Jane looked radiant in a cream-colored dress, but then Jane always looked radiant, no matter what.
Elizabeth wanted to tell her sister about the fact she was going to be planning a ball, but she couldn’t find a way to phrase it that didn’t betray her sheer terror at the prospect, so she said nothing.
Presently, they arrived at the evening’s destination.
And then Elizabeth’s terror reached new heights, because nothing in her experience thus far had prepared her for such splendor. This was nothing like the balls in Hertfordshire. It did not even compare to the formal dinners she had attended at Rosings. This was something of a higher magnitude altogether.
There were a great many more people in attendance than she had expected, and this not even during the Season. They were all dressed in such impeccable clothing and the women had jewels at their throats and a haughty look in their eyes when they spied her.
Elegance was everywhere—in the food, the drink, the music, the decoration, the house itself. Elizabeth would need to duplicate this for Georgiana, and could she?
She was so consumed in those thoughts that she scarce noticed the fact that she was being snubbed. At least, at first, she did not notice.
Everyone seemed to know Mr. Darcy, and they all came over to speak to him.
Mr. Darcy introduced her and she paid no mind to the names and faces that swam in front of her, only offered polite greetings and curtsies.
Then she began to notice a difference in the effusiveness of the greetings that Mr. Darcy received compared to her.
“Darcy, so good to see you again, it has been too long!” would be followed by a terse nod and, “Mrs. Darcy.”
It was this way from everyone, and she tried to convince herself that the greetings were so clipped only because they did not know her yet, and that they would become warmer upon further association. But then she began to pay attention to some of the remarks that certain women made.
From Mrs. Balfour: “I suppose you were away for so long because you were teaching your new wife the proper number of courses for meals.”
From Mrs. Fletcher: “Why, when I heard the last name of your wife’s family, I had never heard of it. That can’t be right, can it? Who, tell me, is her family?”
Mr. Darcy, it had to be said, handled these comments with aplomb.
“Was I away a long time?” he said. “I cannot but say that time is meaningless in my wife’s presence.”
“Your hearing can’t be going already, Mrs. Fletcher?” he said. “You seem awfully young for such an affliction. How tragic for you.”
Elizabeth realized rather quickly, however, that she was not considered welcome by some of the people at the ball. The comment about the courses was particularly cutting. She knew that it meant that servants were gossiping about her, and that it was getting around London that way.
The thought made her feel ill. These people thought her less than worthy of their company and of Mr. Darcy, and now she was being sabotaged by her own servants. She really wouldn’t put it past Mrs. Stickley to have spread it all over town. That woman was horrid.
Well, this was awful, because now she was even at a further disadvantage. She already had a lot to prove, but now she had even more at stake. The only thing for it was Georgiana’s ball. Elizabeth would have to make sure it was perfect, that it exceeded the elaborate ball they were currently attending.
It was the only way she would ever be able to silence these harpies and win their respect.
She only hoped she was up to the challenge.
* * *
Jane had expected to converse with Elizabeth at the ball, but Elizabeth seemed entirely consumed by her thoughts, so much so that she seemed not to notice that certain people they were all being introduced to were being frightfully rude to her.
Or, Jane thought, perhaps that was simply Elizabeth’s way of combating their rudeness, ignoring it. To Jane, however, it appeared that Elizabeth was oblivious.
She was most appreciative when Colonel Fitzwilliam appeared, saying that he hoped she had saved the first two dances on her card, because he aimed to claim them.
No one had asked her to dance at all, so her card was entirely empty. But she said, “Sir, I have been fighting men off left and right who wish to lay claim to those dances. They have been asking where you might be, and I have steadfastly believed that you would arrive, but I had begun to lose faith, I must admit.”
“Heavens, that I might cause such a maiden as you to lose faith!” said the colonel. “Were that horrible event to occur, I should not be able to forgive myself. I should prostrate myself on the ground and beg for a reprieve.”
“Well, in that case, I feel sure it would be granted,” said Jane. “Such histrionics in a military man.”
“Histrionics, you say? Well, is a woman like you worth any less?”
“You do flatter me too much, sir. You might turn my head, and I know you are only teasing one such as me.”
“Tease? Never.” He bowed low, offering his hand. “Let us dance, shall we?”
“Of course.” She put her hand in his. “But it is only a dance, and we both know it.”
“Two dances,” he corrected, but his smile was a little strained now. “Two dances which I plan to enjoy as if they are last two dances on earth.”
She laughed again. “You see? It is as I have said. Histrionics. Exaggerations.”
“There is no way to exaggerate the enjoyment I find in your company, madam. You are quite exquisite.”
She sighed. “And you, sir, are rather agreeable yourself.”
He tugged her closer as they glided onto the dance floor. For several moments, they moved together and held each other’s gaze, and Jane was sure that there was no one else in the room besides the two of them. She could not even hear the music, not truly. She was not sure how she moved, only that it seemed that the dance flowed from the colonel to her and back again. Their movement together seemed to join them, as if they had become one mind and one body, and she had never experienced such euphoria.
