The man who knew this story was aware that it couldn’t finish in any other way. Before writing his stories, he loved telling them to himself. And he’d tell them to himself so perfectly, in such detail, word by word, that one might say they were written in his memory. He’d tell them to himself preferably late in the evening, in the solitude of that big empty house, or on those nights when he couldn’t sleep, those nights in which insomnia yielded nothing but imagination, not much, yet imagination gave him a reality so alive that it seemed more real than the reality he was living. But the most difficult thing wasn’t telling to himself his stories, that was the easy part, it was as though he’d see the words of the stories he told himself written on the dark screen of his room, when fantasy would keep his eyes wide open. And that one story, which he’d told himself in this way so many times, seemed to him an already printed book, one that was very easy to express mentally but very difficult to write with the letters of the alphabet necessary for thought to be made concrete and visible. It was as if he were lacking the principle of reality to write his story, and in order to live the effective reality of what was real within him yet unable to become truly real, he’d chosen this place.
His trip was planned in fine detail. He landed at the Hania airport, got his luggage, went into the Hertz office, picked up the car keys. Three days? the clerk asked, astonished. What’s so strange about it? he said. No one comes to Crete on vacation for three days, the clerk replied, smiling. I have a long weekend, he responded, it’s enough for what I have to do.
The light in Crete was beautiful. It wasn’t Mediterranean but African; he’d reach the Beach Resort in an hour and a half, at most two, even going slowly, he’d arrive there around six, a shower and he’d start writing immediately, the hotel restaurant was open till eleven, it was Thursday evening, he counted: all of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, three full days. They’d be enough: in his head everything was all already written.
Why he turned left at that light he couldn’t say. The pylons of the freeway were clearly visible, another four or five hundred meters and he’d be at the coastal freeway to Iraklion. But instead he turned left, where a little blue sign indicated an unknown place. He thought he’d already been there, for in a moment he saw everything: a tree-lined street with a few houses, a plain square with an ugly monument, a ledge of rocks, a mountain. It was a flash of lightning. That strange thing which medical science can’t explain, he told himself, they call it déjà vu, already-seen, it’d never happened to me before. But the explanation he gave himself didn’t reassure him, because the already-seen endured, it was stronger than what he was seeing, like a membrane enveloping the surrounding reality, the trees, the mountains, the evening shadows, even the air he was breathing. He felt overcome by vertigo and was afraid of being sucked into it, but only for a moment, because as it expanded that sensation went through a strange metamorphosis, like a glove turning inside out and bringing forth the hand it covered. Everything changed perspective, in a flash he felt the euphoria of discovery, a subtle nausea, a mortal melancholy. But also a sense of infinite liberation, as when we finally understand something we’d known all along and didn’t want to know: it wasn’t the already-seen that was swallowing him in a never-lived past, he instead was capturing it in a future yet to be lived. As he drove among the olive trees on that little road taking him toward the mountains, he knew that at a certain point he’d find an old rusty sign full of holes on which was written: Monastiri. And that he’d follow it. Now everything was clear.
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Time Ages in a Hurry Page 11
