by test
“Cara, we’re bunking in the new barracks. You can stay with Sky and Vilicia if you want. Brady’s parents are staying with them.” Juston held the door open, his eyes filled with concern.
Did she look so pathetic then, mooning over Brady? She tried to keep distance between them, to slowly get accustom to not talking to him, touching him and even looking at him. She hadn’t done so well with the not looking. Her hungry gaze searched him out without conscious thought. Even now she lingered after everyone else went inside to catch a last glimpse of him.
Perhaps the last forever.
She turned from the touching reunion scene and went into the barracks. Someone had prepared a table in the middle of the room and covered it with a white cloth. Thick slices of bread and cheese filled a large platter in the middle. Bowls of fruit preserves and butter nestled among baskets filled with nuts, dried apples and baked sweets. It was a feast, laid out in welcome and celebration. Even looking at it created some guilt about the poor Vitans barely avoiding starvation.
She should have felt hungry, but the emptiness inside her would not be filled with food.
Tomorrow she would start home with her mother. They would have a celebration planned in Solonia. Every little victory over nature and the difficult challenges of their survival was a reason to make merry. Brady would go his way, perhaps spend a little time with his parents, and then return to his duties as a Realm captain.
Someone lit a few lamps, and Cara’s fellow Solonians indulged their hunger with the generous meal. They’d skipped the midday meal so they would make Utopia by night fall.
Juston left to spend the night in one of the men’s barracks, and she was glad to be free of his perceptive glances. She hoped he wasn’t going to have a talk with Brady.
Cara claimed a bunk near the door, glad once again to spend the night off the ground.
She pulled off her boots and laid her sword and knife on top of them. She could be ready to fight in the space of two breaths.
“Cara, don’t you want something?” one of the women asked.
“Maybe later. I can’t keep my eyes open.” She closed her eyes to give credence to her lie. They stayed away then, giving her privacy and talking quietly. Her lie soon became fact as her recent restless nights caught up to her. The next time she opened her eyes, the room shimmered with the gray promise of dawn.
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Already the room warmed with a forewarning of a hot summer day. It would become cooler as they rode into the mountains. She rose and slipped her boots on before finding a water mug and pitcher on the table. Someone had cleared away the food and left only some fruit and the water.
She drank deeply and started for the door. A small desk and chair sat near the window where it would receive good light for most of the day. One of the graphite writers used by the Realm and a few sheets of thick paper rested there expectantly.
She sat down and picked up the writing tool. She hadn’t drawn anything since the day the Savages had captured her. Before that life-changing horror, her art had been her constant companion and occupied most of her waking thoughts. That terrible day, every bit of beauty and wonder had gone out of her world and her life. But she’d learned there was beauty still or perhaps she’d been reawakened to the wonder of life and love.
One image dominated her artist’s eye. She went to work with the graphite, her hand sure and quick. It was easy to draw every angle of his face, every quirky curl of his untamed hair and the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. So easy to get it exactly right. She needed no eraser as his face came to life before her.
She stared at his beloved image when she was done and knew she wouldn’t put her art away again. She rolled the paper, intending to take it home with her. She even knew where she’d hang it in the small cottage she and her mother shared. But then she paused and thought again of Brady’s parents welcoming their only son home. Someday they might lose him for real.
He took too many chances, dared too much and enjoyed the challenge of danger.
She finished rolling the sketch. The thick paper made a bulky tube. Among the hair brushes and jars of powdered soaps on the wash stand, she found a length of ribbon. She tied the picture to secure it and saw her mother awake and watching her. Silent tears ran down her mother’s cheeks.
“You’ve drawn something then?” her mother asked quietly, raspy emotion in her voice.
Cara looked down at the paper roll. Perhaps her first piece of art should have gone to her mother, but this belonged to the Gellots.
Her mother circled Cara’s waist with her arm. The warmth of her mother’s embrace comforted her as it hadn’t in the last two years. She’d avoided the touch of everyone, even her own mother. She leaned into Allana now and basked in the unfettered love that had always been there for her.
“I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you, Mother.”
Her mother snorted a mixture of laughter and tears. “As long as you live, I don’t care. I can recover from pain. You’ll always bring me joy. It’s a mother’s job to worry about her children.”
“No daughter could be luckier than I am to have you.” Cara’s thoughts jumped to an image of Bab fighting to have a better life for her child.
Her mother touched the rolled paper. “At least this time when you’ve returned to me from the dead you’ve come back more alive than when I last saw you.”
Cara liked the feel of the paper in her hand, the earthy pulpy smell of it. “I can draw again.”
Despite her private pain, the breaking of her heart, she was not so hollow inside as she had been. She wasn’t broken any longer.
