“We will have a better idea when he wakes up what his status really is, but based on his scans, we are worried he may be paralyzed, and as a smaller hospital, once we’re certain he is stable, we’d like to move him to a facility more equipped to handle any surgeries he needs to have moving forward.”
“Surgeries?” He must think I’m insane, asking the things I have in the ways I have. But I’m just trying to hold it all together and understand everything he’s saying all at once.
“He’s got a fracture in his back, it’s pretty severe. He will need to have his spine stabilized and bones fused together. But we don’t want to move him until we are certain he can withstand a transfer.”
I blink at him. Not nodding. Not shaking my head. Just blinking. I’m at a complete and total loss right now and I don’t know how to overcome it.
Cody reaches over the bed and sets his hand over mine, squeezing gently, even though I’m still cradling Chase’s larger hand, too.
“Where would you have him transferred? We have one of the best hospitals for his types of injuries at home, and if we could have him sent there…” Cody says, taking over for me because I’m incapable right now.
“Where are you from?” Dr. Montgomery asks.
“Colorado. Would Denver be a viable transfer option? I know it’s a very short flight commercially…”
“You’re talking about Craig Hospital?”
I watch both men during their exchange. Cody is taking Chase and me both on his back right now, and supporting us both by taking control of the things I’m not thinking clearly enough to ask myself.
“Would it be possible?” Cody asks, tilting his head slightly.
“I don’t know if they handle the surgeries, but the rehabilitative process they offer would certainly give Mr. Canton the absolute best chances at making the best recovery he’s able to.”
“How long would it take to set that up?”
“I’ll start making calls.” He directs his attention from Cody, to me. “Ma’am, is that what you would like for your husband? All of these decisions are up to you, ultimately.”
“Y-yes, please. I want to do everything we can to give my husband the best chance possible.”
“I’ll start making calls, see what they and we are able to do, and whether he will be able to be transferred anytime soon.”
“Thank you,” Cody says, and I nod this time.
“Yes, thank you.”
With that, Dr. Montgomery walks out of the room and Breeze walks back in. It’s as though they are a tag team and they just switched off.
“Can I get either of you anything?” she asks.
“We’re okay, thank you,” I reply. I take a step back when she walks over to check the numbers on all the machines surrounding Chase’s bed, and then immediately move back to his side once she finishes.
“I’ll bring another chair in so you can both sit with him,” she answers with a smile. “Let me know if either of you need anything else.”
Breeze brings another chair in for Cody to sit and we both settle on either side of Chase’s bed, silently holding vigil for my unconscious husband. Everything the doctor told us is playing on a loop in my mind.
Brain injury.
Paralysis.
Transfer.
Surgery.
But he is alive. That’s what I have to hold on to. It’s the only hope I have right now.
Allie
Cody is sound asleep in the recliner in the corner of Chase’s small room, and I’m still seated beside his bed, holding his hand, talking to him quietly, and willing him to open his eyes. He’s been unconscious for close to seven hours now. But it feels like it’s been an eternity.
I called Tatum to check on the girls and give her a heads-up about what’s going on a while ago. She promised me she, and the rest of the team moms, are on top of everything and working out a schedule to keep the girls until we are able to bring them here, or until we get home.
She is going to spend the night at the ranch with the girls, and she’s going to keep them distracted and entertained tonight, and then they’ll start their tour of team homes tomorrow.
Ava knew immediately that it is bad here with Chase. She asked if she could look up what happened and I made her swear she wouldn’t. I haven’t even seen it. Cody refused to pull up video that was sent to him. He said there will be time later, but I don’t need those images in my mind now, too.
Tatum swore she would keep the girls off the computer, and she would make sure every mom on Aubrey’s team knows they aren’t to have access to the internet while at everyone’s houses.
I don’t want the girls seeing what I know will be traumatizing and horrible.
Theresa, Chase’s night nurse, walks in quietly and interrupts my thoughts, whispering, “I need to check his vitals again. Why don’t you walk down to the vending machines, grab a snack, and stretch your legs? I only need a few minutes with him.”
“Are you sure, what if he wakes up?”
“Then it’ll be a happy surprise for you when you return,” she quips, giving me a wink. “Just out the door and by the waiting room. It’ll do you some good to move. These chairs aren’t comfortable.”
“Just the end of the hall. I’ll use the restroom and grab a snack,” I say, standing and rubbing my back.
I bend forward to kiss Chase’s forehead gently and say as quietly as I can manage, “I’ll be right back, then it’s time for you to come back to me, Cowboy.”
Theresa gives me a sympathetic smile and waits until I’m almost out of the room before she moves my chair out of her way and begins looking over Chase.
I turn right out of his room, giving the nurses at the desk across from his door a tight smile, then follow the hallway down to the double doors securing the unit. I press the little button on the wall, waiting for the doors to swing outward, and jump when alarms start to go off in the room to my left.
What I see when I look over is not something I’m prepared for. A mass of people, doctors, nurses, and family, are surrounding a young man, maybe even a teenage boy, and the two people who look to be his parents are crying. The woman is sobbing into the broad chest of her husband, and the medical staff appear to be shutting the machines off and down.
