by Cari Hislop
“I’m untying your eye patch.”
“Don’t!” She’d already thrown it on the floor and was carefully dabbing the tears around his blind eye with her sleeve. “What did you do that for?” His heart slumped as he removed one of his hands from her skin to cover his left eye. “You think I’m hideous without my eye patch. Please allow me the illusion…”
“I’m glad you only have one eye Adam. You were too beautiful before this happened. If you hadn’t been blinded and scarred I don’t think you’d have loved me…”
Adam pursed his lips in irritation. “You’re the most perfect woman in the world of course I’d have loved you.”
“Adam, if I’d had my first Season the same year as you, you wouldn’t have noticed me. You’d have been surrounded by a wall of beauty. If you hadn’t been disfigured you’d have fallen in love with a beautiful woman and you’d be married with fourteen beautiful children and I’d still be the not unpleasant looking Miss Eve Venables waiting to catch the eye of a decent man who made me laugh. Your brother Luke illustrated the situation perfectly when he looked at me and couldn’t think of a single reason why you’d love me.”
“Luke is an ass! I wouldn’t have married some silly creature just because she had a pleasing face and a few tempting curves. Do you think this heart pants for you because it had no alternative? That’s absurd and I might add quite rude.”
“I don’t mean hurt you Adam; I’m just trying to explain why I’d rather you didn’t wear the eye patch. When you wear it you’re almost too beautiful.”
Adam sighed and shook his head. “So one minute I’m hideous and the next I’m too beautiful? Make up your mind woman before my heart faints in confusion.”
“I love being held in your arms.”
“That’s a relief; they’re the only arms I have.”
“You’re skin is so smooth and soft.” Adam shivered with pleasure as she ran her hand up his spine under his robe. “You’re so beautiful with your eye patch it makes me feel like a mistress who’s slipped up the back stairs dressed as a maid.”
“Did you grow up being called ugly by your awful parents? You obviously have no idea how lovely you are. I’ll have to tell you every day until you head swells and you’re as vain as your husband.”
“I’m not plain, but I feel as if at any moment your real wife, some stunning beauty with royal names on her family tree, will open the door and find me in your arms. She’ll call me a hussy Jezebel and drag me by the hair out of the house. I’ll lie naked on your front steps sobbing, my poor heart screaming I run back into your arms.”
“Now you’re talking rot! You’re the loveliest woman my heart’s ever seen.” His wandering hands concurred. “This heart would die for you. Do you think it would die for just any woman? That hurts!”
“I don’t mean to hurt you, but I don’t think if both your eyes were perfect your heart would have noticed me. You certainly wouldn’t have been hiding behind a screen watching the world dance by. And even if you had been introduced to me I’d have turned into mindless aspic every time you appeared. You’d never have thought me amusing because I’d have been struck dumb every time you looked at me. You’d have thought me a boring imbecile.”
“Rubbish! I notice every woman named Eve and I most certainly would have noticed you. Now don’t try to tell me what I might or might not have done or felt. I’ve never felt like this for any other woman and that’s the end of the matter. Let’s talk about how many children we’re going to have, or how we’re going to make them.”
“Your heart wouldn’t have known any difference. I’m sure if your face hadn’t been scarred you’d have lost your heart to some living butterfly named Eve.”
Adam rolled his green eye in irritation. “I wouldn’t have!”
“You would!”
“Eve…I don’t care what I might have done if I hadn’t lost an eye and hadn’t had my face carved up. What ever might have happened, never happened so it doesn’t matter; it’s irrelevant. My heart heard you speak and it chose you and that is that. I can’t even remember the faces of the other woman I fancied before finding you. They’re all a blur…”
“I still don’t think you’d have loved me if you hadn’t had that duel. I’m glad you lost an eye because it would have broken my heart to watch you dance with beautiful ladies knowing you’d never ask me. I’d have stared at you as you danced past and thought, he’s so lovely and his name is Adam. I’d wish he’d ask me to dance…”
“Of course I would have asked you to dance Sweetheart! If I discovered a woman named Eve who was unmarried I always asked her to dance no matter what she looked like. I may be vain, but I’m not completely shallow. I’d still have fallen in love with you even if you only had one eye and ugly red scars on your face.”