At some point, she had to break their gaze, because it was too much to look into his eyes. Something about the two of them connecting that way, it was overwhelming.
He bent close, his lips near her ear, and he breathed, “Ah, Miss Bennet,” against her neck, and she got shivers everywhere.
After the dance was over, they stayed on the dance floor for another dance.
They were both a bit breathless, which Jane tried to credit as the reason that they were no longer engaging in any kind of banter. Instead, they were quiet, but she still felt as though they were communicating. Somehow, they were communicating without words—only with their expressions and with the way their bodies moved together. They danced like they had merged in some way.
She knew it had always been thus between them. From the moment they had met, they had spoken to each other without words, and they had conveyed volumes to the other. She had tried to argue herself out of it, telling herself that it was all on her side and that the colonel had no special feelings for her, but now she knew it wasn’t true. The colonel felt deeply for her as well.
How was it possible, she wondered? When she had met Mr. Bingley, she had found him quite agreeable. Indeed, she had fancied herself in love with him, and yet the way she had felt about him paled in comparison to the way that she felt about the colonel. And she would wager that the feeling had simply come over her upon seeing him.
Surely, she had known of his character before. Elizabeth had written of Colonel Fitzwilliam, telling her what he was like, and this had created a predilection in favor of him from the beginning. When he arrived and he was so handsome and so kind and he had looked at her the way that he did…
Well, she did not know. She did not believe in things like love at first sight, but she did not know what else to term this.
Except it was all for naught. They could not be together.
When the second dance ended, the two walked away from the dan
ce floor.
“Well,” said the colonel in a subdued voice, “I rather suppose you have many men waiting to claim your next dances, so I shall leave you—”
“There is no one on my dance card,” she said.
“Not yet,” he said. “But now that the others have seen you, they will come to ask after you. I must leave you to them.” His words were meant to be light, but they came out bitter, as if he wasn’t pleased at the prospect.
“It is as I said,” she said softly. “It was only a dance, and we both know that.”
He raised his gaze to hers again, and she felt the connection flare to life between them, as if strong strings had bound them together.
She gasped a little.
He took her hand and lifted it to his lips.
When she felt the brush of his mouth on her skin, she flushed all over.
He made a strange, strangled noise, and then dropped her hand, almost as if it had burned him. He looked over her head. “I must… I see someone that I should greet.”
“Yes, of course,” she said.
He looked back at her for a moment, his brow furrowed. “Listen, I want you to understand that I don’t mean to… that is, I had no intention of… I’m dreadfully sorry, Miss Bennet.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” she said.
“I think that perhaps I may have… oh, how to put this?” He searched for a word.
She caught sight of someone out of the corner of her eye. Someone who should not be there. “I’m terribly sorry, sir,” she said, “but I’m afraid I must interrupt you.”
“Hmm?” He looked at her, and then turned in the direction she was pointed.
“Lord!” he exclaimed. “That girl, what the devil has gotten into her this time?”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Elizabeth hurried through the rooms of the ball, dragged along by Jane. “I don’t understand,” she was saying. “Where is it that we are going again?”
“Just come along,” said Jane. “You’ll understand when we get there. Now, it’s just down this hallway….”
Jane wrenched her around a corner, and they came face to face with Lydia, Georgiana, and Colonel Fitzwilliam, who was in mid-tirade. “—after what happened in Ramsgate, Georgiana, one would think that you would not continue to cause such problems for your family—”
“Oh, you can’t blame her for Ramsgate,” Elizabeth burst out.
Colonel Fitzwilliam looked up at her. “Mrs. Darcy. How nice to see you this evening. How are you?”
Elizabeth sighed. “I am sorry not to greet you properly, but you must see that this could never have been Miss Darcy’s idea. This has the hallmarks of one of Miss Lydia’s schemes. I cannot but think she convinced Miss Darcy to go astray.”
“Georgiana has never been to a ball!” burst out Lydia. “Now, how is that fair?”
“How long have you been here?” said Elizabeth. “Did you dance with anyone? Did anyone see that you are here unchaperoned?”
“Yes, I don’t think the two of you quite understand the consequences of your actions,” said Jane. “This could be disastrous for you both.”
“But especially for you, Lydia,” said Elizabeth. “Your reputation is all you have. You must guard it.”
Lydia rolled her eyes.
But Georgiana looked nervous. “You mean if anyone saw us, we might be ruined?”
“You have barely escaped such a fate,” said Colonel Fitzwilliam to Georgiana. “You are lucky that your brother and I kept your secrets well.”
“Oh,” Georgiana said. “Oh, dear.”
“We aren’t ruined,” said Lydia. “No one saw us. We just arrived. We haven’t even had the chance to dance with anyone.”
“And you won’t dance,” said Elizabeth. “You will both go home at once.”
“The colonel and I shall escort them,” said Jane. “You stay here and enjoy your time with Mr. Darcy.”
