by D T Dyllin
Khol reached his hand out to touch my face, and as I shrank back from him, a look of hurt flickered across his face before indifference settled there. “Do not pretend to know the depth of my feelings for you.”
Reasoning with him obviously wasn’t going to work. “I’ll let you claim me, but I hope you know it’ll still be rape because I’ll only be doing it for Bryn, and I’ll be thinking of him the whole time.”
Anger sparked to life in Khol’s eyes, and he roughly grabbed me by the side of my face. “Watch what you say to me, my little Seer,” he snarled, pressing his lips to mine and thrusting his tongue into my mouth with force before pulling back to stare at me, his face mere inches from mine. “You do not wish for me to show you the real meaning of the word rape. You would be wise to remember that I’m not human, and I’m only trying to observe human rules for your sake.”
And then I did something really stupid: I reached back and smacked him across the face with as much strength as I was capable of, which wasn’t much, but enough to leave a red mark. The sound of my hand hitting his face seemed to echo inside the large room. “I’m not entirely human either,” I hissed without flinching away from him. I was fully prepared for him to retaliate in some way, whether it be hitting me or forcing himself on me further, but to my surprise, he rose and stalked across the length of the room, disappearing before he reached the door.
I exhaled a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. I had to trust in the fact that Khol had promised not to harm Bryn, so he wouldn’t suffer for what I’d just done, although I felt sure that eventually I would. Khol may not have retaliated immediately, but I knew it wasn’t the smartest thing in the world to antagonize him. After all, he wasn’t human, as he had just reminded me.
I paced the room, strung out from my nerves. I wanted to see Bryn, talk to him, and make sure they were treating him decently, although I didn’t think I’d be able to look him in the eyes knowing what I was going to do with Khol. I knew I should be worrying more about the alien infestation problem our world was suffering from, but how could I do that when my entire future hung in the balance?
My mind kept conjuring up images from me and Bryn’s shared past—all the birthdays we’d had together, all the nights we’d platonically slept in each other’s arms, and of course, when we’d first crossed that line, becoming more than friends. I wished I would have known at the time that those few moments I’d spent in Bryn’s arms, letting him love me, would probably be the last I would ever have. Maybe I would have been able to make them last longer, drawn them out somehow. If only I could have figured out my true feelings for him sooner, we could have had so much more time together.
“Khol!” I yelled. “Just let me see him! Please! Don’t cut me off from him completely!” If he cared for me at all, maybe he’d give in. He had to be sensing the anguish his actions were causing me. “I love him!” I cried out in agony. Probably not the best thing to say, but it was the truth.
Khol appeared, his face indifferent as he looked at me with his illuminated green eyes that were filled with something I couldn’t read. “You know I can’t let you do that. Not until after I’ve claimed you.”
“Why are you doing this to me?” I went to him, dropping on my knees before him, ready to beg with everything I had in me to be able to see Bryn just one more time before he was ripped away from me—again.
“You’re pleading is pointless. I won’t give you what you want.” His voice was flat, devoid of all emotion.
“Why? Why are you doing this?” I asked again. I still couldn’t understand his true motivations. Why me?
“Dragons don’t fall in love like humans. It’s not the same.” Khol’s eyes flicked away from me as he spoke. “When a male Dragon falls in love, it happens fast, and it’s forever. He will do anything to be with her, even fight to the death to possess her, and for that reason it doesn’t work that way for female Dragons, because some of her suitors could be killed off. Her bond doesn’t become eternal until an actual Anam Cara mark is placed upon her.”
“And what happens after the female bonds with one of her suitors? I mean, what happens to the male Dragons who live but didn’t get her?” I had to know what would happen to Bryn.
“They continue to love her, but they accept that she’s out of their reach. Most of the time, they enter her service in some way in order to simply remain close to her.”
“So they never bond with anyone else? They never fall in love with anyone else?”
“No.”
“That can’t be true—I mean Macon—I mean, he was with Jenna and—” I couldn’t gather my thoughts properly.
“It’s true that Macon would have taken you up on your oh so kind offer.” Khol’s jaw ticked with tension. “And he would have welcomed the chance to claim you for his Anam Cara because of your power, amongst other things, but—” He dropped to his knees so he could look into my eyes from the same vantage point. “He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t love you like I do.”
I stared at Khol, unable to speak. If what he had just told me was true, then I could almost understand why he was being so ruthless in order to get Bryn out of his way. Because he loved me, it was either claim me for his, or live out the rest of his days loving me from afar, never being able to have me. So instead, he was dooming Bryn to that fate. “How can you love me? You practically just met me,” I finally managed to squeak out.
Khol smiled. “What’s not to love? You are unlike anyone I’ve ever met in my very long existence. My heart had no shields strong enough to keep you out. I knew I wanted you from almost the first moment I laid eyes on you when you awakened me from my slumber.” He stood and walked away, talking with his back to me. “I was willing to wait. I was willing to honor your human side, for I knew your Dragon side would come to crave more, and then I would make you mine. And it was happening; I felt your willpower to resist me weakening, despite everything else. But finding out that Bryn is part Black Dragon changed everything.”
