Nurias gently pulled Phaera’s hands out and held them. “The babe will be fine, as will you. Your duty is to take these last weeks and to keep telling yourself that. I am close by. Now, with Lord Makin so ill I will be even closer as he will need my care as well. I will not leave this to you. Your first duty is to keep yourself well for the birth.” She paused a moment.
“Phaera, Bain is under a great, new, and unexpected burden. The way to help him is to keep yourself as calm as possible. Share your fears more often with me, or with Kort. Reassure Bain that you and the child are well. I am not asking you to deny your fear, only that you do your best to relieve him of caring for you so that he may keep his attention on his other duties. You are strong, Phaera. Show that strength as never before … for Bain, for Lady Flor, and for Lord Makin. Let them see it. Breathe. Let yourself see your fear. Then see the strength you have to deal with it. Every time the fear seems too great … stop … breathe … calm yourself. You need not always act immediately.”
Nurias did not let go Phaera’s hands when she stopped. She held them, calmly, and waited, holding Phaera’s eyes.
The touch of Nurias’ hands, the tone of her voice, almost a drone, seeped into Phaera. Her breathing slowed. Her body began to relax.
After several moments Nurias gave her a gentle smile and squeezed her hands lightly. The spell broke. “There, you see, you are calmer already. You can do this. It is a method that I have learned over long practice.” She let go Phaera’s hands. “Remember that I am never far away. Nor is Kort. Now I think some chamomile tea would not be amiss.”
Nurias rose and began the ritual of making the tea at the brazier. When she handed Phaera her cup she sat and faced her again. “Let me see you breathe, now. Show me you will remember.”
After several breaths Phaera recognized the pattern. “It is much like what we say to women as they give birth.”
“Exactly, only deeper and longer. And with each breath in say to yourself, ’I can do this.’ And with each breath out say, ’All will be well.’”
Phaera took several more breaths. Finally, her tea gone, she said, “Thank you, Nurias.” To herself she thought, “This is like magic”.
Chapter Fifty-One
LORD MAKIN
Nurias, Kort, and Phaera spelled each the first three days. Lady Flor, however, could not be persuaded to leave his side. When it became apparent that she would collapse if she did not sleep Phaera suggested she be allowed to lie beside him in his great bed.
The suggestion proved a good one for both of them. Lady Flor slept, one arm draped over her beloved husband. Phaera noticed that her touch seemed to calm Lord Makin as well. His breathing evened and he seemed more at peace. He, too, slept more.
At times he woke with a start, his useful eye rolling wildly until he saw Lady Flor beside him. Then he relaxed.
By the fourth day Nurias had agreed with Phaera that he was not about to die and that he showed some signs of recovery.
That first question of Bain’s, when Lord Makin had squeezed his hand in response, offered them a way to communicate. He could let them know if he wanted a drink or an extra pillow. On the fourth day, he managed to utter an unintelligible growl that indicated an attempt to speak. He stayed awake for longer periods and listened keenly whenever Bain told him what was happening outside the castle.
Bain visited every day and told him what was happening. “All is well, Father. The good captains manage the lesser matters of law as they have been trained to. They have shown themselves to be resourceful and efficient.” He laughed. “I know you expected no less.”
Was that growl a chuckle? It was a good sign.
“We also consult on all matters that require a decision. As for myself, I make time daily, as you did, to hear the complaints and petitions of the people. Thus far they make no protest over my decisions. You may rest in peace, Father. All is in order.” Was that crooked expression one of pride? Bain hoped so.
More than that, Bain hoped his father would recover fully, though that seemed unlikely. He knew that some of the duties Lord Makin had carried would fall permanently to him. But he hoped his father would still be there to advise him and to share in some of the daily consultations.
By the seventh day Lord Makin could sit up for short periods, well propped by pillows. His swallow reflex had improved and he could hold a cup in his good hand and bring it to his mouth. Each day he worked to speak, though still could not form words they could understand. One thing was clear, to Bain’s great relief. There was nothing wrong with his father’s mind. It was a good omen.
When he began to be able to sit for short periods Lady Flor was finally convinced to leave long enough to bathe and to begin to resume some of her duties. The first time she was away Phaera ordered Lord Makin be bathed on the bed. She helped make his bed with fresh linens and blankets.
To Bain she explained, “I avoided this until now because I do not want Lady Flor to see how difficult this is and how weak he looks. It would upset her too much. He needs her to appear strong for him and he for her.”
“Good thinking, my love. That is best.”
The next day, when Bain came to visit and saw how much better his father looked he asked, “Father, would you like Captains Reynce and Raskir to come and give their reports personally? I will interpret for you when they do not understand you.”
Bain watched his father’s expression brighten, at least on his good side, and took the growl to mean agreement.
Bain was buoyed by the response. “Good. I will have them begin tomorrow, one at a time at first.”
When Nurias heard she added her approval. “Yes, it will be good for him to be involved as much as he is able.” Pride crept into her voice when she added, “I am glad you are making these decisions. You have learned when to decide on your own and when to ask for advice, be it from me or from the captains and others.”
“Even when it concerns his care?”
