Jace clung to me as hard as I clung to him. He was smaller. For someone that sat around playing computer games he still had muscle but that had mostly disappeared. What the hell had happened to him? "Jace?"
Was I dreaming?
"Yeah, man," he said, pulling back. "God, you have no idea how good it is to see you."
I fucking did.
Every day I wished I could see him again, even if it was just for a second so I could tell him how sorry I was and that I didn't mean the words I'd said. Now he was here and I had a chance to make it up to him, to be his brother again.
"How? I don't..." I rubbed my eyes, checking I wasn't asleep or seeing things that weren't there. I wasn't. Thank God.
I blew out a deep breath to control the urge to cry like a little girl. My brother was back.
"I survived the bombing. Me and another girl, she was with another school but we all walked together. We were taken to a hospital after the explosion. When the police learned that we'd seen the bastards that had done it we suddenly had other people around us, people in suits that looked like James bloody Bond. I've been in Witness Protection ever since."
Shit.
"I wanted to come back the second the sentences were given but we had to stay and make sure there was no backlash, no one wanting revenge. We couldn't risk it."
Three fucking years and we'd thought he was dead and he was hiding out somewhere. I wanted to be angry. I was angry but it was completely eclipsed by the fact that my little brother was alive. I would get my chance to put things right.
"I can't believe this," I said, my smile stretching. I hugged him again because I was so grateful he was here. "Never thought I'd see you again."
"Don't get all sappy on me," he said, fighting tears too. "I pissed you off more than anyone else in the world."
"Yeah, you did and I'm so fucking happy you're back to do it all over again. You're not going anywhere again, right?" Screw Witness Protection, he was my bloody brother and they weren't getting him back.
"I'm here to stay."
Mum sniffed from while being in Dad's arms and said, "I need a strong cup of tea."
Me and Jace laughed. She was a Brit through and through.
"I'll put the kettle on and we can all sit down," Dad said, still unable to take his eyes off his returning son.
"I could do with something a bit stronger," I said and instantly regretted it as Mum looked to the floor. Right, no drinking. I looked back at Jace to make sure he was still really there. He was. I gulped. "Tea is good, Dad."
I heard a gasp behind me and knew it was Chloe. Shit. Turning around, I watched her face drop and her mouth fall open. She looked terrified, as if she'd just seen a ghost. I guess she kind of had.
"Hi, Chloe," Jace said.
She took a step back and it was then I noticed that her hands were shaking. "No. What is...?" she whispered, taking a few ragged breaths as she continued to stare at Jace in complete shock.
I couldn't speak and the longer her eyes stayed attached to his I started to feel sick. What did that mean? I was so glad, happy, and relieved that Jace was back, I would never want the alternative, but where did that leave me and her?
"W-What?" she whispered again and gulped.
"Chloe, honey," my mum said, holding her hands out for her. Chlo looked at her and then back to Jace. "It's okay. The bombings... Jace saw who it was. He's been in Witness Protection this whole time, until the trials were over."
Her eyes widened and then flicked to me. I felt like she had just stabbed a knife into my chest. If she knew that would she have waited for him? Did she now regret us? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jace look her up and down. She was wearing my t-shirt from yesterday with her leggings. She looked guilty as she stared at me through tear stained eyes.
I didn't need to see my brother to know he was looking between us, figuring out what had happened.
"What's going on?" Jace asked and turned to me.
I couldn't take my eyes off her. She looked like she had stopped breathing. I stepped forward. A part of me needed to explain to Jace right this second but a bigger part needed to make sure the woman I was hopelessly in love with was alright. She certainly didn't look alright.
"Chlo," I whispered "Hey, you okay?"
She flinched and took a step back, shaking her head. I clenched my jaw as she stabbed me for the second time in as many minutes.
"I... I can't." She turned around and ran from the room.
Shit!
I bolted after her. "No! Chloe, wait."
The daily workouts had really done their job; Chloe was back to running like Usain Bolt. She was up the stairs in two seconds flat.
