I had a decision to make. I could either accept that this was my life, and I could try to help the people that I saw, or I could ignore it and…I didn’t even want to consider the outcome of that decision.
I pushed myself up and into sitting pose that I’d learned from years of yoga and tried to breathe through the pain that threatened to overrun me. Inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth, I attempted to clear my mind and see the woman who was running in terror.
The pain began to subside as I concentrated on opening up and embracing what I was seeing. The image became clearer and I could make out more details than I could the first time, but I still couldn’t see her face.
I’d done what Daniel asked so why couldn’t I see her face?
Her fear was coursing through me and a cold sweat broke out across my skin. The pain in my head had disappeared completely the harder I concentrated, but the woman never turned around. And just as quickly as the vision came, it was gone.
I didn’t understand. I did everything I was supposed to do. I embraced the vision and I still couldn’t see who the woman was. There was nothing I could do to help her if I wasn’t able to find out who she was.
I needed to find Daniel.
I needed answers.
The Past
“Do you have any clue how special you are, my sweet Lydia?” Granny asked as she clasped her locket around my neck. “You’re just like me, love. We have a special gift.”
It was the night before my seventh birthday and my parents actually allowed my grandmother to come for a short visit. They had told her she wasn’t allowed at the party because she couldn’t be trusted not to make a scene, but I was happy just to have time alone with her. My mom said Granny was crazy and hardly let me see her, so on the rare occasions it was allowed, I wanted her all to myself.
“What special gift, Granny?” I asked as I stretched across my bed and laid my head in her lap. We always did that. I would lay my head in her lap and she would run her fingers through my hair over and over until I finally fell asleep. My mom never played with my hair the way Granny did.
“We can see things, sweet girl. Special things that no one else can see. We have visions,” she whispered with a smile. “And it’s our job to try and help those we see in our visions.”
I turned my head and looked up at her face. “I don’t understand. What do you mean help those we see?”
“My dear Lydia,” she whispered as she ran the back of her knuckles down my cheek. “The things that we see aren’t always easy. They can be scary but you have to stay strong. Do you understand?”
I nodded up at her even though I didn’t.
“You have to be strong, Lydia. Don’t let the visions scare you to the point you won’t allow yourself to help those who need it. Always remember that this is a gift. It won’t always seem like it, but I promise it is.”
“Will you be here to help me?”
She gave me a sad smile and I saw the tears forming in her eyes. “I wish I could, darling. I’d give anything to help you through this but you know I can’t.”
She was right. I already knew my mother wouldn’t allow it.
I felt a tear run down my cheek as I wrapped my little fingers around my grandmother’s locket. “I’m scared. I don’t want to see things that will frighten me, Granny.”
“Shhh,” she soothed. “You are strong, sweet girl,” she whispered. “So much stronger than you know.”
Granny had been wrong about me.
I wasn’t strong. If I had been strong I wouldn’t have ignored my gift and let innocent people die just because I was scared. I could have stopped it. That’s what the gift was for, to stop innocent people from dying, but I’d been weak and let my fear keep me from doing what I was meant to do.
I was still scared, I didn’t think I’d ever stop being scared but I had no choice. It was either live with it or die…and despite how shitty my life had been, I wasn’t ready to die just yet. The first twenty-three years sucked but I was determined to make the next twenty-three worth it.
I’d had a taste of what life could be like, and I’d loved it. If I could just stop living in constant fear day in and day out, I would be happy. It turned out Jordan wasn’t the one for me, but if I could move past what I had allowed to hold me back all my life, then maybe I would open myself up to the chance that there could be someone else.
I was going to take back my life. I made a promise to my grandmother all those years ago and I needed to keep it. I could only hope I wasn’t too late.
As I got ready for my shift at Benny’s, I kept hoping that Daniel would show up to tell me what to do. I needed help and he was the only one that could help me. He was my Guide after all and I was going to make damn sure he guided me.
The breakfast rush came and went with no signs of Daniel. Every time the door opened I looked to see if it was him coming through it but it never was. I was starting to become disheartened at the thought of him not showing. I’d gone from having no men in my life to having two that I couldn’t count on when I needed them most. Daniel was doing a shitty job as my Guide and Jordan was just an asshole. My mood went from hopeful to sour before lunch and unfortunately everyone noticed.
“I think you’re about to wipe a hole right through that table, Taylor,” Cassie said from over my shoulder.
“Huh?” I was so busy concentrating on how much Jordan and Daniel sucked that I wasn’t even paying attention to what Cassie was saying.
“Umm,” she mumbled. “So…how was your date?” I let out a pfft sound and went back to scrubbing the already sparkling table. “That good, huh?” She placed a consolatory hand on my shoulder. “Want to talk about it?”
I turned and slumped against the table in defeat as I looked up at her in all her glossy haired, model skinny glory. “It was a little rocky in the beginning…” I started then gave that statement a little more thought. “Actually, it totally bombed.”
“What happened?” she asked with rapt attention as she twirled a lock of her shiny hair around her perfectly manicured finger.
