“I have baggage. A lot of it.”
“Maisie isn’t baggage.”
“I wasn’t talking about Maisie. She’s the best thing in my life. My life is hers now. Totally and completely. I have nothing to offer a woman. You deserve to have a man who can give you all of himself. Especially the first time.”
She frowned. “So you’ve given up on ever finding love again?”
We had this discussion the other day. I thought I’d been clear on my thoughts of ever loving again.
“I’ve had step-parents.” The image of my last step-father whipping off his belt to use it on me flashed in my head. “I won’t put Maisie through that. And I certainly don’t want my heart stomped on again.”
At first, her expression suggested she understood or empathized, but then she shook her head in annoyance. “How come men are able to have sex because it’s enjoyable, but for a woman it needs to be some sort of fairy tale?”
“It doesn’t. But a woman who has waited as long as you, usually does so for a reason.” There was no way she’d saved herself for me. Or if she had, it was because she saw me a lot. I was convenient. Clearly, she hadn’t been around other men very often. If she had, she’d have found someone else more worthy. Someone who would give her the time and attention she deserved.
“You’ve had experience in this, have you?”
I smiled sheepishly. “Actually, no. But having gotten to know you over the last year, I can see you’re not an impulsive woman. Everything you do is with a plan. Men, on the other hand, tend to be a slave to urges. It’s like an itch.”
“You don’t think women have urges?”
“Yes. But they’re also able to control them. As you clearly do.”
She’d leaned forward, and for a moment I was held captive by her sweet scent. But then she shifted back and away, and her eyes looked down.
“I’ve hurt your feelings,” I said, hating that I was having to reject and hurt her.
“It’s not your fault that you don’t find me attractive.”
What? “I never said that.” It wasn’t true. I found her wildly attractive.
She pursed her lips in annoyance. “You just said men can’t control their urges. If that’s true, it means you have no … urge around me.”
I stared at her as I battled within myself on whether to show her just how attractive she was to me.
“I have an urge,” I admitted.
“Don’t patronize me,” she said with the heat of anger.
“You don’t believe me?”
“No.”
Again, a tug-of-war waged in my brain. I hated the idea that she thought I was humoring her. I wanted her to know that what I was saying was true. I was about to come in my pants I was so turned on by her. Knowing I shouldn’t do anything, I took her hand and pressed it over my aching dick.
I let out a groan as she slid her fingers around it like she was gauging its girth, then ran her hand along the length.
I hissed a breath, working to keep from coming then and there. I wasn’t going to follow through. I just wanted her to know she affected me. “See? Urge.”
She looked into my eyes. In hers, I saw desire.
“I want to see you,” she said, breathlessly.
“Tessa …”
She squeezed my dick hard, making me gasp. “I’m not asking for something you can’t give.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking.” My voice sounded rough in my ears. I focused on the fact that we couldn’t do this, even though I was desperate to rip our clothes off and pound away inside her until I filled her with my cum. I reminded myself that as a virgin, she’d never done this before and didn’t know the ramifications.
“I do. I’m not naïve, just inexperienced. I want to learn. I want you to teach me.” She stroked my dick again, and my brain started to go haywire.
“Ah, fuck, Tessa.”
“I’ve had orgasms before. I think of you when I do.”
“Jesus … you don’t play fair.” My breathing was harsh as I looked at her and imagined her touching herself while thinking of me.
“I’m not playing, Dylan.” She took my hand and put it over her breast. It was perfection; soft, full. Her nipple was hard under my palm and I desperately wanted to suck it
“I’m wet, too.”
I growled, as my fingers pinched her nipple and I knew, just knew I wouldn’t, couldn’t walk away from this.
“We’re going to regret this.” Then my mouth was over hers, drinking in those sweet full lips. She gripped my head like she never wanted me to stop. I slid my hands under her shirt, pushing it up. She yanked it off, tossing it aside as I undid the front clasp of her bra and freed her tits.
