The rest of the dinner went about the same. Mr. Moore grilling me, Mrs. Moore chastising him for it, Serena rolling her eyes, and Andrew asking random questions. It was odd and at the same wonderful. They seemed to have annoyances with each other like I had with my family, and yet there was a warmth between them, that of course didn’t extend to me, but clearly they were a close family.
I wanted to spend the rest of the evening with them, but concerned I was overstaying my welcome, I got up to take my leave once dessert was finished.
“When can we go on the airplane?” Andrew asked, as I pushed my chair into the table.
“Let me talk to your mom about that, okay?”
“Don’t forget.” Andrew waved his spoon.
“I won’t. Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Moore. It was wonderful. Nice to meet you, Mr. Moore.” I reached over and shook his hand.
“It was our pleasure,” Mrs. Moore said. Yep, her expression suggested she’d already accepted me as a son-in-law.
“I’ll walk you out,” Serena said, pushing her chair in too. The door wasn’t that far from where we were eating, but I guess it was enough to give us some privacy, although not enough so I could kiss her like I wanted to.
“I’d apologize, except I tried to warn you,” Serena said as I opened the door.
I leaned against the door jamb. “I had a great time.”
“You lie. My father was like the Spanish inquisition.”
I shrugged. “He’s not the first to question my intentions.”
She quirked a brow. “I guess lots of fathers have had a run at you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Your insecurities are showing.” I leaned forward, not caring if her parents could see. I kissed her cheek.
“You do plan to take Andrew to see your plane sometime, don’t you? I hate to hold you to that, but you can’t promise a kid something and not deliver.”
I jerked back, once again annoyed at the type of person she apparently thought I was. “You still think I’m an asshole? That I’d use a fake promise to your son to get into your pants?”
“No. I didn’t mean it like that I just—”
“Yes. I plan to take him for a ride in the plane. If you’re nice, maybe you can come too.”
She looked down. “I know I’m a bitch to you.”
“I keep waiting for you to stop.” I grinned at her to let her know I wasn’t mad. Annoyed, yes, but I was wearing her down, so that was something.
She gave me a wan smile. “I’m not sure why you keep bothering.”
“I like being around your kid.”
I expected her to smile at that. Instead she flinched first, and then she smiled, but it didn’t look genuine. To be honest, sometimes I wondered why I stuck around. If only I could figure out what was going on with her that made her so unreachable sometimes.
19
Serena
I felt like I usually did these days as I watched Devin walk away; guilty. I should be happy that he liked Andrew and that Andrew seemed taken with him. I should feel good that he was willing to endure my father’s scrutiny. But everything in my life boiled down to the fact that I was lying about Andrew and until that came out, I’d never be free of the guilt.
“Serena.” My father’s stern voice called me from where he sat in his chair in the living room. My mom and Andrew had disappeared into the kitchen.
“I should help Mom.” I started toward the table to finish clearing.
“Come here.”
I felt like I was ten years old and about to get in trouble.
“What’s up?” I asked sitting on the couch.
“What was all that about running off with him five years ago?”
“Oh, that?” I waved my hand to show it was no big deal. “It was just a joke.”
His narrow eyes studied me and I felt like they could see right through me. “How was it that you met him?”
I blew out a breath, resolved to have to explain something. “He and his friend came into the restaurant I was working in on St. Patrick's a few years back. He was bored with his usual group so he went with us on the pub crawl. We hung out some the next week and then he moved to Europe.” I made a “that’s all there is to it” shrug and started to stand.
“Sit. I’m not done.”
I stayed seated and hoped my face was impassive.
“Were you going to run off with him?”
“No.” I lied. “I told him my parents said I couldn’t go. I don’t know why you’re harping on this. We were just being silly kids.”
He nodded and I was feeling like I’d dodged a bullet.
“Five years ago. St. Patrick's, huh?”
My stomach rolled. “Hmm hmm.”
He started counting on his fingers I knew I was sunk. He reached the ninth finger. “December. Same month as Andrew was born.”
I closed my eyes as one of my fears was realized.
“Serena.” His sharp voice made me blink open in my eyes. “Is that boy Andrew’s father?”
I looked toward the kitchen, not wanting Andrew to hear. When I turned back, I faced my father’s disappointed expression.
“Yes. But he doesn’t know.”
My father’s eyes narrowed even more. “What?”
“Devin doesn’t know about Andrew.”
“You’re telling me that you had Devin Roarke’s child and never told him?”
I looked toward the kitchen again, desperate to not have Andrew here this. “He left and I couldn’t reach him,” I said, knowing it was a dumb defense.
“He wasn’t on Mars. He has family here. Family that could be a big help to you. They can provide things for Andrew that we can’t.”
“No, they wouldn’t,” I said, tersely.
My father jerked back, surprised at my sharp denial.
I leaned forward so I could speak low. “I went to his mother and she told me to never tell him. She even offered me money to go away. Maybe I should have taken it, but it felt wrong.”
“Why that selfish, elitist…” He didn’t finish his statement. He stood, and went to his little liquor cabinet, and poured himself more whiskey. “Why haven’t you told him now?”