Cassie didn’t know the details about all the issues I had but she did know one thing. I let out a sigh and dropped my head. “I had a panic attack in the middle of the restaurant.”
“Oh sweetie.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed a little too tightly.
“I know,” I breathed out once she released me. “It was so embarrassing…but then he was so damn sweet and totally made up for everything. I don’t know what happened.”
I told her all about spilling my guts to Jordan about my childhood and how he surprised me by taking me to the ball game.
“Well, how did he act when he dropped you off?” she asked.
My skin instantly heated up and I realized I’d backed myself into a corner. Instead of answering, I walked past her and started wiping down another table as if my life depended on it. I heard her let out a squeal and when I turned to look at her she had the biggest shit-eating grin spread across her lips. “You little ho…you totally had sex with him, didn’t you?”
I looked around the diner, frantically hoping no one overheard her before I grabbed her arm and dragged her to the back office. She laughed the whole way.
“A first date lay…I didn’t think you had it in you, honey.” I knew I had to have been three shades of red but that didn’t stop her. “I’ve got to say, babe, I’m looking at you in a whole new light. How was it? Please tell me he’s as good as I imagine he is, because I’m painting a pretty vivid picture in my head right now.”
I reached for my locket and started fiddling. “Uh…well…at first it hurt like you wouldn’t believe, but then it got better and…”
She jumped in and interrupted me, “Whoa, he’s that big?” she asked with wide, amazed eyes.
“Um…I don’t really have anything to compare it to but I’m pretty sure he’d be considered big.”
And…there it was.
I saw the realization of what I was sayin
g cross her face just before her jaw hit the floor. “Taylor, you were a virgin?” she whispered like she was asking if I’d just committed a crime.
I crossed my arms over my chest and went on the defensive. “Well you don’t have to say it like that. I’m only twenty-three. It’s not that unheard of.”
“Oh, no, Sweetie, I didn’t mean it like that.” The regret at her choice of words washed over her features and she sounded so sincere that I couldn’t stay mad at her.
“It’s okay,” I muttered.
“Did he…did he know?” she asked hesitantly.
I ran my hands through my hair and gave it small tug at the roots then decided to just let it all out. “Not at first, but he kind of figured it out on his own.”
Her mouth formed an “O” and she nodded her head in understanding. “It’s just that the date was going so well, and you already know I’m not really like everyone else, and…well…he just made me feel…normal for once. I just wanted to keep that feeling for as long as I could.
“He was so sweet and understanding. All I wanted was one night to be a regular person, you know? He actually gave me that. But I woke up this morning and he was gone. He just…left.”
I tried to blink back the tears that formed in my eyes but it was pointless; they fell down my cheeks anyway.
Cassie rushed to me and wrapped me in a hug, holding me there for a long while. When she finally pulled back she looked my directly in the eyes. “Let’s get one thing straight, you are normal, Taylor. You just have a few issues. There is nothing wrong with you.”
If she only knew.
“If he can’t see how lucky he’d be to have you then he’s an asshole who doesn’t deserve to have you spit on him if he were on fire.”
She spoke with so much conviction, I still had to laugh. I wiped my eyes and gave her a smile. “Thank you, Cass. You’re kind of awesome.”
“You’re kind of awesome too, babe.” We made our way out of the office and headed back to the front of the diner. “Hey, I know just what you need. I’m bartending tonight at Dark. Why don’t you come see me and I’ll cover your drinks for the night.”
“How do you possibly have the energy to work here then go bartend at night?” I asked.
Cassie worked at Benny’s Diner during the day, but most nights she bartended at one of Seattle’s most popular nightclubs. It exhausted me just thinking about the hours she kept.
She shrugged then threw a wink at me from over her shoulder. “A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do for Jimmy Choo.”
I appreciated the invitation and I felt even closer to her for being so amazing, but there was no way I’d be able to handle a packed nightclub if I couldn’t even make it through dinner at a restaurant. “Thanks, Cassie, but I don’t think a nightclub’s the best idea right now.”
She smiled knowingly and gave a small nod. “I understand. But if you ever need anything, or just want to talk I’m here, okay?”
I felt the burn of tears but for once they were for a different reason.
For once they were happy tears.
“The body of Samantha Turner was found last night near Alki Point Lighthouse,” the newscaster stated.
I’d gotten home from work completely exhausted and turned on the TV to watch The Following when the news broke in. A flash of recognition washed over me when I saw a picture of the young, blonde haired woman flashed across the screen.
“Police say Turner, twenty-four, was reported missing five days ago when she didn’t show up for work at Cherry Street Coffee House. Details are still coming in, but police confirmed a poem was found at the scene.
“As with the other victims, it is believed Turner was murdered at a different location before her body was dumped in a public area known to be a popular tourist destination. Stay tuned to KIRO, Channel Seven as more details come in.”
The picture came back up on the screen and I sat forward to study Samantha Turner’s face. Blonde hair, same build as the woman in my vision. Was it possible the woman on the TV was the same woman I’d seen in my vision? Had I been too late to help her?