“Even then. You have eyes. You can see what he can manage.”
“Thank you.” That evening when they were finally alone in her chamber Bain studied Phaera for a moment. “My love, you have remained remarkably calm since this tragedy. I appreciate that this has freed me to do my work but,” He gave her a quizzical look, “what happened? What brought this change?”
“Your mother.” Phaera shook her head in puzzlement.
Bain’s eyebrows rose, surprised. “But she has tried to calm you before. What is different this time?”
“After your father fell ill we spoke in my chamber.” She gave her head another bewildered shake. “I don’t know how, exactly, but it is as if she placed a trance on me. I feel normal but … I cannot explain it. When the fear rises she taught me a breathing tool, much like we have women use in birthing labours … yet somehow different.”
“Aah, yes, I think I understand. Mother has a method she uses when all else fails. I do not know exactly how it works but something about how she speaks, her tone, and the way she holds the eyes has a sort of trance effect. I have seldom seen her use it but I know it can be very helpful.”
Phaera stiffened and her eyes widened in alarm. “Does that mean I am entranced, that I am not in my own mind?”
Bain shook his head with a short laugh and drew her into his embrace.
“No, my love, only that she has given you a way to stay in your own mind when your fear threatens to overtake you. It is the fear that is not of your mind. This new control is just the opposite.”
Phaera went silent for a moment. “Then this is something she must teach me. I must learn how to do that.”
“I hope she can teach you. I know of no other with this gift.”
“If it is a tool for healing fear then I will learn it.”
Bain gave a low chuckle and hugged her tighter. “Then you will.”
As the final weeks of Phaera’s pregnancy flew by Lord Makin continued to improve. While it seemed likely he would never walk again he did begin to regain control over his spee
ch and some movement in his right arm and hand.
Phaera was elated when, as she helped him sit so she could arrange his cushions behind him, he rested that hand on her belly. When the babe kicked he let out a delighted half laugh.
“He is a feisty one.”
The words might not have been intelligible to someone unfamiliar with Lord Makin’s garbled speech but she understood. The babe was particularly active at that moment so she sat on the bed beside Lord Makin and placed both his hands on her gown over her belly so he could feel all the movement.
“It seems he is eager to make your acquaintance Milord.”
She let him enjoy the experience for a few moments, wondering if she ought to say what was on her mind. She decided not to hold back. He needed to be prepared. “Milord, this babe may not be the heir you hope for. It is equally possible I bear a daughter. I hope that will not disappoint you too much.”
Lord Makin’s hands left her belly and he took one of hers. “I know.” His words came with difficulty but she could make them out. “You have more time.” Then he gave that growl that served as his laugh, “But it is a son.”
Phaera shared in his mirth. “Since you have declared it, then so be it.” I hope you are correct. You may not live long enough to wait again. She felt a shiver descend her spine but brushed it aside. All would be well. She stood and placed a light kiss on his cheek before leaving the chamber.
Chapter Fifty-Two
BIRTH
“My love, you’ve been restless all night. Are you all right?”
Phaera felt more irritable than usual and that came out in her tone. “No. My back aches and I need sleep.”
“It is very near your time.”
The solicitous look on Bain’s face did nothing for her mood. Could he not see she wanted to be left alone, that she did not want to engage in small talk? “The plug has not come away yet. And Nurias agrees I have several days yet. I am fine. Go about your day.”
Bain studied her for a moment, gave his head a small shake and left, though the crease between his brows remained.
Phaera frowned after him as she rubbed the small of her back and stretched. She eyed the bed, wondering if she could go back and get some sleep. She decided it would be no more comfortable than it had been earlier. She might as well dress and go down to break her fast with Lady Flor as usual.
She went to the privy. When she wiped herself with the rags kept there for that purpose she noticed the mucous, streaked with blood, on it. No, not yet. I have a few more days. Not yet. She repeated the mantra as she went down to meet Lady Flor.
She was already later than usual. Only Lady Flor remained at the table. She looked about to leave. “Oh, you are here. I will stay a while, then.”
“That is not necessary, Lady Flor. I am not good company this morning in any case.” She winced slightly at a cramp in her belly.
Lady Flor noticed. “Are you all right? Perhaps I should send for Nurias to check on you.”
Phaera shook her head as she sat down. The ache in her lower back was not subsiding. “No, Milady. My waters have not broken. It is not time yet.”
Lady Flor’s eyebrows rose and she looked slightly hurt. “I see. Of course I know nothing of these things.”
Phaera felt a pang of guilt and wondered if her tone had been sharper than she intended.
When another twinge assailed Phaera she grimaced and rubbed the small of her back again. She looked at the food on her plate and decided she didn’t want to eat. “I am not hungry. Please excuse me, Milady.”
Phaera stood up to leave, and froze. A trickle of liquid ran down the inside of her thighs. She gasped and grasped the side of the table. “No! Not yet!”
Lady Flor, already on her feet, said, “I will send for Nurias.”
Phaera could not answer.
Lady Flor returned almost immediately, alone. “Nurias attends a birth outside the castle. I have sent for her.” She took Phaera by the arm. “Let me help you to your chamber.”