“Fuck.” They were perfect. I looked up from those magnificent globes to her face. “You have amazing tits.” I couldn’t wait a single second more. I sucked on her nipple, loving the way her hard nub fit in my mouth.
She let out a gasp and held my head to my breast. Each time I sucked, she let out a whimper and her hips rocked.
She tugged at my shirt. Yes, skin to skin, that’s what I needed. I grabbed the back of my shirt over my head and yanked it off.
Her hands pressed over my pecs and she lifted her head, flicking her tongue over my nipple, making me hiss in response.
“Tessa …” God, this was wrong.
I needed to stop it, but her fingers were undoing my jeans and sliding down the zipper. She ran her finger over the tip of my dick, making me see stars.
“Jesus,” I groaned as the tether on my control slipped. In a flurry of movement, we finished undressing. I pushed her sexy, soft body back on the couch, and then went back to sucking those beautiful tits. She reached between us, wrapping her hand around my dick.
“I want you,” she gasped as she moved her hips to meet my dick.
I reached for the condom packet I’d tossed on the coffee table when I’d shucked my pants off. I tore the foil and rolled it on. I looked at her, noting the rapt desire in her eyes as she watched me sheath myself.
I knelt between her legs on the couch, lifting one of her legs over the back of the couch, and the other over my thigh. Her pussy was wet and pink and so fucking beautiful.
“Be sure, Tessa.” Jesus, if I did this and she regretted it, I’d never be able to live with myself.
“I’m sure.” Her hips lifted to meet my dick.
Need roared through me like a freight train. She’s a virgin, I reminded myself. I couldn’t take her like the crazed horny maniac I was feeling like. “I’m going to try to take it slow, but fucking hell, I’m dying here.”
“Just do it.” I heard desperation that matched mine.
“It might hurt,” I said as I ran the tip of my dick through her folds and brushed over her pink, hard clit.
She cried out. “Please, Dylan.” She squeezed her eyes shut as if her need was consuming her.
Well, that made two of us. But holy hell, I shouldn’t be doing this. She was Maisie’s babysitter. I was her boss. This was her first time.
She opened her eyes and looked up at me.
“Tessa.”
“Fuck me, Dylan.”
Those words sent an inferno through me. I growled. “I’m going to hell for sure.” I pushed the head of my dick inside her and nearly wept with the sweet tight heat that enveloped it. She moaned and her pussy massaged my tip. At least I knew she was with me on this.
“Yes … so good … more,” she said on a sigh.
I withdrew and then pushed forward, this time sliding a little further until I hit a barrier. She’d already been snug, but I knew when I broke through, it would be so fucking sweet and tight.
“You’re so fucking tight.” I squeezed my eyes shut to keep from losing control and simply fucking her hard and fast. I took in a couple of deep breaths to help me stay in control and be attentive to her. This would probably hurt her. I looked down on her. She nodded, letting me know she was ready. Jesus, she was so beautiful and sweet. She deserve
d a man who would give her the world. That man wasn’t me.
I looked away and withdrew. “I’m sorry … I can’t.”
7
Tessa
What? No. I reached for him where he was still kneeling between my legs. “I’m sorry … what am I doing wrong?”
He groaned in what sounded like frustration and self-loathing. “Nothing, honey. Fuck.” He scraped his hands over his face and then looked at me, his eyes soft and apologetic. “I’m sorry. I can’t take this from you. I want to. I’m dying with wanting you, but—”
“You’re not taking anything from me,” I said, feeling both angry and vulnerable with my legs spread open while he was rejecting me. He was sitting on his heels looking down at me, his dick still hard as it jetted from his body. “I’m giving it to you.”
“I’m not worthy. You deserve—”
“I deserve to be taken at my word,” I snapped, covering my breasts with my hands to try and protect myself.
“You’re a beautiful sexy woman who has waited for someone to make this moment perfect. I’m not that man.”
“You nearly were.” My eyes filled with tears. God please, don’t cry, I said to myself. “I guess you were right because now I’m just humiliated.”
“Fuck.” He turned his head to the side for a moment.