He died.
That’s what this floor is for. It’s the patients who have the slimmest chances of survival. The one’s who are so hurt or sick they need special care and attention to maybe save their lives. But dying is such a real possibility here, too.
Chase dying is still a possibility.
That thought hits me hard, and my stomach churns. Bile rises up the back of my throat and another wave of tears rolls down my face, as I bolt away from the family experiencing the most painful loss imaginable, right to the bathroom.
I barely make it to a stall before what’s left of my lunch from earlier, and all the bile sitting on top of it, comes up with a vengeance.
When nothing else comes up, I rest my head on my arms and let go of the tears and fear I’ve been holding in as much as possible, and I sob. We’ve always joked about it not being when, but how bad. But never, not even in my wildest dreams, did I think bad could be this bad.
When I hear the bathroom door swing open, I close my mouth over my arm and bite down, trying to hide my sobs, when a familiar voice says out loud, “Mrs. Canton, Allie, he’s awake…”
I stand quickly, flushing the toilet and grabbing some toilet paper to wipe my face and mouth with, then push the stall open.
I don’t care how I look right now. I need to be certain I heard Theresa right. “He’s awake?”
She nods and smiles. “Splash some water on your face and collect yourself, he’s asking for you.”
She stands just inside the door and watches me until I’ve carried out her instructions, and then she pulls a stick of gum from her pocket. “It’ll help get the taste out.”
“Thank you,” I mutter as I bite down and a burst of mint fills my mouth. “I’m sorry, I j
ust…”
“I understand. You’ve had a lot happen today, it can be overwhelming.” Her hand lands on my upper back and shoulder gently and she guides me out of the bathroom and back toward the ICU. “He’s confused, agitated, and scared. We need you to help us keep him calm so we don’t have to sedate him.”
I nod my head and follow her through the locked doors and down the hall to his room.
The closer we get, the louder his voice is. He sounds angry, and he’s arguing with Cody. I can hear the annoyance in Chase’s voice while Cody pleads with him to stay still.
“What the hell is going on, dammit? Why can’t I leave? Where is my wife?” Chase demands. Theresa picks up her speed and I follow close on her heels, rounding the corner and turning into his room in a hurry.
“Mr. Canton,” Theresa says in the calmest voice ever. “Please, you need to relax. I don’t want to have to sedate you.”
“Sedate me?” he shouts. “Who the hell do you think you are?”
“She’s your nurse, Cowboy,” I answer him, stepping around Theresa and to the foot of his bed. I plaster a smile on my face and move around the side of the bed Cody’s been sitting on.
“Darlin’?” Chase asks, anger still tinging his voice, but confusion makes its way in there now, too.
“Hi,” I say, reaching for his hand as soon as I’m close enough. “You need to calm down. I don’t want Theresa to have to sedate you, either.”
“She can’t—” he starts to shout again, and I lean forward over his bed and kiss his lips gently. They are so dry and chapped. I don’t even know how it’s possible, we’ve only been apart a couple days.
“She can, Chase. And she will. You need to calm down, okay? I’m here for you. So is Cody. And I won’t be going anywhere, but you have to calm down. Please.”
I feel his fingers squeeze around mine and he tries to nod, but he’s stopped by his neck brace.
“Why can’t I move my head? What’s wrong with me? What’s going on?” he asks, starting to get aggravated again.
I look up at Theresa, silently asking for her help, because I don’t know how to settle him down.
“Mr. Canton,” she says. “Do you remember what you were doing today?”
His eyes dart from me, to Cody, then to Theresa before he answers. “Did I ride today? What state are we in?”
I hear Cody mutter shit beneath his breath and then he steps up beside me.
“Yeah, brother, you rode today.”
I nod and smile at him. I never realized smiling could be so hard to do, but now that I have to for him, even though it’s the last thing I feel, I realize it’s something I’ve taken for granted my whole life.
“Then what am I doing here?” he asks.
“You’re hurt,” I tell him honestly.
Then Cody fills in, “After you made your eight, you got caught up. You took a beating, we had to bring you to the hospital.”
“Do you remember any of that, Mr. Canton?” Theresa asks him.
“No, not at all. What’s today’s date? What rodeo were we at?”
“It was an exhibition, in New Mexico,” I answer, stroking my thumb over his knuckles.
“Exhibition?” he repeats.
“Mhmm. You came out to win more money for us. To save up so we can have a baby. Remember?”
Chase squints his eyes, no doubt trying to draw any memories forward he can, then lets out a frustrated growl.
“I don’t remember anything. What’s going on?”
Theresa runs the machines to check his vitals again and then smiles down at him. “You hit your head very hard, and then you got trampled on, and you sustained some pretty serious injuries. I really do need you to try to calm down, though. Your wife and brother can try to explain as best as possible, but it’s important you stay calm.”
“He can do that,” I say, bringing his hand up to my mouth and kissing his palm. “Right?”
“He absolutely can,” Cody says. “We’ll be sure of it.”
“Someone just please tell me what’s going on,” Chase responds to all three of us.
