In the twilight zone.
How is it going?
I’ll live.
I shoved my phone back in my pocket and lay down on my bed, finally letting my exhaustion take over. I knew things with my family were far from fixed, but I was no longer going to run from my problems. It was time to be a man. Being in jail and watching Sarah nearly die had put everything in perspective for me. Being her friend had given me someone to share my problems with, but it was more than that. She gave me the courage to face my past and hope for the future. I wanted to live up to the person she saw when she looked at me. She had no idea how much I appreciated having her in my life. I hated when she left after the tour, but I was willing to let her go and try to move on if she was happy. After she came back, it made me realize that not only hadn’t things changed in her life, but I didn’t ever want her to leave again. It killed me inside to see her world spiral out of control and not be able to stop it all from crashing down.
I wouldn’t let her down again, I couldn’t. She needed me now as much as I needed her. My next breath whispered her name and my heart beat to the sound of our song.
I was completely and un-fucking-believably in love with her.
SARAH
I’D FALLEN INTO a routine with my sister and mom over the last two weeks. I took over grocery shopping because Jenny sucked at it and I didn’t think I could live off mac and cheese for too much longer. My mom needed something healthier anyway.
After I returned to the house from the grocery store today, I began to cook dinner. I didn’t know how to make much so I stuck with spaghetti. Jenny said she was going to invite a friend over so I made two boxes, which turned out to be a ridiculous amount of food.
Mom was out of bed and feeling better after a bad case of the flu. She helped roll out meatballs and talked about life as if I had only stepped out for a day. It was nice feeling that I belonged somewhere, but I still missed my friends.
“That smells amazing!” Jenny grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.
“It is, and if you don’t have your ass back here when it is done, you don’t get any!” I called after her.
“Watch your mouth! You may be an adult but I am still your mother!” My mom smirked.
I shook my head. “Sorry. It slipped.” I laughed as I stirred the giant pot of sauce. My cell phone rang from my back pocket and I wiped my hands on a dish towel before pulling it out to answer.
“You have dinner covered for a minute?” I asked, and my mother just shooed me away with her hand.
“I miss you,” I said as I answered Cass’s call.
“We miss you, too. How are you doing?”
I glanced around the kitchen. “Oh, you know. I’m living the rock-and-roll dream.” I laughed.
“I want to come see you in a few weeks, if you’re feeling up to it?”
“Everyone?” I didn’t want to even mention E’s name, but I was dying to see him again.
“I can barely hear you,” she yelled in my ear.
“Cass? Can you hear me?” I asked as I walked into the living room, hoping for a better signal.
“Sarah, if you can hear me, go outside. Your signal sucks.”
I rolled my eyes as I pushed open the front door. “Can you . . .” My voice caught in my throat as I gazed into E’s eyes. He smiled that delicious crooked smile, deep dimples settling in his cheeks.
“Have fun, but not too much fun.” Cass laughed in my ear and I couldn’t help but smile as the line went dead.
“Oh, for God’s sake. Kiss him already or I will,” Jenny called out from beside us, and I hadn’t even noticed she was there.
E’s hand slid around my neck as he pulled my face to his, pressing his lips softly against mine. My hands fell onto his chest as his other arm looped around my back and pulled me tight against him.
“You may be an adult, but . . . ,” I heard my mother call out from behind me. E and I both began to laugh as he pressed his forehead against mine.
“I didn’t think I’d see you again,” I whispered.
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
WE ATE DINNER as E told my mother and sister all about the tour that our bands had done together. I was surprised at how little spaghetti was left after we finished. E filled his plate up twice, and after my mother told him that I had cooked it, he took another serving and smiled with each bite.
He helped me clear the table as my mother went to lie down in her room and Jenny managed to disappear before she had to help. I washed the plates as E took them from me and dried them with a towel.
“I thought the cook wasn’t supposed to clean after the meal.”
I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t mind. It feels good to be normal for once.”
“It does. I could get used to this. Nice little home, kick-ass spaghetti, and getting to look at you every day.” He winked and my heart fluttered.
“Where did you go?” I asked as I scrubbed the same plate over and over. It killed me when he said good-bye to me at the hospital, and what I really wanted to know was if he planned to leave again.
“I had to take care of a few things before I could move forward.” He pulled the plate from my hand as his eyes met mine. “I went to see my parents.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m getting there.” He grinned and I kissed the dimple on his cheek.
I let the soapy water drain from the sink, and E and I went out front to sit on the porch as the sun began to set. His body was pressed to my side and he took my hand in his, lacing our fingers together as his eyes danced over the healing wounds on my arm.
“I’ll never be able to apologize enough for letting you down.”
“You didn’t let me down and this isn’t your fault. It was inevitable that it would all come to a head eventually.”
We stared out at the sky as the daylight faded, shooting pink and purple splashes across the clouds.
“If you knew what Derek was doing, why didn’t you tell me?” I was scared to look at him as I spoke.
“I couldn’t be the one to hurt you, Sarah. It wasn’t fair that he put any of us in that position.”