I wanted out from under him. Out of his apartment. To be honest, I wanted out of his life. How would I ever look him in the face again?
He turned back and leaned over me, his hand caressing my face. “I’m sorry, Tessa.”
“You don’t want this. I can’t hold that against you.” I sucked in my lips, hoping that my tears wouldn’t fall from my eyes.
“But I do want this. I want this so fucking bad I can hardly see straight. But it should be more than just a fuck on the couch with the single dad next door.”
“I know this isn’t a fairy tale and I’m not asking for anything. I trust you and desire you.” His face was inches from mine. His hard chest with the tattoo of Maisie’s name was a whisper away from my breasts. I wanted to pull him to me until our mouths and bodies connected again. Maybe if I took control, he’d acquiesce. But I wasn’t sure I could handle more rejection, so I simply lay there.
“You’re so sweet, Tessa. I’m not.”
“You are.” This time I took a chance, resting my hand on his cheek.
“Deep down, I’m not. You should give this gift to someone more worthy.”
“I want to give it to you. You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted to give it to.”
He dropped his forehead against mine. “I don’t want you to look back and regret this.”
I was already going to look back on my first time and think what a disaster. But he seemed to be beating himself up enough already, so I kept that to myself.
“I appreciate you looking out for me, but I’m not a child. I know what I’m doing and what I’m asking. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked it. I see now that I’ve put you in a difficult position, and I’m sorry for that.” How odd that in the end, I’d feel guilty for trying to seduce him.
He lifted his head. “I hate that I’m hurting you and yet, I think I’d hate myself for taking what I’ve been imagining having for nearly a year.”
“What?”
“You’re not the only one touching themselves and thinking of their hot neighbor.” He gave me a little smile. “You’re in my shower with me nearly every morning.”
It was strange how that admission lifted my spirits. He was masturbating to me. “Really?”
“Really.”
“You can have the real thing, but you’re turning it down?”
“I’m a fucking moron. The thing is Tessa, I don’t want to ruin this for you, although I know I already have. I don’t want to ruin what we have … our friendship, or your relationship with Maisie … and I hope to hell I haven’t ruined that already.”
“Dylan, I’m not asking for commitments or something you’ve already said you can’t give. I’m not even asking for more than right now. I’m not a virgin because I’m saving myself. I’m a virgin because I haven’t met anyone that I trusted and desired enough to turn in my V-card with.” I supposed to a certain extent that wasn’t completely true. Although I did accept that Dylan wouldn’t ever want to have a relationship beyond friendship with me, that didn’t mean I didn’t have feelings for him, or wish he’d allow me care for him. I didn’t want just one night, but if that was all he could give, I’d take it.
“Why me?”
I gave him a sheepish smile. “The pecs?”
He laughed.
I turned more serious. “You have a great body, Dylan, but it’s your kindness I like. You don’t know how hot an attentive dad who dotes on his daughter is.”
“So, not the pecs.”
“It’s the whole package.” I wanted to tell him he sold himself short if he thought he wasn’t worthy, but I didn’t think he’d hear it. “And, at least now, I’ve seen it all. I’ll be able to imagine the real deal when I’m alone at night … you know.”
A flash of heat crackled in his eyes. “What do you think about when you touch yourself, Tessa?”
My cheeks heated. It was so odd that he was laying over me naked, saying he wasn’t going to take my V-card, and yet was asking me how I got off.
“You. What do you think about?”
His gaze drifted to my lips. “You sucking my dick.”
My pussy, which had gone quiet when he put the brakes on, flared to life.
“Me taking you from behind. You riding me. There’s no limit to my imagination when it comes to jerking off with you in mind.”
I swallowed. “Do you think now you’ll have new ideas?”
“Now I know for sure you have perfect tits. I’ll imagine fucking them.”
I gasped as a new flood of arousal swept through me. I looked up into his eyes, wondering why he couldn’t just let himself have me for real.
He cocked his head. “I don’t want to imagine, Tessa.” His voice was soft as he shifted his hips and his dick found my entrance. “God help me, I want the real thing. I want you.”