Really? After what his mother did to me, he thought I should tell him. “Because I don’t want his mother anywhere near Andrew.”
“That’s not your call. I’m surprised at you, Serena. We raised you better than that.”
I hated disappointing my father, but I’d do that before I risked Andrew’s happiness. “What if she shuns him?”
“What if she did?”
“What if he fought for custody?”
He flinched and inhaled a deep breath. “A father has rights, Serena. It’s not fair to him or Andrew. It’s not your choice to make. He has to know and the chips fall where they may. And if there’s a fight, we’ll help you. The Roarkes have money and influence, but they also have a reputation they’d like to keep clean. It won’t look good that his mother offered you money.”
“They’d have to believe her,” I said, knowing I couldn’t fight them.
“If you think he’s like his mother, why did you invite him to this house?” He sat in his chair again.
“I don’t think he’s like his mom.”
“So let him deal with her.”
“But he might be angry.”
He sighed. “Honey, love is a bitch, no doubt about it. But lying to him is wrong. He deserves to know and you have to accept whatever happens.”
“I don’t want to lose him.” Tears filled my eyes. I knew what my father was saying was right, but I wanted to hold on to this fantasy longer.
“Andrew or Devin.”
I looked my father in the eyes. “Either.”
My father moved to sit next to me. “I wish I could promise you that he’ll handle the news well but I can’t. Whatever happens, your mom and I are here for you and Andrew. You know that, right?”
I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder.
“Serena? What’s wrong?�
� my mother said entering the room.
“Mommy are you sad?”
I quickly sat up and wiped my eyes. “No. Just tired, baby. Come on, let's get you home and into a bath.”
“Why doesn’t the boy stay here with us tonight?” my father said. I knew he was suggesting I go hunt Devin down to tell him about Andrew, but I wasn’t ready.
“Not tonight.”
“What’s going on?” My mother looked from me to my father. Knowing he’d tell her, and she’d be equally as disappointed in me, I didn’t answer.
I took Andrew’s hand and led him to the door. “Say goodnight to Grandma and Grandpa.”
“G’nite.”
I hurried out before my father could hook me into staying.
The next morning, my mother sent Andrew to the kitchen when I dropped him off.
“Is it true? Devin is his father?” she said in a low tone.
“Mom, I can’t talk about this now. I’m going to be late for work.”
“Serena!” Her terse voice stopped me in my tracks. “Don’t brush me off.”
“Yes Mom, he is. No, he doesn’t know. Yes, I’ll tell him when I find the right time.”
She huffed out a breath. “There won’t be a right time. He deserves to know. That little boy in there deserves to have his father.”
I hated that she was disappointed in me. I hated that I was disappointed in myself. But I couldn’t get past how much I could lose, and so procrastination continued to seem like a good idea.
As I rode the train to work though, I knew I wasn’t just riding on borrowed time, but that the longer I waited, the worse it would be. Devin met Andrew and they hit it off, which meant now was the time to tell him. I guess I’d find out what his limit really was and if we’d hit it.
I was busy with meetings most of the morning, and had to visit a location for a corporate event, so it wasn’t until that afternoon that I was able to reach out to Devin. He didn’t pick up when I called, so I left a message.
As I rode the train home after work, I got a text from him.
Sorry. Crazy ass day. I have to go out of town this week. Be back Saturday. How about taking a flight then?
I was given a reprieve from telling him about Andrew, but I didn’t feel relieved. Now that I’d made the decision to tell him, I wanted to get it over with.
Saturday, I have an event. Sunday?
Several minutes later, his text came in. Sunday. Be ready at 8 and give me the entire day.
I wondered what he had planned. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was planning lunch in Ireland or something.
We’ll be ready.
My parents didn’t seem thrilled that I still hadn’t told him. I explained he was out of town but that we’d made plans for the weekend.
“He says he wants to take Andrew flying.”
“You shouldn’t do it in front of Andrew,” my mother said, shaking her head. “In case he doesn’t take it well.”
She had a point.
“What man won’t take hearing he’s a father well?” My father growled. “He likes the boy. He likes Serena.”
“She’s lied to him for years, Graham. Tell me that wouldn’t make you upset,” my mother said.
He shrugged. “I’d be smart enough to hold it together for the boy.”
“He shouldn’t have to hold it together. Why don’t you leave Andrew here, after your flight,” my mother said.
“Okay,” I agreed. She was right. I didn’t want Andrew to know if Devin was upset about learning he was a father. And Devin deserved to express whatever sort of feeling he was going to have without worrying about upsetting Andrew.
That night, Devin called late.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t talk earlier. I’ve had a bitch of a day.”
“It’s fine. I know running the Roarke empire takes a little time.”
Andrew was in bed, and I had my wine and book. I moved to my bedroom to keep from waking Andrew. For a moment, I wondered if maybe I should tell Devin about Andrew on the phone, but then decided now wasn’t the time. He was distracted with business and was having to leave town. I’d stick with the plan and tell him Sunday after the flight.