“Adam, it makes me want to cry…thinking you might have married some beautiful awful woman. She would have married you for your money and title. She would have lied about loving you. I’d have been miserable.”
Adam rubbed his aching head and then vigorously removed his silk dressing gown and threw it towards the window. It softly fluttered into a shimmering green puddle as Adam stood before his wife as he came into the world. “I’m going to die of exasperation if you don’t stop talking rubbish. I can’t make love to you if you’re going to grill me about what might have happened if I hadn’t listened to my heart and rushed to defend the honour of a stranger. Hand me your robe.”
She blushed as she folded it closed and clutched it to her chest, “I’m not trying to grill you…and I can’t take off my dressing gown…not yet.”
“You removed my eye patch against my wishes; that makes me emotionally naked. Take off your dressing gown or I’ll put my eye patch back on.” She sighed in defeat as she reluctantly slid the pink silk off her shoulders and held it over her front before hesitantly holding it out. Adam enthusiastically scrunched it up and threw it towards the window where it landed near his green one. Together the silk robes looked like a giant pink flower melting in the cold sunlight. Adam put his hands on his hips and allowed his heart the pleasure of admiring his red faced wife who was standing with her arms folded over her chest. “Now we know what Adam and Eve felt like after they partook of the fruit of knowledge of good and evil…or in our case, the knowledge of disputes and pleasures. What? Why are you looking at me like that?” He looked down at his person, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. “What’s the matter? Why are you crying? What have I done? Are you upset with me? Did you want your robe? Please say you’re not upset with me. Do you want me to get it? You can wear it as long as you want…”
She shook her head. “You’re more beautiful than the painting.”
Adam felt his heart moan with pleasure. “What painting?”
“The one over the mantel.”
“So you’re not upset with me?”
Eve shook her head. “Can’t you hear my wretched heart? It’s screaming for a kiss…”
“Be kind to your heart, it’s my treasure. You’re shivering; you’d better let me hold you. That’s better, now where were we? Oh yes, you were being silly and fretting over nightmares that will never be. Imagine this…” He held her tighter and whispered in her ear, “…I was so desperate to be loved for who I am instead of what I looked like I instinctively rushed into a duel knowing I might be marked for life. Imagine that I knew that to see through all the lying pretty snakes I’d need a way to see them for what they were. I knew it would cost me dear, but the creature in my chest refused to settle for a pretty bed warmer who’d give me a few children before sleeping with all my footmen. No, I knew that the Eve I was looking for would love me for the person I am on the inside not the outside. So I rushed in where angels screamed not to tread and nearly died. It hurts being ugly. I hate seeing people cringe when they look at me, but if it protected me from being a fool and marrying the wrong woman then I’d suffer it all over again to stand here and hold you. My heart looks at you and moans with pleasure at your
nearness; be kind to my heart or all my suffering will have been for nothing.”
“I’m sorry Adam. You’re right…I’m being maudlin because you’re so beautiful.” Adam flushed with pleasure and purred his satisfaction against her warm cheek. “It’s strange to think that I passed you countless times on the street, in the shops at the park and here I am standing in your arms. Thank you Adam!”
“For what?”
“For being so good and kind; I wish I could take back those awful words I said to you. The truth is I can’t imagine standing like this with any other man…”
“It would kill the creature in my chest if you did.”
“The creature is quite safe; I wish I’d met you six months ago.”
“I wish you’d stop talking and kiss…” Adam sighed in bliss as the creature in his chest celebrated the nearness of its Mistress’s by dancing in its cage. As he held her tighter he was sure he could hear his name being sung by an adoring voice.