"Chloe, stop!" I said, grabbing her hand as I finally caught up with her in my room. "Please, don't leave. We need to sort this out."
Her horror and shock filled tears tore me apart. "He's back," she whispered. Her hand tightened around mine. "How? Why didn't he tell us? I can't... I don't..."
"Shh, calm down. I know." I closed my bedroom door, giving us some privacy. Stepping closer, I looked into her eyes for permission. When she didn't push me away, I wrapped my arms around her. "It's a huge shock for all of us but please, don't run. We need to deal with this. You need to talk to him and understand." She shook her head. "You know we do. Jace is here, Chloe." This wasn't going away. I didn't want this to go away. "He's alive."
She pressed her fingers to her temple as if she was getting a headache. "Is this real? I don't get..."
My bedroom door burst open, making us both jump. "Alright, what the hell is going on?" Jace said. "What is this? Why is she in here?"
Shit.
"Oh, Jesus. You're together? While I was away missing my family and girlfriend, waiting for the fucking trial of terrorists who murdered my classmates to be over, my brother and girlfriend were screwing each other."
"It wasn't like that, Jace, and you know it," I said calmly.
Chloe stepped away from me, closer to him. "Why didn't you tell me, Jace?"
"That's not the fucking point!"
"Yes, it is! Three years, Jace! We all thought you were dead. We buried you! Shit!" She ran her hand through her hair roughly. "You have any idea how hard it was to watch your coffin being lowered into the ground? The whole time you were alive. You must have known what it would do to us but you still didn't say a bloody thing."
She still loves him.
"I couldn't tell you."
"Yes, you could."
"How long did it take to fall into my brother's bed? Have you been seeing each other behind my back before I left or did you at least wait a week after?"
"Screw you!" she snapped and shoved past him, sprinting down the stairs. I let her go because I knew she needed some time alone to process everything. If I followed her I would push her away and she already had a thing for running from me, I didn't want to give her an excuse to bolt for good. And her car was at her house so she wouldn't be driving in a state.
Jace knew she needed time too; he didn't try following her. He turned to me. "How could you?"
"Neither of us planned it, Jace."
"How long?"
"We've been together a couple months."
And last night was the first time she said I love you.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them again I could see how much he hated me. "Why her?"
"I didn't plan it to be her."
"And everyone knows?" he asked. I nodded. "Wow, that's just..."
"I'm sorry. Shit, we had no idea this was going to happen. How could we?"
"Seeing my family and my girlfriend again kept me going. You have no idea how lonely it is living a lie and being cut off from the people you love. I thought about my reunion with Chloe a thousand times and not once was she ever with my fucking brother!"
"Did you ever consider that she would've moved on? Three years is a long time."
"I know how long it is, Logan. Of course, I thought about it, but I was confident I
could win her back."
Was confident or is confident?
I didn't want to hurt Jace. He was my brother for Christ sake; he was one of the last people in the world I wanted to hurt but he couldn't expect me to hand her over like she was a toy. What happened between me and Chlo was real and as long as she wasn't letting go I wasn't.
"You thought you could come strolling back into her life and expect her to drop everything? Do you have any idea how hard she's fought to get back on track? You didn't see how cut up she was, you didn't have to watch her cry every single day or hold her hair while she threw up after sobbing for hours straight. You didn't hold her up through your funeral and pray that the light would come back in her eyes. You didn't worry about her because she stopped leaving the house or coming over. You didn't pick her up and force her to get out of bed again. You didn't start to see her breathing easier again and hearing her laugh. You have no right to expect anything from her."
Jace wanted to punch me, that much was obvious but my words hit him hard. It was the truth. One phone call could have ended all of our suffering and I got that he couldn't but that didn't mean we weren't damaged by it. We'd all been through something that changed us and as much as I was over the fucking moon that he was back he couldn't expect things to magically go back to how they were before.