“She thinks I have more time. Bain, get Bain.” It was all Phaera could manage to say as she let herself be led away. She might have cried out for Kort as well but it had been decided that one man in the birthing chamber might be all the people could accept.
“Yes, as soon as I have you settled.”
“No, now!” It came out as a shout cut off by a cry as a spasm caught her.
Lady Flor looked frightened but did not stop. She peered over her shoulder and accosted the first maid she saw. “Innis, fetch Lord Bain immediately. Tell him it is time.”
They had reached Phaera’s chamber. When Mira spotted them she went ashen and stopped in mid-motion, a pillow dangling from one hand.
Bain and Ashin, Nurias’ apprentice, arrived together moments later to hear Phaera arguing with Lady Flor. “No, I will not get into bed.”
Phaera held on to the back of her chair with one hand as she bent with another contraction, waving away the efforts of both lady Flor and Mira with the other.
Ashin said, “Lady Flor, Mira, I am here now. You may leave. Thank you for your assistance.” She turned back to Phaera. “Nurias says you will be some time yet. She will be here before the birth.”
Phaera searched until she spotted Bain. He seemed at a loss. That lasted only a moment.
“My love, it has begun, then.” He strode to her side and placed his arm around her back. “Remember the breathing, my love.”
The calmness in his voice soothed Phaera a little. When she felt Bain begin to massage her lower back she found herself counting her breaths, as she had taught so many women to do. When the spasm passed she straightened and faced Bain. “Nurias. She swore she would be here.”
Ashin broke in, turning aside from where she prepared the bed with extra sheets and pushed the blankets away. “She knows and will be here. She attends another birth and knows you have just begun. I was closer by. You have time. All will be well, Milady.”
Phaera began to protest but Bain cut her off. “My love, babes come when they decide. Ashin is here. I am here. All is well.”
Phaera watched Ashin pull the birthing stool out from its corner, where it had been waiting, ready, for some weeks, and set it in the middle of the floor. She approached Phaera just as a new contraction took hold.
“Breathe. That is right. Well done.” When Phaera stood erect again Ashin directed Bain, “Take her other elbow in case she needs support. I will take this one. We will walk.”
Phaera felt the confident touch under her left elbow.
“Now you must walk, Milady. We are here if you need us.”
As her pains grew rapidly closer together Phaera alternated between a mild stupor, feeling both distant and inside herself, and bouts of panic when she cried out for Nurias. “Why is she not here? She swore to me.”
They continued this way for some time, the pattern broken twice when Ashin directed Phaera to lie down so she could check her progress.
“You are doing very well, Milady. Things are progressing very quickly.”
Ashin’s cheerful tone and easy reassurances had the opposite effect she intended. Only Bain’s calm repetitions of, “I am here. It will be well,” kept her from total panic.
It struck Phaera as odd that when she looked out her window slit the sun shone onto the foot of her bed. That meant it was at its highest – only midday. It felt so much longer.
“Let me check your progress once more, Milady.”
Before Ashin could lift her gown over her knees Phaera felt an enormous contraction. “No … not yet! … Nurias!”
Bain bent down and put his face close to hers. He took hers in his hands. “My love, let Ashin look.” He held her gaze. “Just look at me. I am with you.”
It took all Phaera’s courage to allow Ashin to spread her knees apart.
“You are almost ready, Milady. You are fully dilated. Come and sit on the birthing chair now.” She took Phaera by one arm. “Here, let me help you.”
Phaera no sooner felt the st
ool underneath her than another contraction, different form the others, overtook her.
“Hold back, Milady. Fast breaths now. Hold back.” Phaera felt her probing. “The babe is crowning, Milady. It will not be long, now. You are doing well.”
When Phaera felt the next urge to push Ashin said, “You may push, Milady, but gently. Hold back a little. Short breaths again.”
In the middle of the contraction Phaera lost concentration and wailed, “I want Nurias!” She kept her eyes squeezed shut.
Bain had positioned himself behind the stool and supported her shoulders.
As the pain subsided she heard Bain say, “Mother. Thank goodness.”
Phaera opened her eyes to see Nurias exchange looks with Ashin and hear Ashin say, “All is well. The babe has crowned.” She watched Nurias wash her hands and Ashin rise to make room for Nurias to take her place.
“So, you decided to surprise us.” Nurias reached between Phaera’s legs to probe for the babe’s head. “Ah, yes, it will not be long now.” She raised her eyes to Phaera. “On the next contraction you may push as hard as you like. You are ready.”
Something in Nurias tone, perhaps the calm confidence in it, cut off Phaera’s protest that she was not at all ready.
“You came.”
“Yes, I did.”
Something about the tenderness in her smile reminded Phaera of her mother’s whenever she had comforted Phaera as a girl. The two faces blended and seemed to become one. Mama. Phaera forgot her fear. She held Nurias’ gaze, taking strength from it as the next surge overtook her.
Bain had taken her hands when she arched and reached them beside her head. She felt his reassuring grip and heard him whisper in her ear. “I am here, love. I will not let you go.”
Altered Destinies- Earth Reborn Page 29