“It changed everything for you, but nothing has really changed. It’s been this way from the beginning. I’ve belonged to Bryn since I was five years old. He’s my home.” I put all the pleading that I could into my voice.
“I will be your home. I will be your everything. That’s what it will mean to have me as your Anam Cara. Don’t think I haven’t picked up what you’re feeling for him. I know your love for him is real, not the human puppy love your family all believes it to be.” The tension in Khol’s body was evident in his shoulders and back as he gripped his hands together so tightly his knuckles started to turn white. “And I want that. I want you to feel that way about me.” He whirled around to face me again, his expression half crazed, at least by human standards. “And you will. You will feel that way about me.”
“No. It doesn’t work that way. You can’t make me love you.”
His voice softened, and his face filled with longing as he looked at me. “You’ll eventually come to love me because it’s in your nature. You must be in love, you must feel that kind of passion. And it’ll be easier for you to give in to those feelings once you’re my Anam Cara. ” He dropped down in front of me. “I never thought it was possible for me to feel this way about anyone. I would give you the world. I would do anything for you—except for one thing.”
My voice cracked. “Let me be with Bryn.” Of course, that was the one thing I wanted more than anything.
“Yes. Except for that.” Khol rose from his crouch and began to pace. “He isn’t strong enough to protect you. He doesn’t have enough resources to give you the lifestyle you deserve. He is lacking in almost every single category.”
“I don’t care about those things. He’s who I want. He’s who I’ve chosen. It’s not fair for you to take my choice away from me.” My voice began to climb octaves as it sometimes did when I was upset.
“It may not b
e fair, but it is the way of the Dragon, and you were both born into it.”
“There’s nothing I can say to change your mind then, nothing I can do?” I asked with hope in my voice, even though I knew what his answer would be.
“No. There is nothing.”
“Can I see Jenna? Jeremy?”
“Not for now. I think it’s best if you’re left alone with your thoughts so you can figure things out for yourself without your friends’ influence. After all, they will never understand—they are not Dragon.” He stopped midstride in his pacing and glanced my way, not meeting my eyes. “I will not come to you again until you’re ready for me to claim you. Call for Drake if you need anything. You can trust him.” And with that, he vanished right before my eyes.
I was a bird in a gilded cage, or more accurately, a Dragon in a gilded cage. Drake brought me any meal I wanted to eat, any book I wanted to read, and any random object I told him I wanted. It was kind of amusing to request odd things just to see if he’d get them for me, but that also got old fast. I had my own private bathroom that had a huge claw-footed bathtub that I’d taken to luxuriating in, but even a girl like me could only take so much pampering before I thought I’d go out of my mind. I had no contact with the outside world at all, and the only person I saw was Drake. He didn’t seem to like me very much though, probably because he’d figured out what I was doing with my odd request game, so he spent as little time with me as possible.
I started to lose track of time, of how many days I’d been in my gilded prison, and it was tearing me up to know that Bryn was being held captive somewhere in the very same castle, and probably not with the same level of amenities. I knew what I needed to do to free him, but every time I thought I’d built up enough courage to call Khol to give him what he was waiting for, the words lodged themselves in my throat. The thought of being with Khol, of having sex with him, made me feel sick, especially when I’d be doing it with Bryn under the very same roof. The thought of suicide still weighed heavily on my mind, but the biggest problem with that plan was that I didn’t really want to die. I was just looking for a way out. And I’d still have to let Khol claim me first to ensure that Bryn would be released. I’d gone over and over things in my mind, and I couldn’t come up with any other option to save Bryn. I was going to have to give myself to Khol to free him. I just had one question first.
“Drake,” I called, the massive Dragon appearing seconds after I summoned him.
“Yes.” He looked at me disdainfully. “What can I do for you?”
“I just have a question for you and then you can go.” He nodded once at me to let me know he was waiting for me to ask him. “Khol told me that once a male Dragon was in love, he would love her forever, even if she went on to bond with someone else. What happens if she dies?” He tilted his head inquisitively at me. “I mean, if something happened to me, would Khol continue to not desire anyone else, or would he be free to move on?” The real question was: would Bryn be free to move on?
“My Lord would be free to move on if you died, whether you were bonded to him or not, in theory. Although some Anam Cara pairs, if they’re bonded for long enough, die of grief when one of them is killed.”
“Oh, okay. Thanks. You can go now.” Drake eyed me speculatively for another few moments before disappearing.
Suddenly lightheaded, I slid down to sit on the floor where I was. So Bryn would be free if I killed myself. He would be able to move on and love someone else someday, and even though the thought ripped at my chest, I knew I had to do that for him—I just had to. I wouldn’t doom him to becoming some kind of servant for me. He deserved better than that. I had no other options. I would let Khol claim me so that I could guarantee Bryn’s freedom, and then I would end my own life. I put my head in my hands and began to sob. I really, really didn’t want to die. My life had just started. And who would help track down the aliens to stop them from taking over our world once I was gone? I stood abruptly and sniffled, wiping my tears away. None of that mattered, as long as Bryn got a chance at true happiness. Bryn would always be the most important thing in my life, and I would always do whatever necessary to protect him.