Chapter Thirty-nine
Chloe
I slammed the front door and my legs gave out. "Chloe!" Mum said, rushing to my side. She dropped to her knees. "What's wrong?" Lifting my chin, she checked every inch of my face.
"Jace," I whispered, staring off into the distance. My mind hadn't caught up and I was still struggling to accept that he wasn't dead. He was in Logan's sodding kitchen!
"Oh, honey," she said.
She thought I was just upset. I shook my head. "No. No, it's not that. It's not guilt or I don't... He's not... Jace isn't dead."
"What? No, Chloe, are you okay? Has something happened?"
Why wasn't she believing me?
"Mum, he's back. He's... God, he's there now. In the kitchen. Jace never died. He didn't die and I..." I fell in love with his brother.
"I don't understand, Chloe. How is he back? Love, he died."
She thought I was crazy. I could see the way she looked at me that she was terrified I was going insane.
"Witness Protection," I whispered. "He saw the bombers." I said the words but they still didn't make complete sense to me.
Mum's mouth popped open audibly. "I don't... I can't believe it. Oh, honey."
Wrapped in her arms, I closed my eyes and tried to wrap my head around what was going on. I wasn't dreaming. I'd dreamt that he walked back through the door millions of times and this was nothing like that. For one, we leapt into each other's arms. There was no leaping. There was just shock and more shock.
"I need to go to bed, Mum," I said.
"What?"
Breaking out of her grip, I pushed myself to my feet with trembling hands. I felt cold and exhausted. All I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep. Not that I'd be able to sleep. I wasn't that lucky.
"Okay," she said, momentarily stunned. Rising to her feet too, she brushed my tears away. I was crying? "What do you need? I should call Julia."
Julia was in a worse state than me; there was no way she'd be able to hold a phone call.
"I need to go to bed," I repeated and walked off.
How I made it upstairs I had no clue. But I was tucked up in bed, staring at nothing in particular. Jace was alive. This whole time I'd been heartbroken and fighting to get through the day he'd been alive. How could he stay away and let us think he was dead?
How could he not love me enough to stop me suffering?
I heard the front door open and the hushed voices of my parents as my mum undoubtedly told Dad all about Jace. I didn't know if she'd spoken to Julia or Daryl. She checked in often but left with a sigh when I didn't respond. I just needed to not think or do anything until I knew what to think or do.
My phone rang until I switched it off. Logan would know to stay away for a little while but I wasn't sure how long he'd give me. I wasn't really sure how long I'd need. Maybe there wasn't enough time. Yesterday everything was perfect and I was looking forward to my future with Logan and now everything was a mess again.
I curled up tighter and sobbed into my pillow until my throat was raw.
***
"Chloe!" Nell said as she burst through my bedroom door. When I'd heard thudding up the stairs I was worried and hopeful at the same time. "Your mum called. I don't even know what to say. Jace is back? He's not...?"
"Not dead, that's right," I replied.
"You okay?" she asked, sitting down on the bed.
"Not at all. I don't know what to do. Last night I finally told Logan I love him and I wake up to Jace standing in the kitchen. This whole time, Nell. He's been alive while I was dying and never once thought to let us know he was okay. I fell in love with his brother for fuck sake!"
"Jesus. So he was in witness protection?"
"Until sentencing was over." I rubbed the bridge of my nose. I had a headache just thinking about everything. "I don't know if I want to hug him or kill him. Burying Jace and getting over him was the hardest thing I've ever done and I didn't need to do any of it."
"What did Logan say?"
I shrugged. "I couldn't really focus on anything other than my dead boyfriend standing beside my current boyfriend. The Scott's will be thrilled to have him back though, of course."
She frowned. "You're not?"
"No, I am. Shit, of course I'm glad he's alive. It's all I've wanted since the second I thought he died but he let me think he was gone for over three years."
"I doubt he wanted that Chloe."
"He still did it. I would've called or done something."
"Would you have waited for him if you knew?"
"Yes."