I dropped my head into my hands. The thought that I had let another helpless person die for no reason sucked me down into the dark recesses of depression. The knowledge of what I had let happen by ignoring my visions began to wear on me; the guilt was stifling. I hated knowing I could have prevented the pain and suffering of the people that came to me in those visions. I had been too much of a coward to help.
I stood up and headed to my intercom when it rang, pulling me from my inner turmoil. “Yeah Gary?” I asked, knowing he was already on duty.
“Miss Taylor…” even though we had an agreement that I’d keep all early morning runs contained in the complex gym if Gary would stop calling me Miss he still insisted on formality in cases where it seemed unprofessional. “There’s a gentleman here to see you.”
Had Jordan actually decided to show his face after bailing out on me the night before? I stood in silence for a few seconds trying to figure out if I should tell Gary to let him up or kick his ass out of the building. Finally deciding that I wanted the pleasure of laying into him myself, I pressed the button and spoke into the intercom, “You can send him up. Thank you, Gary.”
“My pleasure, Miss Taylor.”
I hated that my nerves were fried at the idea of seeing Jordan again, but I couldn’t stop myself from running to the bathroom to check my reflection in the mirror, making sure I looked absolutely perfect when I ripped him a new one for being the world’s biggest asshole. I quickly ran a brush through my unruly hair and pinched my cheeks to add some color. I’d just finished changing out of my work shirt into a thin, cotton tank top that had seen better days but still highlighted my best assets, when there was a knock on the door.
I reached for the knob after taking a few calming breaths and swung it open.
“I’ve got to hand it to you; you’ve got balls of…Daniel?” I sputter in shock when I lifted my gaze and saw him standing there. He definitely wasn’t who I planned to see standing there when I opened my door.
“Oh, please continue,” he replied with a devilish smirk. “I’m dying to know what my balls are made of.”
Ignoring his remark, I asked, “What are you doing here?”
His eyes drifted over my shoulder to the TV and his smirk morphed into a look of regret. “You already saw it.” When he looked back at me I saw the pity in his eyes and I knew.
“It was her, wasn’t it? The girl from my vision...the one I couldn’t see clearly? She’s the one they just found.”
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I was right but when he nodded his head something inside me broke. I walked back to the couch and collapsed, dropping my head in my hands as the tears flowed down, dripping an obscure pattern on the hard wood beneath me.
I felt the cushion next to me sink as Daniel sat down and wrapped his arms around me. After several minutes, I finally lifted my head and ran my fingers under my eyes in an attempt to wipe away any smudged mascara. “I tried, Daniel. I swear. Another vision came to me this morning and I tried so hard to see her face but I just couldn’t.” The last words broke on a sob and he pulled me into his warm, hard chest for comfort.
“I know, Taylor. I know. It was already too late.”
I let out a frustrated sigh and shot off the couch. “Then what was the point?” I asked pacing the length of my living room. “Why see her again this morning if she was already dead? And why couldn’t I see her face, Daniel? I did everything you said but I still couldn’t see her.”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and hung his head. “This gift isn’t like riding a bike, Taylor. You can’t just ignore it for fourteen years and expect everything to return like it should the first time out of the gate. Like anyone with a gift, you have to practice. You have to hone it.”
“What if it’s too late?” I said on a gasp when the reality of the situation finally hit me like a ton of bricks. “What if it n
ever comes back and whoever the hell this higher power is that gave it to me has already decided to replace me?”
He was in front of my face before I could blink. He gripped my shoulders and gave me a small shake to pull me out of those terrible thoughts. “Hey, enough of that. It’s not too late. I swear, Taylor, I’m going to do everything in my power to help you but you can’t think like that, okay? Promise me.”
I felt miserable and exhausted. I gave a weak nod and accepted the comfort he offered when he wrapped me in a tight embrace. There was no intimacy involved, but Daniel somehow managed to give me exactly what I needed…comfort and security. It was as if I’d known him my entire life. I felt an almost familial connection to Daniel, like I knew he would always be there to protect me and keep me on the right path when I needed it most. With his towering frame holding me up and his reassuring words in my ear, I started to feel like he was right, like I could pull through this and come out on the other side. I buried my face in his chest and returned the hug, squeezing his waist tightly as I tried to calm myself.
My mind was reeling and all I could think was that I didn’t want to let anyone else down.
Jordan
I sat at my desk so exhausted it hurt to keep my eyelids open. I looked over at my partner, who appeared to be just as tired as I was, and made a decision to call it. “Go home, Stevens. There isn’t anything else we can do tonight.” The clock read 9:45 and we’d been working since the call came in around 2:00 that morning. Even if we did find a lead, both of our brains were so fried it was almost guaranteed that we would screw something up.
Stevens rubbed his hands over his face roughly before letting out a frustrated grunt. “I don’t fucking get it. He’s escalating and we don’t have shit.”
I leaned as far back as my chair would allow and laced my hands behind my head. “I don’t know man, and it’s driving me fucking crazy. We’ve got four girls with nothing in common. Different hair colors, different body types, different ethnicities, different jobs. There isn’t one goddamn link between any of them that we can find.”
Nightmares from Within Page 9