I nodded in understanding. I wouldn’t have wanted to tell someone that I cared about that his or her relationship was a lie either, but I didn’t feel like any less of a fool. That was Derek’s fault, not E’s.
“Where is Donna?”
His hand squeezed mine as he sighed loudly. “I have no idea.”
I pulled my eyebrows together as I studied his profile.
“Donna was never anything more than a friend. It wouldn’t have ever worked out between us. She knew my heart was already taken.”
“We are a fucked-up bunch.”
He laughed deep in his chest. “Maybe that is why we are so perfect for each other.”
“Are you going to be here for a while?” I braced for the news that he would be leaving and I would have to deal with life without him again.
“For now I am going to get a room. I saw a trashy little motel not far from here. I figured tomorrow you could help me find an apartment. Nothing big, just a place to sleep.” He yawned loudly at the end of his sentence.
My heart leapt into my throat. He wanted to stay here for the long haul. “I can drive you over there. Jenny will let me use her car. I just have to get the keys.” I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him, but I knew he was jet-lagged. I stood up, reluctantly letting his hand go as I went inside to talk to my sister. She was in her room playing around on her laptop as she sprawled out on her stomach across her bed.
“Can I use your car to take E to a hotel? I won’t be gone long.”
She grinned up at me as she nodded to her purse on her dresser. “I wondered how long it would be until you guys wanted to jump each other. Take it. Just make sure you have it back here by lunch tomorrow. I need to take Mom in to her appointment.”
“I was just going to drop him off.” I rummaged through her purse for her keys.
&
nbsp; “Poor guy. He leaves his band and drops everything and he still can’t get any action.”
“What do you know about it?”
“We talked.” She glanced up from the computer screen and winked.
I put my hands on my hips as I narrowed my eyes at her. “What did he say?”
She shrugged as she clicked the mouse a few times, but I just watched her, waiting for an answer.
“He just said that he understands all you had been through and he doesn’t care if you only want to be his friend. He isn’t going anywhere. It’s kind of romantic.” She focused on her screen again as I thought over what she said.
E had given up everything to make sure I was okay, even if it meant he got nothing in return. Derek had never put my feelings before his, and I realized how stupid I had been all along. “Don’t wait up.”
Jenny smiled again as I left her room, keys in hand. E was still sitting where I had left him, staring up at the now-black sky, dotted with stars.
“You ready?” I asked as I stood behind him, my heart racing at the thought that it was finally just us, no one else.
He turned around to look up at me. “Since the day I met you.” He pushed off the side of the porch and stood in the grass, holding out his arms to me. I stepped forward and his hands slid over my hips to my waist as he gripped my sides and lowered me to the ground in front of him. His lips fell on mine softly.
ERIC
SARAH HANDED ME the keys and we got into her sister’s car and headed toward the hotel. Her guitar was lying over my bags on the backseat and she smiled when she saw it.
“I thought that was gone forever.” She reached behind her and ran her fingers over the strings.
I grabbed her hand and pulled it to my lips to kiss it. “I want to hear you sing again.”
We pulled into the hotel and Sarah surprised me when she got out of the car and grabbed her guitar from the backseat. I grabbed my bags and slung them over my shoulder.
“You coming in?” I asked as I rounded the car to her side.
“You said you wanted to hear me sing.”
I grabbed her free hand and pulled her toward the office. An older woman sat at the desk and eyed us suspiciously. “We don’t rent by the hour. This isn’t that type of establishment.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle, but Sarah looked livid. “No. The room is for me. I need something for a few days.”
The woman thought it over before she typed away on her keyboard and looked back to me. “I have something available. It is fifty-three dollars and ninety-nine cents a night. How many nights would you like?”
“Let’s start with two.”
I handed the woman my bank card, and after what felt like an eternity she handed me the key to my room. We made our way to the opposite end of the building and up a flight of stairs outside.
The room was small but it had a bed and a minifridge with a microwave on top. That is all I needed. I knew I would be spending most of my spare time with Sarah anyway. I just needed a place to lay my head. I turned on the light and it flickered as Sarah stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
“It will do,” I said as I slid my bag off my shoulder.
Sarah raised an eyebrow at me as she struggled not to laugh. “We will find you an apartment tomorrow.”
I turned to her, placing a hand on either side of her face as I pulled her mouth to mine. She pressed her body against me as her hands slid up to the back of my neck and into my hair. I ran my tongue over her lower lip and she let her lips part, inviting me to kiss her the way I had dreamed about since the first day I saw her.
She moaned quietly into my mouth and I turned us so her back was against the door. I didn’t want to push her after all I knew about her past. I couldn’t stand it if I hurt her again, but she didn’t resist and her tongue slid over mine and our kisses became hungrier.
I pulled my mouth from hers to search her eyes. “Is this okay?”
She nodded as she stared up at me through hooded eyes.
“I love you,” I whispered, my lips moving against hers. Finally saying those words was terrifying and liberating.
“I love you, too,” she said back just as quietly.
My heart raced as my hands slid down to her hips and pulled her toward me. “Say it again.” I kissed her lips and she giggled.