“I’ll go and put a call in for his doctor,” Theresa says. “You may struggle to remember what they tell you, Mr. Canton, but it should start to come back soon. You’ve got a concussion.”
Theresa winks at me when Chase’s lips form into an understanding “O,” then she walks out of the room to give us some privacy.
“That’s all that’s wrong with me,” he says, more amused than upset now.
Cody and I exchange glances, and his lips pull into a smile.
“Dude, you’ve always had more wrong with you than that, should I start listing everything?”
“Fuck you,” Chase laughs, then winces and lifts his hand to his head.
“You need to rest, baby. We’ll have plenty of time to go over everything.”
Chase peeks at me through his fingers. “Everything?”
I let out a sigh and nod my head. I don’t want to upset him, but I can’t lie to him, either.
“There is more. A lot more.” Cody reaches up and clasps his fingers over the back of his neck.
“Tell me?”
“You can’t get upset, Chase. I mean it. We will tell you, but you have to stay calm.”
“Just tell me,” he says more insistently.
Cody exhales and then begins. “You hit your eight and you were ready to get off, but your hand got stuck, and then…” he pauses and shakes his head. “Jesus, this is hard.”
“What happened after?” Chase says, sounding agitated again.
“Chase…” I warn, in the most soothing voice I can.
“After your hand got caught, Frosty bucked hard. You weren’t expecting it; you were so focused on freeing yourself you never saw it coming. You went ass over end through the air, and he caught your head as you were coming down.”
“You’ve got a bad concussion, Chase,” I add. “It’s a really bad one. But that’s not all that happened.”
“No, it’s not,” Cody picks up after me. “After you hit the ground, you were out. Unmoving, unconscious, out. And Frosty, he was moving too fast. The fighters tried to get between you two, but shit, it all just happened so damn fast.”
“What happened?” Chase asks, going to reach for his head with the other hand, and I stop him so he can’t disturb the sensor they inserted earlier.
“Don’t touch your head on that side. I’ll explain why after Cody finishes.”
Chase just nods and sets his hand back down in his lap. The machine over his shoulder starts to beep, and a number starts to blink as it climbs higher and higher. It’s the one with a heart by it, so I know that’s his heart rate.
“Chase, baby, you need to calm down. Breathe. Slow down,” I say gently, reaching up to his head and stroking my fingers over his brows. He closes his eyes and breathes slowly, and after a few minutes the number drops back down again.
“Cody, what happened?” he asks again.
“Once you were on the ground, Frosty dropped down right on top of you. You had your face in the dirt and he landed full weight on your back. Then he did a little spin when the fighters got his attention and his hind legs connected with you again.”
I close my eyes and swallow hard. I didn’t ask Cody for the details. So this is the first I’m hearing them, too. My stomach goes shaky, and nausea finds its way back in again. But I can’t let Chase see that.
“Now tell me how bad I’m hurt,” Chase says, managing to keep his aggravation at bay, though I can feel the frustration radiating off of him.
Before Cody can get the words out, a new doctor comes in and introduces himself as Dr. Pryor. His timing couldn’t be any better, because once he gives Chase a complete neurological exam now that he’s awake, he’s able to explain everything going on.
Chase
I’ve never felt a throbbing in my head like I feel now. I raise my hand up to rub it, and Allie stops me, again.
That’s right.
I’ve g
ot a hole in my head, and a wire attached to my fucking brain to make sure I don’t keel over and die anytime soon. Though, if the pain gets any worse, it’ll be enough to have me knocking on Heaven’s doors all on its very own.
While Allie, Cody, and Dr. Whats-his-name all watch me silently, I run down everything I was just told.
Brain is okay for now, minus the literal hole they drilled in my head.
If everything still looks good tomorrow afternoon, they’ll take the shit out of my brain and cover the hole back up.
My back is broken, and I’ll need surgery.
There is pressure and swelling from the fracture and trauma compressing my spinal cord.
I will never ride again.
I may never walk again.
The doctor poked me. Prodded me. Looked at the scans they took while I was unconscious, and then he told me the news that has ended my life as I knew it. Everything I’ve worked so hard for—my goals, the life I wanted us to live—is all gone.
I’m paralyzed from the waist down.
Allie
I glance up at the clock and squint, trying to make out the time through the glare of the light coming from the hallway.
It’s after two in the morning. Today has been the longest ever. Chase has been conscious and we have known for roughly four hours now what is wrong with him.
My husband hasn’t spoken since then.
Chase shut down after Dr. Pryor came in to speak with him a few hours ago. He didn’t say a word to me. Not to Cody. He barely managed to get a thank-you out to the doctor before he closed his eyes and tuned all of us out.
I can’t imagine what’s going through his head right now.
Only, that’s a lie, because I have so much going through mine that pertains to all of us, I have to have some idea about what’s going through his, too.
He’s paralyzed.
Dr. Montgomery told us when we arrived that was a fear. I was so hopeful when Chase woke up, he would show them all how stubborn he is. How strong he is, and he would prove them wrong.
But this time, his body proved me wrong.
Hold on Tight (Cowboys & Angels Book 1) Page 18