“Were you sleeping?” he asked.
“No. Wine and book time. My me-time when Andrew is sleeping.”
“What are you wearing?”
My cheeks heated at the sensual tone in his voice. “What are you?”
“Nothing. I’m laying in bed with an iron-hard dick wishing you were here to help me.”
“That must be painful.” I closed my eyes, imagining just what he described. “I’m sorry I’m not there to help you.”
“What would you do to help me?”
“What would you want me to do?” My clothes felt hot and uncomfortable as my blood heated. I wished I was with him now too.
“Suck it.” He let out a low moan, suggesting he was imagining me sucking his dick.
“All of it? Or just the tip?”
“Fuck. Both.” There was a pause. “Are you touching yourself, Serena?”
“I might have to.”
“Will you think of me when you do?”
He was all I ever thought about. “Yes.”
“When I get back, maybe we can take Andrew to the beach for a few days.”
My heart rolled in my chest at how easily he seemed to accept Andrew as part of the deal with me. “That sounds like fun.”
“And when he’s sleeping, I want to do wicked things to you.”
I closed my eyes as my pussy contracted in pleasure. “I want to do wicked things to you too.”
“Fuck…I’m going to make myself come. Do you want to hear?”
“Yes.” I nearly asked him to video chat it so I could watch him stroke himself, see his handsome face as pleasure washed over it. “I want to hear you come as you imagine me sucking your dick. It’s hitting the back of my throat; I’ve taken you so deep.”
“I’m so hard, Serena. Ah fuck…” He let out a long groan that I recognized as an orgasm. “The real thing is better.”
“Hold that thought,” I said, hoping that when he got back and I told him the truth, that he’d still want to take me and Andrew to the beach.
“You know, it’s your turn now.”
“For what?” I asked.
“I want to hear you come. Touch yourself. Imagine me eating your sweet pussy.”
My body arched as my fingers slid underneath my panties. I hoped this wasn’t going to be our last intimate encounter.
“Devin?” His name escaped on a harsh breath.
“Oh yeah…you’re hot…I can hear it in your voice.”
“Yes, so hot. I want you to know…”
“Know what baby?”
“No limitations.” I was rubbing my clit, thinking of him lapping and sucking it, but not like before. Not with my mind worried about secrets and issues. I imagined he and I together with the truth out and him totally committed to me and Andrew, and us to him. We were open and free with each other.
“I wish I was there right now. I can’t tell you how bad I want to fuck you right now.”
“I wish that too.”
“When I get back, baby. You and me and Andrew…no limitations.”
My orgasm hit, rolling through me with a mixture of hope and fear. “Promise me.”
“I promise.”
20
Devin
I always enjoyed Europe, but this trip I was on the edge the entire time. Serena was finally putting aside her hesitation and ready to see what this thing between us could be, but instead of getting right to it, I had to go to Paris to check on the new club. What if she changed her mind while I was gone?
What had become clear to me was that the wall she kept enacting before had to do with her son. I tried not to be offended that she thought I was an asshole or a jerk that I’d not want to be with her because of Andrew, especially since I had told her I didn’t see myself as marriage or parent material. I was recognizing that I was wrong a
bout that. I didn’t know if Serena was the one, but I knew I wanted to see where things went with us. I understood that Andrew was part of the package, and I was looking forward to spending more time with him. I’d apparently passed the parent test too, or at least her mother.
On Sunday morning, I showed up in a limo because I wanted to give Andrew the full fun day package. It was such a joy to watch his eyes light up at seeing the car and then exploring all the cool stuff in it like the gaming device and mini-fridge.
“He’s going to think you ride like this all the time,” Serena said with the prettiest smile as she watched her son take in the car.
“Maybe I will from now on. At least with Andrew.” I took her hand and kissed it. “Maybe we can go on a date just you and me. There’s lots of adult things that can be done in here, too.”
Her cheeks flushed, and this time I leaned over and kissed her lips.
“You’re kissing my mommy.” Andrew pointed at me. “Are you her boyfriend now?”
“Are you okay with that?” I asked him.
“Yep. Will you be my new daddy then?”
My heart stalled in my chest, and I looked at Serena for guidance on how to respond. She flinched and looked almost panicked.
I sucked in a breath. “No matter what, Andrew, I’ll always be your friend. Is that okay?”
He nodded. “Yeah.”
Luckily, we pulled into the airport and he was immediately distracted by the plane.
He pressed his face to the window. “Is this our airplane?”
“It is. It’s a gulf stream. Did you learn about that in your book?”
“A little bit. Is it fast?”
“Fast enough.” We piled out of the car and Andrew rushed up the steps. We caught up to him as he oohed and ahhed at the cockpit where my two pilots were telling him about how to fly the plane.
“Baby, maybe we should let them focus on their job,” Serena said, putting her hands on his shoulders.
“I want to watch.”
“I tell you what,” I said picking him up. “Let them get us in the air, and then you can watch.”
“”kay.” I put him down and he ran up the aisle. “Is the bedroom back here?”
Heart of Hope: Books 1-4 Page 39