Chapter 26
The two upstairs maids stared out the dark window at the garden below. They’d finished dusting and were supposed to return to the kitchen, but were spellbound by the sight of Lord Latham chasing his wife about the snowy garden. “The garden is rather pretty in the moonlight; it looks like its glowing, but why would anyone want to run around in the snow when they could sit in front of a fire and do nothing?”
“I’ve no idea. They look like escaped lunatics. Is he throwing snow balls at her pretty bonnet? Oh look she’s slipped and fallen, I could have told her that would happen. I wager she’s torn her new dress. She’ll certainly ruin her boots. Good heavens, doesn’t she ever think someone might be watching? She just lifted her skirt at Lord Latham like a hussy and ran…”
“Don’t let the Master hear you call his beloved Eve a hussy or you’ll be out on your ear. I don’t know what he said to that haughty Lady Cowper who came to pay a visit, but she turned as red as a brick and left trailing curses on all Lathams. Davis reported she advised Lady Latham to act with more discretion. Heaven knows someone had to say it. It’s all very well for a woman to be in love with her husband, but Lady Latham should show more restraint and circumspection due her position. I nearly died after Mrs Good sent me to wash windows in the north end Last summer. They were chasing each other through the rooms discarding articles of clothing as they went. They ran past me wholly indecent and laughing as if I was invisible. I thought my face would be red till I died.”
“Did Davis tell you what happened when the Vicar came to call this morning?”
“No! What?”
“Davis understood Lord Latham was expecting the Vicar so the man was shown into the pink parlour, you know the one with the old fashioned furniture with low seats and heavy thick legs. The Vicar thought he was alone until he nearly tripped over Lord and Lady Latham on the way to the fire. They were next to the long sofa on the floor!”
“What were they doing on the floor?”
“What do you think?”
“No?”
“Oh yes…they didn’t notice him come or go. I don’t think anyone’s told them. ”
“Best not to…who could look the master in the eye and tell him he was seen by the vicar on the floor? You couldn’t pay me to deliver such a message. They’ve been married over a year; I’d have thought they’d have tired of each other by now. How many times can a man bed his wife before he dies of exhaustion?”
“I hope she isn’t barren. I’d have thought she’d be increasing by now the way they go on.”
“Why roll around the floor when there’s a perfectly decent sofa?”
“Who knows why the aristocracy do anything; they’re all mad. Did you hear what happened yesterday?”
“No. What?”
“Lord and Lady Latham were eating in the dining room, actually sat at either end of the table like respectable people for once when her Ladyship jumped up and ran down the length of the table and jumped backwards onto his lap. She broke the arm of his chair and crushed his Lordship leg, but he just laughed. They sat there canoodling for over an hour without any thought for the poor footmen. Davis said his bladder nearly burst before they finished.”
“Frankly I don’t know how she can stand kissing him. He looks like the devil without his eye patch.”
“I had a nightmare once where Lord Latham chased me down a hall and threw me out a window. I’d scrubbed the floor and he’d slipped and fallen. That eye…it’s so frightening.”
“I’d rather kiss Harry the stable lad, the one with the bad spots. Look…what are they doing now?”
“It looks like he’s dragging her off into the bushes for some cold canoodling. The woman’s going to catch a chill and die. Can you imagine His Lordship having to bury her?”
“He’d probably shoot himself before she went stiff.”
“That would be awful…”
“Yes, Master Jonah would inherit. Let’s go tell Mrs Good that we happened to look out a window and see Lord and Lady Latham playing in the snow. She’ll have everything ready for when they come in freezing wet.”
“They look like a couple of idiots, throwing snow balls at each other. I can’t remember the last time I threw a snowball.”
“Lord Latham should know better at his age. The man’s nearly forty, but then he would choose a much younger wife. He should pretend to have some dignity, if only for his reputation. Davis says in London they’re called Lord Adam and Eve. After that forest of potted fig-trees his Lordship ordered, the permanent town servants are distraught; they’re laughed at everywhere they go.”
“What if they carry on like this till they die of old age?” The two maids eyed each other in horror as the falling snow muffled the laughing lovers in the garden.