"And Logan wouldn't have happened."
"I guess not." Of course not.
"Do you still want Jace?"
"No," I whispered. "I will always love Jace but I'm not in love with him anymore. I moved on...to Logan. God, this is such a mess, Nell, I don't know what to do. Tell me what I should do."
She opened and closed her mouth a few times before shrugging. "I don't know, girl. This shit only happens in soaps. I keep trying to think what would happen on EastEnders but you probably shouldn't use those as--"
"Okay," I said, cutting her ramble off. "Shit. He's not dead." I put my hands over my face and sobbed.
"Shh, don't cry," Nell said. "We'll figure this out."
"How?" I wiped my eyes, even though it was useless, they were replaced straight away. "Jace is back, he hates me and Logan, and Logan probably thinks I've done one again. Why did I have to fall for him, Nell?"
"You can't help that," she replied, her eyes distant, "no one can."
"There something you want to talk about?"
"Right now I think we should concentrate on you, hun."
"But if you're going through something..."
"Nothing I can't handle, I swear. We'll talk about it as soon as we get this..."
"Mess?" I offered.
She grimaced. "Well, yeah, as soon as we get this mess sorted out. Talk me through what happened, you told Logan you love him and the next morning Jace is back."
"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. Jace knows about us. I thought he was going to punch Logan."
"I don't think that'd get him anywhere."
"Logan wouldn't retaliate. Anyway that's not the point. Jace is alive and I love his brother. He left three years ago thinking he was protecting us and planning for the day he got to come back and what does he walk into?"
"Wow, that's rough."
"Yes, thanks for stating the obvious." I groaned and squeezed her hand. "Sorry, I don't mean to take it out on you."
"It's okay. What're you going to do now?"
"I have no idea. Talk to Jace, I guess, but what do I say? I'm still so angry with
him for letting us all believe he was dead. Every night I cried myself to sleep because I missed him. I didn't have to go through any of that."
"I can't believe he did that. He must have known how heartbroken you and his whole family would've been. His parents buried their son for Christ sake!"
I shrugged. "He was doing the right thing." One phone call could have saved so much pain but he chose to let us suffer.
Chapter forty
Chloe
Again, I expected Logan to be the one walking through my door. It was Jace. I wasn't at all prepared to see him. His eyes were a few shades darker than Logan's but just as striking. He'd never had stubble before, his face was always smooth but now he had short hairs around his jaw, meeting his sideburns.
I licked my lips. Seeing him in the flesh again made my heart ache. I wasn't supposed to be able to talk to him again. I'd accepted that a long time ago but here he was, standing just outside my bedroom door wanting to talk.
"Can I come in?" he asked, looking at me the way he used to when we were each other's everything.
I wanted to say no. It hurt to look at him. It hurt to think that everything I went through was all his fault. I didn't have to feel like I'd lost a sodding limb. He let me go through that. But this was Jace and he was here so I sat up and gave a short nod.
"I don't know where to start, Chloe," he said, closing the door. I watched as he awkwardly walked to my bed and sat down. It kind of reminded me of when we first got together, before we were comfortable with each other.
Well, I knew where I wanted to start. "How could you? How could you allow us to think you were dead?"
"I didn't have a choice."
"Yes, you did." There was always a choice. It just might not always be a good one.
"Do you have any idea what would have happened to you all if anyone found out where I was and why I was in hiding? They're terrorists, Chloe, they'd have no problem killing you as well, they wouldn't think twice about ending your life."
"I used to wish I'd died, too. I used to lay in bed, close my eyes and pray I wouldn't wake up." His jaw tightened, eyes tensed. "It was horrendous at first. I could barely get out of bed. Your mum sat on the sofa all day and night until your dad made her go to bed. Logan drank his bodyweight in whatever booze he could get his hands on. Eventually I stopped going over or really going out at all. I didn't know what to do. We were inseparable and I suddenly had to be without you. I felt like I was walking around in complete darkness."
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