I put my hands on his hips, holding him in place. “I’m right here, Dylan.”
He lowered his head and kissed me. It was sweet and tender at first, but quickly heated up as he pressed the head of his dick inside me again. I arched, wanting him to fill me. No more teasing; I wanted it all.
He tore his mouth away and looked down on me. “This might hurt.”
Not any more than the humiliation of him stopping. “I want this.”
He nodded and then dropped his head looking down at our joined bodies as he withdrew a little bit. Then he looked into my eyes again.
“Tell me again … tell me to fuck you.”
It was odd to hear clean-mouthed dad Dylan use the f-word and talk dirty, but it was a turn on too.
“Fuck me, Dyl—”
He thrust in, blasting past my barrier.
I gasped at the sharp stab of pain. “Oh!”
He stilled. I gripped him, feeling him inside me. He was so large, I felt like he filled every inch of me.
“You okay?” His voice sounded strange.
“You’re so big … are all men …?”
“Rule one when fucking: Don’t talk about other men.”
I laughed and as I did, tension released and my body relaxed. I inhaled a deep breath, working to relax more.
He must have felt it, as he withdrew a little bit and then slid back in. This time when I gasped and arched, it was from pleasure.
“Yes,” I said. Yes, this was what I wanted. His dick massaged my pussy walls, giving me sensations I could only imagine before. It was amazing how good it felt.
“You like that, Tessa?” He withdrew a little more and then pushed back in. “You like me fucking you?”
“Yes.” I gripped him tight, partly to keep him from changing his mind again and partly to keep from flying off into oblivion. “Do you … like it …?”
&
nbsp; “I fucking love it. You’re so tight … I’ve got to come …” He pushed back onto his heels again and gripped my hips. “I can’t wait.”
“No, don’t wait.” I wasn’t sure what he meant, but I wanted him to do whatever he needed to.
He licked his thumb the then rubbed it on my clit. “You’re coming with me.”
I cried out as his touch sent electrically charged sparks through my body. He began to move in and out of me while rubbing my clit, and I was in a pleasure-filled heaven. Each stroke of his dick and his thumb filled me with sensations, building and building until I thought I might explode.
“Come on, Tessa. Come on my dick … take me to heaven.”
I was panting and my pussy was pulsing with need. “Oh God.” I’d given myself orgasms before, but I’d never felt this keyed up, this coiled with pressure.
He groaned. “Fuck … I’m coming.” He gripped my hips with both hands and started pounding in and out. The friction was so good—better than I’d ever imagined. He plunged in, hitting my clit, and in a white-hot flash, I was coming. A shock wave of pleasure blasted through my body.
“Yes … fuck, yes …” he said, as he withdrew and thrust in again and again. Pleasure rocked through me, wave after wave. Just when I thought I might be done, he’d plunge in, grind against me, and I was soaring again.
Finally, he released my hips and settled back on his heels, his breath harsh. “Are you okay?”
I nodded because words escaped me. I was more than okay. That was amazing. I wondered how long we needed to wait before we could do it again. I looked to him, wanting to ask him, but the words caught in my throat. His eyes shone with regret.
He reached between us as he withdrew, holding the end of the condom until he was out of me. “I need to take care of this.”
I could only nod again. Was he really going to spoil this for me again? I watched as he disappeared up the hall. I heard the bathroom door close. I let out a frustrated growl. What the hell? He was right, he did have baggage if he couldn’t see what just happened between us was perfect. Well, perfect for me.
Self doubt rushed in to replace all the lovely sensations I’d been feeling. Maybe he didn’t like it. He came, that I was sure of … or at least, I thought I was sure of. But even so, that didn’t mean he enjoyed it. The truth was, I’d just laid there like a lump. I hadn’t touched him back. I hadn’t done anything. Not that I didn’t want to, but I was too lost in sensation. I was probably supposed to do something other than just lay there.
Heart of Hope: Books 1-4 Page 52
