride and possessiveness and responsibility that came with what he’d given her.
But she wanted it. There was no way she would ever turn it down once it was offered. So she kissed him again in a hungry rush.
He kept his fistful of her hair, holding her head in place with it, and he caressed and squeezed her bottom with his other hand. She was still wearing her little pajama shorts, but they didn’t get in the way of feeling his touch. He was rocking his hips up into her weight. She could feel how hard he was in his pants. It felt like they were making love before they’d even gotten their clothes off.
After a few minutes, he turned his head out of the kiss again and took a loud, shaky breath.
“Why’d you stop?” She frowned down at him, hot and rumpled and deeply aroused.
“Because I’m seriously about to embarrass myself. Give me a minute, will you?” His expression was both self-deprecating and strangely desperate.
She huffed but didn’t mean it. “Fine. Don’t want yo
u to come in your pants before we even get started.”
“Very considerate of you.” After a pause, he asked, “Do you want to use a condom?”
She shook her head. “I’m on birth control. We don’t have to unless you’d rather.”
He clearly was happy with relying on her birth control because his face tightened briefly with what looked like barely restrained lust.
She couldn’t help but giggle. “I didn’t figure you’d have trouble with losing it too soon. I thought you’d be a man of iron control.”
“Normally I am.” His tone changed as he rolled them both over so he was halfway on top of her. “I’m sure this is just a temporary aberration from my remarkable skill and fortitude.”
Still laughing, she reached up to take his face in both hands. “Skill I can definitely believe. I’m still waiting to witness your fortitude.”
“You will.”
“After you’ve had your minute.”
His eyes narrowed. “My minute is over now.”
He kissed her again, this time from above. It felt different but just as good. His hands moved over her body as he did, pulling off her pajamas. She had to help him get her shorts off over her feet, and they had to break the kiss to pull her top off, but finally she was naked beneath him, and his eyes were roaming over her possessively from her face to her toes.
“You’ve already seen me without clothes before.”
“You think one time is enough?” There was a growl in his voice that she really liked. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of seeing you like this.”
She started to respond—no doubt with some sort of brilliant and witty repartee—but he ducked down just then to give one of her breasts a quick nip that made her squeal.
Then he did it to the other. And after that he took her nipple in his mouth and suckled it hard and exactly right. She arched up and whimpered helplessly as the ache of arousal grew stronger.