“Mother, I have a fierce desire to see our home. I’ve a need to put to canvas all those things I’ve ignored for over two years. Do you think we could take our leave this morning?”
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She had to leave before she saw Brady again. There wasn’t enough courage in all the world for her to see him and then leave him. She couldn’t survive listening to his farewell.
“I want you safe at home in our hidden valley too. Would you think Juston would agree to an early departure?”
“If you ask him, Mother. You know he can’t say no to you.”
Allana smiled and ran her hand over Cara’s unbound hair. It was longer than her shoulders now that she let it grow in her year in Parlania. For the first year after her rescue, she had kept it short. The Savages had loved her long hair and often pulled it to torment her or used it to hold her still for their pleasures.
“I’ve hope you’ll share what caused this sadness in your eyes, child. I’ve worried that I’ve seen little of your heart except hate and vengeance, but now I can’t be happy to see this emotion.”
Cara squeezed her mother’s hand. “Go seek out Juston so we might be on our way at once. I need to leave a message before we’re on our way, and then I’m quite ready to see Solonia again.”
Her mother pulled on her riding boots and set off toward the main barracks where Juston had probably spent the night. Cara strapped on her sword and headed to the dining hall where there were sure to be Realm warriors already up and about. She would leave the picture with one of them with direction to deliver it to the Gellots later in the day.
The door stood open to the dining hall. Its lower half was made of gray stone found in the mountain while the upper half was wooden. The warm aroma of honey cakes reminded Cara she hadn’t eaten the night before. Mingled with it was the added scent of roasting meat. The sound of male laughter gave her pause. She recognized one of the voices. Using the same caution and stealth she might have in the wilds, Cara peered around the door frame.
Brady sat at a table with a full, steaming plate in front of him. A lovely dark-haired female soldier of the Realm sat beside him and two male soldiers sat across from him. One of the men regaled the others with a tale of a young soldier’s training mishap.
Brady’s eyes sparkled with amusement as they often did. She watched fo
r a long moment and decided this would be the subject of her next artwork but she would do it with paints so that she might capture the color of his eyes and the shine of his hair.
She back away and then walked to the commander’s house. If Brady was in the dining hall, it would be safe to visit Vilicia and leave the sketch with her.
Cara had never been in Vilicia’s home. It was impressive with its well-fitted stone walls and thick oak door. Vilicia pulled it open to Cara’s knock. Vilicia’s daughter, Teagan, clung to her mother’s neck with her chubby, little arms. The baby gave Cara a wide grin populated by only four tiny teeth.
“Cara, come in. Sky was looking for you to invite you and your mother to lunch with us and the Gellots.”
Relief that she’d already planned her escape swept through Cara. “We’re actually going to be on the trail by then. My mother is anxious to have me home and safe in my own bed. I’ve caused her so much distress, I can’t deny her this.”
Her mother would forgive her the fabrication but her face heated at the lie to her good friend. Vilicia frowned at her and shifted Teagan higher on her hip. The beautiful child woke Cara’s ache again. Not being able to ever give Brady such a gift increased her determination to flee into the mountains.
“Utopia is as secure as Solonia.”
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“Mother isn’t being entirely sensible.” Cara lifted the rolled paper. “I have a gift for Brady’s parents.”
Even saying his name hurt with a sharp jolt to her chest.
Vilicia touched the paper but didn’t take it. “You’ve taken up your art again?”
“This is my first piece.”
“Good morning there. You’re Cara, are you not?” Brady’s mother bustled into the room.
She was a pretty woman despite the lines of care worn in her face around her eyes and mouth. A tall, handsome man followed her, his smile nearly identical to Brady’s. Cara’s throat went dry and tight.
“Simon and Tammy Gellot, meet Cara, the woman your son spoke of so endlessly at dinner last night.” Vilicia pulled Cara further into the room.
Tammy strode up to Cara and wrapped her in a tight hug with the same generous affection her son possessed. “You wonderful girl. My son told me how you dove into that awful river to save him and then took care of his injuries afterward. I owe you more thanks than I can ever convey.”
Cara didn’t know what to say. She put one arm around Tammy and held the sketch clear of their embrace so it wasn’t crushed. Tammy finally let her go, and Simon took her place. For whatever reason, their touching and clinging didn’t raise any alarms in her nerves. How could she fear people who’d raised such a wonderful son?
“Brady will be sorry he missed you, but that boy rises before the sun every day. I swear he’s afraid he’ll miss something by sleeping. I’m not sure where he took himself off to so early.”
Tammy’s affectionate words didn’t hide the mild concern in her eyes. She would want to keep her son close at hand for a little while.
That only made Cara’s excuses more believable. “I must return to my mother. She doesn’t want me out of her sight, but I made this for you. Despite Brady’s version of our adventure, he did much more to save my life than I did for him.”