“I love you.”
I growled as I lifted her, and her legs wrapped around my hips. “Again.”
“I love you.”
Her forehead was against mine as I carried her to the small bed in the center of the room and lowered her onto the mattress. I hovered over her as I stared into her eyes. I grabbed her wrists and slowly pulled her arm toward my mouth, placing a kiss on the jagged scars that marred her perfect porcelain skin. “Maybe we can help each other heal.”
“I’d like that.” A tear fell from her eye to the blanket below. She reached between us and gripped the bottom of my shirt, tugging it toward my head. I grabbed it and yanked it over my head as she pushed up from the bed and placed a kiss on my chest above my heart. “You keep your scars on the inside.” She ran her fingers over the spot her lips had just touched as my heart raced. I lowered myself on top of her, needing to be as close as possible. Her mouth pressed against mine and the urgency was gone. Neither of us was running away again. It was only us and we would work on healing each other. I didn’t care if it took months or years.
I ran my hand down her side and gripped her hip as I trailed kissed over her jaw and down the hollow of her throat. Her head fell to the side as my mouth slid over her shoulder. I lifted off her and grabbed the bottom of her shirt, tugging it up. She lifted her arms so I could pull it easily over her head, and I stared down at her beautiful body. I relaxed back against her, continuing my trail of kisses down to place one over her heart as I slid her bra strap from her shoulder. My eyes met hers briefly to make sure she didn’t object.
I couldn’t count the number of women I had been with in my lifetime, but I had never once made love. My hands slid behind her back as she arched from the bed so I could unclasp her bra. I tugged it down her arms as my mouth dipped lower, kissing her breast as her hands slid down over my back and her fingernails dug into my flesh. I ran my tongue over the tattoo on her ribs that read COURAGE in cursive.
I trailed kisses down her stomach, worshipping every inch of her flesh. I ran my fingers along the edge of her jeans so lightly it tickled her and she squirmed. “Are you sure about this?”
“I’ve never been more sure about anything.”
I slid my finger behind the button of her jeans and popped it free before sliding down her zipper. She lifted her hips from the bed as I tugged the jeans down her legs and tossed them on the floor. I pushed to my feet as she stared up at me and undid my jeans, then I kicked them off next to hers. She crawled back to the center of the bed and I climbed over her, my mouth finding hers again as I tangled my fingers in her hair.
SARAH
EVERY NERVE ENDING in my body was on fire. I was terrified but never wanted anything else more in my life than I wanted E. He was treating me as if I were going to break under his touch and I struggled not to take things too fast.
Everything up to this moment melted away as his tongue slid over mine. My hands trailed down over the muscles in his back, each pulling and flexing under my touch until I reached the elastic band of his boxers. I slid them lower as I grabbed his ass and he laughed against my mouth.
His weight rested on one arm beside my head as his fingers ran over my ribs, causing me to shiver. He slipped his fingers in the side of my navy-blue panties and tugged them down a few inches.
I could feel how badly he wanted me as his hips pushed against mine, only a few layers of thin fabric keeping us from finally being together. He groaned as I pushed my hips against him, and his teeth bit lightly into my bottom lip as he tugged at it gently. I used my other hand to push down the other side of his boxers as his hand slid over my bottom, shoving my panties down farther.<
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He left fire in the wake of his touch and it was driving me insane. I rolled my tongue over his upper lip as our breathing accelerated and our bodies became hungrier for each other.
“Say it again,” he half moaned as he tugged at the thin fabric of my panties and it bit into my skin.
“I love you,” I panted, and I heard the material rip, and now only one article of clothing stood between us. His hand slid up over my ribs and he cupped my breast, sliding his thumb over my nipple and causing it to peak under his touch.
“I love you so much,” he growled as his mouth continued to move against mine and his hips pushed against me again. I moved against him, desperate for the release that was building inside me.
My hand pushed against his boxers but could not reach low enough to remove them. My nails dug into his hips and he laughed as he reached down and shoved the boxers lower, then kicked them off. His warm, hard body was back against mine in an instant. I struggled to control my breathing as he pressed against my entrance. I wrapped my legs around his waist as my arms looped around his neck to hold his body against mine.
He rocked gently against me and he was much larger than I expected, but my body was more than ready for him. He took his time as he slowly entered me, his eyes looking into mine until he had filled me completely. His hips stilled as he allowed my body to adjust to him as his forehead rested against mine and our breaths mingled.
I slowly rolled my hips and he began to move against me. I had never before felt like this in my life. I had no idea that being with someone could ever feel this way. Soon our bodies were covered in a thin layer of sweat as our skin slid against each other in perfect rhythm as if we were made for each other.
E’s free hand was tangled in my hair and he was careful not to rest all his weight on me. I had done the act so many times before, but this was something new, something I didn’t even know was possible, and I felt as if I were finally feeling for the first time in my life. I loved him with every fiber of my being. My body and my heart had known it all along.
His hips began to move more urgently and I rolled mine against his, eliciting a delicious groan from the back of his throat that rumbled from his chest.
A Song for Us Page 20