“Khol,” I croaked. “Khol—I’m ready.” Am I really ready to die though? Can I really do this?
Khol appeared in front of me only a few inches away, pushed me back onto the bed, and covered me with his body as he aggressively kissed me. He was obviously ready to get down to business, and maybe it was better that way, so I wouldn’t have a chance to overthink things and lose my nerve.
My body immediately responded to his heated kisses, even as my heart froze like a block of ice inside my chest. As he tore at my clothes, I found myself arching up to meet him, wanting—at least physically—what he had to offer. Too soon, or not soon enough, we were both naked, and Khol was claiming parts of my body with his touch that I had sworn only Bryn would ever know. I clawed and bit at Khol, wanting to hurt him in some way as he rocked into me, hating and loving what he was doing to me at the same time. Things with him were different than they’d ever been with Bryn. There was no soul-deep feeling of connection. There was no feeling of being exactly where I belonged. All I felt was intense physical pleasure, which maybe would have been enough, if I didn’t know what I was missing.
Intense heat seeped out of Khol and wrapped itself around me as the back of my neck started to burn. “You belong to me now,” Khol growled as he looked down at me capturing my gaze. “Say it.”
“Yes,” I said on the tail end of a moan, wishing I could deny the words, but I felt it—I felt his magic burning me, branding me, making me his.
“And I’m yours. Say it.”
“Yes. You’re mine.” And then I arched up one last time before I blacked out.
I let Khol claim me, I remembered as I slowly fought my way back to consciousness, and it left me empty—oh so empty. When I’d been with Bryn, I’d felt so good, so right, but being with Khol had been wrong—even if he had brought me pleasure. Maybe it wouldn’t be as difficult as I thought to take my own life after letting Khol claim me. Had Bryn felt our connection breaking? Surely he had to have. What must he think of me now, knowing what I’d done to make that happen?
I blinked my eyes open to find that I was alone, no Khol to be found. Well, isn’t that nice? He finally got what he wanted, and he didn’t bother to stick around afterwards. I lurched from bed, stumbling towards the bathroom, not caring if I was naked or not. It didn’t matter for what I was about to do. I shut and locked the door and started the water running for the bath. As the hot water filled the tub, I scanned the bathroom for options. My eyes stopped when they ran over a small hand mirror. I snatched it up and broke it on the counter, picking up the largest shard. I have to do it—I have to do it now before I lose my courage. I stepped into the tub, hardly noticing when the much too hot water practically scalded me, and sank down in the nearly full bath. I set the glass shard on the edge. When the water covered me up past my chest, I turned it off, picked up the shard, and leaned back in the tub.
I passed the glass shard back and forth between my hands, watching the lights glint menacingly off its surface. I have to do it—there is no other way. I refused to doom Bryn to a miserable life. My death would bring him happiness. Besides that, the emptiness that was eating at me already, knowing I could never have him again, was enough to make me want to end my life all in itself. But I wouldn’t have done it for myself. I’d always thought suicide was the coward’s way out, an easy escape from problems that would only make a person stronger if they stayed to face them. What would have happened if the hero of a story died before they had a chance to become who they were really meant to be? I never thought myself capable of doing such a thing, but then again, maybe I wasn’t the hero of this story. I wanted to live—even now as I readied myself for death—I craved life. There was still so much to do, so much to experience, the good and the bad
. I didn’t want to die now. No—it wasn’t time for selfish thoughts. This is for Bryn. Everything is for Bryn.
I held the glass tightly in my right hand, so tightly that I drew blood, just not from the right place . . . yet. I pressed the glass to my left wrist, making sure I cut deeply and quickly, barely able to grip it in my left hand to repeat the process on my right wrist. I just had to hope it was enough. Dropping the shard and sinking back into the tub, I closed my eyes and waited for death—my death.
“No!” Someone roared with outrage, but it was far away—much too far away—for me to care.
“Peej! How could you do this? How could you let this happen?” Another voice sounded from much too far away. “Save her!”
But I was just sleepy . . . too sleepy to care.
18
My eyes fluttered open to bright light shining on my face. The sun, it warmed and comforted me. I stretched as I yawned, sitting up in the middle of a pallet set up in the center of an immense garden. Strong, warm arms held me at my waist, and I looked down with a smile as I recognized the long masculine fingers and who they belonged to. “Bryn,” I murmured, twisting around to see his sleeping face steeped in the brightness of the day. I stroked my fingers down his cheek and ran my hands through his silky mane of black hair. I must be dead, I mused, for certainly waking up in Bryn’s arms is heaven.
Just then he stirred, his dark lashes cracking open to allow me to see his sea storm eyes churning with emotion. “Peej,” he whispered in a rough voice as I suddenly found myself on my back with him pinning me down. His face became a mixture of anger and agony. “Don’t you ever fucking do something like that again. Do you hear me?”