“I perfectly understand your mother’s feelings.” Tammy took the paper, holding it with care. “But we’ll see you later, you and your mother for dinner.”
Cara grasped Vilicia’s hand for a moment, seeing the confusion in her friend’s eyes. Her exit was close to rude, but she couldn’t give further explanation or embellish her lie. She couldn’t tell Brady’s parents she had to leave because she loved their son.
* * * *
“It’s so perfect. I have never seen such skill.” Brady’s mother reached out and touched the edge of the paper and then looked up at him.
He took her hand and looked closely at the drawing. He didn’t spend much time in front of mirrors, but it did look rather accurate. She’d captured his image with a grin on his face and somehow using shades of black and gray, she’d put a sparkle of happiness in his eyes. She’d created this incredible piece of art and then left. Left him without a word, a kiss or even a wave let alone an explanation.
Conflicting emotions stormed through him. Anger was certainly one. What the hell was she doing? Now that they were safe again, he wasn’t worthy of her attention? That possibility hurt, damn it. Men weren’t supposed to feel hurt. But looking at this image of himself, the way she saw him, saddened him.
Vilicia drew him away from his parents and spoke quietly. “I see your confusion, Brady.
Cara probably doesn’t understand what she’s doing herself. I don’t have any advice for you, but let me tell you something you might not know about her.”
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“Cara told me what happened to her,” he said, more than a little impatient. He was tired of no one believing she’d trusted him with her history.
“I figured as much. So you already know how far she’s come in recovering from that horror. That she could care for you at all amazes me. I never expected she would ever know the joys of a man’s love.”
“Care about me? She left without even say good bye. I thought … I expected we were going to be together and now she leaves me like our time together meant nothing.”
Vilicia smiled in that way women did when they understood something that men would never grasp on their own. He’d seen it before but never about something so important. “What are you grinning about?”
“Brady, before Cara was captured by the Savages, she was a reluctant warrior. She only went out on missions when she had to. It wasn’t her main career.”
“It wasn’t?” Cara was such a dedicated, eager soldier, he’d never thought of her doing something else.
Vilicia gestured toward the sketch his parents continued to admire. “Cara was an artist, the best in all of Solonia. Many of the paintings hanging in the private chambers for the Deomo are her work. Some of them were done when she was little more than a child. If nothing had happened to her, she would have done a wedding portrait of Juston and Katerina. I would have asked her to paint one of Teagan.”
“You didn’t ask her?”
“She hasn’t so much as touched a pen to even write since her capture let alone create a work of art. No drawing, no painting and no inclination to even attempt any. She told me once it had died inside her, her ability to see grace and beauty in the world. You know how much she loves Juston and the rest of us who rescued her, but she still couldn’t waken her gift to draw for him. But she did it for you.”
Brady blinked against a stinging behind his eyes. He spoke around a tight throat. “I don’t know what to do, Vilicia. She started pulling away from me as soon as we thought we had a way home. It’s almost like before … before we were lost together. She puts this wall of ice between us, and I don’t know how to cross it.”
“But you did cross it. And while you were there, you did more than melt the ice. Look at how she drew you, Brady. You are the sunshine in the dark world her existence has been for two years. For two years, we’ve feared we would find her dead one day. Feared she would kill herself and escape her despair. It was one of the reasons Juston kept her so close to him and gave her the heavy responsibility of protecting his family. His trust gave her a reason to live and to not let him down by taking her own life. When we heard she’d jumped in that river after you, we thought she’d finally done it despite all our efforts. We figured she’d found a way to kill herself and still retain her warrior honor and responsibility.”
“Here I was flattering myself that she did it because of her feelings for me.”
“That probably did affect her instant decision, but a rational person who can barely swim would not have dived into a flooded river with no hope of survival. Perhaps she had feelings for you and could not lose that last small bit of warm emotion. She jumped in to die with you.”
Brady ran h
is hands through his hair. “Cara is so complicated. And so fragile and at the same time, the strongest woman I’ve ever known.”
“But worth it.”
He took a deep breath. “I never know if I’m doing the right thing with her, but I’m going after her.”
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“You better hurry. They left over an hour ago, and they’ll soon be in parts where you can’t track them.”
“She’s not getting away.” The Solonians continued to keep the entrances to their mountain colony a secret, but he would find her if he had to go through hell itself.
“Be careful with her. She’s come a long way, but I don’t know if she can take the final step to love. You do love her, don’t you?”
He didn’t take the time to answer. He said a quick farewell to his parents and then set out to find a good horse. His stubborn little artist wasn’t going to push him away this time. Did she think he would sit here and let her go?