Elizabeth considered. “All right, I will agree to that plan, but only because I’d rather not have to involve Mr. Darcy in all of this. There is no need for any more sneaking out, girls. We are going to have a coming-out ball for Miss Darcy. I spoke to her brother about it this very evening. It is all settled. So, go home, and behave yourselves from here on out.”
“Truly?” said Georgiana. “I am to be out this Season.”
“Yes,” said Elizabeth.
“Oh, how terribly exciting,” said Georgiana, clapping her hands together. She turned to Lydia in triumph and excitement.
Lydia grinned at her friend. “I’m so happy for you.”
The girls squealed and then embraced.
“Stop it!” said Jane. “Behave yourselves with a bit of decorum in public, will you not?”
* * *
“Well,” Elizabeth said to Mr. Darcy on their way home, “they all despise me, but I thought you were quite the gallant, coming to my rescue as always.”
“Was I?” He looked at her as though truly puzzled. “No one despises you. I shall not stand for my wife being despised.”
“I am not deaf, sir, I heard their comments,” she said.
“You mustn’t pay gossiping women any mind,” said Mr. Darcy. “They are bored. By the time the Season has begun, they will give you no mind.”
“Yes, but you did point out that we were not evenly matched, did you not? When you proposed to me, you said that I was inferior to you.”
“Ah, yes,” he said. “That wasn’t very gallant of me.”
“You weren’t wrong, though. And all the women know it.”
“I should not have said it. I don’t know if I have truly apologized, but—”
“It was the truth.”
“No.” He shook his head firmly. “You are not inferior to me. I won’t have you say such things.”
“Even if I am repeating you?”
“Especially not then. I think that whoever you are repeating must be a very stupid man.”
She could not help but smile.
He smiled back. “We have had a bit of a rocky beginning together, haven’t we?”
“A bit,” she said. “But don’t worry, I will show them all. I am going to throw a ball for Georgiana that will rival anything they have seen. I will make them eat their words.”
He laughed. “That sounds more like the Elizabeth that I remember meeting back in Hertfordshire.”
She cocked her head to one side. “Am I that different?”
He hesitated.
She looked away.
“I am sorry,” he said. “Of course you are different. You must be. After the things you have suffered, it would be wrong if you had remained the same. Grief changed me as well. I know what it is like.”
She turned back to him. “Oh, I had not thought of it in that light before…” She sighed. “I may have judged you harshly when I first met you, sir. I never took into consideration that you had lost both of your parents, and that you carried that grief with you everywhere you went. And your sister? What was done to her? How she was left so quiet and frightened? Of course you are serious. Of course you do not laugh easily. I understand it all now. Why did I not see it until this moment?”
“It is not as bad as all of that,” said Mr. Darcy.
“No, you must accept my apology, sir.”
“I do not remember any grievous sins you have committed against me.”
“No?” she said, raising her eyebrows. “Not even…” But she could not finish the sentence.
“Not even what?”
She looked out the window of the carriage. “You know what I speak of, sir.”
“I do not. Please, enlighten me.”
“Wickham,” she whispered.
It was quiet.
She could hear the wheels making contact with the stones of the street. She wished she could unsay it.
“I have told you, I do not blame you for any of that. You were deceived by him, and, by your own admission, nothing happened.”
She dared to glance back at him, s
earching his expression, because she was certain that the words were not real, that he was simply saying them to make her feel better. “You are telling me the truth?”
“I would not lie to you.”
He reached for her hand. “Please, cease to think of him. I would not allow even the memory of his treachery to cause you any more pain.”
“I hate him,” she said fiercely.
“I know,” he said, squeezing her fingers.
She squeezed his fingers back.
He gazed into her eyes. “Listen, I know that we have not…”
She yawned. Embarrassed, she covered her mouth with a hand. “What? Sorry, I did not mean to…” She could feel her face heating up.
“You are tired,” he said gently.
“Yes, a bit,” she said. “It is late.”
“Well, then,” he said. “You should rest.”
“What were you going to say?”
“No, no,” he said. “Another night, when you are not so tired.” He reached out and caressed her cheek.
She liked his touch very much.
* * *
Elizabeth did not know how to put a ball together. She did not even know who to ask for help. She wished she knew someone who frequented balls in London, but she did not. Alas, even Miss Thackerey’s experience with them was limited.
She wrote to Jane for advice, and Jane said that they would summon everyone that they could to try to determine what best to do. So Elizabeth invited her aunt and Jane to her home, and she requested that Lydia, Georgiana, and Miss Thackerey all come together to try to decide what could be done.
The ball would be held soon, even though the Season was months off, because Georgiana was impatient.
Elizabeth listened to what everyone told her and came out of the experience feeling more confident than she had been previously. It seemed that between them all, they knew quite a lot about how to conduct a ball, and Elizabeth thought that they could do something very nice for Georgiana.
Since the ball was to be given in Georgiana’s honor, they asked for her wishes.
Georgiana was very shy and had to be prodded to give her opinion, but eventually she told them what she was interested in and Elizabeth said she would see to it that it was done.
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